friendship vs orbiting

>>18608251
100% depends on how he sees you. First off, I'm assuming you only see him as a friend, right?

>>18608251

Maybe he can handle it. Maybe he is crushing on you.

By the way you write, you seem to have no idea about how he feels about anything. That's a problem. Why do you think that is, that you don't tell us much about his emotional state?

just go ahead and date him

>BUT I DONT FEEL THAT WAY

okay, os you don't want this guy to feel like an emotional tampon, but your intent is to only use him as an emotional tampon? if not, just makme sure you focus o having fun and doing normal stuff instead of just talking about problems.

>would oyu mind?

probably. but only cuz im a gay misogynist.

>>18608294
Yes, I see him as a friend. There are many reasons why I just can't entertain the idea of us being more than friends.

>>18608304
I'm not sure what are you trying to say... He has some issues and whenever something shitty happens in his life, and he feels like it, he reaches out to me and we talk about it. I always try to help as much as I can. Overall I would say that his emotional state is better than mine, or maybe he is more cautious in expressing his emotions and confiding in me his problems. If you ask how he s about me, I'm sure he likes me. I don't see anything that would imply that he likes me more than an internet buddy.

>>18608314
I'm his friend, but even if, I wouldn't be able to date him for many reasons, including purely logistic ones. And I don't think he likes me like that anyway.

>>18608343
>I don't see anything that would imply that he likes me more than an internet buddy.

That is my question. What do you think about him?

So, if you think he just wants an internet friend, then why do you worry?Isn't that what you are offering him?

>>18608343

then keep on keeping on until he reveals that hes been in love wtih you this whole time and that he was hoping by being this kind of man for you you'd see what a great guy he is and ignore the 'purely logistical reasons' not to date and date him anyways.

>>18608251
Do you also have normal, fun or lighthearted conversations? If it's mostly fun with a bit of serious mixed in then it's okay. If it's mostly complaints then it's probably not okay, who would want that?

>>18608343
Yeah, so if you just see him as a friend, before continuing you need to find out how he feels about you and take it from there. That is, if you care about how he's feeling.

I'm not being judgmental at all, it's just the fact of the matter: If you continue to pour emotional angst into him, and he thinks he's providing that for you romantically, you're crushing him.

If he is actually on the same page as you in terms of your "friendship" then it's fine. You just need to find out where he's coming from, it's the only solution.

>>18608351
I think he is a wonderful person and I appreciate him a lot. You are right that he just wants an internet friend and that's what I am for him, but I'm not sure how guys feel about being friends with a girl who will rely on their emotional support. If it's not too much.

>>18608352
He is a very practical person, his way of thinking is much less emotional and much more logical than most people's. I doubt very very much that he would fall for me in the first place but even if - he would be aware of the reasons why we wouldn't be able to end up as a couple.

>>18608358
We have fun and light conversations too. I noticed however that our light convos tend to be much shorter and more awkward than 'serious' ones, regardless of whether I'm the one in trouble or he is. I don't know why is that.

Better question is: Why would he want to be your internet friend, if he's not romantically interested in you?

Sounds like you constantly complain and vent to him about your problems. Doesn't sound like a fun way to pass time. And subconsciously you know he's a beta orbiter, since he seems to act like one. If you had a boyfriend who you could trust, would you suddenly stop talking to this online friend? If so, why?

Armchair diagnosis: You're talking to him for validation and emotional support, he's talking to you because he feels lonely and hoping a long-distance relationship will blossom from this.

>So guys, how would you feel if your female friend kept seeking your advice and kept confiding in you? Would you mind?
I would start distancing myself and start replying slower and slower because I don't want to be an "emotional tampon".

>>18608400
>If it's not too much.

Maybe it is too much. Maybe there's a reason you are second guessing yourself. All we have to go on here is your gut. And your gut is telling you something is wrong.

>>18608400
Odds are if you start to question if its "too much" without anyone else saying that first, then it is.

i can guarantee you that he secretly hopes you feel the same about him that he does about you. and that's not "just friends". just release him already.

>>18608387
>You just need to find out where he's coming from, it's the only solution.

I think asking him that would be awkward and anyway, I'm almost completely sure that he likes me as a friend only. But maybe you are right... Do you think there is a way to make sure without asking him directly?

>>18608401
He has many online friends. Maybe not many online female friends but that is because in our community girls are scarce.

I don't complain constantly, and I don't think he behaves like a beta orbiter. But I know that something a girl might consider to be a normal part of a friendship, some guys would qualify as beta orbiting. I don't think he is this type of a guy, but I don't want to risk hurting him is he is.

