Thread replies: 2
Thread images: 1
Thread images: 1
Anonymous
I don't know what's wrong with me 2017-08-12 10:53:44 Post No. 18616135
[Report] Image search: [Google]
I don't know what's wrong with me 2017-08-12 10:53:44 Post No. 18616135
[Report] Image search: [Google]
I push people away, people who loves me and are trying to help me or giving me some love, I literally push them away with aggressive behavior.
I had 7/8 "serious" relationships in the last seven years.
Three of them (the most important for me let's say.) For three times I had this kind of behavior.
It only happened when I felt a strong sentimental attraction to these three girls. With the others it did not happen, because I was not mentally involved.
At the beginning, I play all quiet and mysterious, keeping my distance and don't revealing nothing about me. Because I'm scared actually, I don't know of what I'm scared.
They are attracted to this kind of behavior and
they try to approach me, trying to figure out what i'm hiding or what's wrong with me.
After some months more or less, I begin to take distance, pushing them away, saying that I do not care about them, that I do not need help or love. The more they approach me and the more I get aggressive, to the point of hurting them (Not physically, but psychologically)
It's like love remind me how fucking empty i'm inside.
cont->
>>
>>18616135
After all this drama by me, they simply left, they surrender. Wounded, stricken, people who have tried to give me so much good.
In return by my side there is nothing, bad behaviors. Many times they told me that I'm good at hurting people with words and fucking with their minds.
After they run away from me. I notice what I've done and sadness takes over me, I literally start crying like a baby, hating myself. Because in truth the love that they gave me, I needed it. I always wanted it. Let's say life has never been kind to me and to face it I hardened my shell a bit too much. I never knew or felt what love is, not even with my family.
I beg them to not leave, to wait until I get my shit together, that I know i'm wrong. Most of the time all of them came back, to try again, but it fails again after some months.
I tried to seek medical help, I sort found the root of the problem after a year with a psycotherapist.
I'm 25 now, my past is just filled with this shit. All of them remember me for the good sex and all the bad shit I did, I really did a lot of bad shit, because after they leave (for the second or third time). I start acting up and going mad. They start to be afraid of me.
The only thing is that, this kind of behavior by me it start like a fire only when i'm totally involded with the girl. One little side of my brain or heart, trully care and loves them, what they are and what they are doing for me, but is a really tiny piece of me, hidden beneath my skin.
I'm sorry if my english is terrible, thanks to everyone who will spend some minutes to read this shitfest.
Thread posts: 2
Thread images: 1
Thread images: 1