>Boyfriend fucked ~35 girls before we met >I lost my virginity

>I fell extremely insecure
Why? About what?

>dirty and sad
Again, why would you feel this way?

thot

>Boyfriend fucked ~35 girls before we met
>I lost my virginity to him

Your feeling is actually correct. Your lifestyles are completely misaligned. He's going to get bored of you fast and move on to the next girl.

Don't worry though. Everyone makes mistakes.

>>18610734
The double standard you retard. Males are supposed to do that. Feel lucky you found a master key instead of some fedora-tippng nu-male key.

>>18610737
>Why? About what?
I keep thinking he surely had better than me. That I am easily replaceable. That I am not special for him at all, sexually.

>why would you feel this way?
Because I feel like I'm just the 36th.

>>18610744
We've been together for 4 years and half, he asked me to marry him 6 months ago.

>>18610747
I don't feel lucky at all.

>>18610747
>35 women

I know guys get around but he truly surpassed normal about 10 girls ago.

>>18610757
>he asked me to marry him 6 months ago.
yikes i wouldn't do it personally

>>18610757
>I keep thinking he surely had better than me. That I am easily replaceable. That I am not special for him at all, sexually.
Not all sex is good. I imagine considering your BF's number, he's probably had a lot of OK to really bad casual sex. You don't get to that kind of number having good meaningful sex. Just because he's possibly had "better" doesn't mean what he has with you isn't good. You shouldn't compare yourself to women he doesn't even have sex with anymore.

You have no reason to feel replaceable unless he's a serial monogamist (i.e. he gets into relationships, breaks up with the girl fairly quickly, then gets into a new relationship), in which case you've kind of brought it on yourself dating this sort of guy. Otherwise, also not something you need to worry about. He's dating you after all, right? He wouldn't date you if he didn't want to be with you.

As to feeling "special", sex feeling special is like sex being good. It's not something that happens every time you have sex. Just love the boy and enjoy your sexuality with him and your sex will be special because it's with you. Stop torturing yourself with shit that happened in the past. There's no reason for it.

>>18610757
>I keep thinking he surely had better than me.
If that's the case you know at least he's not just with you because you're a good lay.

Also, a girls 'skill' doesn't matter as much to guys in the first place since it's easier for us to get off.

>That I am not special for him at all, sexually.
That kind of thing comes from being together for a long time, not from any innate quality.

>>18610771
I don't know.
I still very much love him and he has been an amazing partner for me.
I'm just feeling overwhelmed.

I recently learnt about this, like 3 days ago.

>>18610772
Thanks for your post.
It is hard not to compare. I decided to not look up the people he has slept with, but he's a pretty attractive guy and I'm sure he had very attractive girls. I feel ugly. I also was really inexperienced, so obviously I sure wasn't his best fuck.

>You have no reason to feel replaceable unless he's a serial monogamist
All the other sex he had was casual, he dated just another girl and she lasted one month. I knew about her.

>Stop torturing yourself with shit that happened in the past. There's no reason for it.
I know I should, but it's extremely hard not to.

>>18610789
>If that's the case you know at least he's not just with you because you're a good lay.
That's a good way of looking at it, actually.

>That kind of thing comes from being together for a long time, not from any innate quality.
I wouldn't know. It was always special, for me.

>>18610791
>All the other sex he had was casual
So just think of it this way, of all the women he's been with, of all the other women he's had sex with, he CHOOSES to stay with you. He wants to be with you. That's all you ever need to think about, this is what you need to remember.

Now, if you think you're bad at sex, you kind of are, but it's not entirely your fault, good sex comes from experience. Talk to him. Find out what turns him on and what he likes to do sexually. Tell him what gets you going and how you like to be touched. Sex will be best and most special when you're both most aware of how to please each other. Till then it just takes practice. Enjoy it and stop thinking about those other girls. Live to fuck BETTER than those girls, he'll love you forever.

>>18610734
There obviously is a double standard by most of the responses in this thread. If the partner with 35 (actually 36) were female almost all the anon's would be blasting her for the number and for not disclosing all the details from the start.

I don't understand why your bf felt compelled to tell you this, he knows it would be hurtful to you so I don't buy he is this wonderful guy you describe. I believe he is using this as punishment because you somehow have brought out his insecurity. His insecurity was why he chose a virgin after he fucked around so much. Keep in mind it is rare for a man to have that high a number. Every man would have a high number if they could but hard for most to convince a woman to have sex with them.

