Guy friends

>>18590477
>I'm starting to think that this doesn't seem fair and balanced
A relationship isn't a transaction.

>>18590477
>What are your thoughts?

That she had a life before meeting you. That it's not "unfair" because there are no rules about the amount of friends and the gender of each.

>>18590477
> she has friends
Dear god leave now that's some serious red flag material

Don't be a jealous dib shit OP
Put some trust in your gf
Otherwise you will be left alone
She chose to be with you not the other guys she texts. They are her beta orbiters. Take her out with them around and show them she is yours.

>>18590477
>I found out she has quite a few guy friends

ABORT ABORT

had this happen a few times and learned my lesson.

>>18590477
Leave now. It's early enough. Guy friends never want to stay in that zone. There are women out there who don't have "quite a few guy friends."

>>18590532
what happened?

>>18590477

Already said, but she had a life before you. It wasn't her responsibility to sit by and avoid friends until you came into her life.

People who have friends of the opposite sex are generally the types of people who aren't horribly desperate for sex and have other options outside of falling in love with every person that gives them the time of day.

are they straight?

>>18590485
>>18590491
What if she does things with them like hold hands interlocking fingers and resting her head in their shoulders?

Is that just regular friends shit or should I tell her to cut that shit out?

>>18590615

You're already cucked dude, who the fuck does that to their 'friends'?

How do you know she does this?

>>18590615

That's more about what you feel comfortable with. You can ask her to be less handsy with her friends, but realize that doesn't really stop any cheating if she wants to cheat on you.

>>18590532
What happened

You sound insecure as fuck.

>>18590477

>its okay when i do it because its too a degree that i deem okay, but not okay when she does it cuz its more than mine

look, if you're not going to draw a hard line in the sand then there's no point in even having rules. you say it doesn't seem 'fair' but thats such a stupid term to use. want more girl friends? go make more girl friends then doesn't seem balanced? go make more girl friends.

in what world do you think that you need an equal amount of opposite gendered friends as your partner? sounds dumb.

thank god im a faggot you heteros are weird.

>>18590622
Because I see her do it with my Mark I Eyeballs.

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>>18590626
>That's more about what you feel comfortable with
Boy, that's rock bottom. If you're comfortable with that, you're either severely damaged or you simply don't give a fuck about the woman.
If her behavior was defensible at the start of this thread, it's gone with that post.

OP, this board has two strikes against it.
1) It's 4chan. Refuge of failed men.
2) It's a relationship advice board, which attracts unconfident people.
The few guys who browse 4chan and become stand-up gents do so in SPITE of what they learn here, not because of it.

Men and women who have loads of friends of the opposite sex are self-conscious around their own people. Women do it more, however, as society increasingly suggests to them they have dicks in their panties. It's empowering AND they get "options" out of it. And if they're gay? Free no-strings-attached male cuddles. It's a lack of principles, and they're reinforced by social media all the time - so they never have the faintest inkling of an idea that what they're doing devalues them. On the contrary it's excused away by YASS QUEEN type horseshit that paints all who disagree as misogynist manbabies.

There is pressure in male groups to be manly and clever JUST like there is pressure in female groups to be pretty and whatever the fuck else they value.
However a girl can escape that pressure by having dude friends who simply can't judge them as harshly as other men. And vice versa.

However, there is no way they will admit this stuff to you. And if they do, you're pressured to stay with them even though THEY are the "damaged" ones. They will always insult your character and your masculinity for taking responsibility for your relationships and skootin' out of there.
Don't let them. That's not why you stay with women.

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>>18590680
cont.

You wanna know the kind of people that are okay with this? There's two:
1. Brow-beaten males who have been abused into it, rationalizing the pain away. (to use the sjw vernacular, they were "shamed" into staying. ironic.)
2. Casanovas who've had many women before, and taken them from others. In other words, "confident" men.

At best, to the "confident" type, the woman is free to avoid other chicks and enjoy the reassuring company of other males indefinitely, enjoying her photos and praising her beauty.
At worst, the woman, if she's truly faithless, is then not responsible for her own character.
Since the guy knows he can just win her back, he disregards the threat.

So.
Are you the confident man? Has history demonstrated to you that you can keep a woman with a harem of men following her around? Is her faithlessness not an issue to you, since you can always just win her back?
If not, don't pretend to be. You have no reason to.

