How to tell my husband no more kids right now? We have always

>>18582565
These "how do I say X" threads are always so dumb. You've already said it:
>I love babies and having our kids but this last pregnancy has been really hard on me physically. I don't think I could handle another one right away but you're already talking about another and trying for a boy. I'm not sure how to even talk with you about it, I feel like I'm letting you down.
He'll understand, and if he doesn't, it means he doesn't actually give a shit about you except as a baby factory. You're not even telling him you won't have another kid, just that you want to wait. How is that even difficult? Or is the problem that you don't want more kids at all but you're not saying that even here?

Just fucking tell him.

Pregnancy is a serious strain on your body. Your health should come first.

If you can't communicate with him then your relationship is going to die

>>18582597
>>18582599
We have always agreed to have as many kids as we are blessed with. Me going on bc after this pregnancy would go against our beliefs and I know it would upset him. It would be like I lied to him about my beliefs or lack conviction in them. The plan was always just to have relations regularly as a married couple then have a child any time those relations resulted in a pregnancy. We talked about having like 6+ kids and this is only my 3rd and I feel like I'm dying. Im in bed rest and I just feel awful all the time. Maybe I'll feel differently after the baby is here and I'm not so big and uncomfortable anymore.

>>18582609
You didn't lie. You just didn't expect that having kids would have such a strain on your body. That isn't your fault.

What's your alternative? Potentially dying to bring the next child so soon? Is that your belief?

>>18582609
You can still have more kids, just wait a while

>>18582617
I don't think I'm going to die, that's a bit over dramatic in today's age. Dying in child birth isn't very common anymore. I just think I'd be really uncomfortable and sick again. I knew pregnancy would be hard, I feel like I'm being weak by not being able to handle it.

>only my 3rd and I feel like I'm dying. Im in bed rest and I just feel awful all the time.
just tell him that after this baby you should be more careful with getting pregnant, bc obviously babys are pussy destroyers... You are not a baby factory...
My mom had me last, I was fourth and she was soooooo much in pain while having me, in previos pregnancies she had part between vagina and ass destroyed a bit... very painfull.
Also consider that your uterus muscles will be flopy?/stretched and that is verrry bad (in future). My mom had her uterus removed this year, many problems after having 4 childs.
Its okay to want many kids but think about your health in the future and also now.
*and not everyone enjoys growing up in big family, i really didnt like growing up as fourth and i still dont like

>>18582565
>I agreed to a big family before we even got married
do you expect him to do what he says he is going to do? I assume he is paying the bills while you raise the family? sometimes keeping promises is hard.

>>18582632
That stinks for your mom I'm sorry. I haven't had to have an episiotomy or anything and haven't put on much weight with any of my pregnancies. I don't feel like my body is trashed after the fact, like I'm still tight, have been able to get good muscle tone back by working out with in a few months after giving birth. It the time that I actually am pregnant that is hard. I am sick all the time and in the last bit I just feel so big and round and ungamely. I can't move or do the things I want like even house work, I get dizzy all the time and feel so tired.

As to the other part, I grew up in a big family and loved it, so did my husband. I'm sorry you didn't like it but I think that happenes for people in any size family. I'm sure there are only children that didn't like it and wished they had siblings.

>>18582649
We both work but yes he's the primary bread winner. If he couldn't make money anymore for some reason of corse I would take care of us. If he got hurt or something. If he just decided he wouldn't work anymore I'd have an issue with it. He helped me make these kids it's our duty to take care of them, he has to help.

>>18582653
well, my mom is 55, and I'm 23, so I think its normal to have that operation.
I'm very happy that your health is good, but consult you gynecologist about having more babys for long term effects on uterus.
and as for husband, jus tell him everything you said here, I dont think he will be angry or anything, just tell him to give your uterus a holiday and that you still want big family, just at least have a little break :)
best wishes for your coming soon baby :)
sory for bad english

>>18582659
You are physically hurt by so many frequent pregnancies and for that reason feel you are unable to fulfill your end of the "promise" at this time. Now, you're saying if he were in such a situation, it would be no problem for you and you would support him. But the shoe is on your foot and you're worried he wouldn't do the same for you. Yikes.

>>18582680
It's not that I don't think he wouldn't do that for me, it's that I feel like I lied to him and am not standing up for my convictions. I feel like I'm not trying hard enough and would be letting him and my family down for selfish reasons. I feel like I should be stronger. Also I don't want to hurt his feelings, I don't want him to think he hurt me by getting me pregnant or that I don't want to give him children.