Anyway, I'll tell you the same I would tell a guy in your situation. This relationship was never equal and he took advantage of your inexperience. Find you another guy and make it quick.

>>18610821
This poster is an asshole who's never been in a human relationship before.

>>18610828
Wrong, actually a guy that has a lot of sexual experience with dozens of women, random hook ups, fwb's and two relationships and I'm now married. However, I have never had sex with a virgin, not even the first time I had sex at 16 and she 15. I know my wife has a comparable sexual past but we've never talked about it since none of our past has followed us.

>>18610806
We did talk about what we like, I always go out of my way to please him (and he does the same).
He's pretty happy of our sex life, or so it seems. We have sex daily and I always go out of my way to please him.

>>18610821
He didn't tell me, initially. I knew he slept around in high school and college, but he never went into detail and I never asked.
One of the girls he had sex with was a high school classmate of mine. At a birthday party, she came up to me and basically told me something like:
>Are you fucking with [bf] now? Well, I don't think many girls in this room haven't...
I got very jealous. I talked to him about it afterwards and asked if what she was saying was true, he told me that he had sex with a lot of people in high school and estimated "about 35 people in total".

He actually has been good to me. He is probably the best friend I've ever had, he's funny as fuck and very smart. He's extremely kind to me, and attentive, and loving. We really get along in general.

>>18610855
If everything is so great it sounds like you're the only one getting in your own way of being happy. Remember how you felt before you found out his number and realize nothing has changed since then. Not a single goddamn thing. He's still the same guy that loves you and wants to marry you.

Just gotta let it go chica.

>>18610821
mh? i lost virginity to this girl that had a dozen sexual partners before me, asked because curious and nothing more. no one was insecure about it

>>18610734
Congratulations? You got a fucking stud?

>>18610895
Fucking is one thing but wanting her for your long term gf is very different. I get the curious thing when you are young and ignorant.

He's fucked

>>18611013
I do not think he's dating me because I was a virgin.
He never made a huge deal about it.

>>18610855
>>Are you fucking with [bf] now? Well, I don't think many girls in this room haven't...
this would bother most people and the problem with a robust sexual past is it rarely stays hidden away and bubbles up unexpectedly

>meet at university and date 2 years and visit her home town
>party with her classmates and when we come in several guys in the back make train noises and laugh
>perplexed but she ignores and I do too
>much later and much drink and two of the guys stumble up laughing and ask did I also meet her when she pulled a train
>don't say any thing but next day as we dissected the evening I mention the weird encounters
>she's first evasive, then dismissive, then pissed, really pissed, at them first then me
>bugs me to this day but strongly suspect she was involved in a gangbang

>>18611140
Wow. That is fucked up.

>>18611159
Yes it is. I'm no wallflower and fucked my share and I knew she had lovers before and didn't mind, not wanting detail, but something like this came as a shock. Thing is I have no way to corroborate its truthfulness. The sex with multiple men in one setting is troubling enough but any of the girls I was aware of that pulled a train in high school were fucked up. I mean everyone knew they were fucked up and even the girls would tell you they were fucked up. I remember one girl that bragged about having sex with 4 guys at a party. Who does that shit? I am now confronted with the real possibility my gf is that girl.

>>18611140
>strongly suspect
nigga its myth confirmed dude

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>>18610772
>You have no reason to feel replaceable unless he's a serial monogamist
Absolutely this, OP.
My boyfriend is 29 and has had two girlfriends (one long-term 8 years ago) but is well-known within our friend group for 'loving babes.'
I'd estimate his count to be well above 35 -But he has always been 100% respectful and honest about his intentions. He's a good guy who likes a bit of the ol' rumpy-pump, not a dickhead who pretends to date girls just to fuck them; And I say this in confidence as someone who was his friend and watched him with these girls for years before anything happened between us.

On the flipside, I'm 23 and have only had one other partner before him. Interestingly I started our relationship as a FWB thing and he doesn't actually know, so I don't know how he feels about it.

I was pleasantly surprised that there was/is a lot of things he hasn't done yet, so it can still be 'special' in that way - But in the end it always comes down to quality VS quantity. Casual hook-ups with random chicks is gonna lead to a lot of very vanilla sex.
>tl;dr ask him what he hasn't done yet.

