Thinking of "accidental death"

Wait a year. Don't worry if things will be better by then, just wait.

Change things up. Keep being healthy, that's a good thing. Maybe find a new job, move somewhere new, find new friends. Stuff like that. If your stability is gone and you want to die, why not? I mean, fuck it, right?

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>>18630152
Want some motivation?

I moved into a new big city to be closer to my girlfriend of 8+ years, as we had talked about moving in together. The very day I'm moving my stuff up she breaks up with me via text and proceeds to ghost me, deleting me from every contact.

The following day, when the movers move my stuff into my now empty house, they steal my wallet. Aside from being a gift from my mother, and being worth quite a bit of money, it also had precious irreplaceable mementos inside. One of which was given to me by my now ex.

Two days late. Being depressed, I stop answering my phone calls and shut my phone off. This leads a family member into thinking I've either gone and killed myself, or am about to. The police come out, knock on my door and the next thing I know they put me in handcuffs and parade me about in my new neighborhood like a criminal. They take me away to the hospital and put me on a 5150 hold, assuming I'm suicidal. Once they deem me not suicidal, and far from it, I am released to come home. The police took away my firearm I own, and upon going to go retrieve it learn three very important things.

1. I cannot own a firearm for 5 years, not without going through hoops and a court hearing to proof I'm capable of owning one.

2. Not counting the first point, I would have to jump through so many hoops and go to therapy for multiple months that in reality it wouldn't even be feasible to get my gun back.

3. The cops put this down on public record, as a "suicide attempt". Even though there was no attempt to be made. This directly impacts my career choice that I put on hold till I moved to where I am, and now because of all these marks against my record(unfounded of course), I will never be able to complete and go into the career that has been my lifelong dream.

Trust me, I know how you feel OP. But even with all of this going on, no matter how hard I want to end it, I will not be tempted to do so. It will get better. Stay in there.

>>18630263
But that's my point. What am I waiting for? For that cycle to start itself all over again?
of gain and loss? People are so flaky and I feel like I'm a crazy person at times for caring.

>>18630276
I have a good car, a nice place and my friends(two) are good, but they're their own people and I can't dump it all on them. One of them basically told me that he's tired of my stupor and doesn't see the point in asking me out(though he does) I can see that I'm straining him by trying to confide in him, so I've backed off. I do want to get away, but I don't know if it makes logical sense to give up all the good that I have over feelings. I know I'm not in a good place right now, and I'm scared to do something that I might regret later.

>>18630311

>>18630276 here. Something that I latch onto often is the statement "everything good that has ever happened to you has happened because you're alive."

>>18630311
>30311 ▶
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Thank you for sharing that anon. Please tell me how it got "better" for you. I've been hearing this since highschool and I don't think my life has gotten better. I have "things" now, sure; but that isn't what I've sought after. Did your ex ever apologize?

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>>18630324
You have it right anon. Life itself is the gift to appreciate, no matter how much suffering there is.

>>18630326
Better? It was earlier this week that this happened to me. It hasn't gotten better, or worse. It just is what it is right now.

The upside to all of this is something I found so reversed and lucky, that I feel like this bad luck only happened because it was meant to.

Because I was released and put back into my new home, a family member decided to come and stay with me for a bit. While asleep in my room, my family member caught wind of a burning smell and found one of the appliances that I plugged into the sockets at the other end of the home(old house) was melting and burning. They quickly unplugged it to find scorch marks under it, as it was burning so hot it was melting plastic and searing wood.

Had it not been for them, I likely would've woken up to a fire around me, consuming me with no escape. I'm not sure when it'll get better for me, emotionally that it, but for me THAT solidified what life is all about.

Had my ex not broken up with me and put me into such a deep, dark hole, had one of my family members not called and had me taken by the police for my own "safety", had my other family member not come and taken pity on me, I could be dead. Some people might want death, but not me. Life takes, but life gives.

Of course I'm still depressed, it has only been a week after all. But in the end, I'm also happy. Happy to even live and "suffer", because otherwise I wouldn't experience anything else at all.

I was going through this earlier today when I crossed a metro railroad track. I could easily have just ran the tracks, but then I realized the metro goes so slow it wouldn't have done nearly enough to my car...

Dunno what to tell you anon, you're not alone though. I'm half hoping I just don't wake up in the morning.

It would be a painful death if you don't do it right.

Unless you're terminally ill, I don't think suicide is a good choice.

I juts find myself waking up each morning and not wanting to go anywhere or do anything. I understand that I'm depressed, but I think my concept of love is just broken now between what happened with my parents and this girl. I just don't know how to recover from it all.