BDSM do women enjoy it?

Women do like BDSM, but it's such a broad field that you need to narrow it down more. For example, what do you mean by submissive? Matter of the fact is that a lot of self-proclaimed submissives are actually just bottoms. What is the difference? Submissive entails wanting to adhere to what your partner wants to make them happy and satisfied, a bottom wants to have things done to them (this can include being whipped, verbally abused, pegged, tied up, etc). Which one are you? This is important because some women do like the idea of being in control, but they believe entails being the leather-clad dominatrix stereotype, which can push some away.

You need to find out what your wife doesn't like about your sexual preferences. What have you tried together?

BDSM is looked down upon is not something new.
FSoG changed that a bit.
What kind of play you usually do?
YKINMK.

>>18601305
>Which one are you?
I like doing kinky stuff to her and having her do what I say

>What have you tried together?
>>18601307
>What kind of play you usually do?
bondage, pet play, toys... You name it, we've done it.

>>18601321
If she's been willing to putting up with your requests, she might be doing it out of her wifely duty.
Have her do this http://mojoupgrade.com
And see what she like.
Tease & denial and forced orgasms are usually "well tolerated" BDSM games.

>>18601339
>And see what she like.
I know what she "likes" because we talk about it. Sadly tease and denial and forced orgasms are something I've tried with her (even got a sweet hitachi wand) but no luck. She just doesn't like any of it and tries to make me feel bad for liking it.

>>18601239
Won't speak for all women because I'm not in to being submissive and believe your wife is doing this only because she loves you but there will come a point she'll stop it cold. You think she may start to get into this but she won't. Keep on and she's going to leave for a guy that treats her as an equal instead of a make believe puppy to beat into submission. You should have worked this shit out before ever putting a ring on her finger.

>>18601360
What does she like then?

>>18601239
The absolute first rule of BDSM (and indeed of sex in general) is

NOTHING IS DONE UNLESS BOTH PARTIES ARE EQUALLY ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT IT.

A sex partner who does what she/he doesn't particularly enjoy "just to keep you happy" is not going to be a partner for very long.

And no, real BDSM is a minority taste that gets more publicity than its general interest warrants. A "vanilla" person might be curious enough to experiment, but only in the shallowest of waters.

>>18601372
>You should have worked this shit out before ever putting a ring on her finger.
You wrongly assume that we didn't talk about it before we got married, and that I wasn't up front from day 1 about being into that stuff. She used to be into it too, before me, with other people. of course those other people were women, and she was the dominant one.
>>18601373
>What does she like then?
Apparently vanilla sex once a month. Anything that even smells of kink isn't on her radar. And like I said, its even more frustrating because I didn't make a secret of being interested in this stuff.
>>18601381
>real BDSM is a minority taste
that's what I'm thinking too. It was probably a pipe dream to think I'd get lucky enough to have that in my life. I figured since she had a history of it, and said she was into it, that it wouldn't be a big deal.

oh well, thanks for the advice!

>>18601399
>vanilla sex once a month
So cold fish?
Did you try lotion play? maybe she wants to be on top instead?

>>18601405
>maybe she wants to be on top instead?
when I said vanilla I meant all the standard positions included, she does like to ride and I enjoy the view from that position ;) She's no cold fish but its just normal and boring sex.

>>18601417
Sorry I meant as in the dominant one in BDSM play.

>>18601419
>Sorry I meant as in the dominant one in BDSM play.
She has never expressed an interest in being the dominant one. And nothing against guys who are into being topped but I'd rather stick my hand in a meat grinder. She is, or was, bi-sexual, and used to be in at least one relationship with a women where she was the dominant and they did bdsm regularly.

>>18601435
Then suggest threesome?

>>18601439
>Then suggest threesome?
Tried that. Weighing the potential complications of emotionally involving a third party I put it on the table with her so we could talk about it and we decided it wasn't worth the risk to the marriage. But since that had been a big part of her past, I wanted to be open to the idea to make sure she wasn't getting her itch scratched.

it isn't like no one is getting off, the sex is always mutually orgasmic every time. So there is that at least.

>>18601488
Maybe you're not happy with you marriage then?

>>18601492
>Maybe you're not happy with you marriage then?
Oh I'm happy. She's my best friend and we have an awesome kid together. The sex is good, better than I think most married people have. I'm not saying I'd end the marriage over not getting the kinky stuff I'm into. But it's a little depressing, like I have this side of me, a hobby, an interest, that I don't get to enjoy. And that makes me a little sad.

>>18601503
Then you need to make it from your hobby to "your" hobby.
Ask for your kinky play on special occasions instead, and make sure to return the favor.

What kind of play did she do back in her days?

>>18601239
What is it that interests you about the fetish? Between the gear, clothes, power play etc there should be something she finds more or less objectionable, build around that.
Also, has your wife expressed interest in matching your fetishes? She might tolerate it now, but that means she does it for your satisfaction, not yours. If she wants to help, she should try to change herself into also enjoying BDSM, not begrudgingly playing along for only the enjoyment of one of you.

>>18601514
>Ask for your kinky play on special occasions instead
This is currently the state of things. My birthday present last year was an evening of special fun.

>make sure to return the favor
She usually wants either gifts, or cash for blowing on stuff for herself. I wish I could return the favor in other ways but she doesn't want anything sexual in exchange.