>>18611321
I can't see him tricking girls into fucking him either. He's a very honest and candid person. I always loved that about him, it's one of the first things that I liked about him.

I haven't asked him what he has done or hasn't done. We did a lot and I was down for all the kinks he ever brought up. We had a lot of fun.
I just feel like it just loses meaning, seeing that he probably has done it all before while for me it was absolutely kinky and weird.

>>18610738
my man

>>18611350
I have similar numbers to your bf and never had to trick any girl into fucking me. They approached me to let me know they were available. I admit some thought by fucking me I would start a relationship with them and I let them believe what they wanted to believe. But it was on them I did not pursue. I even fucked two sisters and their cousin and they were all aware and still did it. The only people that got pissed were the two sisters parents after hearing their daughters talking about the same guy (me).

>>18611192
this feeling you feel now will stay forever, how can you love a whore? She has lost all respect in your eyes. Find a good woman, one who doesn't make irrational decisions like spreading her legs to tons of guys at once.

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>>18610734
My number isn't nearly as high as your bf's.
However, I could tell you in all honesty, I feel bad that I let my number get to where it's at now. When I first starting dating I always thought I would meet one decent chick and form a meaningful relationship. Well, that didn't happen. I sort of fell for this chick who turned out to be a complete ass. Then I kind of spiraled out of control. I would party like hell and hook up with chicks while completely out of it. When I look back on it I think "eh, I only did that because I was shitfaced." Mostly, my number grew because of getting shitface'd blackout drunk/high too often. And, to add to that, most of it happened while I was a teen-22. I'm almost 29 now and due to all that's happened in the past I've decided to try to be abstinent
(in terms of actual sexual intercourse, which would exclude masturbation. So, this has lasted me about two years now, prior to that I was in a monagamous relationship that lasted about 2 years. It makes me feel a little better knowing I could, at least, say this if asked by someone I might see in the future) until I find the right one- as in marriage status kind of lady. Also, culturally, I'm an indigenous North American, and that sexual promiscuity shit does not fly in the Native American nation. There's no double standard so men are equally shamed if they are known to be promiscuous. I feel as though I'm now at a certain age where I should take a value like that a little more seriously.
All in all, perhaps your bf has background similar to mine. If so, you should be understanding.

>>18610734
Lol nice. A bitch finding out she isn't special is a wonderful thing

>>18610747
This. Either you get a pussy slayer or a beta whimp. Funny that women don't get this by now with guys. Yeah there's guys in the middle but usually in dating it either swings from one side or the other

>>18610757
>>18610734
>We've been together for 4 years and half, he asked me to marry him 6 months ago.
>36th
>insecure, dirty and sad
May I ask you anon why did you decided to post that today? And not probably.. When you realized you were the 36th or when he asked you to marry him?

>>18611140
Lol you beta fuck, of course she was. Guys love to make subtle hints that they fucked your girl. Such as context jokes and sounds. I swear half of you never deserve pussy and it confuses me on why a chick would even entertain the idea of you

>>18612127
Well, I realised I was the 36th something like 3 days ago. So I guess it's appropriate.

>>18612115
I'm glad it makes you happy at least.

You knew his number was high, but now that you know exactly how high it is it's a problem? I'm not saying it isn't a bombshell, but it's not like he lied and said "oh it was just a few girls really no big deal". He said he slept around and when you asked for the exact number he gave it to you honestly. He sounds faithful, so to me it looks like you're engaged to a chad with morals and values. Congratulations. If it makes you feel any better when I have sex with girls outside of a relationship it doesn't mean anything to me either. If you're counting those girls you might as well be counting all the videos I've jerked off too. It's different for guys and girls, so it's obviously harder for you to understand. Imagine this, what if your number of relationships included all of your beta orbiters? You didn't feel anything toward them, it was they who felt something toward you. It's not exactly the same thing, but there's something you can envision that is probably closer to your experience.

>>18611140
>gangbanged at a party
How do attend these parties?

>>18612147
I thought it was much lower. I imagined it was something like 10. Plus, knowing the number for sure makes it a lot more real.

He's very honest and faithful. He never gave me a reason to doubt him or his motives. Which is why I feel so sorry that I'm feeling this way today.

>what if your number of relationships included all of your beta orbiters?
I don't think I ever had a beta orbiter.

