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Anonymous
How to do what i feel like doing without feeling guilty? 2017-07-27 10:20:13 Post No. 18563065
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How to do what i feel like doing without feeling guilty? 2017-07-27 10:20:13 Post No. 18563065
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How to do what i feel like doing without feeling guilty?
Anonymous
2017-07-27 10:20:13
Post No. 18563065
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I'm 23 and i've been in therapy for 4 years now. I've learned and felt a lot, my psychologist said i'm almost ready to leave therapy for good. The only things missing are a genuine relationship and (the topic of the thread) complete emotional indipendence from others.
I opened this thread because i'm leaving for vacation with my parents for 30 day for a little island where i've got my closest friends, but this year i'll be practically alone, since there are only 2 friends of mine and the rest are either acquaintances or people i just don't feel good being around with. A normal person would say "i'll just do what i want, it's my vacation". Instead, i obsess over shit like:
>If i don't feel like wanting to know a new group of people (and potentially meet a girl), i'll betray the therapy i've put so much effort into.
>If i don't want to go out some nights then i'll disappoint my friends
>I like to know people, but only if i'm interested in them. Then why the fuck do i feel anxious over staying at home and looking like a depressed fuck instead of going out with people i don't like?
>I'll just do what i feel/like doing. But why do i feel like disappointing my closest ones by not being as they want me to be?
The list goes on. However. when it comes to things i like, i live trough and overcome eventual fear of novelty, in the end going out. When i'm "truly" alone (as in with no one judging/looking: for example i am perfectly confident in myself during dates or when there's no jerk/stranger i THINK is going to judge/observe) i don't think about all this shit at all, i really feel like my therapist said, healthy and completely myself.
TL;DR: I strongly feel that i need to do whatever makes me happy, but why do i feel so guilty/anxious over it? How do i not let fear make me do things i don't want to do? How do i accept myself and every choice i make, instead of obsessively judging myself over nothing?
>>
You have trouble getting over it because it's partly true. When you have friends, it's good practice to think about their wishes and go along with the things they want to do some of the time. But it's a two way street, a compromise, and a good friend will sometimes want to do what you want to do as well. It keeps both parties a little bit out of their comfort zone and which encourages growth, and more interesting life experiences. You don't need to become completely independent of others.
But as for people that aren't your friends, you aren't required to do anything to impress them. Why should you? Let go of what they think of you. Usually they won't.
Finally, you don't owe it to anyone to be a different version of yourself. Who you are, what you believe, and what you know is best for you -- those things belong to you. Living them honestly and fully is not only good for you, it's actually good for those around you. When they see you living in the way that's best for you, they'll be encouraged to be fully themselves, even if you can't tell. Have a good vacation op, good luck.
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