Last year I met this guy S that I really hit it off with. We

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Last year I met this guy S that I really hit it off with. We tried being friends with benefits. It was fun and as a friend I helped him with some life problems - so then S wanted more and I had to break it off. I just didn't feel the same way.

A year later - S got over his feelings and was my best friend. I have a few really good friends, but I dislike burdening ppl with my problems so I just keep shit to myself in general. He was the exception.
A few months back we were both single again and at a party. We got drunk and had sex. After that S would try repeatedly to initiate fwb again, but I would always refuse.

Last week I was invited a barbeque party. The next morning S had an appointment near my appartment. So S was just gonna pick me up after the barbeque and then game with me at my place and leave in the morning. But by the time he got to the barbeque, I was already pretty drunk, 'cause a 'friend' kept sneaking alcohol into my drinks. So instead of gaming we stayed. By the time we left - it was dark out, I couldn't walk straight and S was more than a bit tipsy.

On the way back he would try to get me to blow him and I'd say 'no, that's a bad idea - let's just go home'. Back at my place I'd try to sleep, but he'd keep pushing me for a hand job. Being drunk, I just stopped refusing at some point. Then he got up and went for the bj while I just layed there. And he filmed it. At some point I blacked out and woke up again when he came on me. The next the morning he left for his appointment hoping I wouldn't remember.

I texted him that we aren't friends anymore. I know his life is really hard and he doesn't have much going for him atm and that the regret is killing him. Now I'm an emotional mess and can't concentrate on shit. Don't know what to do with him or myself, can't talk to him and don't know who else to talk to.