I feel like calamity is just around the corner, so I've come for an outside opinion. My life has become simplified, which I thought I'd enjoy, but it's beginning to wear on me, weighing more than it's worth I suppose.
my day
>wake up, sort and eat whatever junk i've bought impulsively.
>Depending on when I have work, I'll bake and read politics if I've the time
>wait for a taxi to pick me up
>awkward ride, I'm stubbornly an introvert, with little to offer in a conversation to usually a complete stranger
>arrive at work, I do the dishes for a kitchen in a supermarket part-time (its REALLY big on making tasty snacks or grab/go stuff)
>share a few laughs with coworkers and other employees, but am otherwise alone in my work
>the only guy there that I connected with was fired last week
>we were only friends because of drugs/age/memes, some of his qualities/choices I despised
>BUT ANYWAY, at the end of the night, 9pm or 10pm, I wait for a taxi to take me home.
>Short smoke in my room, usually with vidya until 11pm.
>i sleep
my food situation is good, as the supermarket has a significant discount for its workers. there's also plenty of scraps around if the boss ain't around. Money wise, I've been saving for a car. I don't have much, as having a lot of money would prolly cause my anxiety to arrive for some reason.
It's just that in the past year, I appear to have more control over my life than ever. Yet all I do is smoke, watch foodporn and work. In a month I'll be starting two classes at a college, though I doubt I'll manage the classes, the job, and my intoxication time.
I'm 19, male, virgin, political fag, selective history buff, listens to hardcore punk/melodeath/pol-deathcore. I think I know where I'm going in life, and I believe I've the means to get there, but why the damn feels life? I should be happy right?
It's okay man, you'll always have you, me.
You're only happy if you're happy. If you enjoy your life the way it is so be it. If not then take the initiative to do break away from your normal routine like you taking college classes. Meet some people and ask how they're doing, and who knows, you might find people you can connect with and eventually you may find what you're looking for.