What to do if you don't have an identity?

>>18563988
Not to sounds tone deaf or mean but the solition you are looking for is get out of yourself. Help other people. Develop skills in stuff u enjoy regardless of others and make sure you have a serious plan for your carreer or life. Hell, volunteer in some organization. You are only thinking this bullshit thoghts of "having no personality" because you are bored with an unchallenged life.

>>18563988
Its not that you don't enjoy spending time with people, EVERYONE enjoys to spend time with people, they just need to be the right people.

And its not that you don't enjoy doing things, you just have not found what you like to do.

What do you do on your spare time?

More people are like you than you think. Take a look out of everyone you know, how many of them really are all that interesting? Most people I know are just known as "guy that can get super drunk" or "guy that lifts alot of weight"

>>18563999
I have tried volunteering and I didn't really like it.
>Develop skills in stuff u enjoy
I haven't had success in finding anything that I enjoy, everything feels pointless or is just unpleasant. You are right that my life is not externally challenging, though.
>>18564005
In my spare time I jog or lift weights because I hate my body and want to change that. I also am trying to cook more for that same reason, but I don't enjoy cooking and the food isn't as tasty as restaurant food. 2 or 3 times a week I read or play video games. It all just feels like chores rather than hobbies or diversions. I'm thinking about getting a crappy part time job to make some cash when I'm not in class.
>>18564021
Yeah, that's true, but they have things they enjoy doing and talking about with others. And they all seem to find each other interesting enough.

>>18563988
friendly reminder that kawakami is a prostitute

>>18564028
There are times in which you are not gonna enjoy something until you become good at it. Getting to restaurant level good requires work and dedication. Try becoming good at it and once you're a bit more dexterous with that you can determine if you like it or not.
Learning an instrument is boring as fuck at first, but when you can actually play songs and learn songs fast it becomes much more fun from there.

>>18564028
Dude i get you. The key wlrd is the RIGHT kind of people. There are not gonna be lots but you'll know when u find them. And if u r like me we hate the small talk. Also don't quit stuff quickly. Try to achieve a mastery. Also it sounds like you might be slightly depressed. Just knlw that what u r having is first world concerns that can be fixed with some time. If u were desperate for work to not be homeless u wouldnt be thinking this kinds of thoughts

>>18563988
"Identities" don't exist
This modern fucking SJW bullshit is forcing people to take up flags and shit and say they're "Otherking queer quasisexual unter-national freefolk" or whatever.

You don't need to do any of that.
You just act like you want to act.
Labels and categories are stupid

>>18564051
I get that modern SJW shit is pretty dumb.

But don't be exaggerated, OP has something wrong (which can be fixed) and it seems genuine.
OP didn't even talk about gender here what the actual fuck are you saying.

>>18564035
Makoto is best girl, but Kawakami makes funny faces so she's better for reaction images
>>18564038
Hmm, that might be true, especially in regards to food. Although I found that playing music got worse when I started to get good enough to play songs I liked, because then I couldn't experience the songs as just pleasant songs, I experienced them as patterns I had learned by rote.
>>18564043
I hope you're right about these "right kinds of people", but I have had no luck in finding them. Yes, I am depressed. Used to be much worse, not as bad now.
>>18564051
I don't think I understand. What you're talking about seems unrelated to what I'm talking about

>>18564066
I went through the exact same thing as a teenager.
Who am I? What am I? What category do I fit in?

The answer is that categories and classifications are total bullshit?
They only exist to make outsider opinions and judgements easier.

OP has a problem with labelling who he is.
I'm saying that labelling itself is bullshit.

The answer to "Who am I?" is "I am".
Everyone feels first what they want to do, then piled on bullshit makes them doubt themselves.

>>18564080
You're stretching it a bit too much.
What OP basically tries to say is that he can't find enjoyment in doing things and spending time with people he tends to spend time with.

You don't have to go ape shit about it, read between lines my friend.

>>18564074
thats not how you spell futaba, anon

>>18564088
Sorry, I'm pretty drunk now.
I didn't read OP's statement quite right.

