I've made a few decisions this summer that leave me dwelling

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I've made a few decisions this summer that leave me dwelling in shame and guilt, and I want to make things right. It's a pretty weird and long story, lads, but I'm asking you to read it and slap some since into me.

I dated my first love for almost five years. I found out she cheated on me and lied to me multiple times, then I cheated back and we eventually split up. We continue to hook up. Healthy stuff!

I saw other people casually, she started dating someone seriously. We continue to sleep together, even though she goes through two serious monogamous relationships over the course of two years. At this point she tells me she's cheated on every one of her seven boyfriends.

Her old friends, whom she's no longer very close with, invite me to hang out. I start getting along with them. One of them, whom she used to be very close with but no longer is, starts hitting on me. We start to sleep together after I find out she's in an open marriage. I also sleep with a third woman occasionally.

Ex gf sees my hickey, so I tell her. She playfully hits me and congratulates me, then we continue sleeping together despite her monogamous relationship. She fluctuates between sleeping with me, saying she loves me, and pretending I don't exist for weeks at a time.

Even though my ex regularly cheated on me and lied to me, I feel like I betrayed her. She says me sleeping with her old friend doesn't bother her, but it bothers me. I keep thinking about how I probably ruined things between us, while my rational side tells me her cheating and lying (and being in another serious relationship) already did that.

Her friend keeps sexting me, and even though she's in an open marriage, it still feels wrong to me.