How do I/should I get therapy?

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Sorry I made a thread like this a week ago but I forgot about it because it was before I fell asleep and I didn't say what I was having trouble with as to help with an answer.

I am below the poverty line I guess so I am wondering if the medical assistance you get in the US will let you see a therapist that isn't like a lawyer working shitty cases to get experience? I don't know how being a therapist works and I guess that sounds shitty but I would like to not get a person that isn't interested if my whole problem with myself is that I can not talk to anyone. I can maybe go on one of my parent's insurance from their job if I have to but I don't know how insurance works and if they would have to pay some part of the therapy in which case I don't want to do that.

I guess I kind of answer my own question asking should because for a couple or more years now I always have very frustrated destructive and suicidal thoughts whenever I get sad and because I don't ever express my feelings I find myself always thinking about things that happened a very long time ago up until now. I have never hurt anyone, whether their feelings or physically, or destroyed anything but I am basically imploding anytime I am upset. I try to fool myself into thinking I am a strong person and I want to be but I have too much time alone and I think about hurting myself and people who I think have wronged me a lot.