I need some advice. I recently met this girl. She is the most

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I need some advice. I recently met this girl. She is the most amazing, gorgeous, smart, and absolutely perfect girl. Nobody can compare to her, and I would die for her. we were doing really well with our relationship, it was just pure love for each other. Then, a bunch of bad shit happened in my life and I wanted to commit suicide. It was a stupid idea looking back. Anyways I was preparing to do it, and I told the girls friend, who promised not to tell her anything about it, but then told her anyway. obviously, I didn't do it hence I'm still here, but it really messed with her because she cared about me a lot and it hurt her pretty badly. Recently we've talked and she said she doesn't wanna break up, but I'm afraid we are and that the relationship is bittersweet. I can't lose her, you don't understand how much she means to me and how special she is.