Take a look at her relationship with these men. If they're mostly married, out of the picture, etc. Then you might have a reason to stay.
If you leave and she's got a replacement for you within a month, that's how you know you made the right decision. Probably had that guy on a lifeline the whole time, texting innocent hellos and how are yous.
They will N E V E R admit to having these back-up people. Unless they are fucking unicorns of honesty. I had a girl that was, and even she didn't let me know until AFTER the fact. We're cool now, but I've got a little extra insight.

To summarize - I'm not saying women are whores. They are simply human beings, flawed like you and I. That being said, we all have a choice which flaws we wanna embrace. Don't let them guilt you and belittle your intuition if a particular set of flaws is too bothersome to tolerate. Girls have enormous support groups for this shit, so don't feel guilty.
You likely don't, being a man, and browsing 4chan on the regular. So go with your gut.

>>18590734
I'm not the confident male..this is my first relationship. And I'm not the SJW type

>>18590680
>>That's more about what you feel comfortable with
>Boy, that's rock bottom. If you're comfortable with that, you're either severely damaged or you simply don't give a fuck about the woman.
>If her behavior was defensible at the start of this thread, it's gone with that post.

>>18590759


If she gonna cheat on you, she is gonna cheat on you. You can ask her to stop being touchy, but that won't stop any cheating she might want to perform.

If you don't trust her... what do you expect to happen? Why do you think saying "it's not fair" will change anything?

>>18590780
My gf isn't touchy with her guy friends...that wasn't my post. I'm OP

>>18590787

Then my message to you is here: >>18590485

There are no "rules" to follow. Don't fret it. Just be open about how you feel. Just realize she can't drop her friends because you are jealous.

Omfg. She has friends before she met you! The horror! Why couldn't she have just been a shut-in and be in the house 24/7 staring at the wall until you, the knight in shining Armour, came and rescued her. She texts her friends! Might be communicating with King Gosselin and Ivan The Terrible conspiring against you!!!


Oh noeziii

>>18590822
How can I stop being insecure, jealous and paranoid?

>>18590873

Work on the roots of your lack of self esteem.

don't listen to the faggots calling you insecure or beta. This is definitely a red flag and you should abort immediately. You'll fucking regret it. If you're looking for love that's bad news, if you want keep her around as a fwb

>>18590890
Are you serious about this?

>>18590734
Man, you have articulated this very well and you have great insight into relationships. Most people cant even recognize what you have said. Nice job.

>>18590905
I agree

>>18590532
Story time

>>18590873
You're not. That's what >>18590734 is talking about. Insults to your masculinity are their number 1 tactic for shaming you into putting up with their flaws.

About the main issue at hand - chicks with loads of male friends - It wasn't always this way. It was stigmatized and they'd be called whores. The only men who put up with it were likely cheaters themselves. Now there happens to be more freedom, and less responsibility.
It's totally natural and healthy to get jealous.

The main thing for you though, is to be honest. Tell her it bothers you, and gauge her response. If she's spiteful like the cunts in this thread weaving straw men "leik omg she has her own life", drop the whore. These feelings don't bubble up from nowhere and she fucking knows it.

If she's willing to bend for you, maybe stick around. She cares about your feelings like a girlfriend should.

Or - and this takes balls - just leave right now, wait a couple weeks to scar up, meditate on it. In the future you'll find a fitting girlfriend WILL come along.
You'll know what you want and what to expect after that.

>>18590477
anyone who tells you not to bother is either a cuck or a whore

women lose interest for their male friends when they find an alpha male
if they don't, you're not the alpha and sooner or later she'll end up fucking one of them

it's mathematical, women are born to breed and will, to the end of their days, seek good men to breed with


abort this failed relation

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>>18590680
>>18590734

I agree with you for the most part of your posts, specially the stand-up part. I try to change people here and most of the time only cucks seem to be giving advice on here.
Although I must tell you you look kind of damaged too.
Casanovas, as you said, don't care about their women because they are in a constant bachanal way of living. Sex is as serious as a cup of coffee you drink with someone. Casanovas don't remain faithful nor care if their loved ones do. They only seek sex, the epitome of degeneracy,
Now, if you are a so called family man aka Alpha male, then you are going to care about who your wife talks to.
Women don't need men in their social circles, they can have all the interaction needed from girls and you. Also, from my perspective, my college girl had close to zero conversations with guys before me, and after we started dating they died within 2 months. I dated over 10 girls in my lifetime and I can assure you that when a woman sees you as an "impregnator", they won't have eyes for other men. But of course, they are still women, and if you allow a man to start chatting too much with her, her perception may change. So if you want to be a true alpha, leader and strong male figure, you can't let your woman have male friends.

>>18590650
>in what world do you think that you need an equal amount of opposite gendered friends as your partner?