>If you had a boyfriend who you could trust, would you suddenly stop talking to this online friend? If so, why?

I wouldn't because I like him, I enjoy spending time with him and I believe that me and my future bf should be able to have friends of the opposite sex as long there are no lingering romantic feelings. Obviously I would stop discussing such personal things with him.

>You're talking to him for validation and emotional support, he's talking to you because he feels lonely and hoping a long-distance relationship will blossom from this.

I'm not sure about validation but you are absolutely right about emotional support. But I don't agree at all with your 'diagnosis' regarding him. He is an extroverted, charismatic and good looking guy, and way too reasonable to think about a long-distance relationship. He even told me once to be very careful with getting romantically engaged with people I know from the internet.

>>18608407
>>18608416
I agree with you anons, amd will dial down my rants. I'll do my best to act significantly less needy and clingy.

>>18608420
Anon, he really is not one of these boys.

>>18608487
>He has many online friends. Maybe not many online female friends but that is because in our community girls are scarce.
>He is an extroverted, charismatic and good looking guy, and way too reasonable to think about a long-distance relationship.
Then I guess you have nothing to worry about, especially if you will try to act less needy and clingy when talking with him. But I wouldn't ask if he's romantically interested, even indirectly, because he could very well take it as an insult (that is, implying you feel he has an ulterior motive).

>>18608585
Yes, I don't think asking him would be a good idea. But I can't think of any other way of finding out for sure how he exactly feels about me, so doing that seems to be impossible.

Skype him, call him, do something to be able to hear his voice, or see his face. Read it, maybe you will be more certain on his feeling towards you.

>>18608655
We talk sometimes albeit without using the cam. It always feels normal, I think I'm more stressed than he is because I'm chronically shy and he is not. I would suggest video-call but I'm very awkward and like I said, shy. It would probably go disastrous because of that.

>>18608676
If he is as charismatic as you say, then it shouldn't be too disastrous, just let him do the talking.

>>18608251
>how would you feel if your female friend kept seeking your advice and kept confiding in you? Would you mind?

Why in the fuck would you care if my friend sought my advice and confided in me? That's one of the basic functions of having a friend.

>>18608683
Maybe, but it would be very one-sided...

>>18608694
>That's one of the basic functions of having a friend.
I think so too, but I know some guys would get offended by it because for them it's using them as an emotional tampon only.

I'll bump for more opinions

>>18608896
>I know some guys would get offended by it because for them it's using them as an emotional tampon only.

That is complete and utter bullshit. It's a lie that lonely virgins tell themselves to feel better.

This is actually what happens when a guy is being used as an "emotional tampon". They want to date a girl, figure they'll weasel their way into a relationship by being a "friend" (while not actually having any desire to actually be friends in the first place), then get mad that the girl doesn't want to date them, and actually treats them like a friend. What fucking sense does that make?

They literally put themselves in that position, and then get resentful when their shitty, deceitful plan doesn't work out. And then they come on they internet and complain about being the victim of a girl that is using them. It's pathetic.

>>18610533
Men and women can't be friends

>>18610533
Am I supposed to charge forth and demand that I initiate our courtship ritual, please explain the proper path to dating someone that isn't the progression of familiarity.

>>18611703
No, YOU can't be friends with women. But I assure it, it's quite possible for other people.

>>18611729
You're supposed to be honest about your intentions. If you want to date a girl, you ask her out on a date. You don't pretend to be her friend, and then bitch because you're being treated like a friend.

If you don't want to be friends, don't act like you do, and the whole situation is avoided.

>>18611839
There are many relationships that grow from friendship.

>>18611839
If you ask a girl out that you don't know at all A LOT of them assume you just want to have sex with them because all you can go off of initially is how they look.

The problem is that there's different types of women that believe contradictory things so there's no single right way. You pick one way for a girl and hope for the best. I know that you probably won't believe me when I say this but you're wrong here. There are a lot of men that honestly just want a real relationship and think being a friend initially is the best way.

@op just candidly talk to him about it. What matters here is the context in the form of your intent. I can't say that he won't feel used but if he does then that was going to happen eventually regardless and it's better for him if that's the case.

>>18611913
I'm not saying relationships don't grow from friendship. I'm saying if you pretend to be a girl's friend when really you just want to date her, you're doing it wrong, and you deserve what you get.

>there are a lot of men that honestly just want a real relationship and think being a friend initially is the best way.

And they are wrong.

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>>18608251

1/10

The girl who modeled for this is probably dead by now.