>>18582673
Thanks for your help and the well wishes that's sweet of you :)

>>18582706
maybe you should see if you need to be eating better food and things to fix the physical issues you're experiencing. Maybe a dietary specialist can help you get on an eating plan to meet your nutritional needs during pregnancies so you don't experience the symptoms you mentioned.

you're putting a lot of stress on your body and, like with professional athletes, you need to be on a special diet to keep up with the demands.

at least look into it before you break your promise.

>>18582720
Ahhhh I can barley eat at all :( I get sick all the time. I cook healthy but when I eat hardly anything stays down. I got medication the helps with nausea from my dr but one of the side effects is dizziness and it makes me feel like I'm going to faint. I have low blood pressure so I get dizzy anyways and the meds make it awful. Maybe I'll talk with my dr about finding a different nausea medication. I'll try to eat better to, I know nutrition is really important not just for me but for the baby I'm carrying too.

>>18582706
It's not really something you can try to be better at. Your body just kind of does the whole pregnancy thing on its own. It's not like it'll get better if you just think about it harder, or put more effort into it. Effort into what?

Stop being silly. Take a break after this kid.

>>18582735
Maybe you should talk to your doctor about going right back intonating another kid so soon

>>18582764
Yes you can, i can't change what my body dose but I can chose to not let myself feel overwhelmed by it. I could chose to be stronger mentally and push past the physical discomfort. I think your right tho, I don't know that I'm strong enough for that. I really don't want to use bc though I would feel like I gave up on my beliefs . Shouldn't i have faith that god wouldn't give me another child yet if I can't handle it? Maybe I will be lucky and not get pregnant again for a while.

>>18582779
The doctor dosen't really have anything to do with it, she isn't going to change my beliefs and honestly it's a choice for me and my husband to make. I'd listen to her if there were some major complications or something and she told me It was going to hurt me or that the potential child could be hurt. But that's not the case, while this last pregnancy has been hard it's all pretty normal complaints that happen to most women when having kids.

>>18582626
>I feel like I'm being weak by not being able to handle it
I'm sorry what? Good god woman, you've already dealt with two pregnancies, popping two children out of your poor puss puss, you're on your third pregnancy, and you're feeling like a weakling? You stop that right now. You've already done a feat of incredible strength. Besides, even the strongest of us can't just go at 100 forever, and it seems like that's what you think you can do by feeling pressured to have one baby after another. You need to take time for yourself to bounce back, heal your body, and focus on the children you do have

>>18582789
No, because God gives people things they can't handle all the fucking time. Look around in the hospital on your next visit and see for yourself.

>>18582789
>Shouldn't i have faith that god wouldn't give me another child yet if I can't handle it?
Plenty of women have pregnancies that nearly kill them, and some actually do kill them. Better to play it safe and listen to your body than blindly believe God will keep you from getting pregnant until you're ready

>>18582803
You don't know that's not the case if you haven't talked to her about it.

>>18582789
The physical discomfort is there for a reason. It's your body telling you this is some serious shit you shouldn't take lightly or leave to faith or luck.

Yes modern medicine helps lower deaths during childbirth, but you also have to realize a large part of that number going down has to be that women aren't popping out babies end to end like they did many years ago. They'll have one to three kids, with a year or more apart generally. Having them so often puts you in a much higher risk category.

>>18582789
>I can chose to not let myself feel overwhelmed by it. I could chose to be stronger mentally and push past the physical discomfort.
So how's that working out for you right now? You say you feel like you're dying. If mental willpower is all it takes then you would be able to turn that shit around now.

But you can't, and next time is going to be even worse if you don't take a break and let yourself heal for a while.

>>18582803
If your beliefs are that important then just don't fuck for a while.

You're not breaking any promise if you just have more kids later.

Consider this. You get pregnant again and the stress on your body kills you this time. So that's only 4 babies.

However if you give it a years rest from now on you might be healthy enough to have several more children if you give your body a break each time.

Which is the better situation?

I know you feel like you're breaking a promise but frankly that promise was ill-informed and unrealistic from the getgo. If your husband does not accept that then he is not a good person. If he is a good man then I think he would rather see you happy and healthy than putting yourself and your family in danger by having births so frequently.

Imagine if you weren't there for your children because you went too far? Would you want him to do it all alone without you?

This is why people think mormons are fucking nuts.

>>18582849
She promised to have sex frequently

>>18582880
Okay then, so we're right back to the fallacy of willpower in >>18582845

If you and your husband don't have the willpower to ignore your urge to fuck for a while, how will you have the willpower to ignore your body screaming at you in pain, to ignore your muscles weakening and tearing, to ignore your heart straining and weakening, to ignore death?

