A better way to look for love?

I wonder if the kind of girl I'm attracted to tends to want a more emotionally closed off guy that's independent and couldn't be seen as clingy. I've tried to act like this but it never seems to work, not when it's a girl I really like. Girls with repulsive personalities always seem to gravitate towards me, it's depressing. I'm afraid that someday I'll settle and be stuck with a worthless girl for the rest of my life. I dunno if I just haven't met the right girl yet, or maybe there are aspects of my personality that I should work on but it all seems hopeless at the moment. I met a girl a few months ago and I was for once genuinely excited about how much I liked her but after a month of not talking and trying to start things back up she's lost all of her enthusiasm when we speak, realizing that my chances are over feels like dying. Granted she has a lot going on in her life right now, I don't feel like that invalidates the fundamental rejection that I've interpreted from her tone.

>>18612803

womans not going to fix your life, it would only complicate it. i hate to tell you this but if you're not motivated enough to take care of your shit on your own, a girl isnt going to fix you. girls like guys who have passion, who do what they do to better them selves and become something.

you want to just mould your life around a girl.

>>18612811
Isn't this basically what all women do with their male counterparts?
>>18612811

>>18612828

not really. women get hit on so much that they can just pursue whatever life they want and theres bound to be a man who will just go along with it. maybe in smaller towns where there is a focus on 'settling down', but they still just kinda do what they want.

really people as a whole just do what they want, and when they meet the right people, its easy.

>>18612803

That image is so fucking dumb. Sorry, I try not to start so confrontational here, but if you don't like being by yourself, a girl won't fix that. She won't give you what you are "missing".

>>18612828

yes but life is unfair. You are the man and shit

>>18612849
Yes well I won't let societal norms dictate how I enjoy my life, if I meet someone great, but I won't change who I am just because it's "normal"

>>18612828

lets say yes, women mould their lives to fit in with a mans... does that mean you'd rather just act like a woman?

>>18612855

>yes i wont let societal norms dictate how i enjoy my life

no, you'll just let the first woman who agrees to date you dictate how you enjoy your life.

also you are letting societal norms dictate your life by insisting you can't do all the other things you like without a gf.

>>18612861
I'm not the op, and what I said is the very reason I have never had a woman in my life. I do what I enjoy when I want and how I want.

>>18612858
It does seem much easier from the outside looking in

>>18612803
>>18612874

You just want to give up. To "complete" your life with someone else. You admit you want to mold your life around someone else.

You are clearly not happy as things are right now. Well, it's pretty shitty to dump your problems on someone else and tell her to fix you up, don't you think?

>>18612855

No man. You didn't catch my words.

Listen to this poor faggot. I'm not talking about norms, I'm talking about how things go.

A girl can actually revolve his life around his male counterpart. But she need to revolve around a man who has direction. You don't have to be a chad, or a big entrepeneur with six pack abs and 1000 woman in your stats.

You simply have to know where you are going, and you have to be fully confident about what you are doing of your life. You could be homeless and still be applying your energy in finding a job and in sticking to your life-saving plan. That would be enough to make a woman want to orbitate around you.

Of course you are not homeless so you got an advantage in terms of possibilities. Sort your life out, I promise it will be a lot more fun than having a gf with whom cuddle and kiss.

Thing is that you are basically scared of throwing yourself in that kind of desperation that fills up the process of finding yourself, at least at the beginning. Don't rush, don't run away: it's perfectly normal.

You can still find a gf now, but prepare yourself to: >>18612861

Thanks for the replies chaps

I really really don't think that I want a woman to fix my life, I want a woman to give me a *reason* to fix my life. It's not the same thing but I know it can effectively look like the same thing externally.

I work and go to college part time but all I really care about is my music. I write a lot and record maybe twice a month. I want to start playing open mics just to get back into playing live but god I'm scared of the tremendous amount of work needed to get people to give a shit about your music. I've been stagnant about pursuing my own ambitions for years simply because it doesn't sound like a fruitful endeavor but honestly I'm sick of trying nothing. Maybe my pain isn't from not having a girlfriend but ignoring what I really want. I haven't thought about this in a long time

>>18612949
>I really really don't think that I want a woman to fix my life, I want a woman to give me a *reason* to fix my life. It's not the same thing but I know it can effectively look like the same thing externally.
eh what am I saying? this is just a cop out

>>18612949
>I want a woman to give me a *reason* to fix my life.

So, living well isn't a big enough reason? Doing it for yourself?

We are not saying that she will DO something to fix your life. We are saying that you expect having a girl will fix it, by giving you motivation, for example. It won't. If you don't like yourself enough to fix it, a girl won't motivate you. And any self-respecting girl won't stick with you for too long while you do it, either.

>>18612973
My life isn't that bad honestly. I'm in school, I'm getting a degree. I make decent money at my current job. I feel like there's a lot more I need to be doing and I'm not sure what it is. I guess I go after smart girls because of some fantasy that they could be inspirational geniuses that'll launch us both into greatness. I'll never get anywhere that way, I know

>>18613019

Find yourself before asking someone else to join your life.

>>18613024
Okay this advice seems extremely useful and correct and I've heard it before but I feel inner conflict when I try to apply it. I guess I have a belief that all people have the right or capacity to seek romantic relationships even if they don't have their shit together. I guess I conceptualize romantic relationships as being fundamentally separate from someone's life goals but I see it's a pretty juvenile viewpoint. Pretty stupid that I thought I could date a person while declining to reveal all of my personal life goals and thoughts because I'm too uncomfortable with my own neglecting them. I need to start doing shit.

>>18613112
>I guess I have a belief that all people have the right or capacity to seek romantic relationships even if they don't have their shit together.

You don't need to be perfect. You just need to be comfortable with yourself.

I mean, they won't stop you from trying to find romance, but it just won't last. You'll put the weight of your self worth on her, you'll make your life goals revolve around her, and you'll tire her out. Or you'll end up in the hands of a bitch that manipulates you because you have given her so much power.

>>18613121
Not sure if I trust you. I think what you say is possible at my unhealthiest. I'm certain that I'm improving as a person and so my mental health will naturally find a higher resting point.

>>18613137
>I'm certain that I'm improving as a person

Awesome. But until you stop looking in someone else for what's missing inside you, you are still putting the burden on her.

>>18613141
And your solution is to simply be comfortable with myself? I've known that for a long time. It feels closer and more tangible then it ever has but I just can't quite achieve it around women that I'm interested in. It isn't something that you can just decide to do, it has to be learned

>>18613148
>it has to be learned

Of course it has. You have to find what makes you feel good and doing, making sure it's healthy of course.

Also, try to make female friends. Don't hit on them, just make friends. Try to see the difference between friendship and romantic interest. You'll also feel more comfortable around women by sheer exposure to them.

>>18613157
You know how a lot of guys say that men and women are fundamentally not meant to be friends? I don't believe it (rationally) but I feel it (instinctually) when I try to befriend women. I don't really like talking to people I'm not already friends with regardless of gender.

That being said I do have a quite a few female acquaintances and maybe a couple female friends (only one that I never flirted with or pursued). Almost all my friendships came about because guys approached me and started hanging out with me without any initiative from me. A woman would never do this

>>18613192
>A woman would never do this

Why not? It happens.

>I feel it (instinctually) when I try to befriend women.

You, the guy that just admitted to being uneasy around women, have trouble befriending women? Who would have guessed!! I'm being sarcastic, but you get my deal. Making female friends requieres you to change your perspective a bit, dude.

>>18613198
How should my perspective be changed exactly?
(I'm sorry I keep dragging this on)