>>18612050
He comes from a very broken background (abusive family, drug addict mom, divorced parents) and spent most of his teenage years being a shithead. He had those 35 partners before turning 21, we met when he was 22.
I don't blame him, I don't hate him for anything that he has done. He is really a great person and my opinion of him hasn't changed. I just doubt myself.

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Its not worth comparing yourself to casual encounters, those aren't relationships and relationships are comprised of more than your sex acts together. If he's asking to marry you as well, its clear he isn't interested in dicking around anymore and wants something serious and substantial, you sure as hell seem to live up to that for him.

>>18612176
>He comes from a very broken background (abusive family, drug addict mom, divorced parents) and spent most of his teenage years being a shithead.
Seems like you have good taste, what could possibly go wrong?

>>18610734
Lol by finding a better one and admiting your mistake.

Or just keep being just another notch under his belt.

>>18612199
He's a different person, now.
He was in therapy for 3 years. He doesn't get drunk, doesn't do drugs, never got in trouble since he was 18. He cut contact with the abusive family and the shit friends. He did great in university and got a very good job.

>>18612228
So he did a 180, that guy in high school is as good as dead

>>18610734
>how do i get over it

You just do.

>>18612238
He told me the last time he had casual sex was 6 years ago. So, yeah, I don't think he is that person anymore.

>>18612191
He is very in love with me. He always was.
He always told me that he has always been sure I was the right person for him and he never had a doubt that we were meant to be together. More importantly, he always acted like that.

I know I should get over it, I just feel incredibly insecure right now. And guilty for feeling insecure, I guess.

>>18611753
You are right I do not respect her at all and know in my gut it is all true and likely worse than I can imagine. I have emotionally detached and have interviewed with a company that requires relocation. She does not know. I get this position I am gone and she will not be with me.

>>18612274
Don't get this wrong but: he is a guy, you are a girl, it's way more ok for him to have done it that it would for you. Yeah, it doesn't sound nice or fair, but it's how the world works and maybe it helps you get through it.
I don't really get what's the point of him telling you this number.
Can't you just get it as, "wow, he had so many and chose me to settle?" If you feel insecure, just leave it to him, let him take the handle on this one. Sometimes love is like that, it's like driving towards a wall at full speed and there is only a tiny space to pass, and you don't know if you'll make it or not, but you have to go for it, if you crash, you crash, if you pass, you pass, but at least you fucking tried it, because it was worth trying.

>>18610734
enjoy being the 36 girl he use for sex.

>>18612294
>I don't really get what's the point of him telling you this number.
I asked him after a girl I know made a remark about how many girls he slept with. He told me just because of that.

>"wow, he had so many and chose me to settle?"
I have the exact opposite experience, so no. I can't think of it like that.
I never touched another man, he's the only person I've ever wanted that way. To me it is just so different from my experience that I can't really get it.

>>18612302
We've been dating for over 4 years and we're about to marry. He's not desperate enough to spend 2k dollars on a ring to get some pussy.

>>18610734


There's a valid reason males and females dont want partners who have double digit fuck buddies in their past.

>>18612324
>To me it is just so different from my experience that I can't really get it.
But that's just the way he is. If you like him, you take him as he is. He can't change that shit.

He has probably been with you more than with anyone else. How long was he with those girls? You probably have spent more time with him and have had more sex with him than all the 35 combined.

>>18612335
I don't see myself breaking off my engagement because he fucked some girls in high school.

>>18612353
I don't blame him, I just feel insecure.

>How long was he with those girls?
They were all friends with benefits or one night stands. He told me he never talked to a girl for more than a couple of months before me.
We moved in together after 10 months together, and we basically spend 90% of our time together so I'm fairly sure I am the person he spent more time with. We also fuck daily/multiple times a day so I guess I did fuck him more than any of them combined.

>>18610734
As if you'd be happy with a nice guy or a virgin. Fuck off

>>18612380
>I'm fairly sure I am the person he spent more time with. We also fuck daily/multiple times a day so I guess I did fuck him more than any of them combined.
See, you beat them

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>>18610734

Honestly, I'm a little more put off by the fact that he counted all of them and remembers the exact number. It would be one thing if he had a rough period in his life and now he's over it but having a tallied list of women down to the number illustrates a kind of pride that would make me uncomfortable.