Just discussing it with him isn't breaking any promises. Because you haven't committed on doing anything different just yet.

Maybe you come up with a new, better promise to replace it.

So you just sit him down and say "Husband, I think I need a break. This pregnancy was way worse on me than the last ones. I am worried it will be far worse if I get pregnant again so soon."

Then you can decide whether your promise to have relations regularly or not use BC is worth more than your vows to be with your husband and to support him, or worth more than your responsibility to the children you already have to be there to raise them.

>>18582880
I didn't exactly promis that lol, it was more that we would just do it whenever we wanted and if that resulted in kids then good.
Some of you guys are being a bit extream. The female body is made to carry children. As I said I talked with my dr and the things I'm having trouble with are fairly normal even if they are unpleasant. Lots of women have 3 or more kids I feel like I'm being a baby for taking normal pregnancy problems this hard. Also it's not just a promis to my husband, it's a promis to god, to our way of life. This is how we agreed to live as a commitment to each other and our faith, that we would be happy with how ever many children god blessed us with. I feel like I am backing out of that for selfish reasons because I am being weak. Like maybe this is a test of faith and I am failing at it by defying gods will and intervening on how many kids we have and when. I didn't get pregnant between my first two for like two years. Maybe that will happen again and I just need to have faith that god will give me a brake if a truly need it.

>>18582937
>Lots of women have 3 or more kids
One right after the other or with time in between?

>>18582937
This just feels like bait now. The female body is good at having babies--usually. Sometimes it can't handle more than two pregnancies. Sometimes it can handle ten pregnancies. Generally, it's easier to pop out ten kids when you space them out instead of have them back to back. Yes, the female body is designed to tolerate the multitude of changes that happen during pregnancy. Is it designed to tolerate them as fast as as someone can possibly get pregnant? Probably not. It's always going to be easier to pop out ten babies if you space them out versus having them as quickly as you possibly can. You're depleting your body. It's like how penguins in zoos have to have dummy eggs or else they'll just keep churning out eggs and depleting the calcium stores in their bones until their skeleton pretty much crumbles.

It scares me that you are willing to put your life in danger just so you can cling to a promise you made years ago. Your goals in life can change. That's okay. They probably should change so that you don't have a near fatal hemorrhage with your fourth pregnancy. If God is the reason why women get pregnant, then he sure gives women plenty of pregnancies they can't handle.

>>18582937
Do you really think that you have the power to defy god's will?

God's will is that we have our own will.

>>18582937
You can promise to God that you will be strong enough to move a mountain but that does not make it so.

You are still bound by God's laws of nature, and so is your body and health. Faith cannot protect you if you put yourself into dangerous by defying His natural order.

Furthermore, discussing it with your husband breaks no promise. It is a discussion. He may just agree with you that taking a break is more important.

>>18582609
>We have always agreed to have as many kids as we are blessed with.
Where the hell can I find a woman like you?
Is it a religious thing?
Also, I really want a huge family but money seems like it would always be an obstacle. How do you and your husband deal with that?

>>18582937
Illness and faith are not so intertwined. I don't have exact scripture for you but this is even suggested in the Bible itself.

You can be given struggles that you cannot handle. Whether it's God giving it as a test, or Satan giving it, or whatever. Look around in the hospital and you will find people with far more faith than you, either dead or dying of cancer and the like.

>>18582937
Is your children growing up without a mother worth sticking to this promise?

>>18582938
I literally said that there has been time in between. 2 year age gap between my first two and then 18 months between my last one and the one I'm having now. It's not like like I'm being inseminated right after giving birth geez. It happens when it happens, I'm just a bit scared that it will happen to soon and I won't be ready, or be able to handle it well. >>18582954
This is true but I don't think it's his will to pump my body full of man made hormone pills to prevent having children. If we were ment to change our ovulation cycle then it would be that way naturally.

>>18582873

This is why people think those who are against birth control are fucking nuts

>>18582609
>Me going on bc after this pregnancy would go against our beliefs
>We talked about having like 6+ kids and this is only my 3rd and I feel like I'm dying.

Come the fuck on.

>>18582990
You can just use condoms or IUDs to not be pumped full of hormones, you know.

>>18582565
just tell him your body cant handle it until its had some time to recover. theres no reason that someone who cares about your well being would not accept that

>>18582990
>If we were ment to change our ovulation cycle then it would be that way naturally
And that's why women in premodern times lived to the ripe age of dying during childbirth. And before you cry out "Modern medicine!" realize that that is also pumping your body full of man made chemicals.