This is the most common misrepresentation of the argument. The guy is trying to find a way to relate with her.
If he was used to gallivanting around with chicks the way she was used to doing it with men, he wouldn't bat an eyelash - supposedly.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
The trouble is this: men and women are Separate. Genders. Pe-ri-od. They have different desires and they are driven by different cultural mores. Even if you say there's no problem with a girl being "more comfortable" around guys, you ignore the nature of men.

Guys trip over themselves in crowds of suitors trying to fuck one chick. And a tomboy? That's one hot fuckin' commodity, boy. There isn't one guy in that group that would turn down an advance from her.

The reverse situation isn't 1-to-1.
A man in touch with his feminine side, surrounded by chick friends? He's not getting laid. Girls don't surround feminine men with a desire to compete for a claim, and the moment he tries to offer that dick, they will scatter.

I'm not saying there aren't exceptions, but don't deny nature.
Not every nuclear reactor melts down. But ONLY nuclear reactors have the capability to take out a tri-city area and render the fish poisonous for fifty years onward. It's an INHERENT RISK and it's up to you to decide if that's a game you wanna play.

>>18591590
this is absolut bullshit

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>>18590484
>>18590477
Get the fuck over in unless you start to see flirty behavior.

>>18590484
>>18591646
see
>>18591605

I bet you morons call yourselves empathetic, understanding, and open-minded while 900 instagram followers agree with you.
Protip: If 900 people are thinking the same thing, they're not open minded. They're sycophants.

Girl here. I've had multiple male friends in my life that I have not been interested in. However, it is true that there's a chance they're interested in her. Tell her you're feeling a little jealous, explain that you're worried they will make moves. She will reassure you. If she cheats on you then she isn't worth dating anyway! If she's a cheater she'll cheat without having male friends.

>>18591873
If i tell her I feel jealous, won't she starts being less attracted to me. i don't want to come off as a clingy boyfriend

FORGOT EVERYTHING YOU SAW on this thread and listen to me. She is a slut. Never trust a woman who has many guy friends. Those are orbiters who she keeps around for convenience, rest assured that she has fucked some of them in the past, and even if the two of you start dating she will fuck them again if she feels bad about the relationship at any point.

All decent girls I've met in my life didn't have more than 1 guy friend, if any. Their photos on Facebook and Instagram were only commented on by girls as well, no guys hitting on them and telling they were pretty there.

People will call me a bigot and whatnot but whatever, I just told you things how they are OP. Now you choose if you want to inflict unnecessary suffering in your life or not.

>>18592466
Any personal experiences?

>>18592452
You have the right to be jealous, man. You're in a committed relationship now. You're allowed to be worried about whether she is truly interested in you. On her part, she's also obligated to reassure you; if she doesn't, then why is she in a relationship with you?

>>18592452
Speaking from experience OP and I'm not a jealous type. The probability you will have a problem is high and the whole time she will make you feel like you are either a jealous twit or a possessive ass. A few friends she has known forever and she introduces them to you and you all get along is one thing but I bet you may know who most of them are but you have not been invited to socialize with them. You have only 2 months invested so I counsel you to get out now.

>>18592504
Yes, I dated a girl who had a lot of "guy friends" who were just guys from Tinder she had hooked up with in the past. All her Instagram posts were liked and commented on by those guys. She'd agree to go on a date with me and cancel in the last minute to go out with another guy, it was annoying as fuck. I dated her for 2 months until I had enough of this shit, then I met my current gf who is the opposite of this girl.

>>18590477
Here's some free wisdom which you'll likely ignore

1. Never date a woman who has a history of sexual abuse. She either has poor judgment or is now mentally damaged beyond your ability to "love her" back to normal
2. Never date a woman who had more partners than her age divided by 6. The fewer the better.
3. Never date a woman who has a dedicated guy friend(s). He is either the back-up plan or shows she is an attention whore. Neither is good for relationship security. I agree with the reverse in most cases, as well.
4. Never date a woman if she cheats to be with you. She'll do it to you, as well.
5. Never date a fat woman
6. Never date a woman who dyes her hair outlandish colors, has tattoos, or facial piercings
7. Never date a woman who experiments with drugs
8. Never date a woman who did not benefit from the constant presence of a loving father or male father figure
9. Never date a woman who has a child
10. Never date a woman with diagnosed mental conditions or money problems

These are some of my personal rules that have served me well in life, though there are undoubtedly more.

>>18592680
>one partner every six years
>never date...experiments with drugs

my last gf was an ex ketamine addict and great person

>>18590477
Have you been cheated on in the past? Did one of your parents cheat on the other? Have you had past experiences that made you believe it's unsafe to get close to people and give them power over you?

