Gaming: what's the deal?

Typical reward cycle stuff. You just seek the little mental/mood bump you get when you complete a task or unlock something new. Some games also have really good stories you want desperately to finish, like a book you can't put down.

I used to be like that in my early 20s. I'm 30 now and don't play much anymore. They naturally lose appeal over time. Your brain stops giving you the same intensity of reward for it after a while.

>>18618315
This is really helpful, thanks. As someone who sometimes stays up til 2am trying to finish a good book, that analogy makes a lot of sense.

Do you think most people grow out of gaming? I know he's logged thousands of hours in his 20s.

>>18618327
Sorry to break it to you, but if hes in his late 20s and still logging that many hours then hes damaged, not even damaged goods, but just damaged.

Sounds pretty normal for someone in his 20s. Try being like me and sometimes spending 15-20 hours a day, i.e. every waking moment when not posting on a vietnamese handpainting forum.

Gaming is a hobby just like any other. 15 - 20 hours a week isn't even that much time to spend on a hobby; it only translates to an average of 2 - 3 hours on the weekdays and 3 - 4 on the weekends. Would you give someone who watched movies as a hobby flack for watching one every night and watching two on Saturday and Sunday? No, of course you wouldn't as long as he did the other things he was supposed to do, like cleaning and chores.

Gaming is fun to different people for different reasons and different games try to capitalize on these different reasons. Some offer escapist fantasies out of a dull life, others tell good stories that the player can interact with and change, others still reward pattern recognition and skill development.

>>18618351
That's true, 15 hours a week isn't a crazy amount of time. If it's only 15 hours a week, leave him alone during those 15 hours imo. Good relationships have some distance. No one likes someone who's up their ass every minute of the day.

>>18618327
Why do you care so much? Would you want your significant other to want you to grow out of reading?

To answer your question, though, just like any hobby some people eventually lose interest and some people don't.

But again, what does it matter as long as he's getting the shit he needs to take care of done? It sounds to me like you're the one with the complex, not him.

>>18618366
Chill out dudes!

To be clear, I'm perfectly fine with gaming as a hobby. Would consider building my own PC and getting somewhat into it myself as a bonding thing, if he would be happy about that. But I also recognize that it's not something I would necessarily want him spending 20 hours a week on if we had kids...not that I'm pushing that but we are getting closer to that age. Just wanted thoughts on it from a different perspective.

>>18618332
2 hours per day playing video games is damaged to you?

>>18618411
Lol you haven't even started dating the guy and you're already thinking about kids? Perhaps you should set more realistic sights.

Gaming is something that will never leave , I know it sounds retarded but a girl can just leave you like it's nothing but gaming never will

>>18618432
Realistic is having a biological clock lol

Honestly, just because he plays a lot doesn't mean he doesn't have anything else in his life, maybe it's just that after doing all the shit he needs to get done he still has plenty of spare time. Your best bet is to give him a chance and see if you can get behind it, if it doesn't work then you'll be aware of what you don't want in your next boyfriend.

As an example, I used to spend almost double that amount a while ago, after I started dating I've gone days without playing any videogames at all and when I do it's usually an hour or two every other day. It really depends on how well your relationship goes.

TLDR: Try it and see if it works.

>>18618618
Sounds like a good plan. Thanks anons!

>>18618423
This, he spends as much as watching a movie a day on average, op says she's ok but is doing a big thing over a perfectly casual player...

>>18618581
>I'm going to hit the wall soon and I want to lock this guy down before he becomes out of my league

>>18618306
15-20 hours isnt a lot and its not much of a problem. you should probably get into a relationship or even see if he likes you back before considering kids. if he's a decent human being (should be clear enough from the time you spend with him) then he should be a decent parent. but first get into a relationship lol

>>18618747
Ok what about 30-40, which it sometimes is? I mean I agree it doesn't make sense to make any kind of deal about this before getting into a relationship, but that is a lot of time to spend on it.

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>>18618315

Are you me?

That very much describes what happened to me too. I would also add real life responsibilities taking up time/energy and the fact that rewards from solving problems are more palpable than XP.

>>18618306
that doesn't sound like a lot of time. if it was like 6+ hours almost every day that would be something to worry about.

don't be a pest though and be like "why aren't you paying attention to meeeee" if he wants to play games. my ex gf did that to me and pretty much ruined games for me for the rest of my life, now i hardly play

I mean, you're not gonna be able to keep the habit of staying up til 2am reading genre fiction with an infant. How is this different?

There are 168 hours in 1 week and he spends maybe 20 that entire week gaming? That is like maybe 2-3 hours per day, if that.

That is like 2 episodes of Gane of Thrones. This is not a big deal.

Also, thinking all games are for kids is like thinking anything animated is for children. But you wouldn't park your 5 year old in front of a South Park episode to entertain him, like how a 5 year old is very likely to not enjoy a game like Witcher

Yeah its pretty normal. I think average person from the US spends ~4h a day watching tv.

