Vacation & Not Inviting Friend

>>18605829

that's one of lifes little lessons. I have no idea what you should do but I always feel sorry for the odd man/woman out

>>18605881

I feel kinda bad for him too. I suggested we invite him but at least two people said they wouldn't come if he did, and I don't exactly want to spend a full vacation with him screeching and yelling and being a dick to everyone.

Try to make it about him. Not about you guys going without him. It's obvious something's going on, so maybe insist he take time to take care of himself. Try to reassure him that you guys care about him and want what's best. Maybe even hint that he's not the same person and that collectively as a group, you guys have noticed. That way it won't sound mean but more of a helping hand. You could even try saying that the concern is that he wouldn't have as much fun as the rest of you guys.

>>18605989

I had a big argument with him two Sundays ago about how he needs to stop being a dick, or stop complaining that no one wants to hang out with him anymore.

He insisted it's not his problem, but everyone else's, and that we "owe him" for years of friendship and help in the past. He's struggling with alcohol, depression, and his life kinda falling apart, so I agree we should try to be there for him, but it's not a 100% free path to act like a total asshole.

He cackles during movies, he gets drunk and berates people, his health is crumbling and he won't put down the bottle, and he runs people through the mud at every turn. Just 'being around' won't fix that.

>>18605829
>How do I proceed on this trip without making it look like it was my idea not to invite him along? I'm tired of taking the blame for it when really it's the whole group that doesn't want him joining.

1.) Who gives a fuck what others think. They can make their own plans next time if they're that bothered by it.
2.) Who you taking the blame from?

>>18606147
It looks like you need to just need to politely tell him that. It doesn't sound like he can owe up to his actions and doesn't want to be responsible. Yeah, you guys SHOULD be there for him during these trying times, but how can you if the guy is a complete dick? It doesn't sound like he'll let up, I would take this opportunity to hit him with reality and just say it. I know you don't want to hurt his feelings, or feel like an asshole, but you can't do this shit forever. Obviously you've tried different options and have told him before and didn't work. You won't get different results this way, at least you know that. He might get mad, who knows. You don't have to be mean about it, but maybe it's time to just say it like it is. It might make him realize he needs to clean up his act if he wants people around him. People who want to help him.

>>18606157

I'm taking the blame from him for taking his friends away and "uninviting" him from things. Which I'll admit, I've done in the past, or our relationship has caused conflict between the group. For example, we have an annual vacation that we do to the beach, which my friend asks me to organize because she's too lazy. I wouldn't invite him because he would always start drama with me. So it was my fault, but I was doing all of the legwork.

He and I are always bickering, but I have the means to get places, the desire to help everyone organize things, and I'm generally more affable.

>>18606172
I tried politely telling him that - he won't listen. I've hurt his feelings, I've been an asshole. He has insisted he doesn't need to clean up his act BEFORE he's welcome, but that we need to be there to clean up his act with him. Babysit him, or whatever.

I used to always joke that he only made room for six people in his life, and he started a fight or cut someone out if there were more... but it seems to be true. All of the rest of our old group has other friends, other commitments. We like getting together, but we're not the only people each other have, and that makes him mad.