>>18592687
>6 years per partner
All quality women I have met have adhered to this. A beautiful woman who does this shows restraint and loyalty - qualities difficult to find.
>Drug Addict as a partner
experimentssssssss as in present tense, though I'd pass on a former addict, too.

Also, just because someone is a great person doesn't mean they are a great partner, parent, or potential spouse. She is your ex after all.

Drop the whore. Have had this happen before. She already has back up guys. If she was worth it she wouldn't have people set up to replace you. Guarantee you if you take my advice she'll be dating one of her """"friends"""" within a week.

Threads like this make me so fucking sad.
I would never date a guy who cannot be friends with women, and I can't understand why anyone would date a woman who cannot be friends with men.

>>18592738
Slut

>>18592740
Hardly so.

I have been with the same guy for 10 years, been married for 4. Lost my virginity to him. Never cheated.

>>18592738
male here and I see both sides of the argument here. on the one hand some men are possessive and enjoy exclusivity in a relationship. I understand women have the right to be friends with who they choose regardless of sex. I still prefer the sense of exclusiveness from a woman paying attention to me alone. many women are the same. it's just variations in how people feel.

>>18592680
This is solid advice. I go by pretty much the same rules.

>>18592749
Perhaps not physically, but emotionally I guarantee you have. Not to mention, you are providing other men the attention he deserves and likely betraying his trust in your conversations with them as they try to figure out how to fuck you even if you are too dense to understand it. Unless you're fat.

>>18592751
So you want a woman who has no friends, no hobbies, no interests outside of you? Or you just don't want her to hang out with males? If so, why? Do you doubt her faithfulness?

In my (limited) experience, men who cannot be friends with women make terrible partners. They interact with you just as a lover and you miss out on all the fun, friendship-y side of the relationship which is what kept my husband and I strong in many moments when we struggled.

>>18592760
I'm 5'8" and 135 lbs.
I have never cheated, not even "emotionally". I never felt any romantic attraction for them. I don't think I ever betrayed my husband's trust when it comes to these friendship, or majorly in any way.
I also give my female friends attention, or my family, or my hobbies. I'm a normal person, I don't spend all my time thinking of my husband or around my husband.

>>18592781
You have no experience because you married the first guy you fucked. I am glad you are happy, but a woman needing to find fulfillment from other men is a red flag.
>I don't think I ever betrayed my husband's trust when it comes to these friendship, or majorly in any way
Never had a laugh at his expense or shared a moment of intimacy with a male "friend" in a vulnerable moment? If you are attractive they are trying to fuck you meaning their motives and yours are suspect.

>>18592680
>inb4 a bunch of roasties start calling you names
This list is excellent. #2 is not unrealistic either: 4 dudes by 24 is on the high side for girls who don't get around a lot.

I'd also add
>don't date a woman without ambitions
That doesn't mean she has to want to be a CEO, it could mean she just wants to be a good mom. But a girl that hasn't figured out what she wants yet will cheat/leave you to "find her way".

>>18592793
I actually dated before him, and was in a couple of relationship that lasted a while. I just am rather conservative about sex.

>a woman needing to find fulfilment from other men is a red flag.
They're friends. Basically anyone needs other social outlets other than their SO.
Don't you have friends, or family members you hang out with?

>Never had a laugh at his expense or shared a moment of intimacy with a male "friend" in a vulnerable moment?
No. Neither with male friends or female friends, actually.

>If you are attractive they are trying to fuck you meaning their motives and yours are suspect.
Not really. We just get along, share interests and enjoy spending time together. My boyfriend hangs out with us often, too.

>>18592810
>They're friends. Basically anyone needs other social outlets other than their SO.
>Don't you have friends, or family members you hang out with?
Equating family members or platonic same-sex friends with non-familial male friends

>>18592810
Guys don't like their girlfriends spending alone time with single dudes because they know how predatory they are. Women are either painfully naive or willfully ignorant to this.

>>18592781
>So you want a woman who has no friends, no hobbies, no interests outside of you? Or you just don't want her to hang out with males? If so, why? Do you doubt her faithfulness?

quite a lot of projecting there, don't you think? when did I say anything about hobbies, interests, etc? I said I like the sense of exclusivity I get from a woman. Obviously having less male friends enhances that for me. I also said I understand that women have the right to befriend whoever they choose. how does that translate to her having no life? desu

>>18592828
>willfully ignorant to this
Women know, they have seen everything but either believe they can manage it or get something from it. Adults will admit this and if a "friend" crosses a boundary, out of respect for their relationship and their bf or husband, they are no longer "friends" with that guy.

