I have an addiction.

you want the suffering to end not your life. its easy to lose track of the differences. sadly suffering is inherently a part of our life, but not all of it. when we try hard to find something we often forget to search and look out for the other things out there.

>>18591640
okay, so for how long have you been taking medication for depression and anxiety?

>>18591640
>I have an addiction
>forgets to mention the addiction

age, m/f?

>>18591648
Nice empty platitudes.

>I have nothing left other than my pets
Usually when people talk like this, they are deliberately leaving out a good friend, or a relative that is in their life or was to make it seem hopeless. Sometimes I lose focus of the people around me, and by spending time with them I remember what's important; friends and family. I doubt your mother is your only family member, but even if she is, I'm sure you have a friend or two. Say you don't. I'll tell you something. I had a psychotic break where I was truly alone in this world, I trusted no one, not even my own mother or father. I was in my own little world for a time, and like you, my pets gave me a little happiness, hope, and sanity. But in that bubble, I learned I needed nothing, not even family, or friends, to survive. I just needed to appreciate what was good in the world. The simple things. The sun coming up in the morning. The dew on the grass. My dogs wagging their tails as I pet them. A good glass of water. Tons of stuff. I am a believer in God, maybe you believe, maybe you don't. Maybe you think I'm dumb. That's okay. Try communicating with God, worth a try, right? That made me feel like something was there. Even when totally alone in the world, there was someone who would listen and understand. If you don't buy that, just appreciate "the universe" and the little things I listed it offers. Happiness is sold as a thing you keep forever once you obtain it. This is false. You have to strive for happiness, and remember all the things that truly make you happy. Cutting yourself will give you a brief moment of satisfaction, but no true happiness.

I don't have any answers for you, bt there are more alternatives out there than just antidepressants and therapy. http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/06/16/things-that-sometimes-help-if-youre-depressed/

Hurting yourself will give you a brief moment of satisfaction, but no true happiness. Damaging your relationships will send you further down a spiral. Talk about this with your therapist if you must, anyone who will listen. Killing yourself is the worst type of pain you could inflict on others, because the pain doesn't go away when you die, it simply spreads to others for them to hold onto in their hearts for their lives. Even your abusive mother. Anyone you know will hold that piece of you and feel greatly saddened and ashamed that they couldn't help, that a human being saw no other option but to end their life, that they couldn't have prevented you from that and showed you a light in this dark world. I tell you truthfully, anon, suicide is not the way to go. My ex did it, and I always hold a piece of her with me, and a little guilt that I could have done something. She was the nicest, sweetest person, and it's usually the sweet ones who do it. Be a light to the world, not a tragedy. Life is hard, sure. But I'm still here, I still smile. I know you're capable of it, too. And ending your life when there's much more of a story to be told isn't fair to yourself. Yes, this shit is hard. But you don't know where your life will turn if you stick around. Could it get better? Possibly? Could it get even worse? Maybe. But you grow stronger every minute you stick around as you become an adult. Don't lose hope. Enjoy every second you can because this is all we have for all we know. I believe in you anon. I know you can make it because I did, and I didn't go through what you went through. You're stronger than me, surely. I believe in you.