I think I am genuinely going to kill myself. I know this is a

You can carry on try to find some reason to live or find happiness.
Or just be open with this person in your life. They shut you out of their life?
>you were gonna neck yourself anyway

Stop speaking as though there's anything after this. This is your life, choose it or don't. Whatever you do doesn't matter anyway. Also you won't have some peace, in fact, you won't have anything. You'll be a slowly rotting bag of flesh and bone that gets devoured by the wildlife.

What island are you on by the way?

>>18621453
I know and I do try I think like oh if you're going to top yourself why not just live and help people in anyway you can. No I basically just sort of think we all bullshit eachother with socialisation like non of us really connect we just have these 'psyche wars'.. Colour me spergy.
>>18621470
This is the point, not to be nihlistic, but if there is no reason and no remembrance then what's the point kek? Why the fuck should I strive to leave a child here and give it a good life when it's all relatively pointless. I live in the Orkney isles of the UK.

How do you plan to off yourself?

>>18621480
What's the point of killing yourself. You're using the meaninglessness as justification to kill yourself when the fact is that there's just as much meaning in living as there is dying, that is, zero. You'll die when you die so stop being a bitch about it and ride the waves until they crash.

>>18621513
Short drop suspension hanging, I'll probably have my entire body covered and wear a balaclava to hide my horrid appearance from anyone who might stumble upon me but mainly to cushion the rope around my neck. From what I can gather you will pass out relatively quickly and it seems the most guaranteed way provided no one comes across you.

>>18621525
Shit didn't see this so saged. But don't be so dense, if there's no point in either then I would rather choose the latter so as to avoid living in a world that I don't enjoy; I don't like the people, the cultures and there is nothing I want out of life. I'm just trying to keep things simple.

>>18621540
You should be asking not how you can kill yourself but why you don't enjoy living considering that meaninglessness of your interactions, Is there a real reason that you don't enjoy living or is it your interpretation of the events. Anyone can choose to be happy at any time, the justification of the material world in the animalistic mind is what makes people sad.

>>18621532
Not saying you should go through with it, it's your choice. I would say a shotgun be better odds of you succeeding with it. Consider everything before you go through with whatever attempt you see fit. The collateral damage you will do to people the love you is going to be detrimental to their mental health. Which you probably don't care as I don't seeing I'm going to be on the way out here pretty soon. Good luck with whatever you decide to do anon.

>>18621551
I really don't want to get specific because I live in the optimum place to do away with these sorts of cultures. I've had shit in my life but I deal with it and I have a high capacity for emotional pain or stress/anxiety. I don't enjoy living because this world is boring, there are things I can do and strive for and things that will make me happy but I don't really care if I am happy or sad, it doesn't bother me. Dreaming of being with this american person was more of like a 'well if I am going to stay here I might aswell be with them because we get on' but then eventually I see all interactions with people as the the same sham play. We're all idiots and the way we speak to one another is a pathetic 'energy' game. I am tired of this world and this existence and I guess I just want out.
>>18621554
I don't have access to one and that's an extremely messy way to go Anon. People hang themselves for thrills. My idea is that I tell everyone I am living the 'Into the Wild' existence away from technology and live hunter gatherer so I may be gone some years, then just quietly erase myself. Are you saying you want to do the same? And thank you.

>>18621567
It's only boring because you make it boring. People live in the mountains in groups of dozens, they don't speak to each other and their life consists of farming, eating, meditating and sleeping. Do you think they would describe their life as boring?

You're looking for an escape out of a life you don't understand and the only way out that you've found it death. I don't know what you think you know about speaking to each other, please enlighten me about this 'energy game'.

This existence is the only one, think carefully about exiting it. I would advise meditation for at least 1 week before even considering it. By meditation I mean, no computers, no books, no people. Simply you, your thoughts and nature.

>>18621567
Yeah I do want to do the same.

>>18621578
Animals live to kill, reproduce and nuture their young without speaking to eachother. DO you think if they could they would describe their lives as boring? I'm not sure which party is more aware but being in the information and technology age has allowed us to become more wisened to the world and even the purposes we fulfil.

