GIOYC

I smell like vomit for some reason.

I feel like i'm on fire most of the time

sometimes I randomly can only smell smoke for a week plus

I'm in a ldr and she never gives me time to myself. Always messaging me, it's exhausting. If I don't respond she gets all clingy.

>>18612215
Yeah no shit. You're in a LDR if you don't communicate with each other what do you have?

Dear L,

I'm hurt, I did everything I could to keep you around. I gave you everything I could and it still wasn't enough for you. You took everything for me, every last fragment of my sanity.

I tried to be the bestest friend you could have but I had to become your enemy in order to have some basic respect from you. I had to become a bully in order to be heard.

I was never enough for you and you couldn't even tell me you didn't like me. I feel used and I only can think of revenge right now

>>18612222
What if I want to read a book after work? Or practice a skill to get better at something?

>>18612241
That's fine. I'm just saying take into consideration how much time you need for yourself because she probably views it as you pulling away thus becomes clingy as a result. Be clear with her.

A recent therapy session as well as a thread on here gave me the wakeup call to realize the manipulative tactics you were using on me. I don't need you anymore.

>>18612235
Initials?

2bh I'd fall for anyone who showed that they genuinely cared about me.

>>18612286
Don't. They'll pretend to care and love you, get you to fall for them, and leave and you'll be left feeling 100 percent worse.

>>18612286
This is how abusive people get you. I was in the same situation and still feel the same. Don't let yourself get manipulated and abused.

>>18612251
Thanks for the advice

>>18612235
Funny enough love. You did everything right, expect one thing. Talk when things really mattered to you.
That was all I wanted from you. For you to trust me and simply talk to me as, I did you.
I took what I could get from you because you gave me nothing else.

You were always being heard. How do you think I learned so much about you? What you had to say was always important to me, when you yourself gave it importance.
You think yourself my enemy? Even after the way you have been treating me I can not see you as such. Even as you stick me with the pointy end of the spear I can not look you with anger and malice. I still think of you as I did before, you can go ahead and be angry at me for what happened between us, for what I did. I lost myself in that moment of weakness, and you in the process. Could I reverse what I said, and did, I would have done so long ago.
Talk to me, reach back as I have been trying to reach for you for a while now. Let try to do what we couldn't before and talk. I miss you, and if to at least hear your voice one last time, say all this to my face.

Just no more knives. Please.

My gf doesn't want to send me nudes anymore. I miss those pics so much and I'm so disappointed with this that I have the urge to actually ask someone else for them and I know this is wrong, I love her and shouldn't feel that way.

>>18612268
I'm too much of a coward to say it, to be frank.

L does frequent 4chan sometimes. Let's do something put the initials of the person you might believe to be me. I'll confirm it or deny it.

Things will get better. In the mean time I'm gonna hibernate.

>>18612408
Last name P?

A few weeks ago, while walking around on campus, a girl came up to me and started talking. It was in the dining hall. There wasn't any lead-up to it - she just introduced herself and began talking about how the food's good, but the cookies are mediocre. I went with it, politely, but I didn't attempt to expand the conversation, and when she got in line, I purposefully split off for a different one. It wasn't rude. I saw her a few more times that day, and we greeted each other, but I stayed withdrawn and nothing happened.

The thing is, I don't regret it. I haven't felt any desire for a girlfriend in several years. I've got a hard time getting off, yet I don't really care for sex. Fapping is only routine. Even if I did want a girlfriend, though, I'd have to change myself entirely. I couldn't spend all day on 4chan, even though that's the only thing I enjoy doing. I'd have to wear a fake personality, and pretend to feel things I don't. Go see movies and act like I've got genuine convictions about things though they don't matter to me. Honestly, apart from posts like these, it's like I don't exist.

I know, I'm a young adult. It's ridiculous to assume any permanence behind these thoughts, because even one year ago I thought different things entirely. People change. It's the fact that I really don't care - have never cared - about dying alone that does it. The people on /r9k/ care a lot, because they're actually conflicted about it, but only now does it occur to me to think about it.

>>18612428
Fuck off my board.

>>18612439
Is that a yes or a no?

Why in the fuck has /tg/ become so shitty? No one banters anymore, it's always one extreme or the other. I make a WE WUZ joke, I get called a /pol/tard, yet they're fine with "Fuck White People" memes. The hell is going on with this site? It's other extreme left or extreme right, no middle ground or intellectual arguments. Just "Fuck off /pol/" "Fuck off /leftypol/". I'm thinking that I should go to another chan, because this isn't the 4chan I wanted. I wanted bantz and arguments, but these little shits actually believe they can win an internet argument against an anonymous person, and somehow they can change the way people think by doing so.

>>18612428
yes totally

>>18612446
at least you have some self awareness of what you did.

>>18612446
I'm not that anon

>>18612453
Just don't bantz with /pol/ jokes
Literally nobody likes /pol/.

>>18612461
>>18612465
>>18612470
Alright. Have you been in contact with this L of yours?
By which I mean recently, within this week or so.

>>18612492
Yes.

>>18612492
Directly to him, no I haven't.

>>18612471
Did the donald fags actually ruin casual racism on 4chan. If I call someone a nigger on 4chan, I expect them to call me a crackerjack or suck their BBC or some shit like that, now I get actual salt from anons. Thanks /pol/ for ruining another thing on 4chan.

>>18612502
>>18612465

Not me

>>18612502
>>18612504
>>18612512

When was the last time you contacted this L? As in day of the week.

>>18612515
You're an L in life that I have to take

>>18612515

Drop the initial of the person you think it is, anon

ryan, i'm glad to see you gone. had you gotten a degree in psychology rather than game dev i'd have given your armchair psychology a little more credence

Well, at least this L and P thing is more entertaining than dementia anon's ramblings.

>>18612528
>>18612525
I did say last name P.
Hmm.
Does anyone here work with pets?
>>18612538
I live to crack a smile on others. Even at the cost of my own sanity.

>>18612541
Nope. My L is a miserable fuck.

>>18612541
How old are you L? Birth month?

I know you might have a lot of stress on your table, but think of how I feel about all of this. You kept texting the guy that confessed his love for you, and you can't give me a pure concrete answer about this relationship so I have to abide by your terms. It doesn't matter if he's only a friend, and you show me the messages after, that's just complete disrespect to do that in front of your boyfriend, even if you don't care about me anymore.

How would you react if I were to keep talking to some girl who I KNOW wants to date me. Yes I understand you can still have them as a friend, and you think of them as a friend and nothing else, but you need to put boundaries around them so they don't become a problem.

That's exactly what I did with -----, I talked to her again, and you voiced your displeasure about it, and I stopped. I may have slipped that one time, and I still had small feelings for her but I learned NEVER to do it again.

I voiced my displeasure about you and ----, but you kept talking to him, no boundaries, or at least you didn't actually tell me those boundaries, which you should've, no nothing.

And I've been with you for over 2 years, and this is how you end this? First it was "We can stay friend and we'll change further down the road and possibly get back together" then it turned into "I don't really think we should hang out anymore". If you're going to break up with me, don't hide it behind a lie to make me feel less like shit temporarily, tell me. Or else I'm going to have false hopes of us getting back together, when in reality it's never going to happen again.

>>18612597
I think in this one you should say the month, and I will be the one to confirm or deny it. It's a one in twelve chance.

Country Billy made a couple milly. Tryna park the Rolls Royce inside the Picadilly.

>>18612607
I screwed up majorly too, with putting you into my problems, with my impulsive spending, and I'm actively working on trying to fix how I am, not for you, but for myself and my family. You weren't the one who gave my head a shake, you just made me feel like garbage. It was MY family and friends that made me realize that gave me more help than you did. You may hate my family but always remember.

Family is the only constant in life.

They'll be with you through thick and thin, no matter what. Even after I cussed my mother, and she conned me out of all that money, she still comforted me when I was crying about all of this and talked to me. I know she's not as good a mom as yours, but she's the only mother I have. I pulled myself away from my mom to make you happy, and you get mad at me for treating you like a mother figure? I get that you don't like her and that's fine, but don't actively try to pull me away from my family, even if they are a bunch of retards, they're still my family. And that's the only constant.

I love your mom and your family too and everything they've done for me like buy me food, and being an ear for someone I really needed to talk to, but they're not my immediate family. She can't ever replace that.

>>18612613
It's weird because as soon as I've been moving away from my family, treating them like a bunch of kids, and coming to join in your family, that's when I started getting colder and more sterile.

I'm not trying to make you out as some villain whose trying to destroy my life or make me miserable, I'm saying that some of the mistakes you made make me feel bad and can we please try and fix those mistakes. I know you didn't mean to hurt me by doing those things, and I'll accept it, I just don't want you to do them again and hurt me in the future.

After all this, I still want to be with you, not only as a friend, but someone I can love, trust, depend on, and if I was feeling stressed, to support me and deal with my emotions and bullshit. I don't expect you to be a mother that I can just shove you into all my problems and expect you to fix them. Or to make you my whole world, I still want you in my life as a significant other, but to play a lesser role in my life than before. You've brought me from computer playing, jobless virgin to an individual who has a bright future ahead of them, and I don't want to share that future with another woman other than you.

