Boyfriend suspects me of cheating even though he 'trusts' me

>Saturday: Boyfriend gets shitfaced drunk and passes out for 20 minutes. During this time, I tell the friend he's passed out and I go to take my makeup off. When my boyfriend wakes up, he demands to know what I was doing in the 20 minutes he was passed out - he didn't trust me. Also says other miscellaneous hurtful shit to me.
>Sunday: Confront him about the way he treated me. He cries for two hours and I catch him looking up ways to kill himself.

I don't know what to do at this point. He knows how principled I am. He knows how loyal I am. He knows how much I love him. Yes his girlfriend dicked him over nearly five years ago and that sucks, but I thought that after so much time passing and knowing how much I hate cheating, this wouldn't be an issue.

I mentioned being timid at the start. This is important because I have recurring nightmares where I'm a beaten housewife. I totally have the personality to be one and I can see myself being one one day. Now that I know that hanging out with other guys is giving him panic attacks, I can totally see myself not wanting to hang out with anyone male out of fear of hurting him - that's not healthy.

I just don't know what to do or how to proceed with this situation. I don't know how to win or how to be helpful here. I need help.

>>18598102
>friend made a threesome joke and I played along with it
Do you have any idea how bad this sounds? You must have a habit of over the top sex speak in public with other men to go here. No wonder your bf worries.

Having said that I see no problem on the surface with you staying overnight with the bf of your friend unless you aren't telling us about the time or times you crossed the line with the guy.

>>18598116
Our friend came to visit us because he lives out of town and hadn't seen us in a while. Once he got comfortable in the house he said "So...threesome?". We all laughed and I said "Do you think you're here for our witty conversation?". I always found it a bit off-balance that it was fine for his friend to say he wanted to sleep with me, but not for me to turn the awkward joke into a joke about us being boring.

As for the best friend, this was actually the first time we'd been alone without my boyfriend being there. I was pretty nervous about it because I'm quiet and he's quiet, but it worked out okay. We were saying a few minutes before my boyfriend arrived how excited we were for him to arrive because conversation is always natural with him and there's never much dead air.

>>18598133
I also realised there's a number of 'friends' in the OP, so I'll just clarify the friends.

Friend 1: Mostly online friend, haven't seen him in a few years. Boyfriend thought I liked him because I have this habit of smiling and nodding while people are talking to make them feel more confident while they're telling stories.
Friend 2: The person who made the threesome joke.
Friend 3: The best friend of my boyfriend. Never been alone with him until this Thursday, no threesome jokes or even slight flirting or anything like that. All we really do is talk about video games and skincare.

>>18598148
How are you so bad at telling stories?

>>18598112
>looking up ways to kill himself.
he's a fucking psyco, took him long enough to drop the mask
run while you can miss

>>18598133
You didn't have to pick up the threesome joke. You could have let it go. Anyway the damage is done because you are involved with a very insecure guy and you can't fix that shit. Add to that him manipulating you with web searches for ways to kill himself and you are in a no win. In a weird way you've become that beaten down housewife you fear he just hasn't beat you, yet. You won't but you should get away from him.

>>18598154
I was trying to keep things as short and concise as possible when I'm dealing with messy stories like 'I went to visit my boyfriend's best friend's girlfriend and then she was going to visit her friend in London so then I spent some time alone with my boyfriend's best friend'. When I saw

>unless you aren't telling us about the time or times you crossed the line with the guy.

I thought the best friend was being mistaken for the threesome friend, so I wanted to clarify.

>"Do you think you're here for our witty conversation?"

That shit was good.

Ask him how he'd feel if your roles were reversed and you felt like you couldn't trust him with anyone.

>>18598155
>>18598158
FWIW I don't think I was ever meant to see the searching, so I don't think it was his goal to manipulate me or make me submissive with it. That being said though, it's very extreme behaviour. I hate arguments and confrontation and I've been suicidal in the past, but even I haven't jumped to look up suicide any time I've been at fault in the relationship.

>>18598174
It's a good line of questioning, part of me really wants to get to the bottom of this 'trust' he has for me. Part of me really wants to play Devil's Advocate and say "If you truly trusted me, you wouldn't be worried". But then again, he talked about it on Friday and what he said was interesting. He said he never rationalised himself into the cheating thoughts, but he's been trying to rationalise himself OUT of the cheating thoughts by thinking about how myself and his best friend would never betray him like that.

>>18598182
It looks like he has no reasons not to trust you, so give him some. Cheat on him

>>18598102
He's a ticking time bomb. He claims he knows it isn't rational, but a large part of him believes that you are dicking other guys. He could easily step into abusive terrority if he believes he has to get phsyical/manipulative to prevent you from, in his head, dicking other guys.

It seems like he's trying at the very least, which is great. I don't know him so I could be wrong, but I'm guessing he is simply overdependent on your relationship with him. It seems as if he believes his entire life hangs upon the fact that you love him and no one else.
How much time do you spend together? If you are together the majority of the time, you can try to get him to go out alone or with his friends more often without you.

You making shitty jokes about threesomes and talking to all these "friends" is doing nothing to help this guy. Also your storytelling ability is garbage. Next time add fake names. This is hard to follow

>>18598199
>I'm guessing he is simply overdependent on your relationship with him. It seems as if he believes his entire life hangs upon the fact that you love him and no one else.

This weekend was the first time I got a real sense of this and I'm still unsure of how to process it. I'm going to be honest and say that I'm a sleepy disaster. To answer your question about spending time together, we work separately during the week and spend our weekends together; we're currently looking for a place to live. I work really hard during the week and I crash at the weekend, doing things like whining in the morning and falling asleep on him so -he- can't get up. I rely a lot on him and he's my rock in social situations, just look at me being nervous about spending time with someone without him.

