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I fucking hate my life.
I have been dealing with an issue my whole life and I try to do new things and my problems keep making me move forward.
I wanted to play sports, and learn martial arts. I was born with Juvinal Rhumatoid Arthritis. As a child I was always screaming in pain because it hurt to move my joints. Got fat because medicine made me sick if I tried running around and vomit, had to eat a lot too because it thinned out my blood. Causing bruising and could damage my liver, don't know if eating would stop my liver from damage but the doc said to eat when taking the medication.
Also have ADD and I'm fucking stupid. I struggle with everything and I want to move forward but keep getting stuck because I'm a fucking retard. My life continues like this and I struggle just to get past college.
I excersize regularly and I'm still fat, my joints and body hurts so much everytime I work out
but I do it, try learning Kung fu but I'm stuck on learning past 2nd level and have been there for a year, because my body sucks and I'm fucking stupid. I hate my life and I hate being me, I hate that I wake up in the morning in pain and move like I'm 93 when I'm just 31. I'm tired of all these fuck ups and I'm tired of living. I wish I had the balls to commit suicide, even if it's cowardly I'm more cowardly than a coward. I want to die. I hate this pain, I hate how I can't figure things out, I hate how I annoy people when I don't understand things, I hate me.
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>>18592072
I'm sorry this happened to you.
You seem like a good person.
Please talk to a therapist or call a suicide hotline.
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Ok after screaming like an autistic child I feel a little better. I am sure there are a lot of people who would gladly take my place. It's just hard living with this arthritic pain. It's like moving through sand and all I want to run.
I think I'm going to be ok. I have to, for at least my mother and my family that do love me.
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>>18592089
I have actually
I've been to many therapists and I am on a lot of medication. ADD meds and anti depressants, I missed my last appointment with my doctor and I'm a bit moody because I just forgot about it. I'm mad I missed it and I'm mad that my master can't teach me any more because I think he has back problems. I'm not mad at my master I'm mad at myself for not moving forward like I should. I should be at Brown Belt form now, but I'm still stuck. I get so mad when I get stuck and frustrated and even scared to move forward. I'm scared of failure as well as success. Because if I'm successful once doesn't mean I can do it again and I can't handle that pressure.
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>>18592106
Have you considered trying medical marijuana or some form of cannabis oil, if that's at all possible where you live? It doesn't cure shit, but apparently helps you cope and makes you give less of 2 fucks about the pain and the situation.
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>>18592116
I have, it helps me sleep actually.
You see with arthritis I can't stay still for very long or my legs stiffen up and it hurts to move. Really hurts to move, when I was a child I didn't toss and turn so I would wake up screaming in pain hoping my mom would rescue me and just simple roll me over on my side to levitate the pressure.
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