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I have a bit of a dilemma. the story is that I have this best friend, male, 25 years old. I myself am a female, 22 years old. our genders are relevant. anyhow, he's admitted to having feelings for me, however I told him he isn't my /type/. we're good friends regardless, there's not the typical beta orbiter dynamic, I'm not emotionally reliant on him, nor do I use him for his resources. So I guess that's my rationalisation, I could be wrong however, I could be the typical oneitis situation for him.
anyhow, a few days ago, it came to light that I had lied to him about the nature of my friendship with another male, I had led my best friend to believe my friendship with this male was strictly platonic, when it's not. My best friend was very distressed over this, holding me accountable for lying to him. however, whilst I acknowledge that I was in the wrong, I still maintain that it's not really his business as to who it is that I get with. He states that he doesn't care if I get with people, yet he still acts extremely hurt when I do. there's just no winning, I either be honest and hurt him or I lie and I hurt him. additionally, he cites that our friendship comes first and foremost, so what gets to me is why it is of utter importance I tell him who I get with. I get it, I lied, I promised to be upfront from there onward, but it still irks me that this friend feels entitled to know about my encounters.
my question is, are we both in the wrong? I know I am, yet he refuses to accept that he is as well. And my second question is, how do I navigate this friendship from now on?
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Interesting. I'm much like your friend here. Curious to how I would remove myself from the situation.
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>>18623565
You are not in the wrong, you have a right to privacy. Your "friend" sounds like a beta creep. He can't have you but still wants to dictate your love life. I'd stay away from such people - too much drama over nothing.
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>there's not the typical beta orbiter dynamic
Wrong. Cut him loose or live with him guilting you/ sour grapes. He still wants you of course, that is what you want to hear. Bask in the attention, be drained by the whiny guilting, and keep him as a troublesome pet, or set him free. He'll be happier in the wild. It's the humane thing to do.
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>>18623603
Well, I cannot speak for your situation, but I'd say it would take two to realise it's a toxic friendship, because that's essentially what it is. But then again, we'd like to think that our situations are the exception, so I'm sure even though cutting contact would be the most healthiest thing to do, it wouldn't be the preferable option. creating distance, that's all it comes down to.
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>>18623620
>>18623625
Yeah, I suppose you are both right, it's a very unhealthy dynamic that doesn't benefit anyone at the end of the day.
And I'm not going to lie, the validation does sound nice, but I'd like to think I genuinely enjoy his company, seeing as the guilting is only a small aspect of the friendship. But I guess I'm wrong. Objectively it is the typical nice guy ordeal. thanks, anons.
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>our genders are relevant.
that was your first mistake, miss. you deserve this screw-up of a situation for having fallen for the genderless-friends meme b/s.
enjoy your self-righteous friendlessness.
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>>18623636
You might enjoy his company, as a friend, but he wants more than that and probably will for as long as you are friends. Guys are all sexist deep down. It's hard for men and women to be friends. If you can't bear to lose him then keep him as a pet, but be aware that you are doing that- to yourself and him. If he falls in love with someone else and you do too, your friendship will make unhealthy (though possibly slight) demands on your respective romantic relationships.
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