>>18612613

>>18612611
Was it last month?

>>18612618
Alas, our game must end.
If I got your hopes up anon, I'm sincerely sorry. I didn't mean to do so.

No. My birthday is in Dec. As for my age, this person and I are only a few months apart in age, and a couple miles between our home, but it seems far too distant at heart now.

I got my black dolly by the way :O))

This theory that women test men for emotional weakness. They put them in situations to see how they react or ask questions that come out of nowhere or seem pointless.
You're supposed to be humorous or charming in those situations or something like that. But why can't I just put them in their place and show my real strength? If that's what they're after that's what they'll get. I've been through enough shit from people I don't respect to have some twat trying to probe me for relevance in her fantasy world even though I am already there in the flesh.
I always fail the test because it comes from a place of mistrust and women who do this don't get my respect. The test doesn't work, all you have to do is not be caught off guard and play it cool, but how does this exempt you from being a psychopath or something they're supposed to weed out?
Out of principle I keep it dry and don't really play along. I am already doing my best at being sociable and presentable, and this comes from a place of confidence and strength, and the simple fact it works is otherwise girls wouldn't be interested at all to go as far as test me. Somehow it always stops after this because they think I'm incapable of having fun. Somehow when they're proved of my social skills and emotional strength after this I'm a fag or whatever because I've not been willing to react to a dumb game to their liking that determines their opinion of me.
I'm too autistic for that, and care too less for people in general to play some stupid game if you can just as easily be honest and direct. I don't like women to think they're above consequences for their behavior such as confusing men with petty nonsense over a trivial situation. If they feel comfortable in the presence of man who's competent etc, why do they have to ruin it by acting like cunts? What makes them act like this to put you in a social experiment and cause discomfort, and not expect any backlash, but instead blame the innocent victim?
They ruin it, not me.

>>18612742
What you mean by nonsense questions?

>>18612742
Can you give an example of the questions? I want to make sure I don't do this.

>>18612820
It depends on your intent I suppose. I guess that explains my post: I just don't understand what girls mean when they behave questionably. For example they might ask me to do small things that wouldn't possibly require any assistance from anyone. Not habitually, just once, out of the blue. Really obnoxious stuff that just gets on my nerves because of how unnecessary it is. I interpret it as testing me, maybe that's just being vain, however it has happened thrice to me in the last year and it couldn't be a coincidence.

>>18612848
The point of testing someone seems to me like those people aren't worth my attention. It's a shitty thing to do to a person when there's other ways to bond, for example not getting on someone's skin or questioning their role.

>>18612854
Maybe you take curiosity too seriously. I doubt they test you. If they do, that's weird shit

>>18612848
Sometimes I ask my crush to help me with something that I guess I don't really need help with. I'm not testing him, I just want an excuse to talk to him and it feels good to get help from him.

>>18612889
Well it is weird regardless anon desu senpai. I just found a related theory on the internet that might be an explanatoin for some of these events that stuck with me. I try to be positive about it, unless I'm cranky and I guess that was the case in the last 30 minutes.
Sometimes women can't read me though. This is problematic.
>>18612897
Yeah I tell myself this. There's a weird ring to it though, having someone enjoy ordering you around. No problem though, I'm not going to make a fuss bout it, especially if they're coworker.

>>18612904
They could just try get your attention actually

>>18612904
lol you have an interesting take on it and gave me something to think about. I think of it as I'm being submissive, it feels like he's big and I'm helpless so he's taking care of me.

>>18612916
I probably read the situation wrong but it's embarrassing when it happens. Not what happened but for comparison, imagine you're an architect student working on a project, nothing too complicated. You seem to be the driving spirit in the team who isn't necessarily a leader but a hard, smart worker who gets things done right and seems ahead of the rest in terms of will and experience. And in the middle of the heat, when it's established that you're competent and productive, you ask me to tie your shoes or apply a staple to some documents.
What am I supposed to do? Of course I will start doubting my role. It makes me feel embarrassed to be honest.

Purely out of autism I have connected this to a theory that girls test men for weaknesses when they're interested. I just don't know what to make of it. Are they just making fun of me? It seems too innocent for that, I do think they like me.

Your unwillingness to change or deal with your problems is going to kill us both in the end.

>>18612385
Initials ?

I shitposted too much and really regret it

>>18612965
>You you you you you. Your problems. You change.
>Never reflecting on yourself

I'm wasting my life and can't seem to care. I have no drive to live. If it were up to me I'd do jack shit and finally rot somewhere, but I gotta be a functioning member of society so that won't happen. Don't give enough shits about anything to form opinions on them, in a virtual space that celebrates being vocal about your top tier correct opinions at all times. Internet has ruined me. No friends by design so I can't bring anyone down with me. Yadda yadda yadda.

Why does the gym always have to be so crowded? Months ago it was never packed and now every time I go, when it first opens, before closing, even the times online where it claims the gym isn't busy...people stay whoring the cardio and weights section.. Let me get my body right ffs. (insert internal autistic screeching here)

Do you think people with suicidal tendencies is just natures way of weeding out the weak. I want to die and I am completely useless

>>18612968
Don't worry about it. Likely I'm still not your letter.

>>18612048
I am 28 now and ever since I got out of highschool all I ever did was work, school, or was looking for work constantly. Meds didn't help either but made things worse only to give me some kind of psychosis ,schizophrenia, and anxiety shit to putting me off from doing school or work.

"I am sorry H I know how badly you wanted to be an animator and your passion for it. But with all the things that crossed paths to ruining what you desire it seems like their may be nothing much you can do now but live life. You had great ideas but I don't think you can be a great animator or artist learning at 28 I am sorry"

-Myself

I don't think I'll make it out of the summer alive

I hate everything about myself
>stupid ( ive form some pretty stupid shit in my life)
>pretensious
>despite above I try to act like I am smarter than I am. And try to tackle problems and do things I'll never have the mental capacity to do
>short, and generally ugly (~5'2, fat ugly face)
>act like a related to get attention and only get pitty from other people.
>I try to be funny but most of the time fail.
>I fuck up everything I do somehow
>clumsy and forgetful
>attention whore

>>18613136
*To myself

I really need to get my haircut but I hate going to the barber. I have this irrational fear of being recognized whenever I go to the same place.
I'm scared of my new classes having group projects. I'm not on campus past 4pm so I'll be more of a burden on others.
I'm nervous about going to the financial aid office and asking them to increase my loans since I (purposely) was rejected for the PLUS loan. I'm worried they won't increase it this year because I used my dad's credit instead of my mom's (who I live with).
I'm nervous about driving a standard transmission. I can drive it pretty well, I just still get really nervous driving it.
I'm also worried about traffic on the day of the eclipse. I live in the path of totality so a lot of people may be coming through.
I'm nervous about finding the place to get the parking decal for the car I drive to school. It will be in a different spot from last year, and I worry about looking stupid walking around the building almost aimlessly because I can't find where they are giving them out.

Im too much of a pussy to be a man and I'm afraid I'll be stuck with my parents forever.

I wish you would've came to me first.

I've accomplished so many things in my life but I feel like a phony.

Military veteran, college graduate with two Masters degrees, good job, nice car, wonderful wife, beautiful son, good looking, physically fit...

But I can't help but feel like I'm fake.

The thing that really eats me up inside is that I can't even claim that the world is against me. I've had my chances, and I've blown them all. With friends, with family, with girls, with my studies, I've had such an easy path to get what I want but I fuck it up every time.
I'm starting to think I'm just not meant to be successful. Like there's some part of my personality or my genetics that keeps fucking me over. And I only have myself to blame.
And I've gone through my suicidal phase. I've tried to kill myself twice (once while drunk, not sure if I should count that), and I know I'm not gonna go down that road again. I just don't have that commitment to death and don't think I ever will. But it tears me down so much to know that I could have had almost everything I ever wanted if I just wasn't so fucked up inside. I've been trying to pull my shit together, but I don't think there's even anything left to pull together anymore. I'm just a fucking void.

File: crap_sketch_practice.jpg (3MB, 5312x2988px) Image search: [Google]

3MB, 5312x2988px

I want to quit art...I screwed up a good graphic design apprenticeship by waiting too late and probably won't make it through their process before the next classes start also I have not seen any real progression as an artist this year especially with my anatomy studies so don't get me started on scenery. I feel stuck...I got a new retail job I'll be starting soon...just thinking of quitting art all together and focus on living my life in the retail world and maybe move up the ladder there...

You think you are a smug ass know-it-all even though you fucking dropped out of highschool. Quit thinking you are better than me because I like things that you don't like. All it does is makes you look like an asshole that no one likes.

