Relationships: expectation vs. reality

>>18548223
Because being in a loving relationship with someone is one of the best feelings in the world. You should be optimistic.

As a bit of an aside, I think the problems you outline with relationships occur because there are lot of "inauthentic" relationships nowadays. As in, people that are in relationships because they like *the idea* of a relationship instead of the actual person they are with. Or they feel that they need to be in a relationship to be accepted in society's eyes. This is a trap a lot of the desperate people you mention fall into, which is bad because then it fails and they become cynical and jaded about the whole thing.

>>18548223
Imagine having friend.
>inb4 autism loner
Now he is your best friend. Even waiting in boring queue is fun with him.

Now combine this with ability to have morning and night sex with him, society approving of both of you and eventually making little copies of yourself with him which will make you happy and give your life purpouse. That and he will sometimes clean your apartment and cuddle you when you feel down. Also living in pair is cheaper so you can even actually afford more expensive things together.

When it all works, it is heaven. However relationships sometimes feel like second job and when you stop trying, it can end like this >>18540505

Tldr it is great when it works out. And for it to work longterm, BOTH have to constantly work for it.

>>18548223

its kinda like asking why a woman wants to have kids when giving birth is such a painful experience, though a little worse imo.

romance is like a drug, and the rush tends to overshadow the other stuff. when people think of a relationship they don't imagine divorce, cheaters, and arguing. they imagine holding hands with someone attractive on a beach, or kissing someone while cuddling in bed and the like.

and in a way they arent wrong, there are plenty of good moments that come with relationships. ME personally, i don't dig it, I can't really date unless I find the person exceptional, which happens like once every 2 years at this point.

stop thinking of life in terms of 'optimist' or 'pessimist'. its stupid to say 'OH I SHOULD BE MORE OPTIMISTIC' because you're basically saying 'OH I SHOULD BE IGNORANT.'

focus on being realistic. if you can't admit to the good and bad sides of something, than you know your either being too optimistic or too pessimistic.

>>18548223

You get to fuck someone repeatedly probably several times a week for years, then fall asleep together. And whenever you watch TV you get to do it while holding someone and sniffing their hair + whenever a party or social outing starts to get boring you can go home and fuck instead, and it's easier for couples to find a good excuse to leave. Also, you get to have deep and intimate conversations with someone you trust a lot

Failed marriages --> don't get married
Cheaters --> not sure about how to fix this one but afaik hasn't been a problem
Arguments --> never really had arguments in my relationships, not all bitches are crazy

Not all relationships are the same but if you want to continue being a pessimistic fuck you can continue to enjoy a life of being alone.

>>18548231
I like this post.

>>18548233
I don't know why this said him all the time because I'm a straight dude, but fine. That said, I don't think I want kids, and I'm not a fan of someone cuddling me to emotionally support me. Talk it out, maybe... But hold me like you're my mom? Nah. But like you said, it's a second job. None of the things you mentioned can make up for the fact that one day I could end up divorced, with partial custody of my kids, sending half of my income to someone else. That shit terrifies me.

>>18548236
I agree with you on dating someone exceptional. It's just been three years since I was in a relationship and I've maybe had a crush on three girls - all unobtainable. It feels like if I *want* a relationship, I have to search for it, or maybe compromise. I'm trying to accept the good and bad side of things, but you mentioned a relationship being like a drug... Well I don't do drugs because generally the consequences of doing them are worse than the temporary high.

>>18548237
You mention fucking a lot. I think if I wanted to fuck in a given night, I could make it happen. Watching tv with someone else sucks because they don't ever want to watch what you want. And I like social outings.

I know I'm nitpicking a little, but I've been in relationships and they've just gotten worse and worse as I get older. I'm really not trying to sound bitter here, maybe just hoping someone can say something that overrides the logical part of my brain.

>>18548266

>i dont do drugs because-

same here basically. I don't need a 'relationship' my self. the high of romance for me can be gained from simply having a fling or some unrequited feelings, its all the same to me, its the emotional aspect, so there's no need to bog me down with the actual rules and regulations that come with trying to actually 'date' someone.

and its okay to not date. everyones different, you're not the only person abstaining from dating.

just try your best to make the rest of your life as rich as possible. you will never fully be happy, there will always be that wanting, that desire... but if you can't find osmeone you ACTUALLY want to be with I don't see the point in dating.

