Breaking with someone because you love him?

File: Snotgirl5-600x521.jpg (70KB, 600x521px) Image search: [Google]

70KB, 600x521px

>>18591447

I know he wants to marry me, and have kids (I don't want to, and I have told it to him, prolly he thinks I'll change my mind), he he writes me some long kik messages and I just have no intention, nor the mood, nor the courage to answer them in days until I feel better. Then we see each other again and we have a great time together. I kind of feel like this will erode eventually, or it will become tiresome for him.

He's way better than my exes also, but some side effect from therapy is that I'm not that much prone to get into co-dependency with a guy anymore, so relationships are for me just worth of a little contact, and no totes overlapping. (Existentialist personality traits and that yabba dabba)

I'm just a zero jealous, zero attached gal, had never mourned nor craved for any of my exes, it's easy for me to keep going without them. Sometimes I fantasize that he marries to a wonderful woman and he's quite happy and have the kids he wants to have. That would make me happy and zero anxious and so tranquil. I had told this to my therapist(she's great), and she says I should not rush things, not getting married nor breaking up with him, and wait to get better eventually.

He had asked me if I still love him, and I do, but when I'm in the grey zone of anhedonia I couldn't get any feeling, and I just want to be left alone with my non-fiction books and my free time, but I know he feels hurtled for wanting to have it all with me all the time and me not giving it to him.

>TL;DR Not trolling, he's a dreamboat normie and I could get to feel zero for him when anhedonic.

>>18591450
>>18591447
if he knows you, how you are, and how you will be for the rest of your life then then its on him.
let him know that you dont want him to hate you for how you will be in the future

>>18591447
Focus on how you feel, instead of how you should feel. Focus on what is going on, instead of what 'should' be going on. Focus on what you have to do, instead of what you would rather be doing.

I didn't read your whole post, but I read the main topic: "Should I break up with a man who loves me and sees a future with me?" Can you just reply to this post with one compelling reason to do so?

File: 17662279_174519693065581_8183586898606817280_n.jpg (952KB, 1080x1080px) Image search: [Google]

952KB, 1080x1080px

>>18591467
Yus, I know it sounds dumb, since it's basically the same "dropping guys 101" sentence, but I'll keep telling him that it's not about him, I'ts me. But it's true. Prolly I'll write him tonite and get so see him soon.

>>18591489
Thanks, I'll focus on all that, my therapist always tell me to do this, but doing otherwise is very ingrained in me, it's a whole new skillset for me to develop, but I'm doing my best.

The issue is I know he sees a future with me, but I don't see the same future with him, for me this future he wants with me means anxiety, and I have told him. (marriage, cohabitation, kids)

What I want goes kind of into very selfish territory, I want to see him once or twice a month, for until he would had enough and/or get to know a woman that would satisfy him, and I would be totes ok with it, really I'll be. But I care for him and love him, I don't want to waste his time. Prolly we should have "the talk" soon. Nowadays I'm totally zero into pleasing a guy as I used to do. Zero needy, emotionally independent, sometimes even emotionally unavailable. Yet I try to remain empathic.

My most compelling reason to break with him would be because I love him and I want him to do not get dragged into a very sporadic and liminal relationship with me, also sometimes I feel way more tranquil when not being emotionally attached to no one, lots of peace of mind in it. Loneliness is not an issue for me, it's where I feel the best and centered.

Thanks for the advices, anons, you're really helping lots.

>>18591534
I can't relate to your state of mind, at least not how you describe it. That being the case, I can't tell you what to do with your life. The thing is, it sounds like you already know that you don't want to marry this guy, and that he is definitely dating girls he wants to marry. Telling him you're not interested in that kind of relationship, and that he'd be better looking for that style of relationship with someone else, seems to be the right hing to do, at least based on how you are presenting the situation. If he's looking for someone to have kids with etc., maybe being more than friends would not be good for him.

>>18591555
trips tell truth

>>18591555
>>18591534
Also, to continue the conversation a bit, I see what looks like contradictions in your posts.


>throughout 2016 I wanted to die. I'm depressed, anxious, anhedonic, and have suicidal ideation
>I'm okay with being alone
Are you sure that being a loner has nothing to do with this troublesome state you're seeing a psychologist for?

>I'm better off just not being attached to people
>letting go of someone you love
>love
Love, to me, means some degree of attachment. Preferring something or someone is, in a way, being attached.

my fucking god, is it all people or just women that breakup over fucking nothing at all? nobody has the god damn decency to keep a partner even if they have a great relationship with solid emotional and sexual fulfillment because of these bloody mental reasons

if you're fucking happy then keep fucking, swear to jah you people sometimes...