I'm unsure

I'm being pushed away by everyone I know and it really hurts. It's been years since I had any social contact outside of work, relatives, and the internet. I've never known intimacy. It just hurts. It all hurts. I have no idea how to solve the problem, what the problem is, if even if it is a problem to be solved at all. Years ago there were people I called "friends" but I was never particularly close to any of them, and I don't know if any of them ever considered me friends.

sorry for blog

>>18613497
We're not at a point where I can express any of the problems cause were not even anywhere near official and you are still fucking who knows how many people instead of me despite how much you say you appreciate me. I'm not your boyfriend and you're not interested enough in me for me to be able to come to you first.

>>18613641
Anon, you most definitely have the wrong person.

>>18613648
Yeah but I'm venting like if she gave a fuck about what she's doing and any of anything between us was legitimate.

So fucking boring and predictable. Like there's not even anything to react to.

God fucking dammit why can't I stick you anything. Why can't I interact with people like everyone else. Why am I so fucking fucked. Why can't I just gain the courage to off myself, I'm so fucking miserable I wish I would just gain the courage to off myself or my family would just forget me so I can do it without feeling guilty

>>18613601
I like your work and wish I would of done what you are mentioning.

>>18612433
If you didn't care, you wouldn't have made this post or even split lines. Next time you see her, try to talk to her.
Keep that attitude and in a few years you'll be making posts like this >>18613572

I'm lost, I don't know what to do next and it's driving me crazy. Reach me girl.

>>18612048
I hate women so fucking much.

>date girl for a good while
>get absolutely burned by it. totally toxic relationship, etc.

I'm not scared of the pursuit of other people and I don't hate women or anything, but the whole dating people/having sex, etc. just doesn't really interest me at all now. Like I'm not opposed to it, but its not a thing I really give a shit about and that includes hookups and stuff.

Something wrong with me?

How long are you gonna keep this fake mad trick up for

I just want to know why you texted me for a week straight, then basically cut off all contact, except for the rare text that almost never leads to an actual conversation

His behaviour was textbook manipulative apparently but I can't get over him. I remember all the good times and how much he cared about me and ultimately that is all I care about. I am pathetic and desperate, I guess. I seek a type of love only someone who has never met me can give. He could idolise the parts of me that aren't crappy and sweep away the shit. I felt...so perfect. I guess that's why I loved him. I think I must be crazy.

If you're reading this, I hope you know how fucking stupid I am. I hope you are the manipulative cunt Everyone tells me you are. My brain has been shaped around you. Knowing you for half my life had ruined me and I can't see a way out. I wish I could erase my memory, or prove you're better than they tell me. I hate myself. You know who you are.

>>18613966
Your ex is running rampant on PUA and men's rights websites plannning how to manipulate his next bitch. Don't sweat him.

basically everyone I know has someone. everyone is getting laid tonight, everyone has someone that wants them tonight, everyone has someone that appreciates them tonight, everyone is likely going to fall asleep comfortable tonight. I've never had any of that desu and I sleep like shit. I keep getting told I deserve to have that but I always end up with shit people that don't give a fuck. every time.

>>18613966
What did he do that makes you say he was manipulative? Not defending manipulators, but I have some sympathy for people who are called that. Reason being I once was dating someone with a cluster B personality disorder, everything was going well despite their issues until they themselves got a new friend who was a narcissist who manipulated them into believing I was a manipulator because I got in a fight with them over standard relationship fare. He did this so he could ruin our long term relationship and have them to himself. This person then invited his "friend" circle into my friend/exes life who covered for him when he slowly made my ex/friend cut out anyone who didn't tow his line.

>>18613741
ur an artist too?

You're actually pathetic this is so humorous

>>18613974
That's what everyone tells me. And it seems to be true but my brain can't accept it. He talked to other girls while we were together, one of them was a friend of mine and he told me I couldn't mention him to her. After I cut off contact, I messaged her and she told me she thought he was in love with her too. I wouldn't have cared about other women if I'd been told, but it seems like he kept girls around to make them feel special and use for sexual purposes. Low self esteemed girls desperate and clingy. It fucking hurts, man. He says I fucked up his life and he'll always love me, there seemed to be dedication there but so much control. Am I fucking crazy? Because I can't shake him. I wish I could talk to all the girls he did this to so I can know 100% I'm just another bitch.

>>18613993
Disregard >>18613984
Given what you said he is one absolutely.

>>18613992
you're messed up
then again everyone on here is messed up


we're all fucked up

>>18613998
But you don't know what I'm laughing at desu how do you know it's messed up

>>18613999
I was being retarded
i apologise

I want to write something on here, guess i'm nervous someone will know its from me, know what I mean?

>>18614004
Just say it

I shouldn't have told you that I love you. I'm sorry. I had to.

>>18614006
I can see why you were confused at first, you shouldn't feel bad about that at all. Anyone would be given what you said, as some of his behavior would also happen with someone who is just clingy or had bad childhood.

But the fact he guilted you into sex, and had girls on the side proves he wasn't a depressed clingy person.

>>18614048
Yeah you're fucked up trash and you got caught.

>>18614068
No.

>>18614080
There you go lying again. Typical.

>>18614004
You may be surprised to know how many people share similar experiences. Unless you include very specific personal details, the odds of someone knowing a post involves them (or even reading it in the first place) are just laughably low. Even then, it's anonymous and they have no way of proving it.

Vent away, friend.

>>18614085
What do you mean, caught?

zpv epo'u mjlf nf uif xbz j mjlf zpv. j'n tpssz gps uif xbz j bn. j xjti j mjwfe ofbs zpv, ju xpvme cf npsf dpowfojfou, xpvmeo'u ju?
uifo bhbjo uif xbz j mppl, zpv'e tujmm qsfgfs puifst uifo nf. qfstpo xbt sjhiu, zpv eftfswf tpnfpof cfuufs uibo j. nz gffmjoht gps zpv bsf tujmm uifsf, ju gffmt bt uipvhi zpvs gffmjoht bsf opu uifsf. ju't nz gbvmu, bmxbzt nz gbvmu.

this isn't spam.

>>18614091
yeah I definitely keep thinking post after post is relevant to me and worrying about it until I can force myself to acknowledge how unlikely it is. I'm gonna try to stay away instead of constantly being worried about nothing

>>18614110
wtf dude delete your post please and link me to a better cipher

I had 'funny' dreams

>>18614119
It's gone, but seriously relax. Your issue is felt by many people in these threads and you didn't say a single thing that can point out who you are to whom you are addressing. You don't need to hide how you feel.

>>18614085
Were you just trolling?

>>18614172
Go to bed.

File: it's all so tiresome.jpg (48KB, 492x449px) Image search: [Google]

48KB, 492x449px

I am so fucking bored.

I've always wondered why I seem to like feminine-looking guys most.
Large muscles are disgusting.
Skin coloured pale.
Long, dark hair.
Lovely elfin features. Piercing blue eyes.
Coupled with a deep voice, it's the best!
I love it.
Hard to resist wanting to dominate.
Not like I'd be able to though.

>>18614238
Muahaha. It finally comes out.
Screenshotting that.

>>18614238
>feminine
>deep voice
not sure what gender this is desu

I want to have a sexual relantionship with my mom. There,I said it. Im 22 and shes 60, been wanting to do this for years. I've had other girls ask me for dates and such, I feel nothing unless it's mom. She would be the only person I could make love to. What do?

>>18614275
Find someone like your mom

>>18614245
For what purpose?

>>18614289
Eh, just all the better to tease you with.

File: 1453631698715.jpg (27KB, 470x313px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 470x313px

Tonight is gonna be a hard night.

I took to many naps and the meds are messing with me.

I'm fighting back an anxiety attack. It's only a matter of time.

I'm so conflicted. Never in my life have i ever felt so lonely but at the same time, wanted to be alone.

This car accident has hurt me in so many ways. Essentially crippling me.

Can someone tell me about their day so I can fall asleep?

>>18614298
How is that possible not knowing who I am?

>>18614322
You're sweating the details too much. Don't worry about it, it'll work, but only when you least expect it. It's no fun otherwise. ^-^

>>18614302
I'll tell you about mine but it's not much.
I slept until the afternoon, cleaned, and then played video games.

I forgot what else happened. Uh I ate food?
Oh and browsed /pol/. Laughed at the tiny alt-left group get beat up.

>>18612048
I slept with an engaged woman, it was really fucking dumb but she was hot and very much in to me.

I had floppy alcohol dick most of the night but she was very persistent and when I did get hard we fucked, she came but I didn't (again alcohol made it take a long time).

She wanked me off this morning but she got interrupted by a call from her mate (now I'm blue balled to all hell), and she said she'd "stayed at her dad's".

We had made out before I knew she was engaged, and after I found out she told me about how terrible her fiance is and that she doesn't want to be with him anyway.

We had a good night and we liked each other a lot, but I feel odd. Not bad but odd.

>>18614337
What games did you play?

And what kind of food? Was it good?

>>18614357
Danganronpa 2, Fate/Grand Order, Legend of Zelda BOTW.

I think it was good? I don't remember what I ate.

>>18614382
That's good man. I'm happy for you.

So what do you do for fun besides vidya and /pol/?

Go on any adventures and shit?

