Flirting with giving up on life?

You're laughing as a coping mechanism I think, because I do the same stuff. But I'm not a psychologist.

I've been there at the 'flirting with death' point, and besides the 'its not wurth it durr' response, you shouldn't set your sights on suicide yet. You're just at a very low point in your life, less so for yourself and more for those around you. Things get worse before they get better.

I can't guarantee that things will get better even in the recent future, but they will eventually. And you're doing better than most are in these situations, I don't think I'd have it in me to seek out a therapist.

I'm not old enough to comment on the stresses of actually being an adult (I'm in college), but if anything, take some time for yourself. Some time off work. Ignore everything else. Find the thing that makes you happy (to a reasonable extent, try to refrain from the overly self-destructive shit), and indulge in it.

>>18556866
>Anyone else's life ever fall apart in all areas?
Replace your January story with seven years, and four years and make them my only friend. Ever. I was one month away from proposing as well, I had to return the ring for what I could get. We are still friends, but they have completely changed and ignored me for almost two months. Which is what all good friends do when someoen is not doing well. I have dated other people in the past mind you, I just never opened up to them because I am so blunted. One of my relationships ended when the person I dated hung themselves.

Work? At my work (which I moved away from home for, and only started at to build up a future for my SO) I am made to do everything because no one else knows how to do their job. So I am trapped in a very high paying extreme stress job I hate, in a place I hate with no way out. Sure I have a degree and am considered book smart, but the cost of that is I do fucking everything.

My family? I have a bipolar mother who showered me with love as I was a crutch for her issues which I dealt with constantly. My father is an alchoholic who is disappointed in me. My uncles are all alchoholics. My aunt is manic and she randomly stalks me and other family members and threatens our lives when she randomly shows up at our workplaces or homes. Grandfather was a pedophile, and my grandmother was a sociopath who showered me with gifts to cause her other grandchildren to feel neglected and left out to punish her children who birthed them. She also tried to kill all her children when they were growing up.

1/2

>>18557009
You mentioned a therapist? I have been in and out of the mental health care system my entire life. At age three I was diagnosed with a severe case of generalized anxiety disorder (still have it), I was one of the youngest cases they saw. As I child I was also diagnosed with an attachment disorder, and OCD (grew out of OCD). As a teenager and adult I was later diagnosed with; psychosis, major depressive disorder, conversion disorder, panic disorder, and aspergers syndrome. I have been in and out of psychwards and institutions my entire life, and when I was born the doctors recommended an abortion.

Why life is a waking hell daily, do I want pity? No. Does my story help you? No, it simply provides you with perspective.

You will do fine, you are going through a rough patch but you are otherwise normal.

2/2

>>18557013
>>18557009
See, that's what I've been telling myself. That my "losses" aren't that big of a deal in comparison to other people who have invested much more in terms of relationships especially. But I think that because of that logic, I haven't ever let myself truly grieve; and that's why I'm stuck. Everytime I think to cry about it all, I tell myself "no"; that crying won't solve anything and to just grin and bare it. But...I don't think that's helping, yet I can't bring myself to cry. As for work, that's exactly how I feel as well. I could escape, go do something else; but it pays very well and has a lot of perks. But being there daily can be difficult. I just don't know what to do with myself right now.

>>18556996
Being alone makes me happy, I know it sounds weird; but just not being bombarded with family/friends bs really helps me relax. But whenever I try to just set things down and find peace; my phone always goes off with some new level of bullshit or a family member/friend in need of help and I feel guilty not helping them. I've toned it down a lot lately, but I'm always scared that some of those so called friends will forget about me(some actually did before) and that hurt even more. I'm just frozen with fear.

I know people always say that things will get better and that's true, life isn't always negative or positive. But this year, dear God...it's been so fucking much all at once, continually and I'm just...burnt out? I'm seriously afraid that I'll have a mental breakdown lol. I'm 29 if that matters.

>>18557146
All losses impact people differently. You don't need to cry to grieve. But if you need to that is alright too. That shit takes time to heal. Some people take 5+ years to heal from a one year relationship if it is serious enough, and that is fine.
Really all you can do is try to stay focused on other things, comparing how easy you have it does nothing to help nor was it my intent. My intent was to simply show even lost causes can survive to some extent, and you are no where near that level. If you can leave your job and you hate it, why not? I can't leave my job because I want to leave my current country and I would need a two more years steady employment in my current position to do so permanently. Alternatively, try putting some of that cash towards a vacation. Just fuck out of town for a month and see if that helps.

>>18557175
I think I might go on a cruise. Could be fun I guess and I've always wanted to see the ocean. It's just that I can't exactly quit since I've been working on a startup of mine and am tied up in quite a few projects/responsibilities. Plus bills...always got to pay those...a vacation could do me good though. Just have to save up some money and get things out of the way. Maybe in the new year when I'm caught up on stuff.