I tell nothing but lies. About everything, including pontless

some pattern was repeated enough sometime in your past to warp your perception, mostly of yourself but of others and the world and stuff as well

were you bullied a bunch as a kid?
were you an overachiever who excelled a lot?
high expectations from parents?
no expectations?

tell me more

>>18555082
I wasn't bullied as kid, but after elementary school I had no friends, alwayd alone

I'm not an overarchivier or brillant much but, I always wanted to get good at three things in life, annd I'm really focused on them since like 5 years.

My dad always told me I give him no pleasures. (this just sound sexual in english... I just don't live to his expectations). My mom just told me to do what I want to do

I guess I have to say this too, I have aspeger, and the problem that come with it. No good with people, anxiety, and so on


REALLY thank you a lot for respoding. you're the boss, please ask me more question if you want to. any

>>18555201
no problem anon, i can relate to some of it


why did you not have those friends after elementary school?

those 3 things...how has your progress been with them? do you get the same feelings of shame about sharing those 3 parts of yourself with people too or is it different for those?

for each of the answers regarding your parents, what do you think or feel about that in response? satisfied, dissatisfied, indifferent?

>>18555247

i really disliked my classmates, when i was 11-13 i was like "they're so stupid, i'm better", you know, that kind of attitude.. like tfw too intelligent. but as i became an highschooler I grew out of it. still had no friends, but thought nothing bad of my classmates, just didn't want to hangout with them. today it's till the same, i dont hate anyone nor i think i'm too smart to hangout, i just don't want to.. i dont know anyone i'd like to share time with. if i knew the right person, i'd hangout with them


i never had friends, so i managed to stay focused and progressed well with those actually. i love drawing, studying japanese and making music, it's hard but those things give me life. i'm still really weak at music, because of my problems i think. but i want to do it so badly, i might even start to play the guitar even if i'm ashamed to. i think those three things are my identity, so i value them a lot. i still have to get better at those three things, but as soon as i will be able to create something of quality i'd be so happy to share it with others

well i'm sorry if i dissapoint my father. if the things i want to do and the things he want me to do were the same, it'd be nice. but they're not, and i cant do anything about it. so i choose to do what i want to do. i'd say indifferent mostly. i'm happy my mom support me though


this got incredibly long. sorry. dont want to sound repetitve but thank you. writing this out already made me feel a bit better. i dont know why. could never ever say these things to anyone that knew my real name and face, but saying these are is already somehting i guess

>>18555420
>i want to do it so badly, i might even start to play the guitar even if i'm ashamed to.
definitely do it. you'll forget to be feeling ashamed about it in less than five minutes every time you sit down to play. and those first few minutes are easy to get through when you remind yourself that it's expected you'll make a whole bunch of sounds that are off and weird and messy at first while you're learning how to do it.
>as soon as i will be able to create something of quality i'd be so happy to share it with others
when you have created something you want to share because of how much YOU like it, then it's ready to be shared. if you share something because you think "this is good enough for other people to really like it" then your enjoyment of releasing it depends entirely on other people's opinions. what if the people who would like it don't get to see it and you get a bad response to it, or no response at all? if you showed it because you like it, well that won't really matter very much. you'll still like it and you'll still want to show the next one. it's very helpful to be able to rely on your own opinion for validation.
>well i'm sorry if i dissapoint my father. if the things i want to do and the things he want me to do were the same, it'd be nice. but they're not, and i cant do anything about it. so i choose to do what i want to do.
it is your life. nobody but you can live it. you can set your own expectations for yourself and your life. family is important, very important in fact, but it's entirely okay for you to live according to your own standards rather than his.

>this got incredibly long. sorry. dont want to sound repetitve but thank you.
no worries at all m8. you're very welcome.
>writing this out already made me feel a bit better.
yep, tends to do that
>i dont know why.
it's because:
>could never ever say these things to anyone that knew my real name and face
you never let yourself say them, and they take up a lot of real estate in your thoughts. people process crap by facing up to it over and over again until it's no longer difficult for them to face. talking is a good strategy. can't hide from thoughts and turn them into words at the same time lol. kinda forces you to face them while letting you still stay in control.

anyway. what else is on your mind? tell me more. or tell me again.

or if you're feeling brave
>There are more examples and situations where I feel ashamed doing normal things,
tell me about some of those?

>>18555593
>>18555601

>tell me about some of those?

mmmh, when i was 13 i had some friends online actually. i was ashamed of letting my parents know, so i didnt tell them. but then my family found out and freaked out badly. they were scared i was being like catfished by some old guy lol so they told me to stop talking with them. actually i still chat with some of the guys i knew back then, basiclly my only social interaction
they're cool, they usually chat with the webcam but i feel ashamed of doing that so i don't. im literally autistic, i'm ashamed of talking to people, then my parents would hear me talk with them, video chatting with them is just too much to me
in the end though, its just talking to my friends.. damn why cant i do something so simple. my friends know how i look btw

usually i'm ashamed of saying "i want to do this" in a straight way,


then what.. i wonder what could have caused this misrable attitude of mine? maybe its that i'm autistic? i wonder what my attituide towards this problem of mine is, i just got to know i got aspargers recently. its not like it hit me hard, i had the problems that come with it even before i knew i had it. but still.. i wonder if i'm ever going to be able to talk properly, without lookig like a shy puppy. i cant do things like raising my voice, let alone screaming. i remember when i was like 11 a guy asked to my mate near me "whats his problem"
wondering if i was autistic or else. still to this day, i sometime wonder "am i THAT autistic? people can uderstand it by watching me?" a part of me dont think so at all. you need at least to hear me speaking, and thats where things get hard for me

i guess behind my being ahsmaed there's all of this

>>18555593

it's kind of late here so im going to sleep. i'm afraid the thread is going to be archivied before i can bump it, so i write this now. What you said is really valuable, i'm so happy you found my post. the kind of thing you said arent those you found like looking on google and clicking on the first result.
they really are meaningful and not everyone is able to help people like this. its really something, you are the boss. seriously. and once again, thanks

>>18555032
I think the first step of overcoming your problem is already achieved; which is, knowing what your problem is. I think the problem here, in my opinion, is that you're constantly living up to other people's expectations. You don't want to come off as the nothing that you feel that you are. You see yourself as this useless person, and so, you feel that everyone else might see you as so. Practice really does make perfect. Sure, having pure talent would be ideal, but the people who perfect the imperfect are the ones who understand what is misunderstood by people who got everything handed to them. I too am learning this fact. It's the difference between someone who bought a motorcycle new, and someone who built a motorcycle new. Who is more understanding of the motorcycle: the motorcyclist who rides it, or the one who built it? Do what you love doing. If you keep doing what you feel other people want you to do and don't want you to do, you'll never get a chance to be you. Another thing is, if you feel like you need to lie, just be vague. Either be honest, or be vague, but don't be a liar.