I can't go to the toilet properly. It'll probably take till next week. As it is even if I sit in this room for a fortnight I'm not going to make it the month. I'd quite like to drink a six pack in a field. How did I get home?

I'm a product of child abuse and because of that I'm lost in this world.Its hard for me to talk about because I'm wasting peoples time by talking about it.0

>>18614393
Thank you.

Haha, nothing crazy, but I enjoy travelling and hiking.
Wish there were more abandoned places near me.

I had tried to wait for you, but here's the thing, you never asked me to. If you would have given me a sign, I would have remained loyal to you as I did for years. I was all yours body and soul. I was. Until you walked off needing to figure yourself out. That's great, and I was happy for you. I was ready to support you in that, and you left me. And I waited for months, with you just playing with my feelings and using sweet words to tether me to you, while staying distant.
Now that time has passed, and I stopped talking to you. Now that I met someone else, someone that showed me in a few weeks what you couldn't in ten years, you have the nerve to come back angry and call me a cheater? To blame all this on me?
No, fuck you. I spent years trying to fix us. I spent years trying to get you open up and allow me in your life. I exhausted myself to tears, to insanity. You blamed me for your failures, for things you never brought to my attention. You gave me that much, the blame in all this.

My girlfriend (not you, fuck you) and I met because of the place you left in me. So in a strange way, I owe you thanks. I don't think I'll ever be able to smile at you, but that doesn't matter, I have someone else that sees them now. It's been a long time since I felt my cheeks hurt from these being genuine.
So I don't know where to go from here. Likely, I won't reply to your text, or answer that phone call, I'm going to delete that voice mail as well. You had your chance to talk with me. I rather not, even thought you treated me like this, I wish you well.
Yeah, that's it. I hope you well. As for me, I someone special to call, someone that thinks the same of me.

I hope we never see each other. Good bye.

>>18613966
>>18613993
Holy shit. Same thing happened to me and a few other girls. Now I'm good pals with his ex girlfriend though because of it. It's all weird and fucked up. Heart goes out to you, anon. Dude sounds like a real monster.

>>18614287
That's actually really good advice, I just wish I could find anyone like her, even if it's a guy even. I just doubt I ever will find anyone I even want to even have loving sex with that's not her. I also prefer mature women.

Super depressed because today is my birthday and I'm still a virgin foreveralone failure, no matter how many efforts I do girls never like me romantically. Then later my mom comes over and gives me my present. A cologne, cool I guess. By Loewe. Called SOLO (alone in spanish).

Well, fuck you too universe. Fuck you too

Collectively doing the sprinkler LMAO

Your nose is huge and your dad pays for everything I don't want to fuck you go die in a cardboard box uncreative sack of shit

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>crush likes me

>New guy comes in and crush likes him now, thinks he's cute

>Desperately try to text her and she keeps getting put off how distant I am at work when he's around

>Try to play games, peacock, and do stuff that might bring her attention back to me. No dice

>Become crippling depressed

>Accidentally get 5 hours sleep and wake up at 5am to type this out

I've got another thing to bitch about. I've got to take care of my mom because she's sick and my dad because he's getting into his sixties (he's 59). We've got a farm and I'm the only child they have, so I've got to stay. I can't leave them to fend for themselves or put them in an old age home (my mom is only 47 anyways). I'm fine with staying with them, because that's what a son is suppose to do for his family. However, my mother's liberal rambling is starting to drive me insane. I get it, you hate Trump, but for fucks sake stop! You keep saying how empathetic you are, yet you don't understand your making me insane. I've had it with politics, I've said this too them constantly, and yet nothing. I'm a fucking good son, I do my work, I take care of the animals and them, don't make me leave you callous women. You see I'm breaking, I can't take it, yet you keep pushing. I've got to leave soon, or someone's dying.

I'm not happy

I have no best friend
I had a best friend once but I fucked up
I have friends, friends from home, friends at work, friends online
but not one of them I would call my best friend
I sit at home and have no one to talk to
if I needed help with anything I'd have no one to talk to
no one knows me well enough even if I tried
when I see my friends it's all fine I suppose, but outside of that I am alone

Welcome to the club.

>>18614899
Welcome to life. We're all fucking alone and no one actually gives a shit.

I hate that my emotions and reason don't agree with each other

I wish I can control people, or at least myself

Thanks for ruining my life, father.
I sure do love being emotionally abused.

Dear J

being around you makes me feel like a manchild, and that's why I'm avoiding you. I know that just confirms it but I rather give up now knowing the truth then staying there just for it to be verified. I graduated from college and have no job, no money, only thing to my name being a fucking cashier, and no belief that anything will ever get better while you are chasing your dreams well. Needless to say all I feel is pure envy (glad to have someone I can envy in this day and age).

Please/Thank You
M

>>18612471
/pol/ is pretty much the new /b/ at this point

posting /pol/ memes are to now is like posting /b/ memes were to the late 00s-early 10s

I knew you werent feeling well and you were anxious so I asked you to come over. I knew you needed a distraction. We watched TV and ate pizza until i fell asleep at 2 AM.
I woke up to you gently moving my hair out of my face; I pretended to be asleep. Later on in the night I cuddled up to you and you held me the rest of the night. You put a blanket over me because you said I felt cold. It seemed so innocent, yet so intimate.
Now I think I'm falling in love with you.

>>18612048

Why can't you just say you don't love me and that there's no chance you're ever coming back? Why are you dangling live bait in my face? Maybe you want me to feel just like you did but I'm a different person now and revenge isn't something I have room for in my heart, if you continue to do this, you will lose me forever, all you'll have left is him and you'll wonder what you did to fuck up and end up so alone. You'd be amazed at what you can learn about yourself if you just sat down alone and paused to think, try it sometime.

>>18614700
Happy birthday, anon.

I hate my life. I'll probably be alone for the rest of my life. Every time I tell loved ones about my life I get rejected. I just want to find someone who will accept me.

You want to give up

>>18615084
Never.

>>18615021
I know you will find someone anon. Carry on.

>>18615084
you'd have to kill me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9r7ezjl1us

glad I got some good friends. everyone else is about to get fucked.

I tried to be someone better.

>>18612048
My 9yr old step son just had a huge tantrum and really upset my 7 month old son, and was screaming about how he was going to cut and kill himself right in front of the baby.

There are moments where I think if it wouldn't crush his mother so much it'd be better if he were gone.

It makes me feel horrible about myself.

>>18615291
I can feel you, that must be terrible
Not that I think you have not already tried but you have to find something, anything you can love him for like he's your own child
good luck

My life is like a engine running faster and faster. Every time I'm not doing something productive or something i consider meaningful I get depressed and stressed. All I'm trying to do is fill the void which I don't even know got created. I'm not sure how much longer i can go on like this

Oh for ducks sake

>>18615540
Quack quack nigger

>>18615603
Bawk you.

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I don't know what I am doing with my life and I want to go back to college, but it's just so hard. I don't think I'm smart enough to do this. I don't want to be in debt. Should I just join the army? I'm so lost after highschool.

I don't know how to make moves on women.
I've gotten with girls before (although I haven't slept with anyone but I'm not insecure about that) but I don't actually know what I'm doing. I'd say I'm kinda good looking so sometimes they probably just find me attractive and are clearly interested which makes it easy for me because of that.
But I don't know how to make a proper move.
I've had a slight fancy for one of my coworkers since she broke up with her boyfriend, and we ended up making out and shit a few months ago but that never led to anything because I didn't know what to actually do following that. I don't know what to say to her or what to do or anything. We talk a lot and have hung out a few times and nothing's happened, but maybe that's because I don't know how to make a fucking move.
It's a pain in the ass because I may have missed my chance at this point because I've waited months without knowing what to do, and I know I'm gonna miss more chances with more girls because I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing.

I'm not insecure or shy, I'm social, I have a great circle of friends. I'm a bit awkward but that doesn't bother me because it's just a part of my personality and it's not like I'm a complete autist or anything. I can talk to girls just fine, I'm not a sperg or anything. I just don't know what the fuck I'm doing when it comes to making a move and flirting and shit.

I'm going to watch the Perseid meteor shower tonight. Probably going to bring the new guy. I wish it was you laying in the tall grass with me instead. As much as I'd love that, you simply never showed any appreciation for my work. I'm no artist or poet my old friend, but I know we how to touch your heart and that's what I'll always miss.

No one is even willing to pretend to care about me

>>18615769
I know this feel too well.

I want to meet new people, but I also don't want to leave my "comfort zone" since everything I've worked for up untill now feels fragile.

Makes me feel confused.

>>18615779
Hedgehogs delimma, your going to be willing to get gytt, if you want that. Life is a risk

>>18615789
Hurt not gytt

>>18615789
Yeah, I've been making progress though, which felt really nice.

Dear J,
When I proposed you and your girlfriend for a threesome, I was only interested in your girlfriend. I knew you two were going through a rough patch and if that makes me a Stacy so be it.
Also it's quite obvious it ended because you were gay.
My only regret is that I didn't fuck your ex gf
H

>>18615834
you know you can still do that, right?

>>18614344
Do you have no empathy?

