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Anonymous
Stuck in a relationship. 2017-07-22 08:59:57 Post No. 18544175
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Stuck in a relationship. 2017-07-22 08:59:57 Post No. 18544175
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Hello adv.
I've been with this girl for about 3 years now. She is a nice girl with a good heart.
Lately I've lost the 'spark' of the relationship. I don't know what to describe it as, it just doesn't feel like it was. I don't like admitting it to myself, but it feels like I've gotten bored and fed up. I don't even look that forward to seeing her anymore, sometimes I even put it off. I don't feel compelled to even talk to her that much. I feel awful about all of this.
She has her fair share of problems. Anxiety, depression, moderate/severe OCD and her mother is terminally ill and is expected to pass within the next year. I am there for her but lately this is all our relationship is about. I feel selfish for this, but I can't deal with it her problems like they are my own. All I ever hear from her is her problems. Granted, they are big and idk how she deals but that's all we talk about.
This is the longest relationship I've been in and I guess I still like her and having her around. She talks about getting a house together, getting married and having kids. I DO NOT want these things any time in the near future. I tell her this and she gets quite upset.
I don't know if I want to break it off, I want it to get better but I don't know how to fix it. She throws into the conversation every now and then that I'm the best thing thats happened to her and she would probably kill herself if I was no longer in her life. I feel trapped and I don't want to be responsible for her doing something bad (she has self harmed before).
Over the years my friends have drifted away, particularly because I moved far away. So all my friends are also her friends.
What the fuck does this sound like to someone outside the situation and what the fuck should I do from here?
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>>18544175
Designate a day to doing just fun stuff. No bitching, no worrying allowed, drama free. Find a cheap hobby or a cheap date to do.
" Honey, I'm worried we don't have fun anymore and life is giving us such a hard time. Let's set a day aside where we place our happiness first."
When/if she brings up drama stop her and say it.Can wait.
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Sounds like a tough spot to be on anon.
I don't know, I'm an older guy and been through a few long term relationships before finding my wife.
I've had that feeling of being trapped too.
The only thing I can say is unless you're a parent the only person who you have charge of is you and the only life to take charge of is yours.
Sometimes you come to times where you need to take your own direction and take charge of your life.
No one else has responsibility for your happiness.
If you make a decision then go with it and be truthful.
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>>18544189
>Sounds like a tough spot to be on anon.
thanks anon, i appreciate the words.
I guess I'm afraid to take that leap, i dont remember what its like living a 'normal' life again
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>>18544175
>She talks about getting a house together, getting married and having kids. I DO NOT want these things any time in the near future.
This is your polite way of saying you don't want these things. Putting an indefinite time frame doesn't change the fact that you're saying no. You're not on board with a girl who's staring her mortality in the face watching her mother die, thinking the big questions about her future and obviously she wants you in it. If you're not man enough to stick out the hard shit, if you really can't make her problems yours, you aren't really invested in the relationship are you?
Why are you still in it? And if your only answer is "it's easier than being single" then you're being entirely selfish and you should leave her anyway because she'll be better off without you in the long run.
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>>18544304
>you aren't really invested in the relationship are you?
harsh words, but if i am completely honest, I dont think i am at the moment. I would like to reignite that spark, but I'm struggling how. The grass seems greener on the other side and that's what drags me back
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Hi OP, 9 years deep in a relationship right now.
What you are experiencing is what relationships that actually work have to go through in order to last. You've spent 3 years with this woman, life around you isn't going to be at a standstill while you enjoy eachother's company. People are going to die and get sick, you're going to get bored, there's going to be hotter bitches that you wish you could fuck, etc.
The only real thing I can tell you is that this is what love actually is. It's not the fairytale story that people make it out to be. Love is absolute shit because it means you're willing to forego all the cool temporary timewasters for something solid and worthwhile. It's time to decide what you want out of life and what you value, just be aware that after a certain point things are going to be difficult to change because your choices will shape your environment.
Not saying leaving this bitch will mean you're forever alone, just be aware that you might be walking away from a good thing because you couldn't stick it out until her dumb mom dies and she can work on all the cool shit and being her own person.
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>>18544175
If you know you don't want kids then you should break it off. It's one of those things you can't really compromise on.
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