There isn't a vast majority to understand Anon. Life is just life, there aren't many great mysteries or truths to attain. The energy game well.. I don't know how to describe it, life is about what social ammunition you have and when or how you chose to use it. I don't like TV but when people talk about their preferred 'group' on Game of Thrones say they aren't just talking about the show they are trying to demean the other to give themselves a psychological boost. Does that shed any light on the matter?

But it is pointless, I will not remember this, I will not see through me eyes or otherwise when I am dead. It will be black with no meaning of the word black, like before you were born. What good is meditation other than placidity and stress/anxiety relieve. Plus the main point of meditation is to only observe your thoughts as passing; to ultimately detach from the ego and not have any thought.
>>18621581
I don't know about you Anon, if it's for pain you may be able to get help if you want to stay, if you want to enjoy life. You could get therapy or meds or maybe just a fresh walk in life; take a different paths so to speak. I know that, in the past, when I was depressed moving about really helped.

>>18621603
Sounds like your interactions with people have been superficial. You should find people to talk to who know more than just the most recent football game or TV series.

You can just let life be. You can experience the different acts of life and let them be done.

Do you have any irl friends? Are you around people very often?
How long have you felt unhappy/disinterested?
When was the last time, if ever, that you felt you were getting something out of life?

>>18621613
>Sounds like your interactions with people have been superficial. You should find people to talk to who know more than just the most recent football game or TV series.

It sounds like he's in a frame of mind that makes all interactions feel superficial.
A neverending back-and-forth with no ultimate goal. Like a TV show you're simply not interested in but never stops.

>>18621613
>>18621635
>It sounds like he's in a frame of mind that makes all interactions feel superficial.
This more than anything.
No I have had really deep friends Anon like people who talk about some proper rare shit but ultimately it always comes down to people bullshitting and playing oneupmanship. Maybe I am genuinely spergy or some kind of communicative issue but it's more of an analysis.
>>18621614
Yeah plenty, well right now not many. I used to be quite popular and speak to a lot of different people(Being somewhat attractive helped) but I moved to this island and I suppose I started to distance myself from people back home anyway. Only recently really, I guess it's been building but the reality of it was very sudden. I always feel like I'm getting something out of life, I'm never really dissatisfied in that sense, it's just I realise things are futile and pointless.

>>18621641
What actually changed recently, besides moving to the Island. By the way, not all conversation is a game, just most of it. You need to seek out people who want to talk for reason and not just to be right. Of course you need to do the same, to talk for reason and not to be right.

>>18621651
Well 4 years I thought something happened to me that was just too good to be true like the chances must be one in a million so I became all soul searchy and seeking meaning in things. This started dwindling a few years ago and then a few months ago I met this Finnish person who was just so dismissive and was like 'yeah but what about everytime it didn't happen?' I was getting really nihilistic before that and questioning why I am even bothering to live through life but I guess that affected me too. I suppose it isn't I do feel like sometimes you have genuine conversation but then I get spoken over so much since I lost my kind of social bombast. But I get you.

>>18621671
What happened? Did you win the lottery or something?

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>>18621681
Ha no but I've likened it to that; no one who wins the lottery sits there and says 'oh yeah but I also didn't win x times'. Basically I was with a close friend of a decesed person in a place she used to like to sit, I put this little number seven on floor in stones and the friend was all 'Woah dude major deja vu like I have seen you do that in a dream or something' and not moments later a little girl walked in front of us and shouted the name of deceased to her friend which is not a common name. It was profound but in that moment, having being told days before by some druggy guru guy that 'everything is connected, we are all one', that I realised everything had a meaning. I was reading books like Way of the Peaceful Warrior and Naked Ape prior to meeting this 'guru' and to be honest with you since I was five I had questioned life being a dream, got into the occult at 13. So yeah I dunno' if I won the universe lottery or something. But it was like we needed that and the whole deja vu thing it was all so... ethereal.

I know this is not related to the thread but I'm having problems to.from the start when I was a baby my scumbag father left my mother and sister along with me.over they years we lived somewhere for a while up until a couple years ago.we moved in to a house with a stepdad and now here we are.he made sure we couldn't fucking leave him by having a child with my my mother.from the start it looked good up until he started getting pissed off about every little thing and I mean EVERY LITTLE FUCKING THING.he acts ghetto but he constantly talks about putting me in flag football wich I don't want to fucking do.every time I try to call him out for it he always finds a way to weasel himself out of it.he buys things for me but I know hes just doing it to make sure I'm not suspicious.he treats us all like shit including his own flesh and blood aka his own son.my sister is starting to act like a bitch since she's a teen and now my moms getting sick of my step dads shit.im seriously considering going somewhere else I'm 14 btw so what should I do?