>>18582990
>If we were ment to change our ovulation cycle then it would be that way naturally.
How far are you going to go with that? Why have hospitals or doctors if we are not meant to alter the natural course of our biology?

Do you drive cars or use other man-made inventions?

>>18582990
>I don't think it's his will to pump my body full of man made pills
Then why are you okay with nausea medication? Did you have an epidural during your previous births?

>>18582937
>the female body is made to have kids

almost every aspect of the female body is built to defend against having kids lol. it's easier to get a fertilized egg to implant on an eyeball that it is to get it to implant in the uterus.

setting aside the fact that you're an idiot, you can and will die if you keep having children this recklessly. your children will be motherless and your husband will marry someone else to raise them and have more babies with. all because you were stupid and thought you could breed like a rabbit. if you keep going on like this you're going to have miscarriages and stillborns.

babies don't make themselves out of nothing. they make themselves out of you - your blood, your bones, your body. it's fine that you want to have a large family and give birth to lots of children. there's nothing wrong with wanting to have lots of children. but you're not going about it safely or responsibly.

at a bare minimum you should spend nine months between pregnancies. the ideal is two years. since you've behaved recklessly, you need to take a year off. spend that year eating well, taking care of the babies you already have, and exercising so that your body is strong enough to bear a healthy child.

honestly it sounds like you and your husband have no idea how the human body works or how pregnancy works. god gave you your bodies but he also gave you your brains. it's shameful to avoid celebrating both. at the very least you need to be educated enough to help your kids with their homework and answer their questions about the world.

if your husband is a good, god-fearing man, he will understand that impregnating you recklessly is bad for your health and the health of your unborn children. quit saying "I ought to be able to endure this". you are as god made you, and if your husband uses you too greedily god will take you from him. you are his helpmeet, not his toy.

talk to an OBGYN and your pastor about it and I'm sure they'll agree with me.

>>18583018
Please take a biology class or something. You clearly know nothing about human reproduction and you're actually a detriment to this entire thread.

>>18582990
So now you know that 18 months is not enough for you, go for at least 2byrars again this time.

>>18582972
We are religious but also we just want a big family and feel like it's our duty tk the would to have a happy good marriage and raise as many happy good kids as we can. It's a way or making the world a better place. My husband and I met through friends. He's in media arts and I'm in management in retail. We do ok, not rich or anything but we have enough that our kids get nice clothes and go to privet school
>>18582981
Yes I know, my grandpa passed from cancer and he was a wonderful man who lived his faith every day of his life. My dad actually just beat stage 4 lymphoma last year. It's sad when that happens and hard to except but we do not always know gods will. And for those who don't beat it maybe god just saw their suffering and decided to call them home.
>>18582988
Agin you are being far over dramatic, I said none of my problems are very serious and that my dr hasn't given me any real medical reason I can't keep having babies. I'm not dying lol that was just a figure of speech because I feel really crapy lately :/

How do crazy Mormon housewives even find 4chan?

>>18583033
>I feel like it's our duty tk the would to have a happy good marriage and raise as many happy good kids as we can

How can you do that if you're bedridden and dizzy and pregnant all the time? Because it's only going to get worse from here.

>>18582990

sorry, you said this while I was still typing out my long ass reply. I see that the timing hasn't been too ridiculous.

after you've given birth to this one, you still need to see a doctor and find out what nutritional deficiencies you have (so you can correct your diet) and start doing cardio and lifting weights.

a woman in older times would have been carrying water and doing a lot more physical labor every single day - you're weaker than that because you have plumbing, electricity, and don't have to butcher your own meat by hand, more or less.

seriously - having a miscarriage would make both of you miserable, so talk to your husband about this. if you can't do it, bring it up with your pastor and ask for guidance.

>>18583033
Well you feel crappy enough to make this thread about it.

Maybe this feeling you have is God telling you to slow down.

>>18583029

I'm a biologist. Fuck off and die.

>>18583058
No you're not, and if you are then it's certainly not human biology.
No one who has taken a basic introductory level class on human anatomy would make the claims you're making.

>>18582565
Whether or not you choose to do anything about it you need to talk to him about this. If it is a test of faith why endure it alone? Let him in. If it worries him too then you'll be glad you discussed it.

Communication is key.

