Vent, whine, brag, complain, rant, etc. Do all that shit in here.

I recently joined a Discord Server by ways of a friend inviting me to it. Now I'm a slightly more respected person then when I entered it and it's only been two months. Everyone on there is so damn awesome, but there's one person who's caught my eye.

A transgendered person who, out of respect for their privacy, I'll call N. I can't get them out of my goddamn head and I love being around them. It's their amazing personality, their hilarious jokes, and their overall adorable nature that causes me to fall head over heels for them. But I'm too much of a goddamn pussy to say a word to them about it.

I want to say "Hey, I love you, like a hell of a lot" but I can't because I'm terrified of what they may think. So I'll just leave this here on this anonymous message board for them to hopefully find sometime, hopefully.

N, I genuinely love you with all my goddamn heart. Gwen knows I love you but nobody else does. I want to say it to your face but I'm afraid. Please, if you see this, screen shot this post and please DM it to me on Discord.
-Emi

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When I think of what I want out of my life, all I've ever dreamed of was not being alone. Maybe I should have more ambition than that, maybe I should want more for myself. But I'm terrified of being forgotten, of not meaning anything to anyone. The only thing I want out my life is someone to come home to and share my day with. Someone to watch movies with, go to music festivals with me. Someone who will put his arm casually around my shoulder in public. Someone who I can kiss whenever I want. Someone whose company I enjoy, and who enjoys me. Someone to love.

I'm terrified of sharing myself with others. I don't think I've ever done it, not really. I hide myself from the world and wear a mask so they won't see me. I'm so scared that if someone found out who I really am they would hate me. They would see how petty I am, how stupid, realize I'm not worth their time. That I'm less than a child and unworthy of their company. I couldn't handle being hated for who I really am. It's easier to be hated for who I'm not. I don't know how to be vulnerable. And because of this, I know that I'll end up alone.

That part of me, the vulnerable and scared "real me" is soo desperate for attention. It would do anything to be seen. When I hide my disgusting inner self it boils over and I feel like I'm going to explode. That's why I needed a secretkeeper. You've been so kind to me, so patient. You came to me, against all odds, and listened to what I had inside me, and you stayed anyways. But now I have a secret that I can't even share with you. Because you were too good, I think I'm falling in love with you. It's impossible for us to be together, and besides, I know that's not why you came to me. It's not your fault I ended up getting so attached, but please forgive me if I still resent you a little for making me believe for a moment that my dream could come true.

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Despite trying to give you all these excuses due to your busy lifestyle, I realize now that I'm just not that special to you. I wish you had told me that sooner, like on the 3rd date when I asked if you wanted to keep doing this and you said yes. Why? Why did you say yes? You already knew your plans for the next month and a half. Why did you fucking say yes?

I kept trying to tell myself it would be ok, that I really liked you and that I shouldn't be clingy and all that. But all it really feels like is you got my hopes up, used me, and now forgot about me. Sure, I could just keep waiting for you to give a shit about me, but you won't. I don't deserve to be treated this way. NOBODY does.

If you don't have time to date people, then stop asking girls out. I'm a fucking dumbass too for being ok with all this and not just dumping you sooner. I'm new to dating, I have no idea how I should feel or what to expect from my end. I've never been treated like this before - I guess it's a normal thing to happen? I know I shouldn't make excuses. I know I fucked up too. But when I was single for 5 years in a row, it was because I wasn't ready and I didn't have time. So yes, I turned people away. Because they didn't deserve to be treated like an afterthought. And yet here you are, doing that to me. I thought "oh it's been 5 years! I'm ready! I'm ready to date!" What did I do to deserve this?

You have more experience than me so I don't understand....did you treat all your exes this way? Is this why your ex left you for another man? Because he paid attention to her?

You're a cool dude but you're a robot. Work is your only real love and you should just stick to that. Or date someone in a coma who won't notice you're gone.

>>18591799
I should add that at the very least, he didn't treat me like a one-night stand. He just kept me company then ghosted me. I mean I wasn't just used for sex, but at least then I would've gotten something out of it if I was. It's possible he never wanted this to be anything since the beginning, but he never TOLD me anything. Just asked me out on some dates and that was it. Hugging was as far as we got.

Like jesus christ dude, if you think I'm that disgusting you should've ditched me after date #2, or fucking said "no" when I asked you if you wanted to keep doing this! You're not stupid, so how do you not understand how fucked up you're being? Are you really just an asshole? My own friends defended you, dude. I thought "oh he's just a DnD nerd and watches anime and plays video games. How can he be so bad?" AND LO AND BEHOLD. And shut up about your stupid podcast for your stupid band. You wouldn't even watch my videos; why should I watch yours?

Go find some basic bitch to laugh at dad jokes and minion memes with on the internet all day. You fucking casual faggot.

Yes I'm salty.

>tfw have an idea of what i want to do in the future for the first time

It's only a start, but I feel as if I just had a huge weight taken off my shoulders. Being able to be comfortable about your future is probably the greatest privilege there is.

I told my shrink about you. I told him about how awesome our nearly a decade long friendship is, and about that wonderful month that made me believe I could be happy. That month which started us off as something more. I told him about what were our plans for the future, and I also told him about the last few months in which you terminated our relationship. I also told him how our friendship has been since we broke up. He was not impressed.

He said that I am delusional and that you never cared about our friendship, nor cared about me when we were dating. He said that I have deep rooted attachment issues that make me obsessed about you, and that combined with my desire to save you has clouded my perception and made you into the perfect person in my mind. He said that given what I said you are very likely to be borderline, and you do not really care about other people. He said I was the only one who would tolerate you and treat you nicely, so that is why you loved me until someone else whom could provide the same easier showed up. However he said your love isn't actual love, and you aren't capable of being loyal to anyone. He explained that you will always 'love' the person providing you the most nurturance at any given time. He finished off with saying I shouldn't talk to you anymore because the stress is killing me, and if continued will kill me.

The thing is I can't believe that is true nor do I want to take his advice, I have known you for so long and you have made me so happy. I am not sure if my shrink is just trying to cheer me up given the state I am in by saying you are awful, or if he is serious. There is also the possibility he has no clue what he is talking about, this same shrink did after all suggest illegal substances and did hit on me once which isn't normal at all.

I have been ridiculously stressed and depressed lately, I guess you can add confused on top of that. When I decide to stop moping in bed I will have to think about what to do.

>>18591892
See another shrink. If they say the same thing, you have to take their advice.

>>18591904
I would but he is the only one in town. I moved away from the big city for work.

I also have my doubts because what he said about this person is what I said about this person when I got in a fight with them, but I didn't mean it. I mentioned that fight too.

>>18591907
I mean I dunno. You just need to find some sort of collected consensus about your situation. Because he could be right, and you could be delusional. But he could also be wrong. Either way, you need a 2nd opinion.

I have secluded myself into the basement of my parents house, I keep telling myself that my community college education will help me when I fully know it's doing fuck all for my career and I'm just wasting my time and grinding my heels.

very anxious now just a minute inside loving over right and down onto vagina

I hate violence to the point that I usually let it go when people cross me because I accepted that the world is full of idiots who mean no harm and I just happpened to be near when their own stupidity kicked in.

However this has caused people to see me as a passive person instead of the pacifist that I am and sometimes some idiot takes a shot at me and the only thing I hate more than violence are odiots who force me to do violence because I know that the only way to ensure that people wont mess with you is to drop a fucking nuke on the head of the one who dared to.

I think there should be more race prejudice

..no wait. less

Less race prejudice

Hey buddy, it's been 6 weeks, it might be 6 months or a year. I don't think I want to see you or ever have anything else to do with you. You chose the path of degeneracy with the most damaged people I've ever met. This won't end well for you, that's your choice, I won't help you again.

I honestly can't stand other people in general but I'm psychologically conditioned as a human to interact with them or I will literally develop mental illness and if I want to do fun things or progress in life I have to interact with them successfully. Can't wait until robots become a thing.

God fucking damn it I love you. You made it so clear it's over but I fucking love you. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. FUCK. FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK. I LOVE YOU. God fucking damn it. God FUCKING DAMN IT. I won't get to be with you, what the fuck is that, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. God damn it. God fucking damn it. I love you. I fucking love you. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK. FUCK.

This sucks. I love you. I fucking love you. I'll vent here so you don't see a word, I know it won't change a thing but I need to say them. I love you. God fucking damn it E I need to be with you. I fucking need you. I can't believe you don't. Fuck. FUCK. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

>>18591892
>>18591907
Man, fuck shrinks.

>>18591816
Initals ? M.?

What can I do to sort of performance anxiety. I know relax and calm etc


But anyone have any advice on certain pills without having to get a prescription?

I can get hard when I watch porn and rub one out but when I'm with this girl I find attractive i never get hard in my pants and get scared that if we do try something later on I won't be hard then either.

>>18591695
I'm out camping with my friends. I get a text in the group chat saying that one of them ran into my ex. She was with her new boyfriend. Having fun with her boyfrjends family. She's off living life. With someone that can actually make her her happy. I miss her so much. It's been three months since we broke up. We dated for 8 months and they already sound closer than we ever were. I feel so fucking sad it's putting a downer on this camping trip.

I care about her. I want her to be happy. But hearing that she's actually happy makes me feel so fucking shitty. why do I feel this way?

Help. I want to have fun again. Please. Tell me it'll be okay. Someone please tell me anything.

2 month ago me and my wife decided to split up,she got back to her country and week after that she wanted to come back to be with me but I said no,now i'm dying without her and she says she won't come back because she started a business there and if I want to be with her I should move to her country....I feel like I ruined my life and now I have to live with this...I can't move to her country because of a debt for at least another year or so until I pay it off.....life sucks..

Man, I'm at a fucking crossroads with morals here girl. First chance I get, you know I'm gonna pounce for that ass but I know that karma will fuck me back in the ass one way or another. You got a little angel and demon arguing on my shoulder all night long damnit. One's saying "bro, she's got a man.A man we don't know about. For all we know this motherfucker is gonna chase your bare naked ass down the street: his glock vs your cock. And you'll be out of ammo when that happens".
And this angel man is right. Is that ass really worth a midnight stroll?Is it really worth having this come back to me years later in some ironic fucked up way? The little devil man and my penis seems to think so. "Bruh, that ass with those thighs. Mother nature hooked her up with Mt.Everest. Tell me that ain't worth one night god damn."
Its not even a matter of whether I'll go through with it or not. I know I'm gonna go for it no questions asked but I'm hoping fate decides to save me from this dilemma and the girl comes to her senses. But it seems she's adamant to cheating at least once. After that conversation about how unhappy she was with the sex due to her high libido and him tiring too fast, she's not holding back on looking for a substitute dick. And I just happened to be the right substitute at the right place and right time.Fuck man, then she keeps telling me all this info I don't need to know and it makes me feel for the poor guy. Yet I still want to fuck his girl. Hurry up and get your shit together bruh, do some cardio or something before my penis decides to exercise for you.
The fuck is wrong with me.

this past month has been one series of disasters after another, and I'm trying to be good, honesty is the best policy, right? But I feel so guilty, everyone accepting my flaws, and not /punishing/ me. Man, I can't help my nature, it's causing some weird ass inner turmoil and I don't want none of that.
And I just keep feeling shitty about my situation as a /neet/ just wanna help my mum so she quits being fucked over by financial hardships, yes I contribute, but I don't feel as tho' it's enough at all.
I don't know why I'm so hellbent on feeling bad, like it's not rewarding in anyway at all. And feeling sorry for yourself, that's something I absolutely despise... but that's what I'm doing. Literally internalizing everything to the point I'm driving myself mad.

I wish he would just choose to be with me. I know I'm asking for a lot. I know. But I want him to choose me and we can go and live anywhere. I'd sacrifice so much for him. But these are all just words aren't they. But I really feel as if I would. I just want to be with him. Why is it so hard.

>>18592237
You're willing to sacrifice your integrity for 30 minutes of sex that you will immediately regret when it's over?

You are the only person you will ever know that sticks around your entire life. Do you really want to spend that much time with an asshole?