>>18615839
If we're both drunk enough it'll happen. Don't see her until freshers week

>>18615842
not him
desu she's the slut
I'd try to find out his name and tell him about it
so he gets out of the marriage asap and without losing all his stuff

I desperately want to know what it feels like to be loved... I'm such an unlovable stupid piece of shit and trying to improve my life but I think I'm still too damaged for someone to fall in love with me. I'm sick of one-sided relationships. Maybe it's fate.

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I thought you might like to know Kabutomushi and a little bit of Jet (eventually) are making some appearances when I release in a month. I don't really know if you visit here anymore, but just in case. I'd like to know, anyway

I decided to scroll through facebook for the first time in months.
My friends are getting married, having kids, getting wrinkles.
I bought condoms and anti-aging products online.

>>18615645
What the cluck did you just say to me??

>>18615769
>>18615777 (nice diggios)
I care about you both<333 don't forget to shower and brush your teeth today, cuties

L (a different one than the one above),

stop indirectly mentioning me in your shit, you don't care, you never did and never will. that's just your conscience haunting you for the horrible shit you did, not that you actually cared.

if you cared you wouldn't have caused such pain in me, really fuck you. you're the worst. and fuck your anxiety and your depression, those are not excuses for treating people like shit, they never were. i hope you suffer.

My FWB has a low sex drive plus a very limited schedule for when we can meet up. It's so damn frustrating like almost to the point why I wonder why he even wanted to be FWB in the first place. I honestly could have sex every day. Even once a week would be nice.

>>18616471
Initials

Let's go kill a bunch of people in the Hollywood hills

I want to leave my gf for many reasons but the only thing keeping me is I worry about her since she's still in school and ain't got a job and her family is shit.
Worried leaving her will ruin her already crappy life but being with her is toxic for me

I sang your song

>>18616552
Why do you want to leave her?

>>18616572
Any advice?

>>18616572
What song did you sing?

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I wish I could trust people and fall in love and grow close to someone. Instead I remain hyper paranoid about being used & continue to hate myself enough to believe nobody will ever love me. I wonder if I'll remain this broken for the rest of my life.

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please stop ghosting me. i know that you like her, and i'm not mad because i'm moving away soon and have lost feeling.

you owe it to me to talk to me and cut things off officially

i don't know what you're upset about you just need to talk to me

>>18616589
She's a control freak and whenever I try to take a stand as a man she pulls to abused women card. (from rocky family history). Blames anxiety and depression for every setback and mess up.
Must constantly check in and/ or tag along to make sure any wrong crowds she doesn't agree with effect me.

I wish I could stop stalking you.

You have never disappointed me more than today.

>>18616591
It was awesome but I almost twisted my tongue on it

>>18616596
I only remember it had "bathtub" in the title. I think

I took for granted all the times that I thought would last somehow.

i blew a month of sobriety on some asshole that fell for another girl

>>18616605
Hahaha.

>>18616618
It's not funny.

I'm like 8 1/2 months pregnant, I let my guy fuck me in the ass and now I have a hemroid D: so fucking gross. I feel so embarrassed and it hurts.

>>18616531
Anon, even if it was you, you wouldn't want it to be me. I'm pissed, I hate you and if it's you I will do everything in my power to destroy you. So quite frankly, you don't want it to be me.

>>18616621
AHAHAHA!

>>18616605
Does this person know you stalk them? Are you a ninja? Why do you stalk them?

you knew I was vulnerable and you took advantage of that. why I believed you when you said you loved me I don't know but I've never been so disappointed with anyone in my life. I hope karma bites you in the ass.

My bf went on my phone and found my porn history i 4got 2 delete. Debating suicide or running away.

>>18616625
Hey, hun. Go to your doctor if you haven't yet. They deal with embarrassing shit all the time. No need to feel ashamed or embarrassed. Happens all the time. Congratulations on being a mommy :)

>>18616670
Good luck with that anon, Karma in itself is vicious, I've taken the higher road on really shitty situations with the hope Karma will be served and it seems the offending party gets a reprieve. The saying people hurt and that's their right always spins around. I personally take everything as a life lesson.

>>18616621
Stalking is fun until you wind up at their apt at watching them bring some slag into their apt to fuck on Halloween then lie to you about it that night
>>18616646 < same.

I really don't even know why I still want you after all the shit you pulled. It's fucked because I know I could have another guy in a minute if I wanted but you're the only person on my mind and it's going to remain that way because unlike you, I actually care and wasn't playing games.

You said we could be friends and I believed you. Why didn't you just say that you wanted nothing to do with me? Why are you letting the fact that I'll be away for a while do that work for you? I gave you as many chances to be honest to me as possible, but you kept playing coy. Now you're ghosting me. You've got your phone with you all of the time, and you're always checking it. There's no way that taking 15 - 20secs to type a reply could be that difficult. Even today you wouldn't tell me to leave you alone. I told you that I just wanted you to be happy, and if that means for me to disappear, then just say the word. But don't just fade away.

>>18616700
What's worse is that I gave you so much encouragement. Every word I said was true. I meant everything, but I don't know if you wanted or needed it. You said I was sweet, and kind. You hugged me. But sweetness and kindness and caring isn't going to let you let me any closer to you. I don't even care a bout sex. Yes, I want to make love to you, but I really just want you as a partner. You can call it whatever you want; I just want to connect with you. You are a beautiful girl, I just wish you would open up a little. Or at least tell me to get lost.

>>18616666
Yes.
No.
I'm not entirely sure myself.

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I just found out I have herpes. My romantic life was already extremely poor, so now it will probably be dead forever.

I'm so.... disgusted with myself.

On the one hand, I know I should go out and meet new people to get over some heartbreak, but BECAUSE of this heartbreak I'm gonna be extremely anxious about it. No one wants someone weak, pathetic, and anxious.

I don't believe you like me as a friend. You probably make fun of me behind my back, is that why you keep in contact with me? I'm in love with you so if you don't even care for me as a friend please let me go. I miss you, I know we talk everyday but things are different between us now and I don't know why. Please talk to me.

>>18616778
Of course I make fun of you behind your back. It's not because I don't like you, but rather that I'm afraid of liking you too much. I thought by pushing you away, I might be able to continue to hold you close. I guess it just can't be...

I let go of my hate for you a while ago desu

>>18616785
No.... you're not him. He'd never read stuff here.

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You're a cool guy and all but Jesus Christ grow up.

Those clothes you're wearing and the childish behaviour was ok when we were kids, but now I find it really hard to even be around you.

I just finished reading the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and it's been begrudgingly eyeopening. I always prided myself on being different than my dad, being "nice" while the other guys were being jerks, and thought I was doing a good thing by trying not to rock the boat. When in reality, I'm not so different from my dad, I'm actually not so "nice", and am actually just kinda spineless.

I forget why I picked up the book a while back, but I only got through a couple pages before putting it down and forgetting about it. The reason I picked up back up was because I cheated on my girlfriend 3 times, not physically, but still, and I didn't even consider it cheating until I remembered a line in the book about how nice guys frequently spin the meaning of infidelity in their minds to mean that it's not cheating if there's no sex. We've talked about my actions and we're staying together, but she said she doesn't love me as much as she did before the cheating, that if we were to put numbers to it she only loves me 80% now instead of 100%, and it's only even that much because I finally realized and am truly sorry for doing that too her. So, I've been dealing with the fact that I've negatively affected the best relationship I've ever had, possibly forever, while also coming to terms with the fact that I'm actually a polished turd.

Anyways, and on a somewhat unrelated not, one of the "breaking free" activities in the book is to share my sexual shame with someone, but I certainly can't share my greatest shame with her, or anyone who knows me personally, and that's that I've had a sex with my own mother before. multiple times. Oral, vaginal, and anal. I'm not proud of it. She's not the least bit attractive. Physically or personality wise. What's worse is that she's physically handicapped and although I was young when it happened 14-15, because of her handicapped I feel like that somewhat equalizes the power balance rather than it being a case of my mom molesting me.

Cont.

I'm tired of everyone thinking I'm 16 when I'm actually 22. The only girls who find my attractive are teenagers and that doesn't help at all. By the end of this year I want to gain 30 pounds of muscle, but will that actually make me happy?

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I had a shitty childhood and it bothers me how much of my family knows this but constantly fawns over my mom. She had a shit life too but she also made a lot of stupid decisions that made things worse for me. I don't have a single good memory of her to be honest.

Now that I'm successful family mostly congratulates her for raising me instead of me for raising me, and everyone acts like I'm such a cold bastard for moving across the country and not really keeping in touch.

Same with my dad to be honest, but at least no one acts like he was a good dad. My grandpa did more to raise me than anyone else and my mom gets so upset that he's the only one I call regularly. Maybe if you had been interested in my life the way he was, I'd be interested in yours now.

>>18616807
>30lbs of muscle in 4 months
Pffft.

You're too young for roids. Just take your time, man. The only way that you're going to stick with it is by finding a way to enjoy it.