>>18612267
You're so annoying. Shut up.

>>18612396
He doesn't know the exact number, he told me "approximately 35".
I mean, he put his dick in them. I'd be concerned if he couldn't estimate how many they were.

>>18612388
I would have been perfectly fine dating a virgin, and I think my boyfriend is nice.

>>18612392
Lol, that's a very small consolation.

>>18612414
Yeah, I know, but consider the following:

What about the dumb bitch who "casually" told you about it? Wasn't the whole purpose of this "ups, I just said that" to make you feel insecure as fuck and to plant the seed of "this shit you are currently feeling"?
Some girls can't stand other girls being happy.
He didn't tell you because he knew this would happen. She did tell you because she knew this would happen.
Women are evil confirmed.

>ctrl+f bait
>no results
You niggers are dumb as hell. This is literally a "would you date a girl who slept with X amount of people" except the genders have been reversed.

>>18612427
She's a bitch and totally did the comment to hurt me.
But I'm not about to marry her, so she can be a bitch as much as se wants.

>>18612176
Hmm, so you doubt yourself? As in, you feel insecure about that part of your relationship.
You really shouldn't.
If he is honest and faithful as you say he is, then he's most likely very appreciative of your body, the way you look, your gait, and most importantly, given the context, the way you sexually express yourself. He would probably find your, and I mean this the best way, naivety regarding sex to be very cute.

>>18610734
just realize you don't own his past. he lived a life before you met it's part of what made him.

don't dwell on his past like it's a bad thing learn about it and embrace it.

if it bugs you that much. say "i need a little time" go on tinder and fuck 37 guys. then come back and say i'm ready to be yours if you still want to be with him.

>>18612518
Well, looks like you're on the mend OP. Some dumb bitch (probably jealous) made a comment to give you a hard time. You say there're a lot of things you like about your boyfriend, that you lvoe him, and that he's in love with you. Despite the problems he had as a child and teenager he got through college and got a good job. And the two of you have been together for over a good deal over 4 years. If you two weren't compatible, you'd have noticed by now.

Do you think it might help if you talked to your boyfriend about this? Told him that you know it's silly, but you still feel insecure about it and about that nagging worry "what if one of those previous ones was better than me".
Make sure you don't sound accusatory towards him, blame the dumb bitch if anyone, and make clear that it's you who need his help to work through your feelings. and doubts.
It might just take an extended session of cuddling, really.

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>>18610738
>>18610747
>>18610961
>>18612115
r9k

>>18610791
why didn't you ask him 4 years ago if you suspected you'd be bothered by it?

>>18611140
honestly you disgust me anon. you are so weak.

>>18613486
Weak about what? I have no proof and I tried to talk about what the guys said and did but she got angry. I agree its likely true but again I have no proof and it could be two drunk guys that had a thing for her in high school fucking with she and I.

damn i wish i could be as successful as your bf.

>>18610734
lmao

>>18610791
It didn't occur for him to tell you before he proposed?

The situation is tricky. On one hand he's way more experienced. And it's really not normal to fuck this many people. On the other you've been together for very long. If I assume correctly - way more than with any of his previous partners. That means, with high probability, that you're special to him. I mean, not like other girls. No just one of the many.
Relationships aren't blank slates every time, your past affects you and it's important to have it sorted out and be open with your partner about it. But part of sorting the past out is putting it behind you. People can change, to a degree. You have to ask yourself if his change is enough to make you feel alright with his past. Because if not, you're going to be stuck in uncomfortable situation for life.

Good luck.

I'm not reading all these comments, but real talk -- if you are feeling insecure about your fiance, TALK TO YOUR FIANCE. Being engaged (and in a relationship for 4 years!) is better than probably everybody else in this thread, so do not listen to their bullshit.

I'm sorry if I didn't post, my boyfriend came home and we went out for a beer.

>>18612657
I do doubt myself, yes. It makes me feel very insecure. I used to feel so confident because he was stupidly in love with me, but now I keep thinking of all the hot girls he must have fucked before me and it makes me feel ugly.
I don't blame him for anything, I'm not mad at him. I love him like always.

>>18612685
Lol. I would never do that - the thought of having sex with someone who isn't him grosses me out.
I can't even understand why someone would fuck a person they don't love. Which is, like, 95% of the problem I have with his body count.