My flat mate is absolutely incapable of being on his own. I don't mean like he can't look after himself, I mean he just seems to constantly feel the need to be with someone, talking to someone, doing something. Which is all fine and good, if that's your thing more power to you.
But it's just the two of us living together, and it means he is relentless in trying to get me to do every little thing with him. It drives me crazy. Don't get me wrong it's good to have a friendly face at home at everything but it's just too much sometimes. If I ever tell him I'm going off to do something else without him he gets annoyed.
And it is everything. "Come and watch this movie with me." "No thanks, I need to get some work done tonight."
"Come and watch me play some video game."
"Come and sit with me in my room if you're just gonna sit in yours."
It's worse at the moment as I'm finishing off uni stuff and he just doesn't seem to get that I need some space sometimes. Right now, literally as I type this, I'm in my room trying to do some work and he's just sitting on my bed after I've told him I don't want to go out with him and his friend.
It sucks because he is a good guy, and he's been a good friend, but living with him is just too much.

lol, I can't use twitch because they block VPN usage.

And since my entire fucking internet is filtered and completely fake...

way to go assholes.

I think burning myself actually helps with my depression and ability to focus. I got so much done last night.

>>18591799
I know this feel anon.
Similar, but for me she set me up on for years. Until she didn't care anymore.
It's a shit feeling. I wish no one had to know it.

Been about two months since my failed suicide attempt. I'm still here and I fucking hate it and wish I wasn't too scared to end it all.

>>18592345
a?

I fucked it up with another girl due to inactivity :/

It was different this time though: I was confident that I could make something happen but due to timing: she was leaving for a long vacation I didn't want to do anything and then she's gone, I regret it now, I've been trying to text her while she's been gone and such but it doesn't feel like the "flame"!is dead.

She'll be back on monday, I guess I'll see then for real if it's over but I am not very confident about it anymore.

>>18592403
But it feels like "the flame" is dead

>>18591695
I'M A FUCKING LAZY ASS PIECE OF SHIT.
Also I FUCKING HATE CANADIANS.

>>18592113
S?

>Have a gf
>face 9/10, body 7/10
>knew her since i was 6, best friends for 8 years
>she's perfect
>broke up with her because i want to be an asshole and chase other cunts
>she's still waiting for me after 9 months
>i haven't been with another girl
>2 nights ago i facetimed some slut
>she masturbated and all that
how do i look her into her eyes now? i want someone to kill me
please kill me

>>18592463
jesus fuck you fucking retard

you had it all and you ruined, I hope you learned from your mistake at least

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cw5-z-5Ylzc

COME THE FUCK ON.

SET ME FREE. JUST LET ME GO ALREADY.

This is fucking torture. I am missing out on all this awesome shit for people's fucking entertainment. By the time I get out of here, I have a feeling all this shit will be over. That I won't be able to live in a world that dressed in my aesthetic SPECIFICALLY FOR ME. That the music I have been listening to my entire life is now IN rather than being obscure indie shit.

Worse, I won't be able to make any art with these girls.

And sexy times of course.

Fucking set me free for fuck's sake. What the fuck is wrong with you people.

>>18592498
Damn bro, shes a qt

>>18592463
this people exist, life gives you a perfect soulmate and you fucked it all up. I hope you know that finding someone like her who waits 9 FUCKING MONTHS for you is probably 1 in a billion.

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I miss Morgan so much sometimes
It's been 3 months so why am I still hurt, why do I still want her back

She left me over a text and then cut all contact afterwards only to have a new boyfriend in only a few weeks

I miss her

I'm most of all scared for September, because that's when we both go back to school for each of our last years
I just don't know how I'll be able to do it

I can't let my happiness depend on other people.

>>18592498
I don't get the context behind this.

>>18592216
Cont.
I spent the entire night thinking about her I couldn't fucking sleep. I keep thinking she didn't really love me. I know that. She knows that. But I really loved her. I see her posts on her social media. It's all "this is real love" bullshit. Shut up you've only been dating that new dude for a month. Not even a month like a few weeks.

I really want her to be obliterated from my fucking memories. I wish I could just find someone as easy as her.

>>18592555
I'm in nearly the exact same boat as you, except my girl left me only to find someone else in maybe 3-4 weeks

I constantly here about how happy he makes her

I can relate to you man
It's been three months for me and I just wish it was over

>>18592531
you know exactly what it is.

Lorde blew me a kiss.

I swooned~~

>>18592582
No really I don't, would you mind explaining it to me?

>>18592573
I hope we both can find happiness. This sucks so much when I'm tryna have fun with the boys and I just ended up feeling sad and shitty because I remember things.

Hope things get better for you man.

>>18592188
His are S.
I'm E.

>>18592591
you do, and no.

>>18591695
>>>18592188
>His are S.
>I'm E.

*is S.
I just woke up.

>>18592555
First of all, block her posts. Unsubscribe, whatever. It's just not healthy for you to see that shit all the time. When my ex left me after 3 years together for another girl in a goddamn week, he was dead to me. I blocked everything out involving him. People were nice enough to not talk about him unless I asked.

It's not my proudest moment in life but that's how I kept going. But I also got salty af and my method was kinda unhealthy. I still say you need time away from her so you can focus on finding your own happiness.

>>18592599
>deluding yourself into thinking that we're fucking your life over
Oh I see. Took me awhile. You can leave if you want to though, no one's stopping you.

>>18592619
>delusional
nope.

>>18592617
That's easy for you to say since all women have like 100 guys wanting them. Fuck off.

i spent 4 years of high school friendless and lonely

i just made 5-10 new good friends but it's too late at this point because i'm moving away to college in a couple weeks.

it hurts finally feeling like i belong and then having it ripped away from me

YOU WERE MARRIED THE WHOLE TIME??? WHAT THE FUCK BITCH?

>>18592617
Cool, someone saltier than me.

I don't care if anon/you take my advice or not. Especially since you don't know me or that I haven't been with anyone since then because I'm awkward and depressed af. Just wanted to help.

>inb4 more insults about gender

Weee

>>18592636
But you know how to make friends, now. Thing about college is, not only are there more people, but they're more like you because they chose to be there. You're about to be in a much better situation.

>>18592649
I fucking hate my goddamn phone with 4chan. I can't tell wtf is going on at all.

Meant to reply to
>>18592628

>>18591695
Hey E,

I wish I could have been what you were to me, for you. Every fiber of my being screamed tell her how you feel. Every thing in my head said, tell her that when we see her, we shut the hell up, that when we see her, your heart beats with emotion instead of the drive to keep this useless body alive for one more day. Tell her that you love her more than any of Tolkien's literature, more than you love to play Destiny, shit more than you love dragons. That if you had to chose between getting a kick ass dragon egg, that would hatch a dragon that would be extremely loyal to you, or her, you would pick her. Even if the dragon egg came with a cool ass sword, or super powers or some shit. You would pick her. Because she meant everything to you.

Hell, even now I wish I could gain enough charisma points to spend for one alpha level just so I could tell you how I feel again. But I wont. Or, maybe I can't. Could I tell you that the only reason I've continued to sustain existence is because I have the hope that one day he will leave you and I'll be able to try again? Because every time someone mentions you my heart sinks thinking about how I lost to him. I mean, he was the captain of the soccer team before we graduated, he's better looking, has a brighter future than I do, knows what he wants to do, has a greater sense of humor, shit I could keep going. All I had was the heart you gave me to give to you. What a fucking faggot I sound like when I say that shit, but it's true.

I just hope he treats you right, and somewhere inside me I hope he never leaves you, because I know you love him too.

But, if he does, I hope it's before I'm 25, because after then I wont be around anymore. I just don't see my self living to 30, let alone any older than that. I wish you the best though, and I hope you forget about me faster than the rest of the people connected to me.

I love you though

I always pretended like I never noticed what happened that night. Only to make things easier on, well, each of you. I remember you asked me what should happen cautiously speaking in theoretical terms. I hope everything worked out especially for him. It must be hard. Times like these makes me want to ask you the same questions. I love y'all. I wish you could tell me something that would make things right- you always seem to know what to tell me.

>>18591717

oh look, a straight girl who is about to become a flying monkey in the trans cult

I hope you enjoy not having sex because he has a chastity fetish

I hope you also enjoy him jerking off to himself being "degraded" by you, aka you'll be doing things you don't enjoy for his benefit while he views you as an entirely replaceable pawn in his autogynephilic shitshow

Hope he screenshots this and shows it to you too so you have a chance to escape

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Like, just FYI the next LAYDEE I have sexy times with I'm going to fucking destrrroooyyyyyyy her.

I haven't had sex in awhile.
CAPTCHA: BUMP AHEAD

>>18592270
make sure you don't want him because you can't have him, and you actually want him because of who he is. do you even truly know this person? question yourself, and you'll figure out a way out. focuse on what you have. are actually happy with that? if not, maybe that's why you're focusing on someone else. maybe you should start over. neither with the one you want or with what you have.

i really, really want to drag you down by your hair and smack your face into the floor. then rub it against the grid until you're covered in blood, crying, begging me to stop, but i won't. i'll continue smacking and rubbing until i'm satisfied and when i finally stop, and you try to get up, i'll jam my foot into your back. i really fucking hate you. really. fucking. hate. you.
you're a slut, you're an attention whore, and you're insulting me. you expect me not to do anything, but at some point it's gonna go to far. i regret not doing anything to you. i fucking hate you.

You're selfish deep down and it's showing more every day

I love him so much. More than I've loved any other guy. I wonder why he still kisses me when he's still with his gf. I wish he loved me

STOP TOUCHING MY NAUGHTY TENDERS

>>18592813
I hope this is about me because like... I don't care anymore. My entire life was stolen from me. Every person I have ever known has lied to me, they have manipulated me, they have used me.

my own family will not only LIE to me, but they will fucking blame me for shit that isn't my fault and they fucking know it too. They see how miserable I am. How much this is fucking with my head. This isn't some little fucking thing, it's some incredibly heavy fucking shit. Finding out about my origin, that I was an orphan, that I won't live past 40, that I don't even know what my fucking sex is anymore, and my entire world is a fucking lie. Any one of these things would be enough to make someone off themselves.

I have to listen to my fucking parents bullshit me every fucking day, lie to me, and fucking gaslight me. They ignore everything I say on purpose, and just repeat whatever fucking script was given to them. They know I'm on the edge of killing myself and they still do this shit. They don't give a fucking shit about me.

Best case scenario is that I'm traumatized severely for the rest of my fucking life. Which isn't going to be all that long at this point. I have MAYBE 5-6 good years left before the symptoms start to become considerably worse. Still, they fucking lie to me. They rob me of my fucking life. Either one of them could fucking end this RIGHT NOW but they just don't.

I have no fucking idea why. The only thing I can think of is that they are getting paid and if they tell me they don't get their money. Which... money is more important to them than their own son's life.

What is being done to me is fucking disgusting. I would never do to someone what is being done to me. Never in a million fucking years.

if I come off as selfish or self centered... I don't fucking care. I don't want anything to fucking do with these people anymore. I just want to fucking leave but I can't. I'm a fucking prisoner here.

>>18592853
Lmao, kys you fucking cringelord
Genuinely hope you off yourself so I don't have to sift through your deluded shite spewing in every GIOYC thread

>>18592853
No it's not about you.. but good for you for getting it off your chest

I want to be a pretty girl :(

>>18592988
me too ;-;

>>18592644
Lol

I regret volunteering to be a leadman.

>>18592389
Sorry, not a.

Just got a call from some old friends. Apparently there was a reunion at the school we went to today. These friends were my best friends growing up until i got sent away to inpatient therapeutic treatment at 16. I loved playing airsoft and just doing whatever with them as kids, but now...I just feel so distant from that life. Like that was another me that died a looong time ago. When they called me today they were just like they always were. Happy, fun and joking, light-hearted and just wanting to hang out, no judgement intended.

But if only they knew. If only they saw the inside of my house. If only they knew what my life has been like since then. Today, i have no friends. I spend all my time indoors playing video games, talking to nobody but my mom when i have an occasional panic attack. Meth has taken over my weed use, i dont care anymore, i'm so sick of my life.

I'm scared they are going to call me again or show up here. I wont know what to say. I havent showered in weeks, the house smells like mold and trash, and i have nothing to talk about. I dont feel happy, i dont feel anything right now except regret, and that will fade to apathy soon, leaving only anxiety. I have nothing to relate, i am nothing like these people, i am nothing like anyone, i've learned that the hard way many times and i dont want to feel like a failure again.

Fuck, i dont even know what i would do different if i could go back in time knowing what i know now. I wish i had the courage to kill myself to save future embarassment but ill just cause brain damage with excessive meth usage instead.