>>18621703
That's not that amazing. The friend saying he saw that in a dream is strange but the girl shouting the name is not. What I want to know is how you went from everything being connected to everything being meaningless.

>>18621721
Well I mean I've only heard the name twice thusfar and she was the only person I met with the name, I dunno anon we were both pretty shocked. I got even more soul searchy but then it just kind of dawned how stupid it is and how I must be as delusional as a religious person.
>>18621707
There isn't much you can do, you are still legally a child. Try to tolerate matters, get a job and good education then when you can afford to move out. Or go into higher education and live in the dorm. You're still young so things will seem very narrow. When you have wisened things will make more sense and you will be able to objectify matters. Also sozzo but underage B&

>>18621735
So why do you want to kill yourself?

>>18621759
Because if we don't have a soul or remember anything then what's the point in doing anything, I may aswell just reach the ultimate end now.

>>18621767
That's still not a reason to kill yourself. For me the point of life is to experience new things. It's just as meaningless as dying but it's still fun in the moment.

While cosmically all lives are meaningless and you have realize that your friends and family still have the meaning in their lives that they give it. When you kill yourself they will be depressed because of the meaning they assigned life, your life.

>>18621790
Ah fuck that dude, new experiences are overrated. There's not much I want to do and even if I do it will be mundane. I'm jut not interested. Like I said though, despite me being dead and unaware, I will do my best to make it unobvious what happened.

>>18621802
Do you take any medication and have you been diagnosed with anything?

If the answer is no to both of these then aside from trying meditation I have no other suggestions.

>>18621813
I don't take anything and I wasn't taken very seriously at 17 when I said I was depressed but I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety. What good will meditation do though other than just like making you feel at peace. It's like the one thing I have never tried or known how to do but my friend who was very spiritual said it was like honey being poured over your spine so er.. dunno.

>>18621822
Is that the same friend who "had visions" of you making a 7 in stones? If so, that friend is probably off his nut. Anyway you said the goal of killing yourself was to feel eternal peace. This achieves the same goal minus killing yourself. Once you achieve this peace maybe you will think differently about life in general. Whatever you choose it's up to you.

>>18621836
No aha, the one who said about the stones was vanilla as fuck and it was profound to hear her say it for starters let alone react to the little girl in that way. Well I guess if my goal is to top myself then I should try it for sure. I know Anon.. I have to be honest with you I've been thinking of getting army fit and joining for a new sense of purpose but maybe just exercise will help too. Thanks by the way.

>>18621853
Okay, cya round.

~Z

>>18621418
Fuck off.

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>>18621970
Thanks for the bump.

>>18621418
Anon you're seeing that job as the beginning and end of your life when maybe working there is your ticket to freedom.

We all have to work unless we're famous for doing nothing.

That job can be the stepping stone to getting out of that shithole you despise. Maybe you'll find a hobby while you're not working, I suggest an art, to make it not so bad.

Then you can leave, working a bit is better than an eternity asleep. At least for now, the world could end any day now! Don't you want to watch anon?

>>18622016
I'll be honest, there was one job as a truck driver and I quit because the island is really personal and my manager was living on our land rent free but taking some serious liberties talking to me. Like as in this isn't the sort of place you speak to eachother like that, I understand your manager is above you but it should not have been this officious. I would really like to be famous but not for doing nothing.. Yeah so I was going to say that it wasn't going to be a stepping stone because I just scraped enough to eat and live. But why, seriously, I am going to eternally sleep eventually why fucking stick around to watching this poor play breathe is haggard old song; the shallow little plays that unfold on this ball of mould are some of the most mundane and uninteresting states of affairs. No I do not want to watch.

Have you tried helping animals? Have you donated to children's funds?

>>18622102
Yeah there's a lot of agriculture here so I work with animals a bit it is nice and we have a really little doggo who is quite cute, that makes me happy. I am happy just disinterested with the sham of earth. Dude I don't have money to donate, why would that even help? I would go work for charities though and like live there or whatever.