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Anonymous
lying to someone who offered help with resume and getting a job 2017-08-17 02:08:08 Post No. 18631103
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lying to someone who offered help with resume and getting a job 2017-08-17 02:08:08 Post No. 18631103
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lying to someone who offered help with resume and getting a job
Anonymous
2017-08-17 02:08:08
Post No. 18631103
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For starters, I'm a compulsive liar in real life, I'm aware of the problem and trying to fix myself. I've also been told that I sometimes speak in a nervous tone that makes me sound like I'm lying when I'm even not.
Anyway, there's this guy I met in college studying I.T., some years ago. Back then he would keep making fun of me (in a lighthearted way) for not having a job. So I then lied and say that I was working at a small shop. I actually worked for one once but that was back in high school and for a little while, until the owner (who apparently turned out to be a scammer) left town.
Now I met him again, he asked me what I was doing. I said I did some freelance work with a friend. This is also a lie, I almost did but the projects were cancelled by the clients so I never did.
I lie to certain people about this job stuff because I'm very ashamed of never having had a job so far. I also told him that I've been a private teacher at home, this is true but again, I only did it for a short while. I have depression and extremely low motivation.
Anyway, after that he suddenly suggested that he can help me get an I.T. job where he works. It sounded pretty cool. He asked me to send him my resume. Naturally I don't want to include neither of those two things in it, as they are false. But telling him the truth is not an option, I don't want to have to deal with that. It's likely that I will run into him again often. What do? The only part I put in my resume as "experience" is the private teacher part, even though it's not related at all to I.T., just to sound like I wasn't doing nothing all these years (going to college without having some sort of job here makes you a laughing stock after a certain age).
Does it make sense to not want to include work experience stuff I allegedly did, in a resume? How do I explain not including it without making it sound like I'm definitely lying? Or what else should I do?
Thanks
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>>18631103
You got two options tell the truth or keep lieing im a believer that if you lie yourself into a situation you can lie your way out
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Its best not to lie full stop anon. Don't make a habit of it. If you don't feel inclined putting it on your C.V, which I suggest you don't, you can always say to him that they were very short term and that you didn't want to put it down on your resume.
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Thanks! Yes I found the problems that come with lying. It's become a habit but I keep reminding myself to try hard to stop lying.
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>>18631103
Tl;dr sorry but how does it work being a compulsive liar?
I have a friend who does this and have had it explained that it's a defence mechanism resulting from a messy divorce when he was a kid. I know other people are storytellers because they are insecure and feel uninteresting or unintelligent.
But like what goes through your head when you're about to lie? What's the motivation and do you feel compelled beyond your own control? Why do you lie to people you have good relationships with?
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>>18631142
you answered your own question
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>>18631142
Because I don't like to see myself in a weak position in front of them. I don't want to always feel like that one guy who is less succesful than everyone else.
I also enjoy writing stories in my spare time so I consider myself a tiny bit creative, enough to come up with plausible stories.
I definitely feel better or safer after certain lies. I feel like I dodged a bullet. For example the jobs thing. People have made fun of me in lighthearted ways for not having a job. It's probably not a big deal but I feel worse after a few times this happens. I feel like I have no self worth. So I make up for it by saying I actually do have some job.
I don't lie to make myself sound greater than anyone. I lie to feel a bit closer to being normal in the specific situation I lie about. That's why my lies are always humble (instead of having no job I say I have a crappy pseudo job).
I feel guilty after lying and also get a lot of anxiety because I'm often afraid of being found out. I also have to keep track of what lies I tell to which people.
I think calling it a defense mechanism is accurate.
You ask about people I have a good relationship with. But there's currently only one guy I can be completely honest to. I think it's foolish to think people don't judge you. I don't want to be the guy people feel pity or sorry for. I may have no accomplishments to show but I see that other people are hardly ever put in a situation where they have to point out that they are in a lower position than those around. And I would never brag, not even when I'm telling the truth.
Lying forms a habit, the more you lie the more easily you will lie. It becomes a go to tool to get out of a situation, my mind reacts unconsciously and tells a lie when it's not really required. The thought behind it is always "it's easier to explain this way, it's safer than telling the truth".
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>>18631151
The first two were just examples, and the one being a defence mechanism is still largely unexplained to me. Although I think maybe OP isn't actually a compulsive liar.
>>18631166
Yeah OP from what you describe it doesn't sound like you are a compulsive liar at all.
My friend who is a compulsive liar would lie to me about random things where he has nothing to gain.
Your situation is rational and I can understand it. You should work hard to break the habit because you are correct it can put you in more trouble, but I don't think feeling guilty will help you a whole bunch.
Take some careful risks with opening up to people and being a little vulnerable. We all have hard times.
I think you also need to address the underlying issue of how you perceive yourself if you are accepting of yourself despite your circumstances, it will be easier to see others doing so and therefore you won't be constantly fearing disapproval (and hopefully if it arrives, it won't matter to you in your secure state).
It's not foolproof but I try to have a few constants about myself that I can rely upon for self assurance regardless of my circumstances. That way, naked or clothed, rich or poor, I am still someone I value and appreciate within myself.
You'll be alright champ, keep on improving!
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>>18631174
Thanks a lot, that's good advice
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