I've known this sweet girl for a while and we started dating

One of two things is going on here:

1: she's genuinely innocent

2: she's not, and you're just not on her list of qualified suitors - all the dating and cuddling in the world does not change this

Finding out whether it's 1 or 2 is up to you.

>>18615987
Damn. My first gf was the one that set everything up when we together lost our virginity. I didn't even know it was coming. Went to her house, she lets me in and tells me her parents and siblings gone for a few hours and takes me straight to her bed. When a girl is ready shes ready.

>>18615992
I'm 99% sure it's the first one, her friends and family are all good people, and she is just a little shut in, i know where she is litterally all the time

>>18616014
I really hope it's like that, when i jokingly said that she is waiting for marriage she thought thats ridiculous, but when i made that joke again she sounded like she liked that idea, it was terrifing for sexually hungry me

>>18615987
just don't push her. she's going to resent you for it and it'll be like that every time.
until you break up.

>>18616164
If hadn't taken initiative we would not even have kissed to this day, it was her first with me, she is just that shy

You have to be more forward with the communication. Make it clear that you are not going to wait around forever for her to make up her mind and that you are more than willing to work through things with her, but you cannot do anything without her knowing what she wants or why she is hesitant so you want her to work on that (whether in therapy or by talking with friends or just reflecting on herself and her views on sexuality, whatever). Not as a threat or an ultimatum but to be clear about where you stand and what you expect from her.

You've been with her for six months and as you describe there's no sign of significant progress. People can sometimes change but for now, this is the starting point. This is who she is, someone not at ease with (her?) sexuality. Do not keep looking for some loophole to suddenly make her into someone different but try to work with her to figure out how to get SOME movement going. Does it help if she takes initiative and you remain passive so she doesn't have to "protect" herself in any way? Does she have mental hang ups regarding sex and if so, is there anything that can be done to ease them?

Don't expect anything to change overnight. It would be great but very unlikely.

>>18616182
Our relationship is very open i'd like to think, we always talk everything through but when it comes to this topic it always ends up with her saying that she doesnt know why she's like this, I'd like to think she is just very stubborn, when she says she doesn't want something she stuck to it, I alaways admired that, but now that it's showing here it's nust frustrating, the thing is I tried everything you said, it's common sense, it didn't work, now I'm here ready to just see what happens if I don't initiate anymore for a few weeks, after that, I don't know, it would be difficult to think about it

>>18615987
stop wasting your time. her sex drive is obviously incompatible with yours. get a new gf

Is she just really religious?

>>18616208
But have you asked her to describe what she means with "like this"? Whether she is scared, or it makes her feel dirty to go that far, or it turns her off...?

>>18616224
Not religious at all, I'm a lot more religious
>>18616223
I can't do that, I'm in love and that's the only flaw
>>18616225
I only asked her if she is scarred and she said that's not it, I didn't know what else it could be

>>18616233
Her saying that she isn't scarred doesn't mean much, people usually do not have completely clear perspective on what did or did not damage them. Especially because things happening to you when you're young get rationalized.

Not to say that this is the only option. But try to get to the fundamentals. Ask her if she can describe what happens to her when she shuts you down. Does she feel nervous? Scared? Disgusted? Guilty? Before that shuts you down, does she experience desire? If so at what moment does it change etc etc..?

>tl;dr you need to go deeper

>>18616241
That's good advice, I guess it could work, I'll try it

>>18615987
I had the same problem, I sucked it up @ 20 and got my best guy friend to help me get past the fear. I was terrified of penetration & sexual advances & had no idea why. Its a terrifying & frustrating phobia that secretly makes you feel worthless and confused. I honestly do not know what to tell you, I understand her perspective but there is nearly nothing you can do. She has to suck it up. My first relationship (I was 17-19) went 2 yrs with minimum sexual activity. It was ok but he grew very frustrated & gave in.

>>18616276
I really hope it will not take a guy best friend to get past this
And I would hate to break up because of this, just sounds stupid

>>18616308
Well I had a guy friend help me bc my bf left me over it. So a year later I decided that I had to get over, I figured it was why I was lonely. I felt useless if I couldnt have a sexual relationship with a guy I loved. I guess some advice I can give is be kind about it.. Let her know you wont do anything to purposely hurt her (cause my first time hurt, but he obviously didnt intend to) also I got drunk on purpose so I wouldn't wuss out. Y'know she might even be scared that you'll leave her after sex or something crazy. I wish I could help you more than talking @ you lol..

>>18616330
What do you think would have happened if he hadn't left you, would you still be doing minimal sexual stuff

>>18616343
I honestly dont know. Probably if he kept trying, but after the first year he gave up entirely. This made me sort of forget it wasn't normal for us not to be close sexually & have sex. Until he brought it up the last few months & told me he wanted a real gf. I was just.. Well idk why I was there. Idk why he dealt with it. But he never really made it about love, with him it felt more like a chore. I doubt thats how your girl feels, i think overtime she might get more comfortable. When me & my friend started trying we used sex toys.. & went @ my pace. Have you tried asking her if you guys could try what she wanted to do? I hope you guys can work it out!

>>18616363
She doesn't want anything and sounds like she would be first to forget it's not normal to not have any sexual contact, so this really does scare me, thanks for the input

>>18616379
Im sorry, it sucks. I couldn't help it & it may be the same for her. Its frustrating for everyone. I hope you figure out whats best for you :)

>>18616026
>her friends and family are all good people
??? how is this related to sex?

>>18616407
Because those are the people that have the biggest influence on these things?

File: IMG_1031.jpg (81KB, 680x652px) Image search: [Google]

81KB, 680x652px

>>18615987
Same situation and same amount of time except I'm too beta to even ask for it or do what you described.
Help.

>>18616909
If she loves you as well you should just go for it, use common sense, if she don't like something she'll tell without making it weird