A Beautiful Realization

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We've all been through that point of life where you're uncertain about how things are gonna turn out, you know? I was worried about my future because all I did was sit on my ass eating Doritos and playing videogames. My grades sucked last year because I didn't give a shit, and everything just became boring and meaningless. Therapy didn't fucking help, even though I had nothing to hide. My dad left when I was 11 and my mom was going crazy with keeping 2 jobs and paying off the bills, let alone raising me...

My girlfriend of 6 months seemed to be spacing herself away and I've always had shit luck making (and keeping) friends, but last night things changed.

My Grandpa is dying. Right this very moment. He was my go to guy, always there with a smiling face willing to listen to any shit I was going through. Things that even I couldn't bear hearing from someone else, but he was different from everyone. Now he's leaving this world.

I was angry. Real fucking angry. My one chance at overcoming my mistakes and now life had to take him away from me. My room slowly became a mess, my social life dwindled by a thread. I felt any sense of progress vanish. I was nothing...

But why was I still here? Why did I still exist if everything that I lived for was no longer there?

Because I was being selfish, that's why. Life wasn't going to hand me everything on a fucking plate forever. It's about time I started doing shit for myself. In the future, my boss isn't going to pay me for doing a half fast job, my car isn't going to run without maintenence just because I "love" it, and most of all, my family isn't going to be stable without me putting some fucking effort into it.

I was sad because I didn't get what I want. So what? Eventually people stop caring about your problems because they have their own to deal with. You may always have friends to help fight your battles, but you are not truly victorious until you've defeated your problems yourself.

I feel at peace now. Thank you