I JUST WANT YOU TO LOVE ME

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I met a guy and I really like him, we have only talked online, we planned to go on our first date soon but I feel like I will be disappointing, I really like him he is funny and charming while I'm interesting as wet paper

I don't want to open too much to him so I don't form an attachment too soon and then being hurt by reality of he doesn't like me

I've been thinking about discussing about it with him but I don't know, Im fucking in love with him

>>18616795
>>18616795
I feel shame, and I know that's OK, and I know that what happened between my mom and I wasn't OK. It's just tough. I also have a thing for MILFs, momcest, and anal porn now, which my girlfriend also doesn't know. Nor does she know that somewhat compulsively masturbate to that stuff. I say "somewhat" because I know it's bad behavior and I'm working on it. Haven't jerked it in a week. I have problems keeping it up during sex with my girlfriend and I think all this hidden shame is why. I don't think about my mom when we have sex, but while we're getting hot and heavy I will sometimes think about an anal scene I saw, or how whenever I jerked it last my dick wasn't that hard. I think I psych myself out.

I just needed to get all that off my chest. You guys are the closest thing I can get to a support group.

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I really wanted to say I'm crazy about you.

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I have almost no emotions. I have to make myself pretend I have emotions in situations that I feel nothing in so that I seem normal, still I never seem normal to anyone. This is a problem because it's beneficial to have many friends so they can help you on the course of survival. At the same time I feel as though it doesn't matter because we're all going to die. I don't understand myself but I understand how society works and I pretend to be someone i'm not for the sake of it. Though I would prefer not to have conflict regardless I go out of my way to be a peacekeeper as well. Or maybe that's how I really feel. I'm so confused.

>>18616817
>everyone acts like I'm such a cold bastard for moving across the country and not really keeping in touch.

You gotta leave behind the shit that is dragging you down, their feelings don't matter more than yours. Forge a new family, people that actually give a fuck about you

What the fuck is wrong with me? One moment I'm depressed and wanting to do nothing, but to stay in my room or end it all, and the next I'm just fine, is it because I am distracting myself? I am I stupid or something?

>>18616823
It's alright, dude. You were emotionally charged as a teen, and your mother took advantage of that. It was wrong of her to do that, even if you might have consented at the time. In all honesty, I think most teens go through a phase where they start to see their parents in a different light. Less as some omnipotent caretaker, and more as a person with needs much like their own. All in all, the only real ramifications of these actions are the affect they had on your relationship. You aren't sick, you aren't twisted, you were just the victim of circumstance, and instinct. I don't think there's anything you should be ashamed of. You understand that what had happened was wrong, so I think you just need to give yourself some time to think and work through it. It'll be alright, you just need to learn how to forgive yourself.

Dear A,

I'm sorry. I should've asked you out before this. In retrospect, it should've your intentions should've been obvious. I was too afraid of getting hurt again, too afraid of being rebuked for thinking you were interested. We connected on so many levels, shared so many of the same opinions. I was so wrapped up in my own fears and experiences that I wasn't looking beyond myself.

I know that the last 'relationship' I went through shouldn't become my baseline, and cause me to fear connecting with others, but it has. Now you've moved on to someone else. I guess it's true that you don't know what you got until it's gone. I wish we could've shared a drink or two. Maybe that would've let us get beyond our anxieties and make something special happen. I know what drink to get, too, because you told me.

I'm hoping you're able to find happiness with who you're with now. They're more focused than I am, more 'complete', and you deserve every bit of support for how sweet and caring you are. Despite that, there are times when I feel like we slip into that old pattern of talk, completely unintentionally. The kind of talk that earns me dirty looks from the person you're with now. The kind of talk that, if we weren't in public, I could slip my arm around you and we could cuddle until dawn.

I'm sorry, A, for not reciprocating when I should have.

>be me and depressed
>see her having fun/not being depressed
>reach out to her in a nonchalant way for help
>doesnt recognize me being depressed and goes on with her self
>drink more shitty alcohol

I didn't know what it was like to be in love before you and now I know that it's just pain and suffering. Thanks you manipulative fuck.

Hey A

Thank you for becoming so muscular that I am no longer attracted to you.

>>18616834
You don't have any emotions because you're afraid. You don't want to be judged. You don't want to be alone, so you simply do as you believe others would like, and so you come to resent them. You acknowledge the passing of time, and the lack of progress towards your own goals, but you don't want to leave the comfort of the walls you've built for yourself. So you're stuck. You have this inclination to explore the world, and be who you want to be, but you can't do that within the safety of your castle. Perhaps it has progressed so far that you don't even realize that leaving the castle is a option anymore at all.

The most fulfilling path in life is not the easiest path. It's a rough path. There will be hardships, but there will also be great rewards. On the fulfilling path, sadness is merely contrast for happiness and joy. In a world where happiness and sadness cannot exist, there will only ever be grey.

I think I'm fucking clumsy, and awkward, and fucking heartless and dumb. I went on a date with some friends along with this girl and I was awkward. Later, I went to the bathroom to take a long dump, and when I came back to the table, she fucking left because her dad, who she rarely sees, surprised her with a text saying he's outside. It's the first date I've been on in two years. I dreamt about her. She was beautiful, and I knew her to be friendly. I was clumsy and fucking awkward and tried to make small talk in a stupid mutter every ten minutes. She said yes to my offer to go on a date even though I'm ugly and weird. I put part of the blame on my friends, since my female friend knew her beforehand and talked to her most of the time. My friends convinced me to go on a double date since one of them was dating my female friend because they thought I'd be awkward and not talk if I was by myself. I believe that if I was by myself with her, it would have been better because she'd have to talk with me, and we'd eventually find something to talk about. Then again, I'm awkward and my expectations exceed my reality, so I probably would have frozen up. I haven't been able to eat more than once a day for like the past two weeks, and I broke my rule to go to dinner. When I stumbled outside into the parking lot, I projectile vomited into a bush, and some stupid mom was walking by with her kid, and I happened to glance at her kid, and she tugged at his arm with enough force to rip it off to get away from me and then she glanced me the meanest old-raggedy bitch look imaginable. It made me feel more pathetic than I already was, like I was some threat, like I was to unfit to have children (I want to have children). I know I'm overexaggerating, but today was the only thing I have looked forward to in about two months, and now I feel unfit. Now being at the end of this passage, I realize that she said yes, and I'll see her probably on Monday, and I should be hopeful.

>>18616845
initials?

>>18616819
and i do... so much

>>18616829
Initials?

I just don't get you, maybe I'm just stupid, but it feels like you have been giving me hints all this time, but I also feel like you avoid and think little of me.
Texting me at 4am to ask if I like FLCL when we don't even talk through text or haven't seen each other in weeks drove me crazy. Just give me a chance, dammit.

>>18616845
Well, if you keep using your anxiety as an excuse for everything nothings gonna happen. You're a fucking pussy.

I love you. I wish I was able to say that straight to your face. I want to be with you. I dream about you. You'd make an awkward laugh and leave if I told you this. I wish I wasn't so awkward. I wish we could talk more and at least dampen the tension that I perceive we have. I feel a slight romantic tension but I'm not sure it's there. I feel like this obsessive behavior is a sign of just neediness and I'm perceiving things wrong once again and I should just crawl back into a hole and ignore you. I love you and your beautiful brown hair. Your great body. Your way of speaking. Your face. Your legs. I am over exaggerating probably, but I dream about you constantly and think about you involuntarily, no matter how hard I try to not, or maybe it is voluntary. That must mean something. I love you. I'll probably cringe at this tomorrow, but doesn't everybody wish they could go back in time and not be embarrassing? Not be awkward? But this is anonymous, so I don't know.

>>18616883
Why aren't you with them then?

Why did I ever add you on Skype because of you I have an eating disorder and I have to see a therapist and a psychiatrist every three weeks fuck you you ruined my life.

>>18616883
>and I should just crawl back into a hole and ignore you.
That's the worst thing you could do.

>>18616883
If the person I love told me this, I'd be so happy. Tell them.

>>18616858
T. But if you're A (or someone privy), we've got a lot more in common that I thought.

>>18616872
Thanks for the enlightenment, Captain Hindsight. Truly all my problems are solved, now that you've informed me that I'm a pussy. This is something I have never considered before in all my years of depression and anxiety; that the majority of my problems exist because I am afraid of the negative outcome which I have come to expect after experiencing it again and again, despite the logical anecdotes in contrary.

I don't know your experience with such things, but for me anxiety's role in day-to-day life isn't an easy thing to identify. The fear and reasonings that spring from it are indistinguishable from normal thought. Anxiety is not something consciously chosen to justify an action. I don't think "Oh, I'm anxious, therefore I ask this person out."

Anxiety feeds other fears. "I think this person might be interested - but the last two people I thought were interested, and they rejected me. Clearly I'm in the wrong here, again. I should learn from my past mistakes and not ask this person out." It feels natural to think this way. Policing my thoughts to prevent such negativity leaves me detached and even more inert, which has the same effect of "and nothing happens".

