partner's mental health

>>18586116
Hello Im bob and I'm not a doctor or any kind just your typical guy who has ptsd depression and anxiety from past trauma.. I also have friends who suffer from mental illnesses kind of like what your describing... I am telling you all this simply because you need to know unless some one says there a shrink or dr take what have have to say lightly as with mental illnesses you can fuck some one up worse then whats going on for them now with the wrong moves..
With that sad I recommend you continue to be there for them by there side, letting them know they did not drag you in to a relation ship for there own terms hat its a two way street and both of you are in this together... allow them to understand you do care and show them that you do. This will mean a huge amount to them... Speak of perhaps getting some help together as you feel you have some issues as well you wanna work out... Even if you don't .. Now if they say no then don't push the issue! allow them to get a better mental hold on things and then try asking them again.. But DoNot push this issue... no one wants to seek mental help, Trust me I spent years fighting it and once I hit rock bottom I was forced to and honestly I have no fucking clue why I did not do it sooner... But thats decides the point... Just make sure you continue to be there for them, just being there makes a huge difference and watch out for there well being some times we all need a hug or a kick in the ass just make sure you know when you need to kick some one in the ass.. Meaning if they start getting sucidel .. Just keep in mind this persons not damaged, they are just going through a hard time in there life and look at it like a cut.. Some times all you need to do is kiss the ouch, other times clean it and bandage it and when its past your ability to care for it you go get stitches by a dr... Just know where you lie in all this and never push the person unless its a emergincy then seek help..

>>18586151
what a cute response

that sounds just like me.
in a way, they are right, most relationships aren't as "romantic" as some would like them to be. they serve very real purposes, like "i need someone to mommy me" or "i need you to feel like i improved my status", "i desperately want kids". it's also completely ok to have such motivations behind entering a relstionship. most often the reasons are something along the lines of "to escape lonelines, to have frequent and convenient sex, to have kids, to feel validated in my desireability". the issues obly arises if the relatio ship suddenly no longer fits that initial purpose. for example: you wanted frequent sex snd now there's none. you wanted kids and they can't have any. you wanted someone to do the household for you but they turned out to be lazy slobs, etc.
it's important to think about those dynamics and how they are at work in your relationship.

your partner does have issues they need to solve. they aren't capable of real intimacy, they keep you at arms length. i do that, too. i'm a "lone wolf". but at the core lf it is plain and simply the fear of not being good enough once the other person sees all of you. you are sure they can't deal with the truth. and the fact they have that feeling might also be your fault to some extend. maybe you over reacted to something they classified as "minor". now they don't think you are capable of handling the heavier stuff. this creates huge walls, which distances both of you. it kills all intimacy and makes this relationship obsolet if the purpose of it was "someone to care about me". they wanted to find someone who can deal with them completely and not freak out over stuff that was only "scratching on the surface".

i suggest you go to couples therapy. if they won't go, go alone and see what the therapist tells you to do.

good luck.