I just wanted to share this and vent out.. any advice would be

..continued

Now going back to the present, the moment where she snooped on my phone. I tried to shrug it off but I felt really annoyed about it.

One thing you need to know about snooping is it's a lose-lose situation.

She's telling me that if she didn't snoop on my phone, she wont know the "dire" secrets I didn't told her. That if I told her the truth in the first place, we will not come into this argument.

Yes, I could've told her about it. I could've come clean. But why did I lie and didn't tell her about it in the first place you ask?
Because I don't want to get into this same exact argument that I know she wont handle properly..

Now she sees me as someone dirty. Someone low. She constantly mocked me that day. That I am a dirty person. That I fucked someone else. She sees me as someone that she shouldn't have married. To be honest, It really hurts hearing it from someone you just happily married last week.

So, I still tried to tell her that she shouldn't have snooped. If she wants to trust me. That is not the thing to do. She should've told me what's bothering her. What is making her think of look through my stuff. But as stubborn as she is, she wont listen. Telling me that I am making it seem like snooping is such a bad thing (which I think is). That I am the one that did a bad thing of not telling her the truth.

Which I did. I certainly did. I lied a lot of times and I would give everything to make it up to her for all the lies and sins I have committed. I would gladly kill myself just to be a good husband for her..

..continued

I remember someone told me that if you are going to snoop over someones private stuff, be sure you are prepared to what you are going to see. Everyone has secrets, may it be small or a big one. it is still same thing. a secret.

She wasn't supposed to know about that. It was a thing of a dark past that I myself also have a difficult time in forgetting and I don't want to share that burden to her.

Now we're so indifferent about each other. Aside from having that same feeling of having a hard time forgiving myself about what I did. I also feel so low and dirty just what she told me that day. I feel like I am a stupid person and that I dont deserve to live. I feel trapped and depressed.

She doesn't even wear her ring anymore. This morning she have looked on my phone again. Reading conversations about me and my close friend. If there's one thing that snooping results in, it breaks the trust of that person. Yes, I broke her trust too. But just like what she said that day..
"I am actually already slowly gaining trust in you again"
I wish she didn't break the progress we are having..
If I told her that, she would probably just tell me that I should've told her that secret before. I don't think that justifies what you did..

Now, I am having a hard time to be around her. I feel I should be guarded always. That every step should be calculated..

>>18627576
You're blaming her for finding out you cheated and lied? Got to be plain with you anon. You fucked up and tried to present a polished up version of yourself...plain and simple and you got caught. Doesn't matter if she would've reacted bad before or now but covering up makes it much worse.

If you're serious about working it out quit trying to justify why you withheld it and accept you are shit for doing it and know it's going to take literally years to get the trust back. Then be an open book. No secret passwords, passcodes, etc. Dealing with a cheater or someone who was weak is tough but not impossible to get over.

Quit being a faggot and telling yourself you were protecting her from being sad by being a sneaky shit though.

>>18627608

Thanks anon. Yeah I fucked up. I should've told her that. I guess I'm was just annoyed with her snooping around my phone when I'm asleep. Thanks for the kick in the butt. I'd probably just let her snoop all she wants and try not to care anymore.

>>18627651

Maybe I was also annoyed with the idea that an already resolved issue is being brought up. ugh fuck..

>>18627608

btw to clear things up. she already knew that I cheated and lied. We talked about it already before getting married.

>>18627658
It's resolved for you but getting entiterly over it and trusting 100% again is not the case for her.

You're wishing she could just know your logic and know you're awesome and whatever fucking else you want to control.

Tough shit bro doesn't work like that especially for chicks. They care more about feeling some way than whatever detailed logical bullshit you spew out.

Also just what kind of amateur hour was going on to keep the fucking texts and evidence on your phone?

>>18627680

lol ikr. she already knew about it (the cheating) and we already talked about it already. I just didn't expect her to go over my stuff looking for "something" since I trust her.