>>18591574
we're not entitled to the lifelong dedication of women, not in this day and age

>>18591450
We are kindred spirits, homie. The most important thing is that you continue to explain to him in no uncertain terms that you are *not* interested in marriage and kids. It's really very important that you make this explicit and invariable, because that's the only degree to which you can rely on your not "leading him on." Even being ambiguous about this can trigger years of trying to "make you understand," or some sort of attempt to "change" you.

Unless you really want that. You have to choose, you know. Marriage and children is not something you just opt into as a sort of half-hearted measure of self-exploration. It's a big fucking deal. That being said, at this point, if you're consistent and clear, it's his choice to keep being with you, and you have to trust him enough to know if he's not capable of maintaining the levels of patience and commitment required to be in any kind of relationship with you. You are worth it, though. Consider that possibility - that you are actually worth it. Point being, yeah - you need to clarify expectations, and love yourself.

>>18591447
>>18591450
>this is what therapy does to a mentally challenged modern woman

It's pretty funny. You were a better person before, though, so that's a bit sad to see.

>>18591591
What are you even talking about, incel? Nobody is asking who you think is a good or bad person.

File: SnotgirlBanner.jpg (25KB, 350x200px) Image search: [Google]

25KB, 350x200px

>>18591555
>you already know that you don't want to marry this guy
I know I would marry no guy, he's been the closest I had been to "husband material", yet I know it's prolly for the best to not marry him either. (I'm totes no wife material) It's not that I have very high standards either. I just want to be with a funny, chill, cool yet nerdy guy, but with lots of space and time for myself, so being with him like once or twice per month would be so ideal, even if I would be his side girl (with the other girl knowing of course) would be ok. I'm not afraid of intimacy either, or feelings, nor he should be a Chad nor rich. Just patient, funny, chill, manly, zero needy, understanding, that's all. I thought I had all that with him and more, but he nowadays want's more, and I cannot provide. This become the classic "I want you to change" scenario, we both want the other to change.

>maybe being more than friends would not be good for him.
Yes, maybe. I gotta get this all clear with him,

Thanks!

>>18591598
You're probably going to be around for several more decades. What you want out of life will change. Maybe a relatively non-committed relationship is best for now, but keep your options open in life.

>I'm no wife material
Maybe not at this very moment. The future holds many possibilities.

File: snotgirl-2.jpg (28KB, 293x217px) Image search: [Google]

28KB, 293x217px

>>18591570
>Are you sure that being a loner has nothing to do with this troublesome state you're seeing a psychologist for?
Totes sure, and my therapist thinks the same, my anxiety is of the social variety, my depression is a subproduct of inadequancy from childhood. Loving myself as I am had helped lots, it's so liberating to not having that much social and/or emotional commitments, I'm sorry if some people gets mad at me for being myself, I understand you, but I also understand myself better nowadays.

>Love, to me, means some degree of attachment. Preferring something or someone is, in a way, being attached.
Yes, I know, this is what people usually call love, I get to feel some attachment, but feels like 5% of what I see others feel, for me love is caring for the ones you love, I care for them but I realy cannot make them happy, they have to be happy by themselves.

>my fucking god, is it all people or just women that breakup over fucking nothing at all? nobody has the god damn decency to keep a partner even if they have a great relationship with solid emotional and sexual fulfillment because of these bloody mental reasons
It's okie, I'm glad that you would do and feel otherwise, I respect and understand that.

>>18591588
Thanks lots Sempai, You're wise, I'll take your advice to heart

>It's pretty funny. You were a better person before, though, so that's a bit sad to see.
So it's funny and sad, and somehow angers you. I'm feeling so fine nowadays that I know lots about myself and loving me for what I am, I could be a great friend, and a great girlfriend too, just I have to take some deep rest from that way more than the rest.

Sorry if this angers people, I only could shrugh about it and wish them the best. As I told this wasn't to troll /adv/, But even the angry and trollish opinions are good feedback, because it helps me to understand people that have way more attachment than me and makes me try to be more cautious in the future about whom I get along with THX

File: e386a41456e24632ddb6ea30fbc84c04.jpg (62KB, 640x640px) Image search: [Google]

62KB, 640x640px

>>18591606
Yus, thanks. I'll remain open and be patient. Fully communicative with him as much as possible.