>What kind of play did she do back in her days?
She would take her girlfriend to bdsm clubs in Canada. My wife was the dominant one. Pet play, strapons, humiliation. Pretty radical stuff. My wife has really changed since those days, and seems to have completely left that part of her life behind.

>>18601526
>What is it that interests you about the fetish?
I like the power. I have been made to feel powerless before in my life and I think that my interest in it comes from that.

>>18601531
>strapons
Did you suggest it for her?

My wife didn't like BDSM but she was just doing it for me.
One day while we were watching she wanted to try strapon, after that I found out she just wanted to overpower me physically which what really scratched her itch.
I'm 6'10" and she's 4'11" and just had a complex of her height and how she always were manhandled by her previous ex.

>>18601546
>Did you suggest it for her?
As much as I would rather stick my hand in a meat grinder, I even went so far as to offer that *shudder* in an effort to show my willingness to reciprocate. She wasn't interested, thankfully.

>>18601557
She is interested in being the dominant but she's not doing that for your sake.

>>18601562
>She is interested in being the dominant but she's not doing that for your sake
Believe me, I think you're right. That's why I put the idea of bring in a third party on the table for her. I am not just only interested in my own happiness. She said she thought it would be to dangerous to our marriage for her to develop that sort of emotional/sexual relationship with another woman and I didn't disagree.

>>18601566
Are you willing to go into sissification play?

>>18601566
She just told you what she wanted.

Your wife wants to dominate other women. And doesn't seem to really desire you to be involved. In fact, she apparently thinks that if she gets what she really wants, it would damage your marriage. This is probably true.

>>18601575
I consider myself an open minded person, and while I can tell you with complete confidence that I have no interest in being topped, sissified, or anything similar. If my wife wanted that, I probably would, as long as she was willing to reciprocate and do the stuff I want. We are married, and I trust her, and there is really nothing to be ashamed of doing behind closed doors with the person you're spending the rest of your life with.

>>18601531
From the sound of it she did enjoy dominance at some point. I know you expressed you disdain for it above, but It might be a good angle to get her to participate more. After all, if she's playing into your fetishes, it's only fair you do the same.

>>18601586
well yeah, didn't I say that too? I don't disagree with you. This is the way things are. She choose to marry me, and we have a kid together. I'm sure she is all kinds of torn up about it and has conflicting feelings on the subject but frankly, what am I supposed to do about it?

>>18601587
Then try suggesting it for her?
Or try surprising her with you being all dolled up and in chastity device and ask for your "mistress" to let you cum?

>>18601593
>it's only fair you do the same
I offered. And don't think she pretends to enjoy "playing along" with my fetishes, she doesn't, she begrudgingly does it and doesn't get into it. That's why I was originally asking for advice about how to get her to be more into it.

>>18601601
>Then try suggesting it for her? Or try surprising her

Frankly I am not the submissive type and being emasculated is not interesting so unless it was something my wife said she wanted in exchange for her cooperation in my interests I would not.

no offense to the guys out there who are into that stuff, but it isn't for everyone.

>>18601597
DESU, it sounds like you have a lackluster sex life because your wife isn't really into dudes. She sexually wants to dominate women. She also wanted a good father and a child, and she chose that.

This means that neither of you are really getting what you want/need from the relationship, sexually. Solution: Try threesome. Your marriage will implode from sexual issues anyway, if long enough goes by.

>>18601625
Lets play this out logically. She may want to dominate other women, but that's got nothing to do with me, and if I'm being honest, I'd say she wouldn't want me involved in it. In the process she develops a relationship with another person that undermines our marriage.
If I demanded that whoever she was screwing would have to be my sexual submissive too as a condition of me accepting the arrangement then at least in the short term there would be a benefit to me. But like you said, the end is would be inevitable.

>>18601625
this will fuck up the marriage.
She chose between the two because they dont go together.

If you make her feel the joys of the sexual side she might prefer that over the marriage.

BTW this thread is full of beta cucks. Do not take advice on here seriously!

Have you tried a mirror and a wig? Maybe seeing another woman get dominated might get her going.

>>18601619
Well did you ask her in the first place?
She seems to value your marriage life more since you have a kid.
But this is a recipe for failed marriage in the future.

>>18601649
Marry a second wife, and dominate her both of you?

>>18601673
>Have you tried a mirror and a wig? Maybe seeing another woman get dominated might get her going.
maybe, somehow I doubt it though.
>>18601693
>>18601693
>But this is a recipe for failed marriage in the future.
Trying to avoid that
>>18601696
>Marry a second wife, and dominate her both of you?
I don't think that actually works in real life

>>18601799
>I don't think that actually works in real life
In some places it does.
Tell her that you love her, and you want this marriage to work out no matter what.
If that fails try going to marriage consoler.

>>18601811
>In some places it does.
lmfao can you even imagine being to poor soul who ended up with us though? Talk about looking for a unicorn...

>>18601818
There are some women that are into it.
My wife did have a crush on her bff,and was feeling guilty for it.
I made her masturbate to a pic of her bff.

>>18601848
>There are some women that are into it.
well, its like I said, I think my wife would end up more interested in her new toy than being part of our family anymore and that might be a Pandora's box better left unopened.