I am so stressed out that I clench my jaw and grind my teeth

tell her to piss off, you cant help anyone if youre fucked up too, just move on.

If you don't care about her, change your number, stop responding, maybe tell your boyfriend so you have his support.

>>18576006
>>18576009
I live too close to her to cut contact.

The unfortunate thing is we were working on repairing our relationship and it was going well. Then this episode began, and it just went right back to shit.

I am aware that my mom cannot control herself during an episode. She's pretty normal when she is not having an episode and stays normal for a couple of years until something triggers it. And I guess I fell for that trap again.

>>18576016

why dont you tell her straight up that you dont wanna see her sorry ass again?, honestly, that condition just doesnt go away on its own, you can keep it on check with pills and therapy but theres nothing much to do, your relationship with her will never be "normal" , when the glass breaks it will always have cracks, shes only a negative thing in your life, if you wanna keep moving forward you will find a way to separate yourself from her.

>>18576029
i honestly dont know why doing that feels impossible.

Go see a therapist.

>>18576033
just my 5 cents, take it or leave it, but honestly i get the feel that you already know the answer to your problem, youre just naive thinking that at the end of the road there will be a happy ending, a glimmer of hope for a broken person.
i wish you luck.

>>18576052
You're on the right track. Honestly, now that I dig deeper into it, I want an apology from my mom. A recognition of responsibility for herself. She has never apologized to me for anything. The abuse, the way she treats me during an episode. Either blames someone, blames me, or blames her disorder.

Any time I have tried to bring up these issues she gaslights me. Says she never remembers saying what she said, or I am making it up.

Honestly, I think I am waiting for an apology that I probably wont get until my mom's on her deathbed, maybe not even then.

I know the ending won't be good. I know my mom will likely end up committing suicide, this disorder is genetic, it has ended the same way for every family member thats had it. It has me so conflicted because I don't want my mom to die alone. But I also can't emotionally handle caring for her.

>>18576067
You have to figure out for yourself which is the most important to you; your mother not dying alone, or your own sanity.

>>18576042
I went to a therapist from the ages of 14 to 22. I received therapy for the sexual abuse. The act of it hasn't really upset me for several years. I talked to a therapist before about my mom. The therapist would empathize with me and agree that my mom is abusive, but not really tell me what to do.

How is her treatment? She isn't reacting to antipsychotics during her episodes?

>>18576067

It's the fact that she owes you such an apology that keeps it from you. Because she had to owe you that apology, you might not ever get it.

Tell your boyfriend. Please, as a boyfriend of someone who suffers at her family's hands, tell him. Nothing tears me apart more than being unable to help her when she needs me. It destroys me unlike anything, and I've been through some shit.

>>18576067

you want closure, like the finishing chapter of a book, that your mother in a cathartic moment realizes all the pain that she has caused to you, and asks for forgiveness , but guess what,in her eyes she never did nothing wrong , in her eyes she is in the right and youre in the wrong, she is the good mother and youre the bad daughter,but guess what, the outcome that you want will never come, the only thing you can do is keep moving forward, one step at a time, at the end of the day the only thing that matters is your own happines, keep creating good memories, so they outshadow the painful ones, time will heal.

>>18575994
Do you have siblings to help you deal with her?

>>18575994
Harsh as it sounds, you have to move away from her until she straightens out. DO NOT consult a doctor about developing BPD yourself, or you can kiss any decent paying job goodbye.

>>18576091
She either stops taking it secretly or the dose stops working. I have speculated both but I don't know for sure. She takes Lithium and antipsychotics.

The only thing that helps is when she is admitted to a hospital, they up the meds and monitor her for about two weeks, then release her. And she is fine in about a week and things return to normal.

Easier said then done though, by the time she can be admitted to a hospital, her delusions are horrible and they typically have to restrain her and give her tranquilizer shots until she calms down. They don't admit anyone until they attempt to hurt someone or themselves.

>>18576108
He asked a little over the past few days. Makes me nervous. Bf's a really stoic guy. Actions more than words. I think he just doesn't know what to say and it worries me because I need confirmation that he doesn't think less of me. Yesterday, he just cuddled me, was very nice, and took me out, tried to get my mind off it. I haven't told him about the sexual abuse or my mom's part in it. I mean, he does know I was sexually abused, he doesn't know all the family shit or who it was.

>>18576121
I have a brother and a sister. The plot thickens because as this guy said >>18576117 I am a firm believer that my mother is also a malignant narcissist. When shit hit the fan in my family after the sexual abuse. My mom convinced both my siblings that I was making up the abuse. Since then, it has been a shit show because my siblings and I used to be my closest friends.

My sister seems to be slightly more sympathetic and just doesn't know what to do. My brother attempts to call me out on it and loves to bring up my abuser at family parties and holidays. Whenever he does this, my eyes well up, and my sister looks at me with very empathetic eyes and everyone goes silent.

Pretty sure I am the family scape goat. However, my brother and sister hide whenever my mom has a breakdown and come back when it's done.

>>18576123
They thought I had it as a teen, but instead they changed the diagnosis to PTSD after learning I was abused.

I have two more semesters of college. Once i get a higher paying job with that degree, I want to disappear.

>>18576160
i assure you that she did not "convince" them, they willfully accepted the lie so their world of rainbows didn't fall apart, like you, they dont wanna see the truth as it is,ugly.