I am currently enrolled in a Medical Related degree in a prestigious London University. It's the end of my 2nd year doing this course and I really hate it; the content is already difficult enough and the culture in the department resembles that of a military organization more than a school where you don't ask questions about what you do, but you just do it in fear of being kicked out of the course.
In the last 2 years, I gave it all to survive this shit, I stayed back in school everyday to study 6+hrs and always fought to do assignments as fast as I could before deadlines. Even though I gave up hobbies, interests, and even my health to try survive all this, my results have come back and I've failed half my modules. To be frank, it's surprising to me that I've managed to even come this far on my course, all my course tutors never predicted me to survive beyond first year because I was deemed 'weak' and they were surprised that I came back, I've been blatantly told that I'm a waste of time on this course. This year, The department has granted me a resit opportunity but I can't understand the stuff on lecture notes and books anymore; the content doesn't make any sense to me and I don't know what to do about myself. I feel that the last two years of my life have been a war, and I've just barely managed to dodge bullets till now. I don't want to be in an academic environment anymore, its scarred me enough to do this shit for two years and even my parents think that I've become very cold blooded, cruel and apathetic from fighting this war.I used to have a passion for helping people but now, I don't care if patients get better, whether they live or die has nothing to do with me, when I'm already struggling to make it day to day in university without collapsing. How do I escape this state of war? I just want to feel happy again, I want to feel like a human again, I don't want to be this numb in life; it's becoming very scary for my family and for myself.