Fuck

I think my dad is furiously jealous of me. Not for my work, not for surviving constant psychological torture, or for anything of worth. No, he thinks I'm a faggot loser.

I think he's just so fucking angry that a faggot loser like me can get the attention of such incredibly gorgeous women... made even angrier by the fact I really don't care all that much about sex or trying to impress those girls.

I just want a companion I can trust, that I can love. The last thing I care about is the number of hot BABES I fuck in my life.

'm a wreck of a person. I see these girls teasing me. Winking, blowing kisses, posting their little flirty messages. I just want to be free. I just want someone I can talk to. I just want a companion.

I want to go home. I want this to be over.

I want to be ok.

But I don't think that's ever going to happen. So honestly... what I want most is to simply die. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to. I don't.

I don't believe anyone can help me, not anymore.

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I flirt with other women when I'm out with my mates to keep myself sharp, in 4 years cheating has never crossed my mind and it never will, does this make me a bad person?

I dont want to be one those cucks that breaks off a long relationship and then realizes they dont know how to flirt anymore.

>>18591695
i've been feeling down for a couple of days now. my coworker who i've had a crush on for a while now has been completely ignoring me.

let me explain what happened.

so last monday i finally got the courage to say something to this girl, BUT... me being the spaghetti lord that i am completely dropped it. she got mad. told me to leave.

one of my other coworkers thats been helping try to get with this girl told me she thought what i said was cute. and that she also thought I was cute. she also told her she was willing to talk to me, you know, start off as friends then work our way up. at the end of the night she even gave me her phone number.

its saturday now. i've texted her twice, even tried calling her once, and nothing. we haven't seen each other since then.

i can go into details if anyone is interested. i just wanna figure out what went wrong. im so confused.

I wonder if I can get a pacman line going before anyone cares to notice.

My theory is that my dad quit his job awhile ago and my mom quit hers recently because maybe it's going to end soon and this way she could see me more before the end of the world.

I just want it to be over. Why can't you just fucking tell me when it's going to be over? I would be much happier. I would considerably less stressed out, less anxious, and consierably less depressed. I might even have the will to spend time with the people that have made my life a living hell.

>>18593506
please stop posting

People keep talking about living in the past as a problem. It's something negative like a sign of weakness, or maybe just pathetic. It's something you have to "move on" from. And yet when we talk about love and couples who have stayed together for decades, couples who can look at each other and feel the same love they felt when they first met, we never say "stop living in the past". We praise them for maintaining that relationship, and for not "moving on". It's wondrous and sweet to reminisce about that one time they were in New York, but they didn't book a hotel so they spent hours wandering from place to place just to get a bed. It seems that the only difference is that my story ends in loss and pain, and therefore no longer worthy of remembrance; it's not worth "living in".
Are those stories are supposed to be meaningless for me simply because it didn't work? Why do I have to destroy all that I cared about? Why do I have to erase what would should be a wonderful memory of a silly adventure with someone I loved? Why am I not allowed to be sad about this? Why do I have to have an expiration for what I cared about, when for others it's a badge of honor to hold forever? No one would ever tell you, you should forget a memory of someone you love. No one would ever accuse you of living in the past for remembering it.

>>18593515
please kill yourself

I'm just so happy to hang out with you again.
But all of this makes me so confused.

>>18593535
ok, you first ;)

how/were to buy cyanide pills/capsules?

yes Ive tried googling it no luck.

help

>>18592755
>not having sex
Takes one to know one, eh?

>>18592792
Same

>>18593520
"Living in the past" was once the present. If you're trying to make the past present again, you'd have to come up with some means of time travel.

It's not wrong to reminisce, but obsessing is not healthy.

>>18593248
We want the same things. I just want someone to be there. I need to make those 3am phone calls, and I need someone to answer.

I don't know how to make it there, I'm not there either, but I know it can be done.

You CAN figure it out, but you need to work at it. Hard.

I'm telling myself this as much as I'm telling you.

I have this problem there's this girl that likes me a lot, but I recently got out of a relationship with a girl I really really really loved, I'm not sure if I should get this quickly into another relationship. This girl is like... I would consider her a 6/10, really don't know what I should do. Any suggestions?

R
Hey buddy, I thought we were gonna make a plot or something. What happened?
J

>>18593650
Don't ever date for a rebound.

>>18593658
Well, we're meeting on tuesday, the fuck should I tell her

You can say sorry anytime you feel

>>18593689
Same

>>18593665
There's nothing wrong with meeting, or having friends, just don't date until you're actually ready for it. And I don't mean when you "think" you're ready, I mean when you're really ready.

Finally trying to get back out there but I can't seem to keep any interest in talking to girls. I've had a few short conversations on OKC that were honestly nice but I just get bored and I don't want to reply anymore, let alone ask them out. It's not that I think they're boring people, I just feel like for some reason there's ultimately no point. I guess I haven't moved on, but isn't this how you're supposed to?

It's been a year now, I've had almost every thought imaginable when it comes to my ex and I've completely accepted she wasn't, and never will be right for me. But it's like I'm just at the behest of my brain and it wants to do nothing. Moving on is fucking boring.

I'll never apologize to you. You've repeatedly proven your worthlessness.

>>18593728
Perhaps some part of you believes you'll never find someone again, at least not someone as good as her. Maybe that's why you feel like putting in the effort is pointless because you can't comprehend how you'll find a good partner

Limerence is a terrible terrible thing.

I fucking hate you Liz. You're a worthless cunt and i always knew that if I asked you to be my girlfriend it would backfire eventually. You're an ungrateful slut and I'm a fool with a small mind. Sometimes I feel like I deserve this... But I'm a good man. I hope that my existence isn't without one loyal female that won't fucking stab my back because they've got a full storage of dick picks hidden away for when they get bored of their current bf. FUCK DATING IN 2017.

>>18593728
If a girl shows that she has interest in you give her a chance, see how it goes, maybe you'll find new confidence in knowing that there's never only one THE ONE

>>18593711
I guess you're right, I'm still thinking about my ex, it would only complicate things with this one

>>18593730
Same but add he was awful at sex

>>18592118
Agreed, except for the pills he gives which can be nice. That said, even if he turns out to be right (which I doubt) I couldn't follow his advice.

>>18593692
I am sorry

I'm currently at some huge party only knowing one person. Im so automatic the only thing that I can do is go on 4chan to avoid eye contact. All for a girl. Help pls

>>18593739
It's a terrible thing, but an amazing word.
>>18593757
He thought he was good, but lacked a human touch

>>18593739
Triggered. My "one that got away" ex worked on a movie with that title.. I had completely forgotten about it until I read this word.

This type of shit will never go away will it?

What the fuck
I just asked my best friend for a hug and she sighed saying shes not good at hugs. What the fuck
If we are "best friends", why can't hug I you like you are my best friend? Who hates hugs?
Am I just not pretty enough for you?

I'm scared of my ex getting a girlfriend because I know I'm going to turn into a toxic jealous person. It's selfish but there's a part of me that wishes he's unhappy forever, as punishment for his cheating. I don't need him to suffer to be happy. Why do humans desire revenge? Why does it feel so, so unfair, that he broke my heart and gave me trust issues, yet he can act like nothing happened?

I need to make some friends.

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>>18591695
I have been in a relationship with the same woman for 8 years now. I am 31 years of age and I love her. You can argue that I don't loveor deserve her,and to a certain degree I might agree

The first three years of the relationship were like a long dream vacation. We would always compliment one another, we would go on trips whenever we had the time, we would try something new every weekend. Amazingly not much ever went wrong, I mean sure we had some indifference's at times but we never had a fight (still haven't to this day). We were in love and we explored each other sexually and were never bored with sex. Food and sex are our favorite hobbies.

about 5 years ago I got curious and I started to explore the web and other people. I started to lead a double life and I ended up having another girlfriend who lived afar. I never used my real name or gave my direct cellphone number (I was using google voice at the time) and I would make trips to spend a couple days at a time with her. I never became emotionally invested in her, I was experimenting and using her. I felt I had been exploring a different side of me that I been trying to suppress all my life until that point. It was a sociopath behavior that I knew I had but never indulged in until that point. My lust grew for this new found part of me that I started to indulge more by making more relationships with other women from afar.

These past five years I have been with 6 women who don't know me, 7 if you count my girlfriend of eight years. I enjoyed the pleasures and all the gifts and money I had received from these women. I have established 6 different identities and I hid and or destroyed every piece of evidence that would have given me away.

4 months ago I vowed to end it all with these women and just stay happy with the woman I love. I have had no issues since but now I wonder if the women I was with were really emotionally invested in myself.. I played 6 women and my girlfriend these past five years

>>18593892
>This type of shit will never go away will it?
It takes me years to get over it when I'm really into someone, but I also don't get out much and rarely meet someone of the opposite sex I strongly connect with

>>18592988

You will NEVER be pretty, you won't even be passable, get fucked you wannabe bitch tit

>>18593986
Fucking same.. except it's been 5 years and I just found out she's about to have a kid.. Thing are bad.

>>18593906
Best punishment to your boyfriend is to live a happy life, become a better person and to find a better boyfriend.

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>>18591695
I've never had a meaningful relationship in my entire life, I can count the number of dates I've been on with one hand, I'm friendly enough but can never connect with anybody, the only fuck I ever got was a pity fuck and it was awful even by my standards, I'm bald, fat, diabetic, and likely to die in the next decade from a heart attack (and if I don't I have a bullet with my name engraved on its casing loaded in my .44 magnum) yet I couldn't care enough to do anything about it since I hate myself with an apathetic passion, and I turn 40 this month.

Yeah, don't feel better getting that off my chest.

>>18593906

You think he's going to be happy with someone new?

Give it 2 years, he'll cheat on her again and again lmao

You'll just be looking back thanking god he's out of your life

>>18594001

So... you're miserable, entirely unwilling to change, and you're going to die that way.

Thanks for depressing me.

theres a difference between hating someone and simply not giving a shit about them. I simply just do not give a shit about you anymore after this week. You've open my eyes to the con that is this relationship and I'm gone.

Can't get mad at me for cutting all contact when you're the one lying about literally everything.

Have a good life i guess.

What the fuck, dunkin'

I don't want to be like this.
I want to die. I don't want my friends to deal with my shit anymore.
I self harmed again last night and will probably do it again. And again. And again.
I don't want to be bipolar. I don't want to have these flashbacks. I don't want to hate myself for eating. I want to be normal or not be at all.

>>18594102
Do you have family you can talk with? Cousin or something?

>>18594118
No. Family is on other side of the country and doesn't contact me. Ever.

My sister is a heroin addict and my mom was letting her stay for a week while an infection healed up. She was shooting up in the bathroom and my mom yelled at her to get out of the bathroom because she had been in there from 9 AM to 2:30 PM.
My sister started screaming at my mom and making up stuff about the situation that never happened. She called my mom a fucking cunt and a psychopathic bitch so my mom kicked her out. Right after that my sister threatened to overdose and kill herself so my mom and I have been in a really foul mood all day. I'm worried that my sister might come back and physically harm my mom or have one of her drug addict friends do it in exchange for some drugs. My mom doesn't want to call the police and I don't want to harm the relationship between me and my mom since she's all I have so I can't call them either
My brain was foggy all day afterwards and It's making sleeping really hard and my stomach has been hurting all day too. Deep down I kind of hope she does overdose and die just to release us from this torment. Addiction doesn't just hurt the addict.

>>18594089
confront me about it

>>18594165
why should I? I mean shit, you're the one who called me the other night wasted @ 2am to tell me you cheated on me so idk.

>>18594172
just making sure lol

I hate how my boyfriend can't help but worry I'm going to fuck someone else. The poor thing was cheated on in probably half his previous relationships, and I like to believe he does believe/trust me not to be the same, but every time any (male) friends of mine are passing through town or wanting to hang out, he has to ask me how long I've known them, how'd I meet them, then just puts off a general sense of "I really don't like this, like REALLY don't like this, but I won't say it upfront." I feel like I can't have my own friends without feeling guilty or having to prove to him my friends aren't scummy or trying to sleep with me, which in turns makes it sound like I'm protesting his tone too much, like I'm pigeonholed into hiding things from him because the more I tell him the weirder he acts. One friend recently said he'd be passing through soon, mentioned he wanted to hang out with me AND my boyfriend and even sent him a friend request, I said maybe we can have a BBQ and chill with a few other friends too and my boyfriend was still acting weird and didn't even want to see a picture of my friend. But he's always happy for me to meet his friends, all of our immediate circle were his friends first... Which are all great people, but it's not fucking fair.

