tl;dr: Bored and unmotivated. I enjoy being with friends (or friendly strangers), and I'm charismatic enough to be likeable, but it's also a struggle because I'm actually pretty shy and mildly paranoid. I don't enjoy doing anything alone, video games etc just pass the time. Don't know what else I do enjoy.
Longer version:
I'm a 22 year old guy, reasonably well liked, recent university graduate. No job yet, planning to find one after the summer. Not too hyped to get a job either, since my degree (in computer science) started to really bore me by the end and I'm worried I'll hate a job in the field. But I'm bored, bored, bored, and I feel like I've been searching for fulfillment for a really long time and I still don't know what I want. And the deeper I get into this rut again, the harder it will be to get out.
I've kind of wasted away my summer. I see friends around once or twice a week on average, which I always enjoy, and is a solid amount... I guess, but I'm not sure what to do when I'm not with friends. I play video games, watch youtube, play guitar and longboard around the city to pass the time, but it's just that - I'm just passing the time. I'm always tempted to message my LDR somewhat toxic ex "gf", even months later, just to chat... I wish I could find a proper relationship IRL, but between my high standards and low drive to actually chase someone, I'm fucked.
I enjoy being social, and I'm kind of charismatic, but I'm also shy and mildly paranoid so being too outgoing is a struggle. Besides when social situations go well, I don't know what else I love in life. Guess I also enjoy theatre acting, like I enjoyed university productions I've been in, but it's hard to always be acting in something. And like I said, I'm unmotivated. I'm also into music in general, but no matter how much I practice I'm pretty mediocre.
I just... don't know what to do. Or how to find what I enjoy, especially when alone.
I guess just in general I'm kind of hard to impress too, honestly. I don't impress myself when I get better at singing a song, games don't impress me, I have somewhat high standards for people... Maybe it takes a lot for me to feel fulfilled. But I guess the bottom line is I'm just pretty lonely and bored, and I'm not sure what to do.
Promise I'm not a huge asshole though. I'm supportive of people, but after a fun night out or something I'll just feel kinda empty sitting around.
>>18602251
Basically an older version of me. It's shit I know. I'd love to help but I also need advice.
Well... Fuck.