What does it look like when you fall out of love ?

Very much interested in this topic right now, I'd really like /adv/'s input on my situation.

I'm in a rough spot personally because I have a hard time knowing what exactly I feel for my partner of 5 years. I undoubtedly respect them as a person and at the begining I can distincly remember being super in love and how that felt like.

Nowadays we still have a tone to say to eachother, but don't have a lot of sex. maybe 3-4 times a month. Physically I still find my partner attractive (although idk if it's a sexual attraction despite the sex being pretty good) and I'm not interested in anyone else. It's just that I feel like the care/love I have for them is becoming that of a best friend/family member rather than a Romantic partner.

I really don't know how I can move forward in my introspection it feels like i'm at a stand-still. How do i know the answer ?

>>18615665
i think when you get to that point you need to have an honest heart to heart with your partner and ask them how they feel about themselves and how they feel about the relationship. Try avoiding conflict and putting blame on the person as much as possible in the conversation.

3-4 times a month... better than nothing which is what I get with my bf..

I'd try to imagine a future with and without them, and see where that takes you.

Sorry I don't have better advice for you.

>>18615712
>trying to be gender-neutral to avoid /adv/'s massive biases

Why not just ask someone smarter and saner?

>>18615845
hahaha you pretty-much got me there, is it any surprise that my post isin't getting replies since /adv/ can't devolve to ALL WOMEN ARE SLUTS, or ALL MEN ARE FUCKING MONSTERS.

For now i don't have anyone i can talk to about this since my significant other's friends are my firends

>>18615665
I knew I fell out of love when being with them felt like a chore

>>18615832
But wait, are you OK with not having sex with your partner ?

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>>18615665
For me, it was feeling like my time was being wasted with her, and that I'd rather spend my time doing something else rather than being with her. When I could no longer imagine a future with my partner is when I decided it was time to move on. There was no one else I was interested in, and I'm still single even though we split up years ago and she found someone else. We're still good friends, it's just that I could no longer imagine a future with her because our life goals and interests had changed, and our relationship began to feel really empty.

This isn't to be mistaken with the honeymoon phase ending. There's a point in every relationship where the whole butterflies and constant sex ends and you move into the "best friends" stage. That's what all couples go through, and most long term married couples are in this stage. That's normal, because your partner turns into a member of your family, not just a fuck buddy who happens to live with you. If this is distressing to you and you can't find yourself being in a relationship like this, then you should move on because that's probably a sign that you're not ready to settle down and need to sample other relationships a bit more until you're ready to find someone to spend the rest of your life with.

>>18615665
Understand how human pair bonding works.

The beginning stages are full of dopamine and endorphins in unbelievably high levels. It feels amazing and you could read a phone book together and its magical. Thats because youre high as fuck on natural brain drugs.

Thats not sustainable. Your brain would literally implode and youd suffer a huge depression from burn out. But we do have somewhat of a monogamy drive for child rearing and long term partnerships.

It depends on vasopressin oxtocin and seratonin. They dont feel as good as the initial high but they are also addictive and keep you attached to your partner. Thats why breakups are so painful. Its basically heroine withdrawal.

Many people make the mistake of thinking when that initial spark dies it means youre out of love. Thank disney for that.

But lots of inner workings are still there for long term attachment. When you get their youll experience a wandering eye, sure, your partners flaws and humanity will be more obvious, and they wont look like the same wonderful perfect amazing human you fell in love with. Thats all normal.

Im saying this because make sure that isnt you right now. If, warts and all, your partnership works and you care for them and still want whats best for them, and you genuinely enjoy their company still, you arent out of love.

If you hate them and want to be far away from them, you are.

Dont sink your relationship because you think its all butterflies all the time. It isnt. Its a partnership based on trust and mutual respect and admiration and support.

If you have all those things, youve got the best there is. But if its really not working, then yeah break up.

>>18615888
>if it works


Ill add because another anon said it. If you consistently feel your time is better spent and your life would be better without even if you have the whole mutual respect thing, then its not working.

>>18615888
Thanks for this post anon it helps a lot,

>Im saying this because make sure that isnt you right now. If, warts and all, your partnership works and you care for them and still want whats best for them, and you genuinely enjoy their company still, you arent out of love.

If you hate them and want to be far away from them, you are.

What if you find yourself in the dead middle of these 2 things