>>18594175
i mean shit shes got a record player in her apartment with some cool records and never uses it like theyres basically something wrong with that shit.

i went though all this for years while new things added in. how can i expect anyone to understand, no matter what i explain.
if years of therapy barley did something on this road. its maybe true, i might be better off not bothering anyone of you all. you wanna care about your own things after all. who am i to think different.
i better hide again, leaving you alone. maybe this is truly what i deserve. all of what i think is hard work on this might be shit after all. there is a reason why i hate myself so much. and maybe this too is deserved. trying to do the good for others cant work out, no one will appreciate it anyway. i put too much work into being friendly and open. all i cause are bigger problems.
here is the only place, anonymous, alone, etc. here belongs what is me. why do i work so hard for stuff if it ends up in failing anyway. i stick to my anxiety panic and depression, its probably better for anyone else if i stop bothering.

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>>18591695
I feel disgusting. Just had sex with this random old woman, feels bad man. Im on my way home and i smell like that woman fucking grose. I wish i wasnt such a slut :(

I missed my chance. I never nade a move when you were right there in front of me. Now there's less hope thsn ever and my feelings for you are only growing.

>>18594284
Poor you! Now you know, let that be a lession for you. New ones will come and you will conquer them

I really want to send you an angry text but I'm trying this cool thing called restraint.

However I am quite hurt that you didn't have the decency to text or call.

But today, I guess I learned a valuable lesson. Even though we're not particularly attached or even friends, I still learned that one should not expect anything from this world. It's easier said than done of course but hey, I'm still grateful for the lesson.

I'm thinking of revenge but you're not that important to warrant such an effort... However, I will still treat you with equanimity and perhaps forgive you as a greater man than I would have told me to do so.

I am not that man. I'm frail and insecure yet i still hope you have a good life.

>>18594284
how do you know you missed your chance?

I'm scared of women after a bad relationship back in highschool. I've had a couple gfs before her but she was the only one I had true feelings for. We only dated for a couple months but we knew each other before. We were pretty happy and she showed no signs of disloyalty. But one day I looked at her phone and saw she was sending nudes to random guys and even cheated on me two times. After I confronted her she started to threaten with suicide which made me go into a major depression. After a couple weeks of that I finally broke it off (she never committed suicide) and since then I've had trust issues with women and get scared whenever one starts showing interest. I want to be more secure with myself but I always think that women just want to use me. There's only one woman I want to try to date but she's in a relationship and almost cheated on her bf with me, which only makes me think she will do the same to me...

I broke up with her almost two years ago now. She wasn't even that attractive and had a shit personality. Pretty sure she was cheating on me towards the end. Since breaking up I've done really well, got a nice job, got fit, got my own place, but I still think about her every day. I'd like to think that if she asked to get back together I would say no without hesitation, but I still think about her every single day. Why? All I want is to just move on and forget.

Once again I find myself here, filled with thoughts of you. It's becoming less and less frequent, but I saw lyrics from that song not once, but twice today. The one you would hum to me, while my ears were covered. The safest thing in a world full of chaos. The one that would remind me that you loved me, when I couldn't remember anything else. The one that I would sometimes sing to you, in a shaky voice.

Sometimes I wonder if you're going to look back and think of me as "the one that got away". In a way, I hope you do. Because that would mean that I was everything I wanted to be for you. That I made you feel loved, and safe. That I took care of you and was always there like I tried to be. I don't think you saw all the effort I put in. Most of the time, it wasn't even hard because I just wanted you to be happy. But I guess you needed something different. Maybe I needed something different too...

>>18593536
What's your story anon?

God I don't even fucking know what's wrong with me I can't even form a sentence online without things jumbling in my head I just want to be dead but then my ego gets a hard on thinking about all the pity I'll get post mortem, but I really didn't think that's my motive, and it's not, but it's like there this ego inside of me that permeates everthing and I can't think or di a single thing without it crawling out and begging for attention like it is right now.

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I started crushing on a girl at my work, i started talkin to her and shes just my type, shy, awkward bookworm. i was going to ask her out, but i found out shes 17, im 22. Fml, theres always some reason i cant be happy.

>>18594165
You first whore

>>18594176
Tell your boyfriend you wouldn't be with him if you wanted to fuck other people. Make it clear to him that other guys can have you but you're choosing your boyfriend over all of them because you love him and care about him.

If he's still acting this way out of choice send him my way. Yangire/dere guys are romantic

I'm lonely quite a lot.

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L,

You're a fucking traitor, you put everything else above our friendship and you screwed me one too many times. I really want to move one, forgive, become a better person.

But low-key I want you to suffer for everything you did, I hope all of your projects fail, I hope that whore you were with (the one you decided was more important than maintaining our friendship) hurts you, I hope you fail a lot of classes this semester, just overall I hope you get a shitty time for the rest of your career.

I was a sweetheart to you all this time and you paid me with betrayal and an ache that just won't go away. But now I'm going to keep it all to myself, I will vent but just here.

No, we're not going to be friends again and my advice to you is to keep yourself distant of me.

If there was a way to make you miserable, other than just wishing for it, I would.

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>>18594544

Oh, I forgot to add.

You're human garbage, you have no conscience or regard for anyone else's feelings. You don't deserve anything you have, you care for yourself and that's it.

I never thought it was possible but any time I see anything related to you I feel sick, it makes me want to puke. I don't hope you die, but I sure hope you suffer, you fucking garbage.

If it's true you feel bad for what you did, I really hope it haunts you every fucking day.

lol you texted me again

im fucking so god damn drunk like no way im coming over man god damn

I'm so stupid, stupid, stupid! How do I turn off my feelings? You don't give a damn about me and I need to give up on you. Fuck you for making me love you.

every time i talk to my mom i just want to blow my brains out. all she can spew out of her cunt mouth are fallacies and illogical bull shit blaming me for all her fuck ups. when i point out her bull shit she always tries to guilt me with the fact that shes financially supporting me through school. i cant fucking feel guilt or gratitude for a decision you made and planned without my input god dammit, if you didnt want to put me through school fine i will find work but dont try pretend like i begged you to pay for my schooling and that my entire life hinged on that alone.

im sorry ive become a fucking pragmatic nihilist emotionless robot that is impossible to communicate with, but you wont stop talking to me when i obviously dont enjoy or want to talk to you, then you get mad when i lash at you for saying dumb insufferable shit. we've been doing this for 10 years now, how hard is it to just not fuck with me for your artificial and forced sense of familial love?

I really need help I feel I will end it
I know I go through this cycle a lot but each time I worry I will do it and I don't know how to get out of this thought pattern. I feel so ill

Why is it so hard for me

I just want to have friends

>>18594669
remember that mothers are women first

I have a boy and a girl now, congrats!

How is it that girls always have such a strong social backing even if they are fat or ugly? While guys have to be almost Chads to get invited to parties etc.

>>18591695
Im very sad and I have told literally nobody

>>18591695
I should have given her my phone number but because of my autism it wasn't possible

I need some support.

>>18594875
Go on

>>18591695
so my summer internship ended last week and I just finished my first week home. Fucking hell am I about to lose it. I live with my family since my internship was at my uni. Luckily I've been working crazy hours, leaving early and coming back home late at night. Not always working either but sometimes making plans with friends, going to parties, getting drunk, stoned, etc. typical 20 year old college kid summer shit.

It was really great for me. I got to see my family infrequently enough that I didn't even have time to argue with them and we all got along great. Now that I'm back and have all this free time before classes begin next month they're driving me up the fucking wall.

One big place of conflict has been how religious they are lately. My family is Muslim and I've basically committed every sin in the god damn book short of eating pork and being gay. I'm not a very "good" muslim by any definition and their constant religious sermons they give me out of the blue and overall shitty personality traits that most religious people have drive me insane. I can't afford a place of my own in this town either.

Its super shitty and I hate everything about my current situation. I am trying to start an extra project that requires me to go back to the lab I was an intern in. I gotta get the fuck out of this house and away from these toxic, backwards fucking people I call a family. It used to break my heart a little bit to talk like this, but after I spint a semester abroad last spring, fully free to be myself. I learned that life is too short and I can no longer continue living a life that makes me unhappy.

I can easily see myself abandoning them if I have to in order to lead my own life. I just need real financial security. two more years until then I guess. Atleast I'll be 21 in a few months so I can go out for a drink whenever I've had it with their bullshit.

and to top it all off, I can't fall asleep until 4am each night and its driving me insane.

i am so lonely and alone
i have trouble breathing, my anxiety kills my appetite, cant even sleep
nobody wants me
i just want to feel closeness and affection but people keep dropping me left and right
i just want one close friend who gets me through the day. gives me something to look forward to.
cant find a shut in girl who would spend her time keeping a shitskin some company

>>18594960
I can relate except for the shitskin part. I lost someone very close to me recently, and they were my entire social network and support system. The anxiety is killer.

>>18594999
i get way too attached to people
my insecurities and mental breakdowns are quite attractive as well

The only women to show interest in me, not treat me like I'm creepy, likes having me around and shows it too, clearly misses me and tries to stop me from taking holidays when we're at work so she can see me more...

... is married.

I hope we're just friends because if she makes a move, I'll be forced to choose between the man I want to be (the guy who doesn't try to date other peoples girlfriends or wives) and the woman I want to be with (her, so badly).

Not a choice I want to make, particularly because I know the answer that tempts me the most.

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>>18593981
how does that make you feel?

It's crazy, but somehow you can be clinically depressed, lacking in both emotions and pleasure, and still get along fine. A month ago, every day was a struggle against anxiety and depressive thoughts - the sort of thoughts that stick to your mind like glue so that you can't escape them, and feel burdened under their weight. Add on to that 5 hours of sleep per night and a lot of poor decision involving caffeine and sugar, and you've got a good recipe for an absolutely miserable evening.

The stunning thing is that it doesn't have to be that way. I started meditating recently, and it's deconstructed my negative world-view almost overnight. When I stumble into an anxious thought, I can dispel it immediately because I know exactly what it is and does. When I feel angry, my mind goes immediately to verses about the futility of anger, and it works. I've even managed to slightly enjoy an audiobook, and made it 50 pages into a novel.

I mean, this is life-changing knowledge when you consider it. I spent almost all of last year building up my ego and disregarding almost all people and things as "meaningless". The whole ordeal was totally unnecessary, and it only made me unhappy as a result. I no longer have to forage for answers, no longer have to go down obscure patterns of thought or define anything. I can just relax in the moment. This post isn't as well-written as I'd have liked, but I hope the message is conveyed properly.

Ive noticed a recurring theme in my dreams lately.

Wasted opportunities.

I keep dreaming about being back in middle school or high school (mostly high school) but its always about things that I should've done or things I wanted to say. I just woke up from a dream right now where I saw a girl that I'm pretty sure I had 3 or 4 opportunities to start something with her that I never took because I was too scared and shy to say anything. I bumped into her in the hallway, and I kinda laughed and said sorry, and she just ignored me and went to the water fountain. I was wondering wtf was happening and why she ignored me until I realized I was dreaming and I woke myself up.

Why am I still dreaming about this shit?

I think its because of the regret of never taking these opportunities. I'm a khv, barely have any friends, and it doesnt seem to be getting much better. I'm filled with such bitterness and hatred towards myself that its hard to even look at my own reflection in the mirror.

>>18591695
>>18591695
>>18591695
>>18591695

i recently broke up with my gf because she refused or didn't want to come home and spend time with me(among st other things). She preferred living in an area where she moved to school (and ultimately failed out). She was depressed and for the longest time and it really put a strain on our relationship for long distance, she always closed me out and hated to open up to me, the last 4 months when we were separated was hell for me, because every day i text her and she shut me out. it really hurt my feelings to have to go through that and even though i am out of this situation i really do miss her. We broke up peacefully and there was no bad blood between us when it broke. But now just over a month later, she has a new bf... And for some reason im filled with hurt and anger like i never felt before in my life.

I just feel betrayed and feel inept, i know its selfish of me to feel these feelings, and i know its wrong since i broke up with her but jesus i am upset right now.

