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Need advice on how to feel right now, or what I should do, I'm super fucked up and conflicted
>Spend all my high school time idolising relationships and what they mean
>No girls attract me, really cba with any of them.
>See this Blue haired girl sitting across, never seen someone like this. Shy small anxious "scene" type.
>I'm 18 and she's 16 nearly 17
>Get the balls and start talking to her, end up together 3 days later.
>She had an online relationship for 2 years, which she was cut up about
>We broke up 2 weeks later, because of her anxiety and scaredness over "us"
>Weekend passes and we get back together.
>We spend nearly a month together again
>Again, split because she's cared and doesn't know, I agree and don't say anything else.
>Stay friends, because I genuinely haven't had a friend like this before
>6 months go by, we fight twice and take a good break twice, both times coming back to eachother as friends
>Talk about "us" a couple times, says she's not friendzoning me, she cares about me
> Helped with self harm and suicidal thoughts
>She helped me, got me to reveal a lot of stuff I thought I'd take to the grave. Rape/bullying/horrible shit
>So 7 months have gone by, gone through a lot. She's said sometimes she doesn't want to form an emotional attachment to me, she's scared to love, she wants to
>Fast forward to a week ago. We're talking again about us, and she says bluntly and honestly she doesn't see an "us" anymore.
>I say I need to go, because I can't take how much i've been hurt over the months. The constant back and forth of her saying maybe.
>Her friends find out and say what she did was bad to me, but I say it was my fault
>I want to be friends? I really like her and my home situation she's saved me from. I could picture everything with her, but I can't take just being around her and not being physical with her? I feel like some animalistic "sex crazed" fuck.
>I just want to love and look after her, do fun shit we planned, but it's all gone
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>>18545107
>We broke up 2 weeks later, because of her anxiety and scaredness over "us"
>>Weekend passes and we get back together.
Once you split up with someone, do not get back together with them. Yall tried and it didn't work out. Move on to others. More than 7billion ppl on this planet.
>>
There's more detail to this but I ran over the limit.
>I left it by saying I needed to go, she told me she'd be there if I forgive her, she wants me as a friend.
I kind of feel like the only reason I was how I was, so caring and tender with her, was for the relationship aspect, which makes me feel shitty.
>I spoke to her mom and thanked her. Their house and family atmosphere, letting me go round has kept me out of the house while I deal with my shit, like my dad having a mental breakdown and such. I owe her a lot, she felt she owed me more. She says everything about having feelings for me, caring deeply, being interested in me, but just the relationship she can't see for some reason. Everyone else puts us together. I just want to love and protect her, and I can't, and it hurts. I just don't know what to do now, or think, or pretend, or what
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