I have done everything to get other things into my fucking broken brain, but i didnt help
And tips or how had you won the fight against this stupid illness?
OK dude, I hear ya. Have you been to see a doctor yet? If no, please proceed to see doctor. Have you gotten some therapy yet? If no, please go and see a proper psychotherapist who can do CBT to help you.
Also, here are 2 packs of audio for you. The first is a set of affirmations you can listen to before bedtime, it may very well help, I've found it useful: http://www.mediafire.com/file/686p3ey8rl47lxc/Up_From_Depression.zip
The second is the Mindful Way through Depression course, this is much more involved but if you commit, you will reap the results: http://www.mediafire.com/file/stl5ctg1ptogszt/MWTD.zip
Make sure you are eating, sleeping and exercising well. Good luck!