All i fucking wanted was for her to fight for our relationship for once, to put herself out there and make it known that hey im with you here, it may be a tough time, but Jesus i am right beside you im not gone... She couldn't even do that for me. For all the pain and hardship i stuck through for her, through all the nights of crying and holding because she was sad... The one thing i wanted when i came back was for her to tell me that she was still in this, that she wanted me and that even though we lost something in our distance it wasn't gone. The reason i decided to take a break in the first place was to see if you would fight for me, or run when things got tough... She ran...and i think that is what hurts the most.

>>18595145
You did place a lot of pressure on her. If things were different I'd suggest you give her time to open up and be supportive. Forcing her to act a certain way towards you can seem biased since she was going through a tough time. This isn't completely your fault however because she did refuse to communicate. It will become easier with time. Hopefully one day she will have her shit together and you two can piece things together if you haven't moved on but I suggest doing so.

I know you weren't asking for adv and just venting btw

>>18595155

well its nice to hear from another perspective.

i don't feel i put that much pressure on her, she failed out of school and didn't want to come home (even to visit). Basically the only time i'd get to see her is if i made the effort to go to see her(which i add she never came to visit me even though we were both in school), and afterwards she didn't want to move if i got a job somewhere else why i said other things where at play.

>>18595169
Those things stand out like huge waving red flags. Being depressed she could have possibly just been isolating herself -- that's common behavior with depression. Chances are more than likely though that she was seeing someone else. Regardless, when you give me this context again I can sympathize with what you're screaming. Keep on keepin' on, anon

I wish my parents would stop badgering to put a portfolio and shit together to send to companies. I just want to finish my courses and studies, and then I'll think about a new career.

>>18595210
I wish my parents would stop badgering me to sign up for classes again to get a degree. I just want to advance in my trade some more, then I'll think about continuing education

Best of luck to you from the other side of the same coin

>>18595225
I wish my parents would free me from this hell of a life they have been lying to me about.

>>18591695
How the fuck am I supposed to get better at relationships, romance and sex if I never get the opportunity to get better at it? You think I want to be a miserable, bitter little bitch about it? I find it hard enough as it is just to open up to people and even make/keep friends. I know it's mainly on my part, but I can only cope with so much rejection and envy before I cave in. Yeah, I'm sensitive to romantic shit, I want to be loved too. But no, I have to have my entire life on track and a strong social circle before I'm even considered acceptable. God forbid I don't have my entire live planned out and sorted when I'm 21, If that were the case I'd clearly be unable to improve myself. And even worse if I open up about my insecurities and lack even a hint of confidence. I know everyone has problems, and I don't mean to make out that I'm the sole victim of the world, but for fucks sake I'm human. If you think I'm worth less because I'm not a happy person then do me a favour and make room for those who don't.

>>18595058
Like an asshole who used women. I'm not entirely remorseful but the more I think about it, the more regretful I am. I'm 31, too old to be playing games with young women.

I know I'm a complete sociopath now and that kind of leaves a turning gut feeling.

>>18595350
Is it hard being a sociopath?
Is it hard living with using women?
Is it hard living with the fact you know you've used them when they've become attached to you?

Sounds condescending but I'm curious

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I feel like my life has been dictated by the saying, "Quality over quantity". I don't really do much, but whatever I do do I do passionately. I can't sit and watch mediocre movies, I have to watch movies that I think I'll love or else it will feel like a waste of time. I can't sit and listen to entire albums, I have to listen to a few select songs that appeal to me both in lyrics and melody. I can't go out every weekend, I only do so maybe once a month, twice tops. I like short stories more than novels.

Its not so bad except that I always feel like a boring person. Some people I know do several things every weekend. Like, I don't have many experiences, I only have a few that I absolutely cherish.

I hope that QT that stared at me often the last time we were on the same bus takes the same bus as me tomorrow again. I'm gonna talk to her, I hope I don't spill my spaghetti. Idk what to say, I hope something comes up. The last time she was singing along to the bus radio a bit, it was The Beatles.

have you ever thought about how fucking insane flight is? Like, how even the fuck? How did that shit come to be, that given the rules of all the shit in the world, nature came up with that shit.

How amazing would it be to fly like the birds.

>>18595397
Yeah, it's kind of unfair since birds are probably not aware themselves of how awesome it is to fly. But maybe if we could naturally fly we wouldn't be aware either. Maybe walking is also amazing but we are too used to it.

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>>18595397
Just look at this shit. How incredibly complex every single structure is. Every fucking feather here serves a purpose. ITS INSANE GOD DAMNIT.

>>18595397
Have you ever thought about how fucking insane life is? How ridiculously complex everything and everyone is? I mean, fuck, CELLS even have their own organs, we're like meaty nesting dolls! And to think all of this came from space dust... fucking crazy, man.

>>18594818
Charisma transcends looks

>>18595460
Having a pussy is life kn very very very easy mode*
ftfy

>>18595464
>black and white mindset
Good luck with that

>>18595467
>like it doesn't apply to women
Whatever helps you sleep

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>>18591695
This has to be a dream.

A few weeks ago I was struggling with the possibility that she wasn't interested in me due to her lack of response to my last message. Yet here I am in awe at what happened last Friday. Out of the blue she appears at work where I thought she had quit. She teased me how I didn't expect her there. She told me that she wanted to respond to my previous message but decided to do it in person and so I learned what she was up to. But the icing on the cake was what my friend and coworker told me: apparently she had come in the previous day but asked him to not inform me that she was working there because she wanted to surprise me.

I can't believe it. I might have a chance with this girl.

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During the past year, I have become a national socialist. I have embraced this ideology, and it has changed how I view the world, and how I conduct myself. I have begun to strive for self improvement so I can one day, be as close to the ideal man as possible.
I have realized the fundamental truth about the world, and my core values, which are my family, my people, and my homeland, as these are the only things, for which I am willing to kill and die for. For the sake of my people, there is no deed I am unwilling to perform, and anyone who threatens the existence of my people, deserves nothing short of utter extermination.

I have found my star. I will walk the path laid forth by Adolf Hitler, I shall mantle him, and ensure that his vision is reborn among my people and that we are freed of this disgusting, corrupt union that seeks to replace us in our own homeland with subhuman negroes. Until I see my people free of the EU, and all the traitors among us who support this union dead at my feet, I will not be satisfied.

My children deserve a homeland free of foreigners, and foreign tyranny, a land where they can prosper and live among their own kin, safe, and secure. It is my moral obligation towards them, to ensure that this vision comes true, and anyone standing against it must be eliminated, for they would see my children and people subjugated and enslaved by foreign powers. This international cabal of bankers and globalists will stop at nothing when it comes to blundering our people and stripping us of our sovereignty. We were warned of it by Hitler, as time has proven, that he was right.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzIRG525l6s

It is now my duty, to speak the truth, and tell my kin of the danger that faces us, and point out those who would enslave and rob us.
I will dedicate my life to securing the existence of my people, and a future for our children.

Sieg Heil!

>23
>college's semester exam's last terms in less than month
>anxious as fuck
>cannot do anything
>god-awful at math
>shit focus
>changed the field of study once already before
>not even in half of the course
>might have ADD
>not sure if I should go to psychologist in first place, because one talked my parents into holding me additional year in the grade as a kid due to not talking, started talking next year
>had to walk to school psychologist through most of my primary and mid school, teachers apparently had that in notes
>all day think about fucking off somewhere and living on my own, maybe traveling, living under the tarp and stuff
>no job
>barely any cash
>anxious to do anything involving strangers
>addicted to computer
>used computer since childhood, at start apparently to help me start talking
>later I was just using it to play games
>parents did nothing about it
>the only way to take a break from computer by myself is to carry the computer somewhere and pull off the cable and put it outside my room
>parents shit on me for this because I'm acting weird
>want to learn to draw, cannot bother to do it
>have problem watering the plants every day
>want to lose weight, parents give me looks because I want to restrict calorie intake
>when I ate outside dinner time, parent's ridiculed me by saying "that guy who wants to lose weight"
>no friends
>feel like I'm prisoner in my house, unable to do anything because parents will say no to anything more extreme
>they don't fucking get it, they think it's all my fault

Spent a long time hating myself for not dating, and desiring it more than anything. Lots of hating on in primary school probably did this to me. I've been getting better, got a job, going to the gym, things seem good. Been on a few dates too. Met one girl I really liked, and screwed it up. Every girl since then (maybe like 3-4) that i've gone on a date or two with, hasn't interested me in the slightest once we hang out. I sometimes feel like i'll be single forever, and I don't know if that's a relief or terrifying. I don't think I want to ever have sex or be sexual with anybody. I'm not asexual to my knowledge, so maybe it's anxiety or fear or something, but when I think about it, like it was going to happen now or tomorrow, I start to psych myself out and fell genuinely ill. Even to the point where i've debating castrating myself, surgically of course... So yeah, there's that off my chest.

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You fucking slut you just keep leading me on all the time then going and fucking some other fuck boii who probs just fucks you over anyway then you have the audacity to fucking cry to me about it, literally just fucking be honest about it, I know you like me back but you just keep playing silly fucking games and I fucking hate you for it

Considering you fucked a prostitute a week before my birthday, no, I don't really feel like being friendly on yours. C'est la vie.

Unless you want you want to fuck do not contact or follow me around at all I have dealt with enough of your shit to last 2 lifetimes stop abusing coke and eat something

Yours sons gunna have a little brother.

I just realized that birds are so rapey because they have no hands to jerk off with.

Just... yeah.

How the fuck do you convince someone you love who is nihilistic to the point of wanting to die to get help? Or that their world view is retarded?

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My diet's so fucking shitty, I can barely remember what going outside and having a normal day is like without feeling over-full, gaseous, or uncomfortable in some way. I'm young and at a healthy weight, but I still snack often and eat like 5 breakfast bars sometimes just because I feel like it. There's no good excuse to do so, but I keep on doing it and end up feeling like shit.

>>18595772
Sounds like he has other issues to deal with, since Nihilism alone won't make you suicidal. Meditation works wonders for getting rid of obstructive thoughts, however, so I'd recommend that for starters. If he's stubborn and insists on a rational explanation, you could tell him that it doesn't really matter either way according to his ideology, and his best chance at happiness is to simply drop it all off, plain and simple, and enjoy whatever pleasure comes along (though with moderation, to protect your health) with no further panic about the whole ordeal.

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I fear terribly that, due to my carrer decision I'm not going to find a job in the future that will give me money and I'm going to die a poorfag

Lately I've been obsessing and worrying a lot about it

Im off to my new job...i really dont want to go...but i have to get revenge on all those people who didnt want to be with me. My goal in life is to now become as successful as possible and make everyone regret they ever left.

>>18595893
don't live life for others

try to start thinking in the most selfish ways, think of all the good things that you are going to do for yourself only, how the job is going to give you money and a purpose each morning. Otherwise once you realize those people don't give a single shit about you, specially if you even become successful, you are going to go completely insane

>>18595673
yea fuck her man. I recently had to deal with a girl who i was fooling around with and she decided that i wasn't good enough and started to date a new guy. The blow of text was so insulting i was more upset by the the message then the possibility of not having sex anymore.

>>18595899
ill forget about them eventually i just have a fresh wound right now and im trying to use it as motivation to get in shape and make tons of money

>>18595908
as long as you are telling the truth
but remember that it is beyond unhealthy

It took me a bit to realize but all your "shhh" and "snitches get stitches" bullshit is for those watching, not for me.

What the fuck would you pieces of shit do to someone that just told me what was going on? What the fuck would you guys even do?

I'm tired of this culture of not taking responsibility for anything. My anxiety this, my depression that, my ADD, my autism. Yes there are people with actual mental problems but for most of you it's nothing more than an excuse not to make an effort.

>>18596024
Fuck you

I'm sorry for the way I acted, but holy shit you gave me no choice. I know living with my mother is weird, but I have to take care of my disabled little brother for her. I can understand if you aren't comfortable living with me and her, but being okay with breaking up and destroying an 8 year long relationship just because you aren't willing to give it a try? Did I really mean so little to you? What else did you want from me? I've even groveled for us to try and work it out, but you've done nothing but remove me from all possible ways of communication except your cell. The worst part is you just refuse to talk to me, instead of just telling me you don't want to try anymore or just outright blocking me. You'd rather just sit there and ignore me, seeing the stream of texts and missed calls, does that make you feel better?

