Getting an introverted girl back

>>18591378
Do you know what her past relationship was like? What about her past in general? Good relationship with parents, siblings, friends, all that jazz?

I'm asking because when we have shitty relationships with people, they often make it feel like it's not safe for us to open up to anyone. As a result, we can keep ourselves distant, pretend not to have feelings or needs, and it might be that we've suppressed our emotions for so long that it's difficult to even find them again

All I know about her old relationship is that it was very wounding, and she seemed to have a lot of hatred for her ex, I never wanted to hear about it. She's very close with her mother and her little brothers, not so close with dad. She lives at home still with them, She's a year back from college and hasn't done the real world living thing, she's a little sheltered. I'm pretty deep into my career.

>>18591527
>I never wanted to hear about it
If you never hear how she was wounded, you'll never become aware of what her emotional raw spots are--those moments when she'll feel the relationship is threatened in some way and needs you to reassure her.

>I'm pretty deep into my career
She might've tried to reach out to you in some way, tried to express her need for comfort, but you weren't there for her. That can be emotionally draining

Very true about my career, I work in film, so my hours are ridiculous, I always felt bad that I may or may not be there for her. My thinking that I was too emotionally forthcoming to make up for my unavailability, I always telling myself "don't drown her with your feelings, you're the guy, you're supposed to be working, let her tell you she misses you first" That's why after a month I kinda wanted to cut the pageantry and just kinda start being a real couple, my schedule made it really hard to "plan a meetup", so I would want to be more spontaneous, maybe it was too fast.

As far as hearing about her ex-boyfriend, I never said anything like "I don't want to hear" I just never pryed about it, and kinda just let her say what she said, I could tell it hurt her, but she was pretty reserved about it. I know that it was a reasonably fresh breakup.

>>18591561
Our society has dumb beliefs about men. According to our culture, men have to be these invulnerable, emotionally impenetrable warriors. The slightest expression of "fee fees" and you're suddenly a clingy whiny bitch. But relationships thrive on emotional connection, and in order for that to happen, we have to open up and get vulnerable. It's terrifying, and it won't always be light-hearted conversations. But they're conversations that need to be had--anything that helps you understand your partner more is always a good thing.

The good thing about relationships is that, as long as both people are willing to work on it together, they can change--a lot.

>>18591378
Dude, please don't take the "let's hear about your boyfriend" path.

Just call her, she probably didn't hook up with anybody during this time. Try it like a fresh start and generally speaking ignore all her past nonsense. I know it sounds like nu-advice, but it is the best choice, if you enter in therapy mode it'll suck, on the other hand if you both spend a good time and kinda make her forget all her shit you both will be winning.
Just focus on you both spending a good time and building something new from there. avoid dead ends that take you no where, like her past feels or experiences.

>>18591378
>she was the one

kek. I'll tell you something for sure; you're not the one to her. You can either move on or try to be your retarded self some more.

Feel you there, you think I should just call out of the blue? We haven't really talked in about 6 weeks. Definitely think it boils down to us having fun, which I feel like we were having.

Appreciate everyone's thoughtful input, thank you kindly.