>>18548266
>dont want kids
>not fan of cuddling
>one day i could end up divorced
Dont even bother, you are probably lost cause. And you marry only when you trust her completely. And if you are clever, you will never end up like that guy from dying marriage.

Nobody wants to divorce just because. Be a good husband and it simply wont happen to you.

>>18548223

I've never been desperate to get in a relationship for the sake of it. I'm with my current partner because he's my best friend and life feels much better with him. I'm happy single, but I haven't felt as strongly about another human being in my 20-something years on this earth, so it makes sense for me to be in a committed relationship with him.

For the majority - people like the idea of being in a relationship and a lot of people romanticize them. Being in a relationship can be hard work and takes a lot of compromise. If you're not well suited or you've "settled" for someone you're not truly happy with, that compromise becomes more difficult and it tends to end in failure.

It's still a natural human desire to be with another person though. We're all chasing our ideal version of love, and we're constantly told by the media that it's the ultimate feeling, so it's no surprise that most people are searching for relationships. You don't enter a relationship thinking it's going to fail either.

>>18548287

Well, I said I THINK I don't want kids. I think I'd be a good parent and I have the resources to do it, but there's too many examples around me of people I know had good parenting that are now pieces of shit.

Cuddling is alright sometimes, I just don't like it when it's because I'm being treated like a baby that needs to cry out his problems.

My parents, and all but one of my aunts and uncles, have been divorced. Over 60% of my friends have divorced parents. Divorce is hugely prevalent, and people change, thus getting annoyed with each other.

My uncle was a very good husband, from everything I could see. No addictions, hugely intelligent, had a job as a molecular biologist, raised his daughter with love, care, and resources, and his wife decided she had enough, divorced him, and spent years trying to squeeze every penny out of him that she could, with no care for the fact he was now living in a studio apartment while only a few years away from what was supposed to be his retirement, which now wouldn't happen on account of her taking all of his net worth.

He put a bullet through his head, and blamed her in the suicide message.

>>18548328
Oh god, i remember you, you are that guy with that shot himself to head uncle.

Abadon thread!

And obligatory
>not shooting your ex wife instead of yourself

>>18548339

Are you the guy with broken English whose response to every relationship problem is "have babies?"

I've posted about my uncle once before on this board but not on this specific topic, so I'm wondering if you're confusing me with someone else.

It's nice to have pussy on-demand.

>>18548345
There arent that many anons with hole in head uncles. But i am glad you shifted from no to maybe.

>>18548223
I wish I knew. Its funny as fuck how much 4channers try to promote this bullshit vs the threads that go into great detail why the relationship is failing. Seems like the people who only go out to fuck are happy, but I forgot they're dirty degenerates who can't get laid, virgin, or whatever watered down insults these people come up with

It's just normies following social norms. You can be a fabulously happy single if you don't care what anyone thinks.

>>18548223
>why
because they are indulging their basic animal urges to fuck and have constant company

>should I give up relationships
no you should just try to be pragmatic and look for the best relationship possible, rather than low-hanging fruit, if you want a quality relationship

>>18548273
I really wish people for that more. Its like you killed Jesus when you say the only thing a woman can provide me is pussy. I'm sorry ladies but it's true. I love my own time and hate to be forced to be near you coupled with the fact that I have a semi large friend pool and knowing even more people past that. A gf does nothing for me cause most of what a gf provides, barring bedroom, is easily obtained through my friends. Other than sex and close intimacy I get all I need through friends, leaving you as just an outlet for my pent up intimacy lacks. I dunno why it's the end of the world for a woman to say your pussy is the only reason I'm here. I wouldn't give a fuck if told this as a guy. Ok? Well my dick works and I'm free Tuesday so I'll see you then. A gf is not my all, my life won't change because we're dating. And it's sad to see how many guys become a puppy on a leash the moment they get a gf. One of my friends is a complete bitch now cause his girl spoils him so he's retarded on how to adult now and another slowly breaking away from our circle because he's low key dating a chick and wants to keep it under wraps. Miss me with that shit.