On Sunday, he said he was really upset about hurting the most special thing in the world to him and he couldn't imagine losing me. He's a big family man so I always thought that would come number one to him, I was shocked to hear I was his number one.

>>18598212
'All of these friends'? I have probably spoken to five men throughout the course of the relationship and they are all my boyfriend's friends *while my boyfriend was there*. Thursday was the first time I spoke to a man without my boyfriend being there in four and a half years. Are you seriously suggesting talking to my boyfriend's friends in social situations is something bad? Should I just never ever speak to another man during social gatherings ever ever again?

>>18598225
look you're gonna spend a lot of time speaking to sympathizers of your boyfriend here because he's male and we don't have feelings for women here, but srs you should probably dump this guy or tell him to loosen his group
>looking up ways to kill himself
baka

>>18598246
grip* not group lol

>>18598225
If you actually cared about him you'd atleast be more mindful of his feelings. This guy is looking up ways to kill himself and your reaction is to go on /adv/ out of fear of being a "beaten housewife"? Poor guy doesn't deserve your selfishness.

>>18598251
>literally googling suicide
poor guy doesn't deserve a relationship either does he?

>>18598213
>To answer your question about spending time together, we work separately during the week and spend our weekends together
It does sound like you spend all your free time together, and honestly it may very likely get worse if you do move in together because you WILL get sick of each other at some point and need to spend time alone. If he doesn't really understand or know how to handle the fact that you need to be away from him sometimes it could easily make him even more paranoid.

He's pretty senstivie, I'm guessing, so its on you to word it well, but really having a serious and open discussion about his over-dependence and how much it affects you both negatively, and maybe suggest that for a weekend here or there spend it only with his friends or family and not see you. Whenever I got over-dependent on my exgf I think establishing my own active social support that didn't completely rely on her would have helped me a lot, so it may help him too.

>>18598255
No he doesn't. Doesn't make OP any less of a delusional asshole.

>>18598133
That was pretty good bantz. You got nothing to be ashamed of. His comment was way more over the line than yours in terms of sex.
Seems you're just dating a manbaby, especially with his googling suicidal shit.

>>18598246
Oh fuck off /adv/ is filled with white knights and women.

>>18598251
From the second part of the OP:

>I don't know how to win or how to be helpful here.

Yes, part of me is worried about having to change my quality of life to make sure he doesn't have jealousy-related panic attacks, but I'm also not sure of how best to be helpful to him in this situation because I've never experienced cheating or even jealousy in my life.

You're just talking out of your ass and looking for an excuse to be mad at me at this point. Go do something more productive.

>>18598102
you think this is bad, just wait till you have to be away for a week for a business conference and there are men attending. Men he doesn't know.

Guess your bf never thought about the friends gf and if she was fine with the two of you staying the night in the same house.

>>18598256
This is good advice, thank you. We do have an unwritten rule that it's fine for us not to hang out together at the weekend (e.g. he's gone to sports games before), but usually it's just comfy and convenient for us to laze around together. I'm very introverted and conversation actually gets a bit painful for me sometimes, so I just tell him that I need 'space'; that just involves me putting on earphones and watching something for an hour, then usually I'm rejuvenated. We tend to be capable of creating our own 'space' even though we're in the same room, but I can see how that feeds into technically spending all of our free time together.

>>18598102
Jesus Christ op dump him
Don't care how long you've been together that behavior is unacceptable.
After four fucking years he can't trust you to talk to another guy?
How do you think that behavior will develop and fester as you too get older and what about if you tell him you need space? How do you think he will react.
Put your foot down
Break up with him and get away from him
He doesn't even trust you why would you dedicate any time to him? And yet you dedicate most if not all your free time to him. Leave him and be done with it. You can cite his shitty behavior as why you're leaving him. Cut off all contact and move on. Sorry you had to waste so much time on a lunatic.

>>18598268
You either be mindful of his sensitivities and slowly build up trust or break up. Cheating can tear a persons psyche to shreds. He's probably always had these issues but they didn't surface to this extent because the situation hasn't come up.

>>18598298
Nah he is damaged goods. If you can't get over being cucked after four years or having a loving gf you are a lost cause

>>18598102
>roommates with guy attending university
>didn't know him before but seems cool guy
>my gf comes to visit me, we do things and include him some
>I have to go to class and leave them there but no problem
>they seem to be getting along great when I return
>head to bathroom and pass his bedroom and the bed is unmade and almost miss seeing a condom wrapper on the floor
>hmmm. he hasn't had any women over and I see its the same brand gf and I use
>mind races and will not go there, hell they just met and we've been together 2.5 years
>try to find way to bring up if another girl had been in the house, he says no real quick and I see her cut her eyes at him
>everything seems normal the remainder of the evening and she leaves in the morning without me asking anything

I do not want to jump to conclusions but does this raise any flags for you guys?

>>18598335
I'll be honest and say it does sound suspicious, but I think the big separating factor is evidence. You saw a condom wrapper, an unmade bed and a suspicious girlfriend.

I was texting him throughout Thursday night and there was a lot of evidence that we weren't up to no good. We were all watching something streamed online at the same time and I was texting him things like "Oooo did you see that? x". The best friend wanted a takeout and I got the world's smallest portion of chicken nuggets, I sent my boyfriend a picture of them because I couldn't get over how small they were. I was talking to him the whole night, the three of us were watching an online stream at the same time and I was sending him pictures.

>>18598335
Just say you found some girls chapstick in the room and ask if he had another girl over.

>>18598362
It's pathetic lol you already sound like a beaten housewife and can't see it

>>18598335
>>18598375
My bad.
Didn't fully read. OP I'd just watch out and proceed carefully

>>18598375
Will that make her think I suspect something