>>18583008
I take that medication because it could become dangerous to keep lossing weight from being sick all the time. I'm not one of those people who lets there kids die from a flu because they don't believe in doctors. I just don't think it's right to take unnecessary meds to proving children which are a blessing and a gift. I'm not saying everyone has to live like that but those are my beliefs and how I chose to live. >>18583002
This applies to what you said as well. Some medications are necessary and it's gods gift to the world that he made people smart enough to develop them and save so many lives. I don't feel that bc is a necessity for me because 1) I'm married and any children god grants to me will be well cared for and have good lives. They are seen as a blessing by me and my husband. And 2) because I haven't been given any medical reason why I should not have more kids.

>>18583095
I have one for you. You did not feel how you feel now the way you did with your first two pregnancies. What could have changed other than your body being weaker?

>>18583095
>I'm married and any children god grants to me will be well cared for and have good lives
Only as long as you are healthy.
If you are bedridden and dizzy more often in further pregnancies then you won't be able to care for your children very well.

>>18583008
And no I did all natural births, I was planing on a home birth earlier in this pregnancy but since it's been so hard I decided it would be safer to have her at the hospital just in case something dose go wrong. I'm not unreasonable, I want to do what is best for me health, my babies, and my families values. I just don't want to give up on my values without a real valid reason and as of now I feel like I'm kind of just being selfish. I wish I had strong enough faith to just leave it in gods hands that I will have a brake between this one and the next but I am scared it won't happen that way. I think after all this I see that the problem is less my physical weakness and more me being weak in conviction. I should not question gods plan like I am.

>>18583018
The human body is actually designed to have a year or so between babies, most women don't ovulate while breast-feeding and therefor don't get pregnant again till after they ween their previous child. That's why I have a gap between my other kids. I nursed them for like 18 months and didn't get my period back till I stopped. That's actually with all mammals, that's why males if other species will kill young so the mother goes back into heat and then the male can impregnate her with his own offspring. I was lucky enough to have nursing work as natural bc before but I'm just worried because that's not full proof and the what if it happens sooner is scary to me.

>>18582565
you just tell him. rational people who want the best for their kids don't have more kids than they can definitely handle.

imagine being raised as the kid who was one too many, or who was the straw that broke the camel's back? your husband needs to think before bringing human life into this world, and maybe he just doesn't know how you feel.

this is definitely one of those threads where you should just be talking to your husband.

>>18583069

It's called "explaining things in terms people can understand", retard. It's a fact that the endometrium is the most hostile tissue for a zygote to implant in the human body, it's a fact that women who attempt to starve themselves will have the calcium leached from their bones by the developing fetus, and it's also a fact that the fetus receives its nutrition and oxygen through the umbilical cord - in other words, directly from the mother's bloodstream, filtered through the placenta. Bitch all you want but the lady is a devout Christian and you're not going to help her by tipping your fedora at her.

>hurr durr maggots spontaneously occur in meat
>hurr durr babies spontaneously occur in women

You sound like a typical STEMfag who's incapable of talking to anyone outside their field. You also don't know what you're fucking talking about.

>>18583075
This is true, and he is very understanding and I know it worried him a lot seeing how sick I've been lately. I'm sure he will understand even if we don't decide on me going on bc, maybe we could come up with some other way of waiting a bit. I'm going to talk to my pastors wife to. She has 5 kids and I'm sure she would understand and have good advice that wouldn't go against our beliefs

>>18583146
There are other forms of bc besides the pill that do not affect your hormonal cycle you know

>>18583145
This is true, if you don't get enough nutrition while pregnant the baby will take it from your body leaving you depleted. That's why pregnant girl get thinning hair and brittle nails and stuff, that why it's so recommended to take prenatal vitamins

>>18583146

That sounds like the best course of action to me. I'd still reccommend seeing a doctor to get bloodwork done (to see if you're deficient in iron, calcium, zinc, whatever - that kind of thing can be fixed by a simple change in diet) but she'll probably be able to help you more than an anonymous image board.

>>18583152
Yah but that's not really the point, stepping in in any way is what were trying not to do. The point is to let nature take it's corse in this.
>>18583157
I just had blood work done a few weeks ago, they have you at the dr all the time even with totally normal pregnancies. Every time I go it it seems like I'm bing stuck and poked, anyway I'm a little anemic low iron. I have supplements I'm taking now. Everything else was fine. I already do work out regularly. Not as much so now because I'm suppose to be taking it easy but before.

>>18583145
>It's called "explaining things in terms people can understand", retard
Or you know, just being flat out incorrect and misleading.
>You sound like a typical STEMfag who's incapable of talking to anyone outside their field. You also don't know what you're fucking talking about.
Oh