Good thing he has you to clear things up
I still believe what I said though

>>18564100
Its fine to believe in what you said, but its a bit unrelated.
You should probably go to sleep and come back tomorrow to give advice when you're sober enough to do it.

>>18564080
OP here. I hope you're wrong, only because that would mean I have no hope. I tried to abandon all pretenses and just follow my instincts, and I ended up withdrawing from education and spending all day in bed doing nothing, only leaving to bathe and buy junk food. There has to be more than just following my gut instincts
>>18564097
I think Futaba is like fast food. She might seem like the best option, but it's an unhealthy idea in the long run, whereas Makoto is like veggies, a little less inviting but better for you.

>>18564107
Aye, maybe.
But I feel alone and I don't want to go to sleep feeling alone

>>18564112
Following your gut instincts smartly my man.
Be spontaneous but also think about consecuences and analyze things in general.

Its a bit of a mix of both worlds. Only through time you will learn to do it efficiently.

>>18564112
>OP here. I hope you're wrong, only because that would mean I have no hope. I tried to abandon all pretenses and just follow my instincts, and I ended up withdrawing from education and spending all day in bed doing nothing, only leaving to bathe and buy junk food. There has to be more than just following my gut instincts
Like I said, I went through the exact same feelings as a teenager.
Whatever you got, I got.

I felt pretty bad about it for a while. I even spent a few years in total isolation. Lost about 30 pounds during the process. Looked like an Auschwitz survivor.

But you are you. Maybe you need to go through a hellish trial period like I did. Maybe you can't recognize what I'm saying straight on.
But you are you.
You are someone. You have a personality and likes and a way people see you. And it's good.

As you get older, you'll ferment and solidify. Your nature will become more clear. But it's always been there.
I know the anxiety of not knowing who you really are to other people. And believe you me, I fucked up a bunch of shit due to that confusion.

Even if you do remake the same mistakes I did, at least know that you aren't alone in your path. You're not the first one down. You aren't the first one to feel like you do

>>18564122
What I mean by this is, if you want to do something JUST DO IT NIGGA.
If you feel like doing something DO IT.
If you like something GO FOR IT.

However analyze if the cons are superior to the pros.
If its the opposite then go for it my nigga.
This applies for everything.

>>18563988
Holy shit OP I think we might be the same person

>>18564139
The drunk fucker is kind of right. You ARE someone with tastes and interests, don't degrade yourself. If anything you just have to pursue it.

The fact that you are trying to learn to cook and do shit at all already says something about you.

>>18564043
This is spot on. OP, people like you and I don't make personal connections easily. But when we do find people we consider enjoyable, those connections are much stronger.

>>18564122
>>18564140
That's my point though. I don't have anything that motivates me other than basic bodily functions and, occasionally, self-loathing.
>>18564139
I don't know. Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm a person. Maybe I'm not. It doesn't feel like it. Feels like I'm just going through the motions. Doesn't feel like I ever do things because I WANT to do them, more like I HAVE to. I have obligations (to what or to whom, I'm not sure) but no desires... I guess.
>>18564169
Not to be a contrarian, but my connections are actually much weaker. I find it very easy to completely cut people out of my life for good. This includes people I have known for years, or my whole life, that I have been very close to, etc. I just walk away and forget about them quite readily. It happens pretty frequently

>>18564182
>I don't know. Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm a person. Maybe I'm not. It doesn't feel like it. Feels like I'm just going through the motions. Doesn't feel like I ever do things because I WANT to do them, more like I HAVE to. I have obligations (to what or to whom, I'm not sure) but no desires... I guess.
I keep saying this, but I felt the same.
It's true, I swear.

I remember my pop talking to me about some aspect of my future, college maybe.
And he was like "You have a choice"
I was like "No, I don't. Can't you see that I don't?"

I don't know if what I'm saying is helping you or not.
But you are REAL. And every choice you make is yours. Truly. If you think a choice is deadset on one thing. Think hard on it and maybe even fuck it just to see how it feels.
I wish I did that.

If you go to college, make sure to finish it. I took two tries to get it done.
And go to parties and shit.

>>18564210
Or don't go to parties and do other shit if you don't like parties.
Trying a couple of times doesn't hurt tho.

