help

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>so a while ago i started to really like this pure hearted woman. most adorable girl you will ever meet
>I finally grew the balls to tell her. she rejected me but I knew what i was getting myself into so i never felt any anger towards her
>i tried talking to her later that week but got no response so i thought she needed a break from me because i confronted her so suddenly
>This was actually like 2 weeks before i had a big trip planned to california. was there for 3 months
>i come back and see her again but for some reason i feel so empty as if i really want to talk to her again.
>everytime i am near her i assume she doesnt see me and i want to throw up from the fear that i will humiliate her any further
>i want to talk to her so bad but i end up pussying out, ive become an asshole because not only did i unintentionally ruin a friendship but i think i lost connection with her because of my douchebaggery.
>i dont know what to do