Got you all collectively doing the sprinkler

I remember I ggooggled it the following morning. Only just because.
It was odd how you called me like literally right after. We talked and shit. I didn't mean to give that initial reaction. You know how I feel about him. I thought he was just being a nervous stuck up like he normally is. But yea. Sometimes Jesus takes the wheel and we just need to thank him/her for blessing us all. I swear times like that make me convinced that there's a higher power... I really hope you could read this and know that initial reaction was obsolete because I was completely out of it- really didn't realize what happened. I realize hope you took my advice and kept him company over the years. I never want to mention it to him not even subtlely. I think its better I don't see him all together, because I'm sure it won't be good for him for reasons I told you in person. And please don't you worry. That will remain only with me and no one else.

I'm scared to start Tinder. What are some tips for using Tinder.

>>18592113
This ist so romantic

I regret getting forearm tattoos. It wouldn't be as bad if I got them on my chest or something but now I have to wear long sleeves if I want to cover them.
Hopefully someone will invent a cheap way to remove tattoos in the near future.

>>18596195
Razor blade oooooor sandpaper broh

I had a long post typed up about our history. About why I feel the way I do about you. But at the end of it, I realized that I wasn't saying what I was trying to say.

It's weird because when we haven't actually talked for a while, when we're just texting late at night, I can convince myself that I'm in love with you. You're so positive and upbeat, and you're really cute too even if you don't think so. But once we start talking on the phone, or once we meet up face to face, I realize that I genuinely don't care for what you have to say. You're the cause of all your problems. If sleeping around makes you feel like you're being used or you're a bad person, maybe you shouldn't do that. If your significant other isn't making you happy and won't have sex with you, maybe you should break up with them.

I don't mind that you complain to me, sometimes it's nice to have a good friend to vent to, but can you even process how annoying it is to hear you bitch about the exact same shit all the time, especially when you can easily solve your problems?

And to top it off, you have a massive persecution complex. No, I don't think I'm better than you. No, I didn't go to school halfway across the country specifically to leave you behind. No, your professor isn't mindlessly criticizing your work just because you are who you are, maybe you're just that bad at what you do because you have no passion for it.

Maybe people would wanna be around you more often if you would get your shit together.

>t. someone who realized he was his own problem and got his shit together

I have so many people who love me but I only want you to love me. I have people to talk to but I only want to talk to you. I don't know what you did to me but I'm still happy about it. It's just this longing... everything is better when you're involved. You make things more interesting.

>>18596310
This is how I feel about her. I just wish I could do more. Love has destroyed me in the best possible way

A couple days ago someone said something nice about me. She said that I'm "understanding".
First time someone said something nice about me.

It feels... nice.

I broke up with the only girl that ever loved me or care about me because she was a possessive, insecure, immature brat.

It's been a year and I'm miserable and lonely as someone can be, I haven't dated, met or even talked to any girl in that time.

On the other side she is glowing beautiful, happy and have fucked at least 4 different guys, as far as I know.

Some days I miss her and I want her back, but at the same time I don't see possible to have a healthy relationship with her again, specially since now she's so into guys right now.

Feelings, right?

>>18596336
I've felt like this for years. I thought it would lessen...

I got my first motorbike with all the money I have. Now I'm scared shitless while riding it. It doesn't feel comfortable. If I quit now my coworkers and friends will make fun of me, If I continue probably I'll get myself killed.

This ain't good.

I can't focus on this movie because I keep thinking about how much I want you.

White one, I really like you, but you seem to have met somebody at that greenpeace event, before I got a chance to tell you. Maybe,me reacting this intensely to a crush is a sign I shouldn't be dating anybody for now.

I had hoped you would still like me, but your messages seem distracted by something stronger.

Where are those bawww threads, when you really need them.

I'm confused. You just invited me to some party again, but it seems like it's going to be a repeat of the earlier ones. You looking like you cared when we meet, and then talking with everyone but me throughout the rest of the evening. Am I sending mixed messages? Do you just keep me around out of pity? If you have FWB's going on, why can't I be one of them? If you don't why are you mostly cold? Why do you invite me to places if we then cannot talk? Why do you greet so enthusiastically only to ignore me later? I get the feeling that there are many others like me around, how do you hide them so well? If I asked you straight, you would treat it as a joke, so I'll just have to wait longer.

Indunajt li fallejt fil hajja ghax minflok qghadt naghti kass l-emozjonijiet tieghi, waqqafthom uu qed immut min gewwa ghax ma nistax nsib l ferh tal hajja
Im pretty much fucking depressed, Irs all my fault though.
I've ignored my emotions and bottles it up until it all came out as rage and just fucking turned violent.
I'm at fault for it though.
i fucked myself ocer by not learning how to process emotion instead of keeping it bottled up.
and now im gonna fucking regret it forever now that i know why i hate myself

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talked to bf about living together since both of our current living situations are pretty undesireable and could be solved by moving out but hes just like oh thats a long ways off, we've got long lives ahead of u.s
he thinks the best thing to do is wait and im being a childish fuck for getting mad and i hate the way i react to things so much.
im such a baby.

>>18593711
>I mean when you're really ready
When is that?

>>18596431
Just keep at it and be as safe as you can. That's how I felt at first. You'll start to feel more comfortable with practice!

I can't do this. I hate being mean. I feel awful. But I can't keep doing this to myself. Talking to you means sinking into hatred. Hatred for you, and for me. You make my life worse.

But I hate how guilty you make me feel for being angry at you. I have all the reasons to be.

And I shouldn't care about your birthday, because you ruined mine, and a whole year of my life (or more). But I feel so bad about it. I desperately want to go and bake you a cake and make you happy. It's easier for me to be nice. But at the same time it feels so unfair.

Someone tell me I'm not doing things wrong. I shouldn't worry about my cheating ex's happiness.

>>18595369
Hard.. no
just nauseating

I want to fuck the shit out of Grimes.

Just SAYING

Left my serial cheating boyfriend after I caught him cheating AGAIN. He begged and begged for weeks for me to forgive him again (a fifth time? Lol no way)

Now seeing someone else. It's the ex's boss. And he treats me like a queen.

Karma really is a bitch.

>>18596760
Holy shit this could have been written by me.

It gets better. You deserve better. Just give it time.

I'm a little worried about you.... You're eating too much sugar, and then your diet consists of mainly carbs on top of that. You should really be careful. I've been hinting at limiting our sugar intake but maybe I should tell you straight up to be a little more concerned.

>>18596760
If you honestly hated this person you wouldn't feel this way. You are hurt by whatever is it that happened. It sounds more like you have things that you want to get off your mind.
Do you think this person is trying to make you feel guilty on purpose? Or are you making yourself feel guilty because younger acting out on purpose?
It sounds like the latter. Like you trying to be something you are not in order to punish the other.
Be honest with yourself and this other person of you are still on speaking terms. Also, are you sure it's cheating?
You still talk with this person? And they talk back? This means that there is something there, perhaps talk to them about why you this way. Let everything out in the open instead of acting in a way that makes you feel bad.
What do you have to lose in being hone at this that person?

Maybe if you tell them about your birthday, they will understand.

If you are sure about them cheating and you got concrete proof, then yeah, just stop then.
But it seems like you are willing to forgive, or something else.
Not going to condone cheating, and while many here will go with "once a cheater, always a cheater", I would be willing to give someone a chance if they really do regret what happened.

Or look someone else. Up to you.

Your skin fits my skin skin tight.

sticks and stones break my bones but bullet holes...
you know they cant hurt me

invincible unbreakable unstoppable
I'll show whose worthy.
grab the gun, I'll take the wheel
FUCK THE WORLD MY LOVE IS REAL
*********
You are so good damn nice
you inspire you inspire!
Trust me worthy one
That you are admired

Hey there, fruity, you can do my hair. Hey there, fruity, don't touch me down there. Hey there, fruity, you're gay and I don't approve.

>>18596945
Of course I don't completely hate him. That's the hard part.

I don't think he's trying to make me feel guilty on purpose. But he refuses to acknowledge what he did wrong, and acts all shocked that I'm not being nice to him. As if I should've gotten over it already. I don't think he's that way on purpose, but he manages to blame me for everything, even his cheating. So I'd say his words make me feel guilty.

He wants to keep talking to me and I end up giving in, and then blocking him when it hurts too much. He wants to get back together with me and claims to have changed and all that stuff.

You're right. I'm trying to do something I don't want. Because I still care about him, and I still want to make him happy and all that stuff. But I know it's a bad idea. I know I shouldn't date him. He's a bad person, he was awful to me. And if I keep talking to him, I'll never move on.

Yes, he did cheat. I was willing to forgive but he kept lying about it. He even called me ungrateful for considering breaking up. It was too much. There's a part of me that still wishes he suddenly understood how much he hurt me and genuinely apologized. But it's not going to happen at this point.

I'm pretty sure I've been open about everything. It's just that he'll never understand. He says I don't understand anything, that I think in black and white, things like that. I guess from his point of view, I'll never understand him. It's impossible to advance from this. We've had many discussions about it. That's why I think the best option is not to talk. Sucks that the burden is on me, since he doesn't want to stop.

>>18596760
Weird how some post on a peruvian alpacca breading forum would describe me so accurately. You from Germany by chance?

>>18597072
No, I'm from South America. I guess it's a common feeling since you're the second one to comment that.

I understand so much now, yet I still can't get behind YOU not wanting anything to do with ME. As much as I can think about, as much as I admit how much wrong I did and how much damage I've caused - I can't figure it out. I have every damn reason to do this. Not you. Why would you fucking rob me of this? You could've atleast let me have this. Me cutting you. Me getting my mind free. Why - after all that's happened - can't I even have this. A free mind. Free from you. Now I'm trapped in this circlejerk of wondering why. Fuck you.

How do I know if you really, truly want to be with me? How do I know that you're not lying about wanting me there? I want to be with you and I miss holding onto your finger. I care about you so much and do things especially for you yet I feel like you don't do things especially for me. How do I know that I'm special to you?

>>18597061
Then just tell him so.
Tell him that you need some time to yourself. You need to clear things up for yourself and you should work on that.
There's obviously feelings between you guys. Take time away from them.

Look, if he actually wants you, and cares enough he'll understand and give you as much time as you need.
Perhaps with you away, his mind will have the time needed to think about what happened. Enough for him to realize tgarvyou meant something more to him. It he'll try to preasure you, and become more of asshole. Then you can just walk away because you'll have good proof he was just trying something else.

The best thing you can do is ask for time on your terms. You are confused as fuck by your emotions. Tell him you need to think about things and then take a break. Don't reply unless you really want to. Don't do it because of this feelings, but because you feel something is right or wrong.

The first step to moving on is accepting it. You are still troubled by it. See what comes out of it, when you choose so.

I left my cat to die alone over the weekend, he was only 11 years old. Way too fucking soon. I should have gotten home sooner. I hate myself for this and he deserved better. I can't stop crying. I will never be the same without my sweet best friend. I feel like i can't ever get over his death because of the guilt. I'm so sorry. My night og pointless crying will never undo my mistake. Nothing will ever bring him back. I'll never be the same again.

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I live in my truck with my GF and want to make an air-bnb for showers and shitters. Someone should make that. Also any ideas on odd job ways off making money besides job? Both our jobs start at end of month.

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>>18597140
Dude...

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>>18596175
Tips for tinder:

1. Don't
2. Backpage
3. ???????
4. Profit

>>18592792
Feeling this, and I'm female.

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>>18591695
I just want to fap to her again

I keep buying shit that I probably shouldn't like heels and short skrits because I know you'll like them. Then I sit around the house wearing them hoping you'll contact me. It makes me so happy when you call me cute. Please just move here so that I can keep buying things for you to earn your praise.

>>18597140
Did you fucking leave him to starve to death/dehydrate?

You are a shitty fucking person. Like, holy fucking shit. Kill yourself.

YOUR BEST FRIEND? Fuck you faggot.

>>18597259
Sometimes animals die for other reasons, anon. Sometimes they are sick but it's hard to tell because they are cats.

I can't be my true self around anyone including family and I care far too much about how other people think of me. I'm unmotivated and too lazy to change myself and I'm afraid I'll die alone and without ever leaving a mark on the world. I dropped out of school at 15 and I'm not that smart either. I'm too self aware to ever kill myself or anyone else though so I got that going for me. I also can't get out of silver in lol so that sticks too.

