I am soo confused

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I have been a bedwetter forever. After I turned 16 it rarely happened unintentionally. I say unintentionally because I have developed an age play side. I like to pretend I am a child of around 7 or 9 years old who has a weak bladder. None of this concerns me greatly.

What does concern me is some of the thoughts I have been having for years. I do not have many complete memories until I was 16, and even after that I seem to have less memories than most. When I was around 15 I started having thoughts of being forced to do sexual things as a child. I remember drinking alcohol to try and get rid of these. However the first time I remember stealing alcohol was when I was around 12 or 14, and I also remember shoplifting things around this age too. The previous memories are some of the only ones I have of that age.

The most concerning thing for me is that I get turned on when reading about bad things happening to children, but I must be clear I imagine I am the child. If I ever thought I wanted to do something like that to a child I would kill myself. Sometimes I thought that was what was happening when I was 16 and I thought of driving into a tree at top speed, slitting my throat, or something else that would have the same effect.

Other things I remember before I was 16 is wetting the bed and leaving the sheets wet and sleeping in them again. My parents would tell me that I need to clean the sheets every time, but I wouldn’t. My parents never punished me for wetting the bed, but they wanted me to help in clean up. I did not see the need to for whatever reason.

The advice I am asking for is should I go to counseling, and if I should what should I talk about.