Is this retribution or wrong???

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So about this time last year my best friend had abandoned me when I needed her most. I was crucial to her betterment of mental health, talked her out of suicide and was there to support her the entire time she was going through a rough patch. While this started out as just me being nice to a girl I had met, Emma and I had become increasingly close over the 2 year period to the point where losing her was my biggest fear, I knew everything about her and just had to take a look at her to tell if she was upset or not.

Anyways around August last year, after she got better she ditched me for anon after I asked to see her while I was having some suicidal thought and then we got in an argument about her putting study time over me after all of the time and effort that affected my mental health for her. This argument resulted in her telling me she no longer wanted to see me and that sent me into a downward spiral of loneliness and increasing thoughts of suicide, to the extent where I nearly dived in front of a bus. So 12 months later I hear that she was suffering a breakdown and began talking about suicide and to my own disgust I couldn't help but feel somewhat satisfied by the news? I know its wrong of me to feel satisfaction in someone else`s lack of mental health but after the hell I went through last year that still arises to this day I cant help but feel a sense of justice and karma.

How bad of a person am I? I cant say that I feel better knowing she is suicidal but I almost want to tell her that maybe she can come close to how I felt and that she should be grateful people are at least caring she feels this way.