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It seems like my relationship of over 4 years is coming to an

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It seems like my relationship of over 4 years is coming to an end. We met online. Live together now. Seems as though me an her got everything out the relationship that we could extract. I usually am the one giving guidance to my friends, but I genuinely feel as though it is ending. I don't want it to. I need advice. I throw myself at your mercy. Ama I need help
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>>18603188
Why do you feel the relationship is coming to an end?
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>>18603189
All of the classics. We argue over little things we used to never. I get the distinct feeling she is pulling to move on in her life, but I am the handbrake. Like I gave her what she needed at the time, like a drug, but she is ready to move on. Keep in mind I usually give advice so I'm no idiot, but I do see I've gotten her over hurdles, and she with me over mountains. I am grateful. But it seems now we are pulling apart. And forcing us to be together is what causes these trivial problems.
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>>18603189
If you need more info I'd be willing to share. Ask away. It really isn't status quo for me to ask for help but I really need it. I don't want to wreck her life, or mine for that matter.
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>>18603230
Hey man. I know this isn't going to be what you want to hear (aka everything will be fine, work it out). Instead, I'm here to tell you that in all likelihood, you can't save this. Once someone makes it up in their head that they're done--they are done. You could give them a gold bar on condition they stay and it wouldn't matter. If their heart is checked out, it's over. So rather than spin your wheels about how to salvage this, look at it this way. You admit you improved one another. you are a better mate now. You WILL find someone else. And your chances that your future relationship will last, will be "the one," is pretty high, because you used this relationship as the learning curve. Continue to learn from this. Take the mistakes you both made at the end, and learn from those. Apply your knowledge to your next relationship. Realize you are better for it, and years from now you will be so glad this all happened, because it allowed you to become the person your future wife/mate/whatever needs you to be.

Breakups aren't tragic in the long term. Make peace and be ready to go. Once you do that, you'll be able to accept either the end of your relationship, or the continuance of it. In either case, you will be ok.
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>>18603188
I would recommend talking to her about it. Say that you feel that way, but that you don't want it to.

It'll go way farther than anything we could say.
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>>18603252
I appreciate your frankness. I was felt like I had that stepping stone relationship in the past, but we don't really know do we? Thank you for answering. I will take this on board.
>>18603255
It is hard to get down to the things that matter sometimes, as I'm sure you know. Work and life puts this hard fast forward on things. I will definitely discuss my feelings with her. It seems honestly stupid after everything we have been through to not talk to her directly.
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>>18603203
What have you fought about?
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>>18603286
I want to say it is complicated but that feels like a cop-out. She gets angry about my lack of tidying up around the house. If I'm not my "normal self". Which equates to being in charge, charismatic, happy. I used to drink a lot during and after my service to keep this up all the time. It has now become almost an encouraging force. I know she can't deal with me being depressed or even sad for an extended period of time. So it is like well drink and be yourself. But I know she wants me to be healthy and happy to just be with her. She can't handle me not wanting to be around her. I guess we argue about me not being specific with her about what I buy. How much I spend, or not detailing everything I'm doing when she asks. Our relationship started out very differently to how it is now, and I feel like she has an unrealistic expectation that it should and will be the same.

Just want to say thank you for those who gave me advice. I know I'm waffling.
Thread posts: 9
Thread images: 3


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