The guys many of these girls are calling friends are no more than male acquaintances they collected while single (or new acquaintances) and want to continue acting as if they are single while in a relationship.

>>18592823
Yeah, I'm equating the friendship between my platonic male friends and my platonic female friends.
There's nothing majorly different with them.

>>18592828
I can see that. But I hope you can understand my point of view, too.
If a man tells me "men are unable to hold platonic relationships with women, they want to fuck every attractive women they interact with and cannot help themselves" he is implicitly telling me that whenever he meets an attractive women, he'll want to fuck her and that the only reason why he talks to women is that he wants to have his dick inside them at some point.
I'd feel like he's extremely more likely to cheat on me. Everyone meets tons of attractive women through their life, what if he ends up working with a hot colleague? Will he fuck her because he cannot stay platonic? What if his best friend gets a hot wife? Will he need to make her suck his dick because he cannot help himself?
I'd also feel like he values me less as a partner because he doesn't appreciate me as a friend, too. It matters a lot to me to be friends with the man I'm spending the rest of my life with.

>>18592842
I didn't mean it in an accusatory sense, just genuinely curious - you said you like having a woman's undivided attention, I wanted to know to which terms exactly.

I can understand why you miss the sense of exclusivity. You want to be the only man in your SO's life?
I've always meant exclusivity like being the only romantic partner. I don't want to be the only woman in my husband's life - I'm glad he has friends and other people who love him, whether they're men or women.

>>18592946
Yeah, I'm equating the friendship between my platonic male friends and my platonic female friends.
There's nothing majorly different with them.
If there's no difference do a little social experiment for us poor, naive 4chan posters.

First, approach a female friend and tell her that you are upset about something your husband did. Act vulnerable, flirty, and suggest getting drinks and going back to her place. See what she does.

Next do the same thing with one of your guy friends.

This will educate you on all the differences that you are willfully choosing to ignore.

>>18593018
I had a long time female friend that always insisted she had no interest in me but when I got serious with a woman the friend would call at midnight just as she always had and expected me to take the call though she knew my gf was with me. She had no respect for my relationship nor for my gf. I determined if she really was a friend she would understand access to me would not be the same but she just didn't get it. Thing is my gf had mentioned once she thought my friend wanted me and I dismissed her concern.

>>18593018
Rewriting since original is confusing
>Yeah, I'm equating the friendship between my platonic male friends and my platonic female friends.
There's nothing majorly different with them.

If there's no difference do a little social experiment for us poor, naive 4chan posters.

First, approach a female friend and tell her that you are upset about something your husband did. Act vulnerable, flirty, and suggest getting drinks and going back to her place. See what she does.

Next do the same thing with one of your guy friends.

This will educate you on all the differences that you are willfully choosing to ignore.

>>18590615
Idk I have male friends and we nver do any shit like that.

>>18590477
Late night chat with gf ends and start to drift off to sleep and hear a chat arrive and look at pic of gf's pussy with hey, (guy friends name), you can come over now he's asleep. This was a guy she insisted was just her "buddy". If she hadn't mistakenly sent me this I would never have known though I always thought something was off.

>>18593018
I am sure that if I acted like I want to fuck, at least 2 of my female friends would do me.
I don't "act vulnerable" or flirty with any of my friends. I don't get drunk without my husband. I don't ask to sleep over at my friend's place. I don't bring my own relationship problems to my friends.
It's not a matter of gender, just act like a fucking normal human being. If my friends ever showed any sexual interest in me, I just cut contact - whether they're male or female doesn't matter.

>>18593061
>Choosing friends that want to fuck her
>not an Attention whore
Pick one

>>18593075
It is almost like you can find someone attractive and still keep a platonic, decent behaviour when you're around them.

>>18593097
No one said you can't. You seem to be confused. What I am saying is your need to put yourself in this position makes you undesirable as a mate.

>>18593099
I am an attractive girl. People who are into girls generally find me attractive. I am fairly sure that I could seduce a lot of them, if I wanted to.
Point is - I don't want to. I never felt any desire to cheat on my husband. I never have been in an inappropriate situation, either with a stranger or with a friend, where things got too intimate. I've never stayed friends with people who showed romantic or sexual interest in me. None of my friend ever crossed boundaries or acted weird.

You can think someone is attractive and be friends with them. I honestly believe that all my friends are at least a 6/10. I also think we have no sexual chemistry, no desire for each other or anything. We always acted platonic.