>>18597263
>I left my cat to die alone over the weekend
>alone

>>18597294
Doesn't mean it ran out of food or water. A lot of people have water dishes and food dishes that fill up with a resevoir so that they don't have to be constantly refilled. Most cats are fine with a few days solitude.

>>18597297
sure, it just fucking died BECAUSE

Damn it niña, I was trying to get over my feelings for you.

I've spent over a decade of my life complaining about how I don't have a girlfriend and that I'm a virgin. None of that shit matters, I'm a loner and will always be one, that's the path I'm meant to take. I don't give a fuck anymore about anything, leave me in peace.

It's crazy how you became so important to me so quickly. I can't tell you because I'm too good at ruining things and you seem happy with him (?). I'm so toxic, at least now I understand why I'm alone. I don't even know what do you (or anyone) think about me, my friends can't understand shit so I can't talk. I want you.

I think I still love you. Not because you aren't here, but because I do. I keep trying to see in a negative way. The way you were neglectful. The way you were immature. The way you made promises, and made no effort to keep them.
I hated that about you. God, you were just bad in a relationship. I really don't know why you would tell me you loved me. Did you really? Or did you start playing with me as a way to get back for my problems?
I'm sorry I didn't work harder to accomplish things. I didn't work hard enough to fight my ptsd and depression. It's not easy, but I guess it warped you as a person.
I made you into this. You used to be supportive, loving, perfect.
I knew I was going to fuck this is. I was always scared that was going to happen. I was an asshole from the start, I even warned you.
I was always broken and you just wanted to fix me. As you said in the end, you couldn't fix me.
I'm still struggling to fix myself.

I've been waiting months for this and you've ruined it twice. I honestly highly dislike you now. God I need to get out of this place so I don't loose my mind.

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My only good friend is someone who lives in MA. The rest of my friends irl are too busy to spend any amount of time with me. I can't bother them about it too much because they're just trying to get by, but also it makes me feel like I'm a piece of shit and I'm not worth their time.

I used to have a good friend who was like my twin. We did everything together. Then his ex fucked him over and he turned into a two-faced asshole. Would say he would repay me for all the shit I've done for him and how happy he was to reconnect with me, then he'd ignore me even after I try several times to get in touch with him and he goes out with coworkers to drink instead.

How do you make friends as an adult? I don't want any more online friends. I have plenty. I'm sick of doing literally everything alone. It's fucking depressing. I used to be ok with it but after years and years of doing it, I feel like I'd be better off dead if nobody gives 2 shits about me. Only thing keeping me alive are my 2 rabbits and my friend in MA.

And yes I started going to therapy but I have a limited amount of sessions I can go to per year due to my insurance, and I've only been to one so far. Tuesday is my next appointment and I'm gonna have to bombard that bitch with self-pity. I need to get shit done. I want to change. I don't have any motivation to do anything. Maybe I am just shit and nobody likes to spend time with me. But I have no idea what I'm doing wrong.

I probably will need to go to rehab or something for this pill popping problem. I used to be able to go without them if I had to but now I literally can't function. The fuck am I going to do. I don't have medical insurance.

>>18597360
>I don't want any more online friends. I have plenty.

Sorry. I should've added that I want people physically here to spend time with, rather than more online friends.

Im moving across the country to be with someone ive known for 5 months, and I'm nervous as hell. He is literally perfect for me, i'm not religious but i am almost persuaded to believe in somr of god or governing force because there is no other way such a beautiful and perfect person could have come into my life at such a perfect time. BECAUSE he's so perfect and because im overly aware of how fucking DEGENERATE people can easily be, and hide it....I'm freaking the FUCK OUT. But im trying to be really chill about it.
I respect him and I trust him, I've met his entire family and I'm ready as fuck to get OUT of where I'm at. We can't get enough of each other, video chat every day and all that
however, I can't stop being jealous of the time that he spends talking to other people because the more i tell him the stuff that worries, the more it seems like he doesnt want to talk as much or see my words in a lighthearted way even if they are.

As always, i am ruining all the good in my life and I swear to whatever that if this fails I am killing myself.

>>18591859
that's fucking awesome! I'm proud of you! I know how difficult that shit can be.
How did you figure it out? What is it?

>>18591892
PLEASE TAKE HIS ADVICE

This sounds exactly like something that SHOULD have been said to me

Dated a schizophernic, after both of us on/off trying to make it last waaayyyyy past its expiration date (which is 1 night) it devolved into fights, suspicion, and him choking me out several times because i wanted him to be more considerate and safe. I may not know your situation but FFS DOES IT SOUND FUCKING FAMILIAR AS HELL
Wonder why
>incapable of love
>expecting love from this person
this isnt something that can be maintained
it is not practical
Get out and find SOMETHING BETTER, it IS out there. The something better may just be you, making yourself stronger, or finding a life path that kicks ass, either way, please dont waste your time with someone who stresses you out, the WHOLE point of a relationship is to add joy to your life, not take away!

For your sake, i hope you dont live with this guy. I hope you move the fuck on, and I hope you realize that it was the right thing to do.

It took me a long time of being stuck in that cesspool to realize it was a cesspool
I actually had to get out before I could realize how much I had attempted to adapt to and accept that I NEVER SHOULD HAVE

I know im typing in caps like an 80yo computer illiterate but seriously if i can help anyone avoid the shit ive seen then please, please, get out now before you give the situation the chance to get nasty.

There's someone for everyone, just not me it seems like

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>>18591695
i think alcohol fucks with my ibs
i'd kind of like to die now

>>18597380
That is a bad idea, make him move to you.

>>18597417
Ever consider getting a fecal transplant?

>>18597402
Your situation sounds much worse, and in your case I would run immediately. The person I mentioned in mine was super kind and nice for around seven years, then one day just stopped caring about anything. Mind you a major life event happened with them, but still they always did seem obsessed more with doing what was comfy over what was right.

>>18597424
i have not. i'm gonna start taking fiber supplements because one of my friends with chrons said it helped him. but some sites say fiber fucks with ibs. that's a risk i'm willing to take before swapping dna with someone's pooper. i'm not totally against that idea though

>>18593268
i think the point is to keep flirting with your s/o

if you can't, THAT's when you've become the cuck.

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As time goes on and I grow older I notice my peers have started getting engaged and married, and I've realized I really cannot imagine having such a close relationship with someone like that. Even little things like touching and being touched by someone seems so uncomfortable. Makes me feel like I'm really meant to be alone.

Done feeling sorry for myself. I am alone, no family, no friends, no life and I accept that's how it is. As long as I'm satisfied with myself that's all that matters.

I need an outlet for all this romantic bullshit. But doing sweet romantic shit just means that's never going to . Fml.

>>18597431
I used to struggle with ibs all the time, but I just generally cleaned up my diet while trying to lose weight and it's barely a problem for me anymore. Avoid too much dairy and foods high in fat. Fiber helps absorb water in the intestines so it's worth a shot and generally good for your digestion all around. However, alcohol gives most people the shits, there's just no two ways about it. Usually that comes the next morning, though.

>>18597447
What were your past relationships like? Relationship with parents when you were younger, relationships with siblings and peers? Any romantic or sexual relationships, serious or not?

Hanging with my ex who I'm absolutely in love with. Still don't know if she wants me though because she tells me one thing and then acts like it's not exactly true. I want to fucking die man. She's the only thing in my life who makes me actually happy. I'm financially fucked, can't find inner peace. And I feel like she would make me not care and actually happy. Fml

>>18597431
What do you have? I've had colitis for over a decade and the thing that helped the most by far was cleaning up my diet. Never had problems with anything, dairy, fiber, booze, etc. after I started eating clean.

>>18597460
i'm just thinking of how during college, i ate ice cream nearly every day without worrying about not being able to make it to my class an hour later. compare that to today when i spewed brown lava everywhere despite my last meal being over 12 hours ago. now i wouldn't even dream of eating ice cream unless i'm going to be home the rest of the day. and the only difference i can think of is that i hardly drank in college.

doesn't help that i had to get my gallbladder taken out, which the doctor said would make things worse

>>18597462
My parents and siblings were always great, caring, and supportive. My only romantic relationships were typical teenage romances, nothing serious and no world-shattering breakups. I've got a great circle of close friends and am otherwise really happy with my life. I'm not even particularly bummed out about my lack of a love life, it just hit me when my friend was talking about getting engaged how weird that seemed to me, like I could not see myself having that kind of relationship. Being so close to someone so often seems like such an alien thing to me.

>>18597466
the doctors say it's ibs, but the specialist i talked to who said it was ibs also said that ibs is what they call it when they don't know what to call it. i've tried medications and food diaries. taking two imodium every day got me through a four month job relatively okay, only had to make them pull over on the way to work four times, but that's probably just because it made me painfully constipated. but now it seems like it's not helping anymore and idk what to do except not eat anything unless i've finished all my errands and can stay home the rest of the day

>>18591695
There's a great girl I'd love to ask out, but currently we're just good friends. Her current relationship is in imminent danger of collapsing, and I feel like a piece of shit for wanting to swoop in like a vulture and ask her out, potentially ruining our relationship.

What do I do?
P.S. I'd be content if it's necessary to not go out with her and remain friends.

Are bras cute because they are made for women and women like cute things? Or are they cute because they are made for men and men like cute women?

>>18597489
Made for women. Men just want women to go braless

>>18597491
No you don't. You do not want your grandma to be going braless.

I'm having a baby soon. I'm so excited. Waiting is intolerable, I feel so uncomfertable and also I just can't wait to have her. I wish I could have a bunch of kids. I love being a mom. Im a bit worried that my almost 2 yo will be upset about the new baby. She's still a baby to pretty much and I still want to be able to give her the same amount of attention and cuddles and stuff. It should be fine right? Im probably worrying for nothing.

>>18597491
No no trust me unless they are flawless you don't want the chick going braless.

>>18592284
agreed

just know that us being away from each other is a good thing.

you dont have to be guilty and sad anymore how you treated me in this relationship, or how many other people there really were on the side.

We're both free now.

>>18597489
Made for men IMO, if it were for me I wouldn't wear them, they're uncomfortable. But my breasts are small so idk

>>18597477
Let them work it out?
One way or another. If she comes to over and isn't fully healed, she'll likely cheat on you with her bf (ex).
All you can do is keep out of it, or try to remain neutral. If you lead her on, you might get her, but likely you are just a rebound. They always bounce back unless they are truly ready to date again.

>>18592628
really dude? she was just trying to help. you deserve the misery if you lash out at other people. She gave sound advice.

>>18591695
You don't want to have sex with me like past girlfriends have. Other women have wanted me in the past I don't feel like you do. You never start sex. You never flirt you never do anything off the shit they did but I love you. It's ripping me up. I want to get married but I'm afraid of our future sex life>>18591695

>>18593276
don't contact her anymore. wait on it.

>>18597511
How many people do you have on the side?

I couldn't help tearing up multiple times throughout typing up this whole shit show and it's fairly ironic that it started storming where I am as soon as I got to the third paragraph.
It's as if the weather here is an outward manifestation of everything I'm feeling now.


I always knew it would happen one day but I kept pushing that thought to the back of my mind. You passed away, in what seems an eternity ago, on May 16th this year. I left home over a year ago because I couldn't handle the stress of being your full-time caregiver and not having a life. I did for you what your daughter couldn't. She ran away from the responsibility that was dropped on our shoulders. I was there for you just like you were there for me for all my life. That's only fair, right? I mean it would be if your case wasn't so extreme. I dropped out of college because I couldn't handle the full-time schedule and taking care of you at the same time. I had planned to go back but I had grown accustomed to the routine my life had conformed to. I worked part time here and there and took care of you most of the day. I rarely went out until you got a little better and I had more trust in you to be at home alone for however long I was out for the night. I'd spend the remainder of my free time playing games and voice chatting with friends. To be honest, it was the only thing I had going in my life other than hanging out with my two best friends who were busy most of the time but still made time to hang out with me on a regular basis. Games, in general, have always been an escape from stress for me. Even when I was a kid it was one of the few things I could always do to relax and get rid of stress. I didn't have an amazing childhood but it was enough to not make me a psychopath or some school shooter.