>>18564220
I didn't think I liked parties.
Until I was in my last year and realized that the freedom it gave was great.

At least try it.

>>18564182
This probably means you haven't earned the right to consider yourself a person yet

Do things that terrify you

>>18564226
Yeah man, I personally don't like them but I can COMPLETELY understand why most people are into them.

Be sure to try a couple of times tho, since not all parties are the same or as good, the first time might be shit, but maybe the third or fourth might actually be good.

Go out to the middle of nowhere for two weeks and go camping. No phone, no laptop, no internet connection, no nothing except the essentials for survival. You will find out who you are out there.

>>18564210
I don't feel real. Nothing feels real. I feel like I'm living in a dream or something.
I'm trying my best to finish college. This is also my second try. Time is slipping away, I can't afford to not succeed
>>18564220
>>18564226
>>18564233
I don't like parties. Been to enough of them to figure that out. In fact, I guess I detest them.
>>18564228
Yeah, I guess I haven't earned the right to consider myself a person. I'm not sure what terrifying things are worth doing, though
>>18564244
Doing something like that as a test of who I am (i.e. entirely out of my skillset) sounds like setting myself up for failure and more self-loathing. It's just going to confirm to myself that I have no value

>>18564273
Your responses tell me that the only thing stopping you from doing shit is yourself and your self esteem.
Are your friends negative or something? The people around you and the content you consume can affect your behavior

>>18563988
I used to be like you. The answer is simply put but not so simple in itself. You just gotta do it. People develop personalities in their own unique ways. I've never been a talkative guy, but I've always enjoyed practical jokes and sarcasm, so you practice what you enjoy, and voila, people know me as a quiet guy who is pretty funny when he opens his mouth. The most important thing is to talk to other people, though. See what parts of your personality click and what doesn't. It'll come with time

>>18564276
My self esteem is very low, that's true. I don't think my friends are particularly negative, they seem pretty content with their lot in life.
>>18564285
Interesting. I don't really feel like there's anything to talk about, though. Most conversations in life just feel like I'm either running on auto-pilot or erecting a facade to hide that I have nothing to say

>>18564299
>My self esteem is very low, that's true. I don't think my friends are particularly negative, they seem pretty content with their lot in life
I see. But do they show that they care about you? Not necessarily telling it literally in your face, but do they invite you to shit? Do they make conversations with you?

>>18564305
I don't have many friends and they all live together so I get invited to hang out at their apartment. Other than that, they don't really do much, so there's not much to get invited to. I guess they make conversation, yeah.

>>18563988
I have a friend who seems to have issues with this. He seems very passive, allows whatever happens to him to happen to him, and says his identity and views seem to change and adapt from situation to situation. It's relatable to me too (and I think to everyone as well), so don't feel like you're the only person like this. It's also maddening though, to see someone with so little agency.

I also relate to what you said about "living in a dream," but maybe from a different angle. I used to be really preoccupied with existentialism, determinism, and so on, and as a result I felt anxious and dissociated most of the time.

I think a lot of it comes down to cultivating a sense of agency and strong personal values, DESPITE the fact that they aren't "right" or "objective" or "true" or whatever. It eventually becomes clear that it's necessary to cultivate these things for practical reasons, because people who don't are aimless and disappointed in themselves. I think being around other people like yourself may make you pissed off eventually and want to define yourself in contrast to them. That's my two cents, at least.

>>18564332
I know its not a complete solution, but try acknowledging that these people care about you and they like you enough to actually invite you to their apartment.
I mean thats a start, you ARE someone and they like you for WHO YOU ARE.

Keep that in mind and try enforcing your personality.
No one is naturally "soul-less" or whatever, you just need to find a way to express youself better.

Motivation begets motivation and starting out is the hardest part. Try new things. Go hiking or ice skating or take up photography. You won't like everything, and you'll be good at even fewer things, but all you're really looking for is something you can be passionate about.

I'd say that picking up part time work is a great start. It'll give you access to making new friends with their own lives and interests who can almost certainly introduce you to things you've never come across.

It's almost 1 in the morning and I'm very tired I think I am going to sleep. Thank you everyone for humoring me

>>18564385
Goodnight you miserable fuck