>>18616852
Hahaha I could say the same about my ex

I'm a burden to everyone around me. I just fuck everything up and they feel like they have to say nice things about me. None of them probably like me, they just pretend. I hate them,all of them. But I hate myself more than anything. I'm am stupid and useless and I have no future. There is nothing for me to be proud of. My life is a joke and I should have never been born.

>>18616747
I had a stalker once, I wouldn't call it stalking he just appeared in my surroundings a lot. I never told a soul so l'm going to get this off my chest. I really liked him but whenever he would converse with me I'd choke on spaghetti. He was an enigma to me, I honestly thought I was losing my mind for awhile there. It was weird. Timing was never right though. The way he could craft words together, it was glorious. He seems happy now. I do miss him and have always had a lot of questions. Time waits for no one though, no haults, no stalls. I admired him on another level. He sparked my good head. He deserved the best and I think he found that in her. That was nice to get off my chest.

I wish I knew how to text. I want to be with you.

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I had a date tonight.

It went really well.

I'm pretty excited about it. She's really sweet.

Thank you for not staying with me. Thank you for making sure that our relationship ended in flames. You taught me more than I even knew at the time. I'll always have the scar to remember you by. I have no idea where you are, but I hope you ended up doing alright. See you around I guess.

>>18616852
Yes, too much muscle is bad.

>>18612048

Cutting makes everything go away.

Replaces the pain.
Replaces the sadness.
Replaces the loneliness

Dear SJB

I know why you wanted to leave me. I understand it.
But why now?
Why when I needed you the most?
When I'm going to therapy once a week and changing my meds every 6 weeks.
Now I'm in limbo. I don't know if I should date at all because of going to to get a PhD in just over a year. I don't want another relationship to end....

~ZWN

>>18616887
I fear that it'd go sour. I fell in love one time before this and I was an awkward and nervous cunt that didn't do anything but awkwardly shake her hand twice and make small talk and call her once. She never responded. Now that I've fell in love again, I feel like I would ruin everything by being emotional. She's 8-9/10 attractive (my perspective) and one of the nicest people I know, so she's probably got mountains of admirers who come across as clingy, and I don't want to be viewed as clingy. I constantly contemplate whether I should text her spontaneously or not because then I'd be a nuisance and I already feel like a giant fucking burden to everybody else in my life.
>>18616921
I've been constantly told by many people on the Internet and real life that I should try to ignore it if my emotions get too strong. I vent literally everything on here. It's the best therapy I could ever receive. But maybe if you saw me, you'd think I'm ugly, so real therapy is better. But they know me. You guys don't. Humans are fallible and you can't trust them, Plus, what happens if this is just mere infatuation, and I'm overexaggerating what I actually feel? What if it's just somebody to replace the yearn for a significant other?
>>18616925
Yeah, but if the person YOU love told you this, YOU'D be happy. If YOU told the person YOU love this, how would they react? I don't know how they'd react, and I don't want to ruin everything and fuck it all up. Keeping it simple like, "How are you doing?" or "Hey" or send her some stupid fucking pointless meme with no relevancy to the conversation or talk about how some movie I saw was shit.

I feel you slipping away. I'm just going to let it happen. It's been real.

I want to die, but only by the hands of whom I love.

>>18616973
Initials?

>>18612048
im 20 and a virgin but i think that might be a somewhat normal thing

I WISH I WASN'T SUCH A FUCKING KLUTZ AND COULD GET MY CASH BANK BOX UNLOCKED BECAUSE I REAALLY WANTED TO WALK OUT WITH YOU TONIGHT TO OUR CARS.

oh well, we both work tomorrow. I feel I need to return the favor, you've been so helpful with getting me all trained and stuff.

>>18617078
Are you an M. ?

>>18616883
holy hell what're your initials, anon?

>>18617067
Are you sure they aren't just waiting for you to initiate?

>>18617150
Nope sorry

>>18613119
no way man, try not to think like that, your priceless!

unless you live in the middle east, anyone probably has a price

Thank you for being how you are.

We both fucked up, but you only went to blame me for that mess that was the climax of our disastrous relationship, as much as it sucked. I have come to realize it was the better choice. We both weren't ready. Now that I can see the kind of person you are, the possibility of being stuck with you is terrifying. What I held back, what I never told you was that I doubted you in being a mother. You were irresponsible as fuck. Both of us were still immature and selfish. Likely we still are.
After we fell apart, well, not like we were good before it. It was just the largest event we shared. I still tried to talk to you, to work things out. You only went on to treat me like shit. Sure, I deserved some of your wrath, but there is point when it becomes straight out abusive.
So I went elsewhere. I went ro find myself, so I could find what lost in myself. Still I waited.
Part of me still did. Until recently.
Until I met her. What eats me now is not you, what I messed up and how I could fix it. Not you. Now it's her, how wonder of a person she is. Far too pure and good a person, to the point that I am scare she will find out I can never be as good as her. What she sees in me? I don't know.
But that's not for me to question. Thanks for teaching me that. Thanks for driving me to the brink of my sanity. For breaking me down and leaving me to the wolves.
I grew stronger, at first to appease you. Then I realized that was worthless. So I focused on me.
Thanks. I wish you well.

I can be happy. Finally.

>>18614275
thats actually fucked up... unless its incest porn lol

>>18614944
call the cops man, thats illegal as shit

>>18617184
DGN
are yours VU

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How do regular people deal with loneliness?

Maybe the extra weight was insulation or something, because when I had it, I didn't really think much of sex or romance or whatever the fuck else. Did I feel lonely? I don't know. But, when I begun to lose, the pain started.The life I had lived was different and not in any special, unique way. No. I lost opportunities. Worsened. Stagnated. Where was most everyone else? Living, loving. Not being fat--being normal, or at least social. That feeling of having lost out and dissolved into something twisted is terrible...and, I'm such a world-weary girl, ignorant of the weird ass game that other girls are supposed to play to even get into relationships, it seems like I'm just a lost cause. I'm not an emotional person, but, this hurts and I can't imagine how other people deal with the stress.

Fuck you guys for telling me not to message this girl, I've got a date tomorrow.

>>18616994
Sebastian Johann Bach is back on the market?
Now's my chance.

>>18617249
A?

I reall liked the aquabats show on the hub.the hub is gone now so no more aquabats wich makes me feel sad.i was just wondering if you guys could point me towards any current show that feels lil the aquabats because I grew up with that band and I'd really like the help.basically I'm asking if you guys could show me any current shows that are like cheap love action shows that are basically comedies like the aquabats was.please /adv/ help me fill this gap in my HEART! :(

>>18617259
i'm afraid not but V is very lucky.

>>18617292
My grammar is shit I know im typing this on mobile so I can't get anything right.

Zack.

>>18617294
how

>>18617302
im awkward and would come across as creepy and a burden if i said anything
*didnt get what you said the first time

>>18617292
If you want cheap musical comedy, Sifl & Olly.
If you want campy action humor, Danger 5 or Eagleheart.
If you want animated shorts from the same writers, Homestar Runner.
Look around for clips to see what you like.

When I was in college the emotional state I was left in after a bad breakup prevented me from pursuing relationships of any kind for over half a decade, and when I was finally able to come to terms with what had happened I found that all the girls I had contact with were taken. My complexes involving religion and my family's expectations of me prevent me from using easy activities like Tinder, clubbing, or online dating to meet someone. Because of these issues I find myself as a 30 year old virgin who is desperate for physical intimacy and emotional companionship with another person, simply drifting through life alone, but otherwise mostly happy.

In spite of everything I feel like I could say I have a perfect life if only I could raise a family of my own.

>>18612048
test

>>18617294
Uh V, what's your other initial?
Other anon here.

>>18617353
Original anon here
What are you asking?

>>18617358
After taking a reading comprehension class, you're probably not V.

Apologies, I had my hopes too high up. Simply put, I would've written a similar letter to my V.

>>18617380
are you referring to your love, whose name also starts with v

>>18617385
Not love, more like crush, and yes.

>>18617388
whats her name spill your guts out tell me everything like i did to u guys

>>18617067
There's no need to be sad, it's just the nature of things. It isn't that I don't like you as a person, or enjoy hanging out, it's just that I don't feel I contribute enough to your life to warrant to expenditure of time and effort to retain relations. It'll just be better for everybody to close the chapter, and move onto the next.

>>18617391
I adore your little thirst for gossip, but I'll only leave you this:
VG

>>18617412
Is that an insult?
Im pretty nosey but I love when people open up and I can compare their situations to mine. It makes me feel like part of a community. It's liberating since it's all anonymous.

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HOW DO I STOP CARING?!

I've finally realized at the age of 25 that people just flat out do not care about anyone or anything as long as it doesn't affect them, it could be a friend or someone related to you, if you're in trouble or if you're sad and depressed, chances are they're going to say "Get over it" or give piss poor advice because they care very little

How do I stop caring? How do I void myself of all emotions besides happiness? How do I stop caring about every little thing and getting sad so much over it?


I WANT TO STOP CARING

>>18617424
No, I'm being honest.
Now, I would enjoy being delightfully descriptive about my scrumptious little V, but I have a horrible feeling she's lurking here somewhere. I mean, she uses a phone and shit, but still she CAN access this place.