I play games when I'm at home and want to relax. Sometimes I play something while listening to a podcast, sometimes I play games for the story and sometimes for the competitiveness and wanting to improve.

Its just a fun hobby. I don't play that often anymore but I used to when I was younger. I probably do under 10hrs a week.
I'm sure you have some hobbies some people might look at and think "that's just waste of time why would she do that?"

Its just like any other hobby. couple hours a day is not bad.

I usually only play video games when my wife is napping, pooping, talking to her family, or showering. It can be anywhere from 15minutes to a few hours.

I usually play violent games. There's just something incredibly satisfying about the meat grinder of war games be it strategy or first person shooter. But also since I am in my 30s and my friends from college and highschool are scattered across the country, video games are the only cheap instant way to hang out with my old buddies online.

>>18618747
30-40 hours a week? if gaming is a big part of his day you should accept it and try to join in. the gaming shouldn't me a big problem however its his decision if he wants to game and not spend time with you.

>>18618411
>But I also recognize that it's not something I would necessarily want him spending 20 hours a week on if we had kids...
It's just weird how you look at it. Like gaming is something you can't stop doing and would neglect your kids for... Thats like if he would hear you like reading couple of hours a day and maybe even 3-4 sometimes if its a really good book or watch netflix and then he would be like "can this person even be a mother to my children, since she shouldn't really be using that much time on her hobby if and when we do have kids..."

>>18618411
My brother has three kids. He still plays video games with me online for about 1-2 hours a week on nights when he's home from flying (more when he's away during his scheduled flights and he's at the hotels) and it's late after all the kids were put to bed. He used to play a fuck ton of games but after he had his first kid he changed. It will happen naturally. Thought he is a lazy ass dad too.

>>18618802
Yeah fair point. I guess I had this feeling that the gaming was more of an addiction? But maybe that's not the way to look at it. Reading is something I do a lot of on vacation and not a lot of when I have other things going on. Maybe his gaming is the same.

>>18618884
Doing something less than 20 hours a week is not addiction. Like how someone who has a glass of wine with dinner or a beer or two after work isn't an alcoholic.

Why do you think this particularly about gaming? Unless you're reading nonfiction or philosophy how is your habit of what you do in your spare time any more superior?

>>18618884
I think it might be even easier to think of like netflix. You have probably heard normal people say "I binge watched the whole show" or multiple episodes in one sitting. Or many people just watch couple of hours a day. You do that if you have nothing planned for the day but not if you have more important things. And even if you have kids its pretty healthy to have hour here and there for yourself and your hobbies.

>>18618306
I spend more time. Wife doesnt mind all the time unless i get into a particular game and marathon it.

>Typical amount

I dont know but 15-20 hours a week is like 2-3 hours a day. That isnt bad at all id say. Plenty of other time to spend with you and doing other shit.

>whats the appeal

Thats like asking whats the appeal of books, tv series, movies or facebook.

Its an entertainment medium just like any other. You just arent drawing the connection. If he read 15-20 hours a week i dont think youd be on adv, and if he watched that much tv series youd probably join in depending on the show.

>trouble in relationship

My wife and I have a good relationship and do plenty together. Sometimes ill play a bit too much and we get sedentary, but also ive had my own frustrations when i do want to do things because she wont get off facebook.

Your relationship wont be perfect. None are. Will this be a problem? From time to time maybe. But if it wasnt this it would be something else, and therell be other problems anyway. Just part of the relationship.

>>18618884
if he has hobbies other than gaming then you have nothing to worry about. shows that he knows how to divide his time and won't just sit in front of a tv.

>>18618902
Well, I compare gaming to some of the hobbies my other friends have: woodworking, art, music, athletic pursuits including various sports and casual fun outdoor activities...and it comes up short against those. Against tv, movies, etc it's totally comparable, but it feels unproductive as a hobby compared to time spent making things, being social, or getting outside/staying healthy. My apologies in advance if this annoys any of you! Just my personal feeling about gaming vs other hobbies.

>>18619397
What are your hobbies? These creative outlets aren't like the genre fiction reading pastime you enjoy. Your hobby is just as passive. The only hobby you've stated to have is reading good stories. What else?

Do you do paint night or something? =^)
https://youtu.be/O_rQpDhVfoQ

>>18618306

It's just a hobby, girls > games, they can spend their whole day doing it and if they're good at managing time they can make as much as you want for the both of you.

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>>18618730
there's nothing wrong with recognizing something like children as something you ultimately want to have in your life and forming your relationships based on mutually wanting that thing. it's better for both people for her to know what she wants, that way if they are incompatible they can go their separate ways. OP seems pretty reasonable considering that she wants outside information on a topic she doesn't know much about.