Unspoken things with ex gf

Shameless self bump

>>18604434
Say it to someone you trust.

I do that too, I do it all the time. I go over conversations in my head that didn't go the way I wanted them to because I couldn't think of what to say. Sometimes I say it to a friend or to my current partner, and that provides some relief.

Also, I mentioned this once to a therapist, and she told me that I should work on being more assertive now, in my present relationships. If I can do that, the urge to go back and correct my past arguments should fade.

>>18604434
Write it down. Send her one last WhatsApp. Never talk to her again.

>>18604434
Write it in a letter and send it to her.

>>18604545
Thank you, I am looking for a therapist at the moment to see how things go. And you're right about the part of being more assertive, it was one of the factors that lead to our breakup, I definitely will try to improve that.

>>18604570
Thank you, it's just that I already sent her that "one last message" a couple of times haha. After a while, I feel that are still other things that I should put it out. I don't want to deal with that anymore, at least with her.

>>18604434
I appreciate your input, will take that in consideration, although I feel that I should not contact her anymore, in any form.

>>18604586
It was meant to you >>18604654

I met once with my ex about two months after the breakup. Initially to just see how each other was doing, but during the talking I kind of had the urge (?) to clear up some past things.
It's not like I wanted to reanimate any arguments or bad situations we had, but instead I was clarifying some things that made the post-breakup a little more hurtful than it needed to be. And we kind of ended up on the same page, it's been going pretty smooth ever since. We haven't talked so far after that.

My story sounds kind of vague, but I gotta say that clearing up those unspoken things actually helped a great deal. It was actually the two sided conversation that was good, I don't know if it would've been then same if it were just that "one last message then block on everything".

>>18604682
Thanks, I appreciate your input. Everything is really fresh right now, so what kind upsets me in this whole situation it's that she lives in the other side of the country, so it's not like we will bump into each other in the streets and see how both us are. But I will give it time, maybe when the dust has settled I can see better the whole thing.

Last bump to see if anyone have anything related to say

>>18604434

Realize that:

"One last thing" or "closure" or anything of that sort
Is complete and total bullshit.

Whenever ANYONE says they're done and all they want "closure", they're deceiving themselves/the other person and what they REALLY mean is, "I desperate want another chance to change their mind".

That's why reaching out to someone for "closure" is never satisfying. Because it's NEVER "closure" that they're seeking.

The only real "closure" is to stop, move on with your life, and realize that what's done is done. Everything has an end, and that was the end of that relationship.

>>18605351
Really insightful post, thank you. I'm slowly realizing that all i wanna say to her won't be enough, because I know that deep inside I all really want is her to come back, but that won't happen. Will keep that in mind and try to stay strong. I'm kinda anxious, because at the end of the month it will be my birthday and two weeks later hers, so I'm a little afraid that when I'm finally done with this mindset, the inevitable contact will put all that to lose again, but it's something that I can't know for sure, so I will try not to worry. And again, thank you.

I dont believe closure is a bs excuse to get back with an ex. I believe people should do what they want..

I seek closure but havent as I dont want it misinterpretted. After many months of feeling tore down and less than, ive realized it isnt about not being good enough. It is about people being compatible or not, or ready for a change together or seperate. Things happen and just because a break up happens, even the most brutal ones, it doesnt mean someone isnt good enough..just not compatible. Time changes, life changes. Saw my ex with his new preggo gf. I genuinely felt at peace. He looks happier and healthier. She looked like a damnled smiling watermelon--but she looked happy. They are starting their lives and that is sincerely beautiful. Deep down, I dont want him back. Deep down i know it wont work. Deep down im happy that he is well and enjoying life.

So seek closure if you need it. Doesnt mean you want that person.

>>18605474
Do you feel that you had more to say to him in the end, even if you knew that all was over? I had a hard time to admit that we were done (I still have), because the things that lead to our breakup were, in my vision, a damn huge problem of miscommunication, so I felt that we could be so much more, you know? And like I said before, she lives in the other side of the country, so I probably never see her again, even if it is to acknowledge that she's happy by herself.

I don't know how to deal with it. I'd like to apologize to my ex and clear some things up, I lied to him but he did not let me give him a clearer understanding of the situation before flipping out and practically cutting all contact. I think about him every day but am too stubborn to contact him and explain myself ( I also highly doubt he'd want an explanation so I don't think I'll ever bother him and I need and to find a way to get over it because I eventually will)

>>18605547
Yes there is still a lot to say. Mostly a lot of thank yous for helping me become a stronger and kinder person. To let him know I recognize that we both let our stress tear each other down in the past, and that he isn't a monster. That I understand now and wish him well. I want nothing more than past acquaintance friendship level. I am happy for his success and progress. I held him back. I wish them well. And this was a very long relationship, mind you, that included cohabitation and marriage. I'd like to tell him that I am sorry and leave it at that.

>>18605574
For how long do you feel that way? Was it recent?

>>18605585
Yeah, the thing is, I don't resent her for we breaking up, but the way it happened. I just wished that she were more honest with me, that she would tell me how much she was bothered with some things that I would do, even if that would result in us breaking up earlier. And thank you for your reply, I wish nothing but the best in your life :)

>>18605632
Totally get it. Good luck Anon and thank you for the well wishes!