It's my paranoia, but my paranoia generally leads to it being reality.

Maybe when thread's in autosage so no one will notice shit, I'll post my thoughts about her.

>>18617450
YOU ARE A FUCKING SPEC OF DUST IN THE VAST FUCKING MIRACLE THAT IS SPACE

LOOK AT ALL THIS SHIT
NOW LOOK AT ALL THAT SHIT
THERE'S SO MUCH SHIT

AND YOU THINK YOUR LITTLE SHIT FUCKING SHIT MATTERS YOU FUCKING SHITHEAD?

IF YOU WANNA STOP CARING JUST LET THAT SINK IN, YOU AIN'T SHIT, AND YOUR PROBLEMS AIN'T SHIT. AND IN SOME TIME YOU WON'T EVEN REMEMBER YOUR PROBLEMS.

FUCK YOU.

does liking, putting a marker in my ass make me gay?

>>18617552
No but it's the first step of the journey

>>18617630
I'm getting there

>>18617639
Next thing you'll be needing railed by a big dick.

>>18617642
you really think this? or are you just trolling. I have been questioning my sexuality for a long time before this, hell since i was 10

>>18617648
Not trolling.
Don't you think you've spent enough time questioning your sexuality? Scratch that itch and come back here with results, hopefully they'll be positive.

>>18617654
yeah i'm a coward, so I haven't arranged such things, how would I even do that

Dear M.

I'm saying it here because last time I tried being honest with you things got really ugly.

You're not all that welcome here. You acted as though it was a great sacrifice to come, then I told you not to do it for your own sake. You did it anyways and you're still making me guilty of every decision taken these days that you might be displeased about. As though I have to babysit you.

All I have to say about you is that I had hoped that over the years you would have changed, but you haven't and that is a problem. You expect progress from me which is fair, because I've been in a wrong state. You think that ever since 15 years ago you didn't have to change anything about yourself and you could keep acting forceful and manipulative towards everyone you see.

When asked about, you always have issues. Maybe you haven't considered that a few of them might be a consequence of your actions. You always point at someone else or say "hey, he does it too, why can't I". When I ask about someone you deem as a great person, there's no one in mind. None. And you know a lot more people than I do. I begin to think you lack the capacity to appreciate some of the people you talk about. You see them as clients or people to party with.

You always look behind at that one friendship you had with a basement dweller. "His parents gave him everything and mine didn't". Yeah, look at him now. We're all around our early 30s. I am honestly surprised he hasn't killed himself just yet.

And now I have to drag myself around while not coming up with any uncomfortable subject, while I also feel like shit if I leave our friendship because it has been way too long.

I'm sorry man, I tried to tell you what I meant without bullshitting you and without ever insulting you or attacking you. I tried to tell you what I would like you to become and instead of saying "no, I won't do it" you just deflect, deflect, deflect.

Farewell. Hope you meet a person you don't harshly judge before befriending.

>>18617450
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4w4DFsw0N-c

>>18617663
this is an open question

Made my mom cry today.

Making your mother cry is one of the most heart breaking things you can ever do.

Especially when you don't want to.

>spark notes
>got into car accident
>left me bed ridden
>severe depression and apparent PTSD
>doctors insist I have it. Explains mood swings, vomiting and the need to cry when ever go outside
>been bed ridden for over a month now.
>starting to affect mental health
>hardcore depression
>won't get out of bed. Mom drives 2 hours to come visist. Can't get out of bed due to pain and wanting to he alone

I promise her I'll get better. I have to. I just need to rest for a while long.

Whenever me and my gf are on call we always talk about games and shows that we should watch/play together.
But like whenever I hang out with her something comes over me and all I want to do is cuddle and make out, and get really sexual.
I keep it suppressed cause we always end up doing that stuff at some point but I just find it odd that that's all I can think about sometimes.

I confessed to my best friend that I'm crazy about him. It took every fibre of my being to tell him and now I regret it because I'm not usually upfront with my feelings. I figured things would be fine because he was deeply in love with me for about 2 years and now I can't tell what's going on. He's acting casual about the whole thing and I don't think the feelings are reciprocated, I'm so confused. But it's a relief to have finally gotten it off my chest. I'm just glad I haven't lost him completely.

>>18616925
That doesn't always work. I told a girl that I have feelings for essentially the same thing. She just giggled, said I was too sweet (I asked her what that meant exactly, she said that I was an amazing person, a great guy, other guys are assholes, ect), she hugged me and that was all. The next day it was almost like it never happened.

I've been lurking /adv/ for a few weeks and I came to the conclusion that relationships are way too mentally exhausting and without that much reward besides regular sex. This isn't for me.

Dreaming of you manages only to make starting my day harder, because I feel guilty that I still love you, with you dating someone else.

>>18616700
>>18616719
I know these feels. Why did I get so attached to someone who doesn't give a shit about me, someone who only said they loved me so I would say it back?

How can people bitch and moan about unfaithful partners and unrequited love, then turn around do the same things to you? It would have been so much less cruel if he had just told me to fuck off, but I guess that would have gone against his "nice guy" act, because somehow you're a good person instead if you tell someone "we'll still be friends" and "you can text me anytime and I'll call you" then turn around and completely ghost someone. If only he cared a fraction about my feelings like he cared his about image.

>>18618045
Exactly. I had the same thing. They don't give a shit about you at all.

>>18618045
Wish I knew who you were, because then we could feel like shit together.

It feels good not to eat.
If I can stretch this 24 hour fast into a 36 hour one, or even 48, I'll be happy. But I can't really do it without my mom finding out.
I'm so excited to live on my own, I'll be able to fast as long as I want, and there'll be no one to check up on me and force me to eat.

>>18618089
Don't hurt yourself. Whatever reason that you are doing this, don't do it for a stupid reason.

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I'm done.

I'm not doing this shit anymore. Got enough on my fucking plate at home and I just got time to hang again. If you want to give me this two faced backhanded bullshit, I can get plenty of that from work and family.

Don't fucking bother me again.

>>18618068
I wish I had figured this out sooner. I feel like a delusional retard in retrospect and think I could have gotten over him so much faster if I just could have accepted that. It's like I was only sad and lonely at first because I couldn't physically (hang out and stuff) be with him, but I thought we still had a connection and that was comforting. The hard part actually accepting they don't care/probably never did care and actually emotionally letting go, which is fucking scary when you don't have really have a social circle to fall back on.

>>18618087
I think most people are in this thread to feel like shit together. Try to feel better anon, there's no point in feeling like shit, but sometimes it can't be helped.

I'm clumsy and can't do anything right and have a severe procrastination problem and I'm ugly too and Im awkward and wont talk with new people and will talk very little when Im with friends. Im angry at myself because this has resulted in many shortcomings. I hate myself half the time.

I feel useless, cold and destructive. I can't have a genuine conversation anymore, even with my family. Life made me like this and I want it to change. I want to have fun like I used to do. I saw a bright light that made me realise my shit behaviour. I won't give up on life, I want to fight, be ready.

I hate how I don't even know that I'm panicking most of the time. It just feels like the world is crashing down and I just can't seem to realize that I'm having a panic attack.

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This time tomorrow I'll be in my my home country for the first time in a while, after spending so long abroad and being more or less integrated into a new culture I feel nervous as fuck about going back even just for 2 weeks.

I love you so much. What am I supposed to do with all these feelings.

>>18618471
Are they reciprocated?

>>18618336
I showed someone the light once. They couldn't handle the realisation that in the darkest days all we have is light and love.

>>18618493
99.5% doubtful :(

>>18618498
How do they couldn't handle it ? What happened ?

>>18618433
Also sometimes I feel like I should get medication. I don't want to rely on medication to be functional, but going through these periods of suffering and then somehow getting through it isn't a healthy way to live.

I think stress turns me on.

Sometimes when I'm really stressed and feeling bad about myself I can feel myself getting really turned on.

I'm a bit reluctant to explore these feelings.

First of all it seems like you need a lot of research, preparation and experience to safely have stressful/humiliating sex.
Also I find the idea of asking my boyfriend, or anyone, to try and humiliate me during sex to be pretty cringey. And I expect the result would be awkward, unconvincing and unsexy.

>>18618584
That's actually not as weird as you think. But you're right in being apprehensive to tell someone about it.

>>18618529
They realised that all the darkness and hate they held on to was their own projections.

Why do women get handed all sorts of great cushy jobs even if they only have a high school diploma while men have to work and fight for every fucking thing even if they're highly educated and qualified?

I've been wasting over 70 hours/week playing Videogames, mainly World of Warcraft. Hope starting driving school and going to the gym will fix this, otherwose i'll be fucked once uni starts.

Just realised that i feel more confortable when i play my characters than IRL and i want to play a lot less.

Also, i feel like my rl friends are slowly drifting away while i amass more and more online friends...

>>18618764
Because quotas look good for the papers.

>>18618743
How was it not benefial for them ?

>>18614973

Thank you mate