(1/5)

To this day still, I blame myself for your death. If only I was there to keep an eye on you like I always had, you wouldn't have had to fall and cut your leg open. It does sound a bit strange and I don't think my uncle explained it clearly to me but it's not unlikely; it has happened before. You had to take prednisone for years and that shit thinned your skin. This sort of thing has happened to you before when I was out at school. Your immune system was practically nonexistent and you were really susceptible to infections. You couldn't fight it this time. If I was there I'd be there to keep you from falling. I'd be right behind you, pushing your wheelchair to the restroom, kitchen, and anywhere else you wanted to go. I did so for years. At first I would walk behind you while you would slowly inch your way forward with your walker. Soon after that you really lost the use of your legs and could hardly stand up. It was a real shock to me, and I could hardly believe it. I had to quickly learn that you had real, soul breaking, limits. You couldn't do the things you could do 10 years ago and you needed help to do it. What you had always feared came to be and I had to understand that. Through my short temper and immaturity, I made you feel even worse about your situation. I unconsciously from there on out tried to be as positive as possible no matter how stupid I might have sounded. I thought that if I kept smiling for the most part when we would talk or do things together then you would too. As if to say, my smile was all that you needed to stay positive in life. And for the most part, I was right, but I can never guess or assume what went on in your thoughts during all those years. But you did tell me that all you needed was to see me being happy and that would be enough.

(2/5)

you make me feel good. I thought maybe I was making you feel good too and that we could do something with that. message received, you're not interested.

When my uncle broke the news to me I tried my hardest not to burst into tears on the phone. I'm sure he knew exactly what I was doing from the sound of my voice. He offered to fly me back home to come to your funeral and I refused. My mother and her boyfriend both offered to fly me out and I refused them both. I kept making excuses to all of them just so I could avoid talking about it. I knew that if I talked about it out loud with anyone I'm close to, I'd actually say what's in my mind and my heart. Dad, I seriously hated you. I had these conflicting emotions, and couldn't bring myself to stand in front of your grave. Either for the sake of your grave or for the sake of my sanity. I gave up my teenage years and most of my early college years to take care of you. I gave up those very many years and did everything I could to take care of you. I hated you for keeping me from doing all the things I wanted to do. I hated you for always taking your stress out on me and forcing us to yell at each other.We had arguments about A-Z. Sometimes you would get so fed up with everything you'd start fights on the premise that I was being rude. I hated you for forcing your stupid way of doings things in life on me. I hated your thought process, temper, impatience, and all your other bad qualities.You had a terrible vocabulary reserved for your anger and discontent. I know people say things they don't mean when they're upset but there has got to be a limit to it. It's okay the first few times but it get's old around the fiftieth time. Your words, when you were upset, were filled with so much hate and malice. You said some really terrible things to me, the only one there for you, when you were upset and you didn't care.

(2.5/5)

You said them as if it wasn't second nature. I despised how absolutely abhorrent your words could be towards me. Never in my life have I actually dared or had the gall to raise a hand towards either of my parents, no matter how much "discipline" either of you would dish out to us. But I couldn't tolerate it; I, the only one who gave a single fuck about you and took care of you, was subject to all your anger and hate. I regret getting in your face and screaming at you to give me a reason to just break your fucking teeth and walk out on your right then and there. I regret saying those words to you, but I also regret not standing up to you in a similar manner all those times when I was younger and you wronged me with your antequated sense of judgement and responsibility.

(2.5?/5)

There were so many things I wanted to do, so many things I wanted to join, and so many places I wanted to go to with my friends but could not because of you. I hated you for taking those things from me. I mean sure, I could have just left you to be by yourself and go live with my mother just like my sister did. But I knew that wasn't right or fair. You always told me that when I get older that I'd have to take care of you just like you did for me. You also taught me how to be compassionate and fair. I wanted to leave but I just couldn't. I knew it was wrong to just leave you behind. You were, for a majority of my life, everything to me. In my heart, I knew that I had to tolerate all the crap that would come with it, and stay by your side and watch over you just as you did for me. And although I wanted to go live with my mother I couldn't for a separate reason. I hated her as well. Just as you blamed her for your illness and misfortune I did as well. I implicitly believed everything you told me from childhood all the way to my early 20s. I mean, who wouldn't trust their dad? How could or why would your dad lie to you about something so serious? From a young age, I picked up on your bad attitude and was cold towards my mother. It didn't really help that she didn't do much either to remedy that or to even attempt to.

(3/5)

From that young age, I realized that my mother didn't love me the way I did her or the way I did my father. I grew up hating my mother and even more so when you got sick. But it wasn't until this last year that I spent here with her that I realized what she was going through and what both of you were hiding from me. From her own mouth, I was told what her situation was like and how life was like for the both of them in those times. Guess what, I hated you for lying to me about that too. Everything she told me made sense. All the dots connected, everything fell into place and all the timelines cliqued and filled in those blanks. I finally understood what happened to our family and why we all ended up so separated. Although my mother has some blame for this it doesn't compare to what you did. But just as you're both to blame so am I. Why didn't I question you or what happened? Why couldn't I use my fucking brain and just think? Why was I such a thick headed idiot?

(3.5/5)

Of the four people I've told about your passing, only one actually listened and let me spill it all out. For weeks I couldn't do anything I wanted to normally. Getting out of bed was difficult enough, but trying to keep a straight face while chatting with friends online was harder. I quit my job and stayed home because I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle the thought of you being gone. I couldn't handle that I promised to come visit you at least once before you passed away and not keeping my promise to you. I couldn't handle that I'd never be able to see you or talk to you again. The three others I told gave the same pity crap that other acquaintances would give you and basically told me to move on. I'm not very familiar with the concept of death but this was the first death in my immediate family. My aunt died before my father did but it didn't hit me as hard because I hardly knew her. How exactly am I just supposed to move on? How the fuck do you tell someone to move on and try not to think about it? How do you even control your thoughts? The only makeshift method I use is to keep myself occupied and to be focused on other things. I try to play games to keep my mind off of it and I force myself to read and get up and exercise now and then. Anything to keep my mind from it but its like trying to plug a leak in a dam with duct tape. This is difficult and I believe it won't be getting any easier any time soon.

(4/5)

Despite everything that's happened, and everything either of us has done in the past, I still love you and I miss you. Not a day goes by where I don't think about you. I told you I forgave you in the past, for everything, and I really meant it. I guess I'm just still bitter about it all. I can't really say I'm okay or that I will get better any time soon but please don't worry about me. Just like always I'll put up with all the crap and I'll move forward. Even if it's only a baby step at a time I'll still take it. I'll come visit soon, I don't know when, but soon. I miss you more than you can imagine.

Rest in peace, dad.

To almost everyone I know, I appear as a really cold and distant person. Mostly because I feel no sympathy/empathy for people around me. Even my mother has cried with me around, and I'll just ignore it. It's not that I hate people, or am "edgy." I just really feel like caring for people that aren't a benefit to me is pretty pointless.

However, no one knows, but I'm actually super nervous about how my life will turn out. Sometimes I fear that I'll have no one there for me when I need them.

I tought you saw something in me as I saw something in you. I must be delusional again but whatever, you made me remember how fun and random life can be sometimes. You're awesome.

>>18597598
I feel the same tbqh.
Only difference is unlike you, I GENUINELY have no one to turn to but myself.

Everyone I loved is dead, The people I work with are total cunts, this basically ruined what little self-worth and joy I had, and on top of that, I am burdened with property and shit I have to take care of until next year or so.

Simply put, I am strongarmed to get-along with people, but they will never be my loved ones. The loved ones I had are gone forever, and I'll probably never get nor feel the same love I once had like I did with them.

I see nothing but anti-white propaganda and anti-white racist blacks. I see almost as many white people who buy into what they're saying as well and it pisses me off. Latinos and Blacks hating on whites constantly and a bunch of cucks agree with them.
Every college is filled with cucks and anti-white racist.
And I keep thinking how easy it would be to practice sniping, grab a sniper rifle, shoot a thug or cholo from very far away and leave immediately. I could do it over and over and if I planned it right, no one would ever find out.
And I'd be cleaning up the streets.

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>find a girl on Tinder I'm interested in
>writes long replies and seems nice
>she's out of the town and she doesn't know when exactly she comes back, probably in a week or so
>she said we should go grab a beer when she's back
>I'm really terrible at texting so I don't know what do in the meantime
For now I just asked her if she wanna add me on fb since Tinder is not very comfy to use, but damn somebody teach me how to text

>>18597642
Go after the jews for letting loose these sewer people amongst whites, think of it as force association

I was smitten by an older woman that I actually related to very well, I knew she's was married yet I went in and screwed things out of my selfish desires. If only she could read this. The nickname you told your bullies gave you, tomato head. In another lifetime, I wish you and I met in our younger years, mid twenties maybe but you were nice to me and I showed you how passionate I was during our discrete moments. It's why you put effort into meeting me in person. I specially liked talking and making out with you. I heard from one friend to relay your message to me; you said "hi". Well i whole heartedly got your message. My response would have been, if you could receive it; "hello, how have you been?"

>>18593740
J?

>>18597555
Have you made it clear ?

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I want to lose weight, I always start off strong and shed about twelve pounds.. But then I become uninterested and I start to eat shitty foods and drink a lot.

I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. I hate dieting and exercise but I do it for like a month straight every time I start and then I just stop caring and let it all go to shit. I'm now 5'9, 235lbs and I hate it.

>>18597820
Its more confortable to cuddle a squishy person than a bag of bones.

>>18597820
This: >>18597828 I'm 5'8" and 170 lbs. I've often find guys prefer my squishy although I'm still insecure about my size. Squishy guys are super cute, too. A little meat on his bones but not overdone to the point he is no longer proportionate. Once you hit 190 lbs you'll really like the way you feel. Try intermittent fasting, there's logs on how to properly do it on the net. You may enjoy keto or atkins as well although I highly recommend keto with intermittent fasting

>>18597828
>There are only fat sacks of shit and skellys on this planet
Neck yourself you deluded HAES faggot. And please, for fucks sake, leave this poor guy that's trying to improve himself alone.

I keep finding myself being jealous of other people's jobs and less and less enthusiastic about my own. But what if I'm just romanticizing what other people do and it's shit? How can I become happier with what I do in life?

>>18597828
Squishy is causing me sleep apnea and fatty liver.

>>18597849
Keto is tough, I end up eating the same shit.. Celery, avocado, tomato, balsamic vinegar, grilled chicken and plain tasting smoothies. Its hard man.

>>18598005
Thanks, I need to reject the voices that enable me to do things I don't need.

>>18598141
Try intermittent fasting. Seriously. Easiest way to eat less. If you can't do any method, just try slowly cutting calories. You may even try just 100kcal per week. Get used to it. Don't rush it.

You will make it brah, just don't listen to the fattys and especially not to your inner fatty.

What the fuck man. I thought we were gonna be really good friends. What happened?

It's annoying that he seems to only want to hang out when he thinks I'm home alone but refuses to outright say he's trying to hit me up for a booty call. So I can't call him out on it and he won't admit it. It's too bad the guy I like won't hit me up for anything but business. Nice.

>>18598205
You stuck your dick where it didn't belong.

>>18595673
>i know you like me back

Do you?

I can't start a stupid conversation or ask anything to anyone. I hate everything I say, every move I make. Even when I have genuine feelings for someone I end up alone because I don't know how to deal with it. I'm broken.

I feel so bad about everything I said about you, I was delusional. In reality you are so awesome that I thought you weren't real. I love the way you talk, how strong and caring you are. I wish we could meet again, I was so confused.

>>18598428
What happened anon?

>>18598513
I met a girl that could have been a good friend or even more but I went crazy and fucked it up.

You don't find me sexually attractive anymore

You know, just because you think you're a good person it doesn't mean you're one. If your actions are shitty you're a shitty person. It's not about how you feel inside.

>>18597755
No you airheaded puta. This guy is different.
I'll bitch about you later.

I love you so much that I don't know how to be a good friend. It's not like I'm not trying. I don't want to push you away.

>>18598141
Have you checked out keto recipes on Reddit. I made Mac n cheese using cauliflower and I liked it better hen normal Mac n cheese! Also keto pancakes are yummy

that's why you were upset. because you already feel territorial about me and you thought I'd do something with someone you hate, huh? I thought so but we're not at the point yet where you're comfortable telling me about that, or where I can just notice and tell you what's going on.

nothing would have happened anyways, with anyone. I won't tell you yet, but you've got me pretty good. I wanted you there the whole time.