Is this depression?

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I remember I've always been quite a shy kid from the age seven when I never wanted to be in school. I always used to stand up for myself, ask teachers questions and never afraid to partake in grade school activities.

Then a huge shift in my personality happened when I was around 10-11 and started shutting myself off and wear a mask all the time even around my family. The mask became my real personality around 14. I don't recall the time I ever felt comfortable in my body mentally wise. I'm afraid of my interests.

I tend to blame everything on myself, my attitude has kept me from getting into hobbies because I think I'm the dumbest person on the planet and that I don't deserve a hobby.

I feel like everybody hates me and trying to get me and trying to make me suffer. I feel like I am somewhat detached from myself.

I used to have thoughts of suicide when I was 11 but now at 20, I don't get those too often. I really don't know if I'm mentally ill and I'm too scared to ask the therapist. It would bring too much attention and my family would start asking too many questions.