Maintaining a Toxic(?) Relationship/Friendship

>>18584042
As someone who has stayed in relationships with people they didn't love and dated people out of pity. You are not helping her with your friendship. Do you really thing she would be more depressed without you? That's very self centered. She did break up with you after all. Put your own needs first senpai. For all you know she could still feel guilty.

>>18584087
She's been telling me for weeks on end now that she'll be really depressed if I cut things off entirely. I think I'm getting a little bit used but I want to be there for her desperately.

>It hurts like hell every single time I talk with her

STOP.

TALKING.

TO.

HER.

That's it that's the advice.

>>18584141
Part of me really wants to, but...
>>18584108

>>18584108
She's manipulating you to keep you in her orbit and you're falling for it because you still have feelings for her. This is going to sound callous but you're not her therapist. She broke things off with you and is getting her intimate needs meet elsewhere. She put her needs first and now she's expecting YOU to put her needs first so she can have her cake and eat it too. You both seem to have codependency issues and the best thing you can do for yourself is cut contact and start healing. There are so many other people in this world. Even then you don't and shouldn't need someone else to make you happy. You shouldn't need someone to make you feel you have value. You have that just by being. It would have been very sad if you killed yourself over someone who frankly doesn't give a shit about your well-being. she's not worth your life. Adopt the attitude of living yourself and a good way to start with that is refusing to be disrespected any longer by this person. Breakups suck. The pain is intense and it can seem like it will last forever but it won't. Given time you will heal from this. You will wake up and see the sunlight again. You will love again. Let her go and begin the process. She made her choice as to where you stand. Don't be someone's security blanket. You're worth so much more.

>>18584157
I'm worried that if I move on entirely, every single other relationship I might have is going to be loaded with baggage - she said she wanted to marry me, damn it, and then a few weeks later she just turned. I really appreciate what you said but I'm not sure I can let go. How would I go about doing that without making more problems?

>>18584265
>I'm not sure I can let go
What other choice do you have?

>>18584271
I'm not sure I've got another one, but I'm just skittish about it. I don't know how I could do it without hurting either of us more.

>>18584297
I don't believe you're all that worried about hurting her. I think you're looking for any reason to stay in this situation, a situation you're not even really in anyways because she's moved on. I'm not going to waste anymore time with you. Go no contact with this person and get yourself together. Or you can wait around and play the security blanket slash backup plan hoping she comes around. It's on you. Good luck anon.

>>18584042
No, you don't need to keep it going. You WANT to keep it going. Stop trying to pretend otherwise.

>She's been telling me for weeks on end now that she'll be really depressed if I cut things off entirely.

THAT

IS

ABUSIVE

>I think I'm getting a little bit used but I want to be there for her desperately.

YOU

ARE

BEING

USED.

OP, this is the type of behavior that emotional abusers use to manipulate people. I dated a girl who practiced this same behavior, except she also added she'd have nowhere to go if I turned her out. Guess what happened when I turned her out when she cheated on me? She found somewhere to go and lined up another fucking moron to leech off of and cheat on. My situation might be different, but the behavior is the same. It's a massive red flag for relationships / friendships.

Fear, obligation, and guilt are not foundations for a healthy relationship for either partner or friend. You're not helping yourself, you're not helping her, you should probably take the good advice in this thread and walk away.

Next step is to ask yourself why you're putting up with this shit. Read about codependency and learn what a healthy fucking relationship looks like.