i like sex but i have intimacy problems. help!

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hey guys i'm a woman in my late 20s, i get along great with men but have a really hard time being in a relationship with them. a lot of the problem i think is that i seem to have a hard time determining how i feel about the other person involved. in the past i've had some lackluster sex and in order to avoid the situation going forward i generally prefer to make sure i feel attraction. it's very difficult for me because i sometimes feel it's easiest to communicate thru physical intimacy but getting there from banal conversations about the weather (or even awkward silence) seems to be the problem. how do i start dating again? and how do i deal with my discomfort towards being both physically and emotionally close to someone.