>>18612768
>Do you think it might help if you talked to your boyfriend about this?
I want to talk to him about it, but I don't know what to say. I am scared he'll feel judged, or offended, or hurt. I don't want to hurt him.

>>18613481
Probably because I suspected I'd be bothered by it.

>>18613900
He told me he had slept around, but he didn't tell me the number. I didn't ask till a girl made a shitty comment about it and I felt jealous.

He definitely changed, but it's hard for me to understand his past. I also feel insecure as I said.

Thanks.

>>18610791
>I also was really inexperienced, so obviously I sure wasn't his best fuck.
for me personally, this is the best. i can't speak for him, but if he's asking you to marry him, he probably feels pretty strongly about you. and that makes a big difference when you're fucking somebody.

>>18614739
>I am scared he'll feel judged, or offended, or hurt
Guys never feel judged, offended or hurt in this situation but they are amused at worst and flattered at best.

>>18610757
>Because I feel like I'm just the 36th.
You are. There were Chads who are chaste. You ruined it for them.

>>18610806
>he CHOOSES to stay with you
>people don't ever settle, the argument

>>18614739
>I used to feel so confident because he was stupidly in love with me, but now I keep thinking of all the hot girls he must have fucked before me and it makes me feel ugly.

So its a double part problem: the way you look and how you express yourself. The latter was discussed in my last reply. The former-- I mean, I could see where you're going with that. But, what if you are the ideal chick in his eyes? That could easily make you hottest one. I mean, I'm trying to put myself in his shoes. And, to me, if I was him, I wouldn't ever think of all these other chicks I screwed around with because mostly all of them either only wanted sex, cheated on me, or used me for some dumb reason. Personally, I don't feel proud posting this on an anonymous board but yea I've had sex with like 17 chicks probably foreplay with about 5 or so more. But really it was out of pure immaturity partying and drug use which is way behind me now. As an adult who now has a more cognizant grasp of these things I wouldn't ever compare and contrast a wifey type lady I'm seeing to a bunch of thots I saw in the past physically nor sexually. It sucks because my number isn't an accurate depiction of how I view love and relationships en masse. Rather, its a depiction of my immature youth and bad luck regarding relationships.

It doesn't matter for guys. He fucked sluts that don't matter to him and wants to marry you because he values you.

>>18614923
I fell in love with him, and not with them. I don't owe them anything.

>>18615050
It's just hard for me to understand because he's basically the only person I've ever been intimate with and the only person I ever got horny for.
So to me it is fairly weird.

Anyway, thanks. I'll probably just talk to him.

>>18615074
Lol. How is it possible that it "doesn't matter"?

>>18610734
>fucked ~35 girls
Wew. Ask him to give us some tips, pls

>>18610734
play it cool.

the worst thing you can do is scare him away with paranoia.

a high notch count generally doesn't effect a mans ability to pair bond like it would a woman. his subconscious status cues that led you to be attracted to him in the first place are intertwined with the subtle reminder that he is a high status male and someone you had to win over from other women.

if he is with you, and he loves you, then be happy with that.

my guess is that he is higher status than you, which is good. this is how healthy male/female relationships work. The best thing you can do to keep him around is be feminine, and stay in shape.

>>18615120
He's decent looking (tall, fit, with a 7/10 face), funny and very charming. He makes everyone feel like they're the end of the world.

>>18615129
I never felt like I had to win him over.
He was crazy about me from the beginning and went out of his way to be with me. The fact that he fucked around so much makes me feel extremely insecure.

>my guess is that he is higher status than you
I don't know what defines female status.
I think we're equally good looking - I would say I'm about 7/10 face wise, and I have a pretty nice body (in shape, curvy). I'm very domestic. I have a good job, I'm fairly intelligent and well educated, and we get along in terms of interests and sense of humour.
I'm introverted, but so is he. So it isn't tremendous.

>>18615170
cool.

the notch imbalance signifies a power imbalance, which is why i assumed he was higher status. again, this is a good thing. he can take the lead, and you don't feel like you can do better. (hopefully).

there really isn't a lot you can do about his sexual past except focus on the present relationship and enjoy your time with him. if you are happy with him, enjoy things and see where it goes.

if what you are seeking is some kind of reassurance that he is going to be loyal, then confronting him about it isn't a terrible idea. it won't change how you feel though. the worst thing you can do is be overly neurotic about it, but you don't sound like a neurotic person from what i can tell.

