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Anonymous
Depressed over a girl 2017-07-21 02:15:46 Post No. 18541550
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Depressed over a girl 2017-07-21 02:15:46 Post No. 18541550
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I'm recently graduated from high school, and am heading to college in August. You'd think I'd be excited, but I've been depressed as hell the past couple of months.
Most of it stems from the girl I fell hard for during Spring break. I've always been really shy around girls I find attractive. I'm not bad looking my any means, but the confidence still isn't there. So when this girl (the one I like now) told me I could lose my virginity and have my first kiss with her, I was pretty excited. I thought things would look up for me from there. She and I were (and are) already friends, and she insisted it would just be a hookup. She maintained that she didn't feel romantically for me when I told her a month afterward that I had major feelings for her.
Things started going downhill from there. We argued more, and talked less; she became more distant, which was depressing because we were close friends before we had sex. She's a sweet person, despite having fucked me over a couple of times (I fucked her over too before, so oh well). I can't imagine myself loving anyone else, truthfully.
She knows that I suffer from depression; she knew long ago that I take Lexapro, for instance. But I started expressing desires to kill myself when things got worse, and she's been trying to distance herself ever since, because a friend she had a couple of years ago shot himself because she didn't love him back.
It feels like I love her to death, and I'd do anything to be with her. I think about suicide nightly because I'm lonely without her. I haven't tried anything, because I always end up talking myself out of it, or one of my friends does. But I feel like I get a bit closer to snapping each day, and I can't heal from being rejected.
I'm going to college, and I know I should be excited. Now all I can do is mope around in my room and listen to Marilyn Manson...
What the fuck is wrong with me where I'm suicidal over a girl who doesn't love me, and what do I do??
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First off, realize that high school and people in high school are a small fragment in your life. I know it may seem like your world is crumbling, but thats because your life is centered around few things; school, girls and depression.
Most people go through a first girlfriend phase and get their heart broken. It's definitely painful, but it will fade. What you need to understand with girls though, is that they're not therapists. Having that sense of comfort with people doesn't mean that your problems should become theirs. Everyone has problems, and no one wants to hear someone complain and look weak. Its more of a primal instinct.
I will recommend that you should not waste time trying to talk to that girl. What you need to do is focus on your life and bettering yourself. That is what girls find attractive. I suggest you pick up something from Robert Greene, like 48 laws of power or art of seduction. I read it after high school and while it had some bulls shit points, overall it definitely helped me judge situations better, read people more carefully and actually make that step into becoming less depressed.
Oh, and try exercising and meditation.
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>>18541603
Thank you for the advice, anon. You're right, that it certainly feels like everything is coming to an end.
The exercise thing is an interesting take, because when you said it, I realized I felt loads better when I was going to the gym regularly. Only reason I stopped was because I got a bad ankle sprain playing basketball, but that was months ago now. I should start going again, for sure.
Again, thank you for the perspective.
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>>18541621
For sure Anon, just remember that no chick is worth being suicidal about. Life is supposed to have ups and down, but you have to maintaim independent happiness. It may sound corny, but you really can't love others until you love yourself
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