>>18615106
>>18615106
Try not to let the conversation sound like an interrogation- he should be willingly open about it. The last thing you want is for him to start feeling insecure/guilty about everything.

>>18615186
I always had hot guys hitting on me, but we click on an intellectual and emotional level and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else.

I have no doubt he'll be loyal. He's a very honest man and he never gave me a reason to doubt.
I just feel insecure. I'm scared that he'll resent me if I express how his past made me feel insecure. I'm not super neurotic tho.

>>18615248
What can I tell him? How can I phrase it so I don't scare him off?

>>18615290
>I'm scared that he'll resent me if I express how his past made me feel insecure.
Then why express it?

What are you hoping to achieve?

What is the issue with having a low notch count as a woman? Many women would love to have this problem.

>>18615304
>Then why express it?
Because I do feel insecure and I don't know how to get over it.

>What are you hoping to achieve?
Being reassured.

>What is the issue with having a low notch count as a woman?
I don't feel insecure about my count, I am pretty happy with my choices.
I keep thinking that my boyfriend must have had so much better (hotter, better in bed) and that I am easily replaceable, and he'll leave me for someone else since he never struggled to find someone. That I'm not special for him, at least sexually.
I feel like I'm just the 36th, for him. While he's my only.

>>18615327
understood.

I think when a man falls in love, he falls in love. Men and women love differently. You are perhaps projecting the female concept of love onto a man. Men tend to love a lot more idealistically than women do - "love for the sake of it". Underneath it all, men are the real romantics.

So, if he loves you, and he means it (you can usually tell), then I really wouldn't worry about it.

Men tend to separate women into "slut" and "wife" or "girlfriend" material. You are very clearly in the latter category. Most of his notches were almost definitely one night stands. In his mind they are probably no different than a pornography session. Do you get jealous over pornography? probably not, because it is just sex. Men are better able to separate sex and love, whereas for women they are more intertwined. Men can happily have a mistress but still love their wife (not saying I condone cheating), but if a woman is cheating on her man, she's usually fallen out of love with him.

TL;DR It's fine. Honestly.

>>18615290
Like "so anon, I've been thinking. You know my sexual history is more or less an open book to you. And-- I just thought you could be a little more open as well. Because, truthfully the void regarding that part of you makes me feel a little insecure.

Listen OP I get you.

You were a good girl and you should be proud not having high numbers.
And now you are shocked the man you are in love with was a slut.

There are clearly 2 things to do:

1. Figure out whether he really has changed and is not a slut anymore who would sleep around and cheat, or be unsatisfied with only you.

2. Decide whether you can live with his past, even though he has changed.

>>18615343
>So, if he loves you, and he means it (you can usually tell), then I really wouldn't worry about it.
He does love me. He has always been stupidly in love with me.
After a few dates, he told me that he either was going to marry me or die alone. I laughed at him, but hey - I actually have a ring now.
We've been very happy together, this far. He went out of his way to make me feel loved.

> Men are better able to separate sex and love, whereas for women they are more intertwined.
Yeah, for me it just makes no sense. I struggle to understand how he could fuck around that much because for me the very thought of having sex with someone I don't love is gross.
Probably the reason why I feel so insecure is because I really experience sex much differently.

Thanks.

>>18615364
I don't want more details about his past. Fuck, I wish I could forget about it already.
Just him to reassure me. I need to be told I am good enough and he loves me.

>>18615376
I'm pretty sure he wouldn't cheat. He's a very honest guy and stopped talking to his best friend because he cheated on his ex girlfriend. He has very strong morals about this.
I hope I can live with his past and move on from this. He's amazing and I am very in love.

>>18615419
I'm sorry. Maybe this version:
"So anon, I've been thinking. You know my sexual history is more or less an open book to you. Well, I know you have a sexual past. Sometimes I speculate and feel-- a little belittled because of it."

>>18610734
Ask him if he remembers all of their names and ask him if he remembers yours.

This isn't rocket science people.

If you're seriously concerned ask about them. They were people like you, but they're not you and learning a bit about them will humanize them and probably help you come to terms with the fact that they're in the past and you're here in the present.

All else fails keep in mind that if he's with you now then he probably has a good reason to be with you and is probably pretty fond of you.